Heart of Dorkness

Bane Fourteen - Panic

“Esme!” I whispered really, really loud as I barged into the library. Felix was behind me, mostly because I had an iron grip on her hand and had been pulling her along after me ever since we left the restaurant that afternoon.

This was an emergency.

I saw a bushy head of hair pop up behind a stack of books at one desk and beelined over to it. There was only one person that could be, and I desperately needed her right then.

“Valeria?” she asked as we came closer. She glanced at Felix, then at our hands, then right back to my eyes. “What’s going on?”

I stopped, then realised that I was out of breath, so I took a moment to gulp down some fresh library air before answering.

“Felix and I were on a date,” I said.

Esme’s mouth opened, then closed. She glanced between us while her hair fritzed itself, and then a whole bunch of emotions played out across her face in seconds. Confusion, anger, fear... something that might have been envy. “That’s nice,” she said.

Esme must have been hard at work practising with different emotional magics for so many emotions to be near the surface.

I shook my head and set that aside. “No, you don’t understand.”

“I don’t?” she asked.

“Mom sent us to Santafaria to get a bunch of things, but it’s only when I got there that I realized that the things we were getting were all date stuff. Look!” I finally let go of Felix’s hand--probably for the best, my hand was getting sweaty--then pulled out the letter mom had given me with the list of things to buy. “Look at all of these things. That’s for a date.”

Esme looked over the list, initially frowning, but she started to nod halfway through. “You’re right. These are all romantic things. Did you get all of them?”

“Of course we did,” I said. “I wouldn’t want mom to know I’m onto her.”

“It was fun!” Felix added.

“That too.” It had been fun to go around and shop with Felix. Though once I figured out the real reason we were there, it painted everything in a new light.

Esme hummed, then lowered the letter. “What do we do about this?”

I blinked.

“You didn’t think that far ahead?” Esme guessed.

“Well, I was a bit busy with the whole realisation. I didn’t have time to think.” I crossed my arms. “Besides, we don’t know when this date is planned for.”

“It can’t be too long from now,” Esme said. “Semper’s here right now.”

“What?!” I asked at slightly-louder-than-library-appropriate levels. “When did she get here?”

Esme glanced at the clock mounted on one wall. “Maybe two hours ago? I talked to her a little bit. She, ah, hinted at some things.”

“What sorts of things?” I asked.

Esme pushed my face back with a finger against my forehead. I had maybe gotten a little close. “Nothing romantic. She said that if I wanted to become a proper Archivist, then I still had a lot of work to do. She gave me some books to study.” Esme gestured at the table. “Like these. A lot of them are about necromancy. It’s weird.”

“Necromancy?” Felix asked. “That’s like... kissing people in the neck?”

Esme and I stared at her. “No,” we said.

Felix shrugged. “How are you supposed to romance someone’s neck? Why would you even do that? Is this another butt or bust thing?”

“A what?” I asked.

“I have good ears, I heard a lot of guys talking at taverns and such,” Felix said, which explained nothing.

“Necromancy is the art of summoning the undead, or creating undead. Like skeletons or zombies,” Esme explained.

Felix looked even more confused. “What does that have to do with romancing necks?”

“It’s... no Felix, that’s not what the word means,” Esme said. She pushed back and away from her desk. “This is going nowhere. We’re just speculating aimlessly right now.”

“You’re probably right,” I said. “But if mom didn’t send us to check things out for a date, then what was all that for? She said we needed things for food, but barely anything on the list is edible.”

“I don’t know,” Esme said. “Maybe we can ask?”

“Ask mom about her romantic intentions about Semper?” I asked. “Okay. But you ask.”

“What? Why me? You’re her daughter.”

Felix glanced between the two of us, then shrugged. “I’ll ask,” she said.

Esme and I both whipped around to face her. “You’d ask mom?”

“Yeah.”

“About her dating Semper?” I asked, just to be sure.

Felix shrugged. “Why not? Your mom’s nice. I think she likes me. She was smiling at me the other day, and she gave me extra food too and said I was a good friend for you. So yeah, I don’t think she’d mind me asking.”

I worked my jaw. “No. We don’t need to ask,” I said. “I think mom’s made it pretty obvious and... well, I don’t disapprove. Semper’s nice, and I guess I wouldn’t mind having a second mom.”

“Semper would become your second mom?” Esme asked. “Oh, now I’m a little envious.”

“Eh, with the way we live here, she’d practically be your mother in law,” Felix said.

“That would only work if I married Valeria,” Esme said. She narrowed her eyes. “Okay, well, whatever. So you’re not going to do anything about this and I can go back to studying?”

“What? Of course I won’t do nothing. I’m a dutiful daughter. If mom and Semper will be dating, then I’ll do the best I can to make sure their date’s the best ever.”

“You don’t even know when their date’s happening,” Esme said.

I frowned. She wasn’t wrong. “Fine! Let’s go find out, then!” I said. With that, I stomped--quietly--out of the library. My friends jogged after me, keeping up as I left the room. If Semper was in the castle, then she’d probably be upstairs and in the guest wing she usually used. Unless she was with mom already.

If she was, then I’d just make up a story. Maybe tell mom that I got everything she asked for and that I was home and that she didn’t need to send dragons out to fetch me.

We got lucky. Semper was walking along one of the big corridors upstairs, not too far from the wing I thought she might be in. There were a few bags hovering in the air behind her, held in place atop disks of dark magic.

“Aunt Semper!” I called out.

Semper paused, hands folding before her regally before a small smile broke out on her lips. She was always a little less stiff than mom when it came to expressing herself. Maybe that’s part of what made mom like her? I don’t know if I liked my friends because they were different from me. I just liked them because... well, I hadn’t thought about it much. “Hello, Valeria. Ah, and Esme and Felix too, I see.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I had a question for you, but, ah, I guess it would be rude to skip straight to that?”

“I’m a librarian. It would be remiss of me to discourage people from asking questions.”

I nodded, then nodded some more while I tried to think of what to ask, exactly. I didn’t want to just come out and say it, that was way too crass, and mom would give me a look if I was too improper.

“It’s a question about, ah, dating,” I said.

“Dating?” Semper repeated. “Interesting. A subject that I’d been researching myself, lately.”

“Oh,” I said. I focused on my emotion to make sure my cheeks didn’t warm any. “Well, yes. I was wondering if you knew, uh, what makes a good one. A date, I mean.” I looked back to my friends for support. Mostly Esme. I don’t think Felix would care much for dates, unless it was the edible sort. Esme gave me a subtle thumbs-up.

“What makes a good date?” Semper repeated. “Well, I suppose the results are the most important thing. As long as the experience was enjoyable for everyone, then the date was a success.”

“Oh,” I said. That was a bit more vague than I had hoped for. “Have you been on a lot of dates?” I asked.

“That’s... ah, a little private, I'm afraid,” she said. That was a no.

Then I had a flash. A brilliant plan that hit my like one of Esme’s bolts.

“Would you show us one?” I asked.

“Pardon?”

“Me and... uh, Esme? Yeah. Could you show us what a good date looks like. For science. Maybe with mom.”

“Like... a double date?” Semper asked. Her eyes were twinkling. It was a bit scary, actually. How much magic was she holding back for that effect to exist.

“Sure,” I said, a bit nervous. Maybe this wasn’t a genius plan. “You go with mom, and I’ll go with Esme.” I grinned. “It’ll be fun, right?”

***