Harry Potter: F*ck Off

Ron Weasley had absolutely nothing but support and respect for what was known in the Muggle world as the LGBT community. Well, most of the time, it was more that he took a position of if it didn't hurt anyone, especially him or his friends, he didn't really care. If boys wanted to date boys or girls wanted to date girls, it wasn't any skin off his nose. Hell, what did he care if Hagrid wanted to date one of his blast-ended skrewts? (So long as Ron didn't have to see it, of course.) Ron was an uncomplicated bloke when all was said and done; not stupid by any means, but he didn't believe in complicating his life unnecessarily.

However, not everyone was so sanguine about the matter, as Ron found out to his dismay. Last year, Harry tearfully confessed to him that he had a horrid, disgusting dark secret. It had been a supreme letdown when that secret had turned out to be merely that Harry liked birds and blokes. With all the leadup, Ron had half-expected the secret to be that he'd killed and dismembered his atrocious relatives. Something, frankly, that Ron would heartily approve of after seeing the cruel way they treated Harry.

As it turned out, that hadn't been the only secret that Harry had been hiding. With enough self-flagellation to make even the Bloody Baron jealous, Harry had confessed that he had actually been suppressing a crush on Ron in the most melodramatic way possible. It had taken every ounce of Ron's self-control to avoid rolling his eyes at that. In all honesty, Ron was extremely flattered to hear Harry had a crush on him. It was a big boost to his self-confidence to realize he could be liked like that. However, he was not into blokes, and told Harry as much. Also, even if he had been, Ron thought of Harry as a brother, almost entirely literally.

Ron had been worried that Harry's confession would make matters awkward between them, but it seemed to do the exact opposite. With a firm but kind rejection, Harry was able to put it aside and interact with Ron just as normally as before, maybe even more so. Unfortunately, something infinitely worse happened instead: Harry started to develop a crush on Malfoy.

Of course, Harry was in denial. Who wouldn't be, frankly? But even Hermione could see it and she'd, in retrospect, been spending the whole year on the verge of a mental breakdown from usage of the Time Turner, and also was absolutely pants at figuring out anything social. With Malfoy actually acting civil and cordial, Harry's rants about him changed from sensible diatribes about what a bully he was to diatribes about how unfair it was he made his hair looked so wavy and beautiful or how his stupid cheekbones were a constant distraction on the Quidditch field.

Ron was adamantly against the idea of Harry getting together with Malfoy. Okay, sure, even Ron had to admit that Malfoy had probably become a better person. But it was hard to reconcile that with the fact that Malfoy had once constantly made fun of Ron's family, threw racial slurs at Hermione on a regular basis, and flat out said he wanted Hermione to die. True, he hadn't done any of that recently (except for the whole altercation about Ron's dress robes, and frankly Malfoy was in the right there for once), but it was not something Ron could easily forget. Not to mention that even if Malfoy was as pure as the driven snow now, his father was still a top Death Eater and had almost gotten Ginny killed. If Harry dated Malfoy, both of their lives could be in legitimate danger.

Ron had made it his personal mission to ensure Harry and Malfoy never got together. His first move was to try to set Harry up with Cedric Diggory. Ron knew Harry had a little bit of a thing for Cedric too. And why not? Half the school seemed to have a crush on the Hufflepuff seeker. Heck, even Ron had a tiny bit of one on him himself, and he was as straight as a line. Drop-dead gorgeous, sweet, and impeccably kind, what more did you want? Unfortunately, Harry's attempt to ask out Cedric proved to be a failure, as Cedric was straight, so Ron was back to the drawing board.