Hard Luck Hermit

“Is that a fucking souvenir?”

Corey looked at the tiny model of the canyon and kites in his hand and shrugged.

“Yeah?”

“You bought a fucking souvenir,” Kamak scoffed. “You paid like seventy times whatever that plastic crap is worth, you know that, right?”

“I know, but it looks nice,” Corey said. The small-scale replica did not fully capture the majesty of the thousands of kites and gliders sailing over the canyon, but it was still very pretty. “I need some decoration in my room anyway.”

“Get a poster,” Kamak said. He stepped off the tram, stretched sore legs, and headed back to their dock. That turned out to be a long walk. They were on a nice dock now, one that had actual space and amenities, and wasn’t just a bunch of hangars crammed together as tightly as possible for maximum efficiency. That meant more comfort but less convenience, as everything being so spacious made for a lot more walking.

“You think this place has some kind of cafe?” Corey wondered aloud. “Built in restaurant? Hell, I’d take a snack bar.”

“What, you didn’t go for the overpriced festival food too?”

“I’m not that dumb,” Corey said. “And who are you to criticize? You think that booze you were drinking all day wasn’t marked up?”

“I made my choice.”

“There actually is a restaurant and bar built into this place,” Doprel said. As the one most thoroughly embracing the spirit of the vacation, he knew all about his relaxation options. “Can’t speak to the prices, but it seemed like a nice place.”

“Well point me in the right direction, then, I’m fucking starving,” Corey said. Avoiding marked up festival food had kept his wallet full and his stomach empty. As it turned out, everyone else was feeling peckish too, and in the mood for something more than the rations they kept aboard the ship, so Doprel led the way to a modest eatery within the spaceport’s walls. It looked as generic as a mid-class eatery possibly could. Even galaxies away from home, Corey recognized the look of a place trying to look fancy without actually being fancy. It was a cosmic Olive Garden.

This late into the evening, the establishment was still moderately full with vacationing wanderers much like themselves. Luckily, there was room at the bar -and there was soon more room, as someone forcibly elbowed another patron out of a seat and then waved them over. She was a towering, scarlet skinned woman, with a shaved head and large tusks jutting from her lower jaws.

“Oy! Crew of the Hard Luck Hermit, yeah?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Figure I owe you all a drink,” the colossal stranger said. “Nearly killed you a while back. Least I can do.”

“You and half the universe,” Kamak said. He kept his distance for now. “So why were you after us? Corporate security contract, hired assassin?”

“Nah, just a good old-fashioned bounty hunt,” the stranger said. “Name’s Bevo. Been with the Guild a while. Done a few jobs, got a few scars. Even ran a gig courtesy of that friend of yours, Ghul, may she drift gently.”

Bevo briefly tilted her drink in an obvious toast to Ghul’s memory. Kamak’s eye twitched, but he relented, and took a seat next to Bevo. The others relaxed, and followed suit. Kamak took his free drink, courtesy of Bevo, and swirled the glass for a second.

“So, how’d you ‘almost kill us’?”

“Ah, see, I had you tracked to that old rust-bucket station, what was the name,” Bevo said. Her lower lip twitched thoughtfully as she tried to recall it. “Don’t matter. Anyway, I was setting up a nav scramble pulse net, wide sweep, would’ve shut down your navigational systems and everything else in the neighborhood when you tried to leave. Then that Structuralist fuck spooked you off before I got it set up.”

Bevo looked briefly remorseful, and then slammed the rest of her drink down.

“Anyway, all for the best,” Bevo said. “Technically me being a bit slow on the draw kind of saved the universe, didn’t it?”

“We saved the universe,” Kamak said. “You managed not to get in the way.”

“Hey, I’ll take it over some of the ways I’ve fucked up.”

“For what it’s worth, your strategy may very well have worked,” Farsus said.

“Only if she really caught us off guard,” Tooley said. “You toggle your nav systems right, you can avoid the information overload from all the false pings.”

“Is that right?” Bevo said. “Never had someone do that.”

“Well, you have to be real quick on the switch so it still has the old navigational presets saved,” Tooley said. “Take too long and it’s a full reboot, then you’re dead in the water anyway.”

“Ah, pretty hard to pull off for anyone except Tooley Keeber Obeltas, then?”

“Damn right,” Tooley said. Being able to toggle a switch really fast wasn’t exactly hard, but Bevo was buying the drinks, so she got a little extra hype.

“I’ll keep it in mind for the next hunt,” Bevo said. “Or next time I’m getting hunted. Whichever comes first.”

That actually got her a polite chuckle from everyone but Kamak. He took a sip of his Bevo-bought drink and then cleared his throat.

“So, Bevo, how long have you actually been hunting?”

“Ah, ten or so solar years now,” Bevo said.

“Hmm. Biggest contract you ever scored?”

“Wasn’t exactly glamorous, but I caught some pirate, Zolkiss...something or another, fucker had four names. Wanted in ten galaxies, and all ten of ‘em were in a bidding war for the bounty. Offered to chop him up into ten pieces and give each a piece, but they didn’t like that idea.”

Bevo laughed, and Kamak visibly relaxed.

“Well, at least you’re an actual bounty hunter,” Kamak said. “Stars, you have no idea how many people think they’re my peer because they filed their Guild paperwork and waved a gun at someone with a traffic violation.”

“Oh, yeah, greenhorns,” Bevo said. “Walk around with a pistol on their hip and a stick up their butts, I’ve seen ‘em. I bet they bother the hell out of you. You know Guild recruitment’s up like five-hundred percent or something since you lot did your thing?”

“I’m aware,” Kamak grunted. Guild fatalities were up by about the same number. Bounty hunting had always attracted idiots who were only interested in getting rich quick, but now it attracted an even worse kind of idiot: clout chasers. An entire army of imbeciles had seen Kamak and his crew stumble their way to heroism thanks to years of experience and a lifetime’s worth of blind luck and figured they could do the same thing. A lot of them were paying the price. Kamak found it hard to care.

“I’ve met a few newbies who are worth a damn, but not many. Vets, former corporate security, experienced folk looking to make the universe a little safer in case them Horuk come back,” Bevo said. “Most of them though? Take one look at ‘em and don’t even remember their names, know I won’t be seeing them again one way or another.”

“I felt that way about half the new recruits before this shit started,” Kamak said.

“I know, right? I wonder what I looked like, first time setting out,” Bevo said. “I had a lot less scars back then.”

“Were you this tall when you started?”

“About, yeah. Had a different hairdo.”

“You’d have been fifty/fifty in my books,” Kamak said.

“Oh, high praise,” Bevo said. “Am I that scary looking?”

“I’m definitely glad you never got to try and kill us,” Corey said. Though that was a general statement. The less people trying to kill him, the better.

“Ah, I know it was for the best, but I kind of wish I could’ve taken a stab, yeah? Just for the thrill of it,” Bevo said.

“You could probably still fight Farsus, if you want,” Corey suggested.

“I am somewhat exhausted from rock climbing, but I’ll be fresh and ready to spar in the morning,” Farsus said.

“Eh, thanks but no thanks, broadside,” Bevo said. “A friendly tussle’s all good fun, but what I really like is the real, heartpounding, life or death thrill of it.”

She clenched her fists tight as if throttling an invisible neck, and Corey could see a fire light in her eyes.

“That tension when you look a man in the eye and know one of the two of you is dying right here, right now,” Bevo said. “That’s what I live for!”

Everyone in the area did their best to avoid making eye contact with Bevo. Tooley took some nervous glances between her colossal crimson frames and the equally hulking red giant that was Farsus.

“You two related?”

“Probably not, us being different species and all,” Bevo said. They just happened to both be members of crimson-skinned alien races. “Why’d you ask?”

“No reason,” Tooley mumbled. She glanced sideways at Corey, who nodded in agreement. Related or not, they had a very similar attitude on violence. Corey wondered if Bevo had a collection of spines too.