Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

After finishing up with some stuff — cleaning out the rest of the Orks, healing up a half-corpsified Throgg, and letting loose a harvesting swarm — I teleported up a few floors and appeared right next to Val.

The Eldar gave a single glance at me, then raised an eyebrow at Throgg behind me.

“Picked him up on the way,” I said, my gaze locking onto Selene in the distance. That’s one big Ork. The one I killed would barely reach up to his chin. “How’s it going here?”

“Well,” his lips twitched into a vicious smile, my pet Ork already out of his mind. “Very well. Your choice of a partner was a most astute one. She is a quick learner and with her shackles now removed she will soar higher than any of her kind.”

Well, it wasn’t much of an informed choice. I felt myself grow slightly embarrassed. She was cute, and I was lonely; she talked to me when I needed it the most. Oh, well. Love isn’t supposed to be a transaction … but that could have ended catastrophically. 

“So how far along is she?” I asked, squinting as she wove around the titanic Ork’s swings and stops. “I know she got better while I was in … seclusion.”

“That she had,” he nodded. “Alas, it is one thing to be capable of wielding power and another entirely to make the most out of that power in active combat.”

I ignored the meaningful stare that tried to burn a hole into the side of my face. I was on it, okay? It wasn’t easy to get a handle on your powers when you didn’t even understand the extent of them.

I’m getting better though. Stop looking at me like that! I glared back, then let out a huff. Compared to the me that awoke butt naked on Follax 4 and could barely take down a Lictor, I was a fucking goddess. This sort of stuff took time.

I turned my attention back to Selene, who continued to flutter about around the Warboss like a butterfly, snapping out with extending bio-swords and letting another few float around her. Her Telekinesis is coming along quite nicely … and she really made my gifted armour her own. Damn, it was only supposed to protect her and heal her up, not act as a pocket-me for her. 

Was that a problem? Eh, maybe. That thing couldn’t reverse engineer templates and only had the bio-sword and the armour template in it by default. That much should be fine. I’d have to step in when she starts changing her body with it though, I spent the equivalent of ten thousand work years of relative time spread between my mind cores on making sure her new body worked perfectly. A single amateurishly changed cell could be catastrophic.

“She learned to fly,” I noted with a smile, remembering how jealous she looked when she looked at me flying around. 

“Yes,” Val said. “Among other things. On another note, might I ask what your plans going forward are, Mistress?”

I don’t know whether I hate or love being called Mistress … My Lady would probably be better though. 

“You already know the basics?” I shrugged. “There isn’t much beyond that. We’ll have to improvise based on the situation. I am not privy to the internal politics and situation of the Tau Empire.”

“With your power, hiding from their detection should be easy,” he countered. “Going to wherever you wish within their Empire would be easily possible.”

“Well,” I shrugged. “If nothing better pops up, I was thinking of the Jericho Reach.”

“The Jericho Reach,” he hummed thoughtfully, gaze still locked on to Selene’s moving form just like mine. “I see. Indeed, that span of space could work perfectly as a springboard for your burgeoning empire.”

“Yep,” I said. “And they have a Warp Gate there. One which leads directly to the Koronus Expanse.”

“A most dangerous place, that one.”

“True,” I said. “But that doesn’t make the gate any less useful. A quick way to get to the other side of the galaxy and cross the Great Rift would be nice to have.”

“If my memory isn’t playing tricks on me,” he said in a way that made it clear he didn’t think it was. Hell, he probably never forgot a single thing in his millennia of life. “Both sides of the Gate are in the hands of the Imperium. Furthermore, the Koronus Expanse is a treacherous stretch of space, only made worse by the Eye so near it.”

“I know,” I shrugged. “I’m not planning to launch an invasion through the Gate. I just want to have it for transport. Also, it’s hardly the most important thing in the Jericho Reach.”

“Truly?” He raised an eyebrow. “What would be more substantial than that?”

“Chaos and war,” I said. “And not the capital C Chaos, just the regular one. Tau, Tyranids, Chaos worlds, an Imperial Crusade, and who knows what else fights for control in the Reach.”

“Many who try to make use of chaos find themselves devoured by it.”

“Which is why I want to go about it with extreme care,” I hummed as Selene lobbed off the Warboss’ left hand with a bio-sword twice as large as she was. “We’ll only act as mercenaries for the Tau at first. Test the waters. Set up a base, grow, study our enemies, and then expand under their noses in secret.”

“I see,” Val said. “Accomplishing what you plan will require … finesse. A touch more gentle and calculated than the one I observed from you.”

“It’ll be a fun challenge,” I said with an easy grin, even though I knew it would be no such thing. I’ve failed to make the most of my time with Gulliman because I’d been impulsive and acted on nearly every whim. 

Getting myself to act with care and put thought behind every action would be more than a fun little challenge.

“I’ll endeavour to make sure you’re up to that challenge,” Val said, his piercing amethyst gaze staring into mine. “If you’ll allow me, Mistress?”

“I will,” I let out a huff. “Advice and teachings I can take. The only thing I’d have problems with would be if you acted behind my back and without my knowledge.”

He gave me a severe nod, holding my gaze for a moment before returning his attention to Selene and the now hedgehog-looking Warboss. 

Not that he seems all too bothered by half a hundred swords poking out of him.

“How are the other two?” I asked, absently searching for our two newest crew members with my aura. They seemed to be mostly alive and well, huddling about in one of the lowest decks on the ship.

“Alive,” he shrugged, not looking too enthusiastic about them. Suppose that fits.

I connected to my Lictor following them with a shrug, downloading its memories before taking a look at the pair. Fae was a bit roughed up with one arm hanging limp and half covered in blood while Bob, being the gentleman that he was, busied himself by bandaging her up despite some wounds also dotting his body.

Looking through the extracted memories, it was clear the silly Eldar threw herself into a bit more trouble than she was ready for. Repeatedly. Silly girl.

“Stop moving,” Bob grumbled, tightening a wrap around Fae’s thigh. “Please, let’s just go back. You more than proved your willingness to fight for her. No need to kill yourself over it.”

“But-” Fae squirmed under his hold. She was an Eldar, empowered by my realm, Bob was a twitch of the wrist away from being the new wall painting. And yet she let him hold her down.

“No ‘but’,” Bob huffed. “Don’t you dare die on me again! I don’t care what you think of that woman or how displeased she’ll be with you. I won’t let you kill yourself over some Orks.”

I retreated from the Lictor’s mind with a smirk as Fae quietened down with a resigned expression on her face. Cute. 

I considered healing her up, the Lictor drone had enough bio-energy for it, but she looked like she could use some rest. 

Noticing I stopped zoning out, Val spoke up with a frown. “What are your plans for that thing?”

‘That thing’ gave off a dismissive snort, staring down at Val’s smaller form with an upturned nose. The only reason he probably didn’t jump at the Eldar was because I stood right next to him.

“Not sure,” I shrugged. “I’m planning on leaving him here to do with the remains of the ship whatever he wishes.”

“Why?” Val scrunched up his nose. 

“Why not?” I hummed, amused at their little stare-off. “He fought for me. I see no reason to kill him.”

“I see,” Val tapped his chin, his piercing gaze running up and down on the towering greenskin. He narrowed his eyes up at his ugly mug and I felt his aura prod at the Ork before his face twitched into a sour grimace. “I believe there to be a better alternative.”

“Really?” I hummed, my lips twitching into a smile as Selene whacked the Warboss over the head with a torn-out piece of the wall in the background. “And what would that be?”

“Well, if you wish to have our cover be that of a mercenary company in the future,” he said, looking like he was slowly chewing his way through a lime. “We’d need to have numbers, preferably with fighters. And, if you can make them behave like with this one, Orks would be perfect for that role.”

I hummed thoughtfully, making sure to ignore the ‘no one’s going to miss them either when they die’ that was written all over his face.

“I’m not sure the Tau are aware Orks can be anything other than belligerent,” I said. “Could be more trouble than it's worth.”

“I believe the positives outweigh the negatives?” Val said. “Achieving something no Water Caste diplomat has managed since the founding of their Empire will bring attention to you, but it will be mostly positive. Also, the alternative would be using your drones as fighters, which would be … challenging.”

“How so?” I asked, mostly just to pick his brain for ideas. Getting my own Ork warband to fight for me sounded kinda fun, plus Throgg proved to be a balm to the soul with his enjoyment of life’s simplest pleasures.

 Like murder and cracking skulls open.

“Well, using Tyranid-looking drones would be a bad idea,” he said, not even elaborating. Fair enough. “And humanoid drones that act like a hive mind could be even worse. All other forms would also likely out you as someone capable of creating and controlling hordes of mindless creatures of various forms.”

“And if we just went with the six of us, they’d probably look down on us,” I hummed. “Especially if we want to hide our capabilities with psychic stuff.”

“Exactly my thoughts, Mistress.”

“What do you think, Throgg?” I asked. “Could you build up a warband for me and work for me?”

Throgg scratched his head, his one good eye narrowing as he considered the proposition. "Hmmm... Work fer a humie? Ain't wot we usually do, but..." His gaze sharpened, and a wicked grin spread across his face. "If ya'z strong enuff to lead, I reckon I could whip up a warband fer ya. But ya gotta keep showin' yer worth. Orks follow da strongest, so if ya can krump anyone who challenges ya, den ya got yerself a deal."

He extended a massive, calloused hand, ready to seal the pact with a firm shake. "Deal, humie?"

“Sure,” I said with a snort, shaking his large hand with a firm grip. “If an Ork can beat me up, I might as well retire and start anew as a farmer on an agri-world.”

Throgg shrugged, unconcerned about anything beyond the deal.

Hmmm. We should find a hidden away place to settle down for a bit once we arrive in Tau space. I scratched my cheeks thoughtfully as I watched Selene play with her prey like a cat. Really, that girl was having just as much fun beating the ever-living shit out of that Ork as the Orks did. I need to build a voidship, an actual one that wouldn’t look too fucked up under Tau inspection and with enough space in it to host an Orkish warband. I might as well get started on building up a base of operations somewhere hidden away once we get there. Find an out-of-the-way planet, moon, or even just a big enough asteroid … no, a planet with an atmosphere would be a must if I want to build a bio-energy farm.

So many choices. So much stuff to do. 

I felt myself smile at the thought. I did enjoy strategy games and RTS stuff in my previous life, this all felt similar but with much more realism. It was also considerably more rewarding.

Spaceships. Spaceports. Dyson swarms. Arcologies. I was drooling just thinking about it, even my heart sped up a bit at the thought of making my dreams of living in a science-fiction world come true. 

But it would be hard. I knew nothing about, well, anything beyond biology and genetics and even that came as a package deal with my eldritch body. I’d need experts to help me, or to steal their knowledge from … as a last resort.

Isn’t there a significant predominantly Earth-Cast sept-world in the Jericho Reach? I dug through my knowledge, searching for the bit of lore knowledge that contained the information.

It wasn’t in that part of my mind, oh no, it was in the packet of information I got from Guilliman’s gene library. To be specific, in the ‘flavour text’ of a rather boring sample’s origins.

[Vallia. A Death World in the Jericho Sector under Tau control at the moment and studied by the Earth-Caste scientists of the Sept-World of Tsua'Malor.]

[Additional Information: Vallia’s entire ecosystem, including every bit of flora and fauna, is suspected to be part of a single malevolent being. Any who set foot on the planet can expect every cell of organic matter on the planet to work as one to bring about a violent and agonising death.]

I held down the giggle that threatened to burst out as the information came back to me. What a fun place. 

Setting up a base of operations somewhere close to that planet would be perfect. I thought. I could expand, see what I can get from that Death World, whether I can maybe subdue it in its entirety, and then carefully work my way up to taking over that Sept-world and get myself an R&D division.

“She seems to be finishing up,” Val said evenly, his gaze holding just the slightest tinges of displeasure as he watched Selene take apart the tiring Warboss’ failing defences. “Efficiency and the mindset could use some work still.”

“Eh,” I shrugged. “There is no danger in enjoying herself now, and I’m sure she’d go for the kill if the situation called for it.”

“Indeed,” Val acknowledged. “Still, good habits need to be ingrained into every fighter.”

"Da little humie witch can scrap, boss didn't stand a chance." Throgg noted sagely.

“Well said, Throgg,” I chuckled. “Well said.”