Heart of Dorkness

Bane Nine - Meddling

Luciana idly looked up as the serving monster slid into the room carrying a tray overflowing with freshly picked grapes, thin slices of cured meats that shone golden with the layer of honey lathered over them, wedges of aged cheese whose scent she could already detect in the air, and a large pitcher of ice-cooled wine.

The monster carefully deposited the tray upon the table between her seat and Semper’s, bowed its head, then carefully backed out of the room while making as little noise as it was capable of.

Semper, who had a novel open in one hand, reached over and plucked a grape off its stem, then tossed it into her mouth. “Oh,” she said. “These are from Toncia.”

“They are,” Luciana said. “From Heroe’s own winery.”

Semper chuckled. “Truly?”

“He does not guard the place as well as he should. One day he will notice that I’ve been having my servants pluck away at the best of his stock.” She picked a plump grape, fat with watery goodness and shades a unique blend of purple and red. It was the size of an eye, and still stiff with freshness. “He does grow fine grapes.”

“And the meat?” Semper asked.

“Oh, that’s merely ordinary meat, I’m afraid. They’re cured with honey I purchased from Thornton.”

“Purchased?” Semper asked. “You actually bought something?”

“I do buy things on occasion, dear. Besides, as much as I look down upon Thornton for being such a weakling, I will not begrudge his ability when it comes to his own domain. He is undeniably good at what he does.”

“Indeed,” Semper said as she sampled one of the meat cuts.

Luciana enjoyed these afternoons. Certainly, most of them were spent quietly reading, but on occasion they would try to one-up each other by bringing the most fanciful or delectable of treats. It was a quiet game, where neither of them had spoken of it, but the rules were understood by both.

Semper licked her fingers clean of the sticky honey, and for a moment Luciana stared before returning to her book. It was a rather bawdy romantic piece from far out west that Semper had gotten her hands on. Her Archivists were always so talented at discovering the trashiest of fiction.

Luciana had tried to train her monsters to do the same, but it was a delicate balancing act. Her monsters would steal everything, their low animal intellect leading to any human with a text becoming a target.

She had discovered that those who were more clever tended to target authors instead; after the third time a favourite writer of hers was kidnapped by a well-intentioned monster, she had given up on the attempt.

Perhaps having human worshippers was better in some ways, though humans were ever so fickle.

“What’s weighing on you? Semper asked.

“Hmm?” Luciana asked.

“I’m hardly blind to the swaying of emotions, my dear,” Semper said. “And I’ve read that book besides. While it’s certainly titillating--it is the most amusing sort of trash--it is not something able to make you feel the way you do. Out with it now, I can smell good gossip.”

“You can do no such thing,” Luciana said. Though the idea was amusing. “It’s nothing too serious.”

“In that case there’s no harm in telling me,” Semper said.

Luciana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was too childish a gesture. “Very well then. It has to do with Valeria and... perhaps some of her little friends.”

“Esme and... Felix, was it?”

“Those two, yes,” Luciana said. She sighed, aware of how dramatic the gesture was. “Valeria asked me about... about the love that can be found between... friends, shall we say.”

“Bizarre,” Semper said. “Do you often have that kind of discussion?”

“I suppose. Valeria is eager to overshare at times.”

“Ah, but you love it,” Semper said.

Luciana glared at her companion, though there was no heat in it. “Shush you. I will forever deny it.”

Semper chuckled. “As you wish, oh dark and grumpy one. Now what did she say, exactly, because friends loving each other is hardly a new idea and she seems relatively well-read.”

“Not that kind of love,” Luciana said.

“Oh, oh my,” Semper said. She grinned over at Luciana. “So, your little doppelganger has eyes for Esme, does she?”

“Esme? No, I think it’s Felix she’s after,” Luciana said.

One of Semper’s eyebrows rose. “Did she say as much?”

“Of course not. She was skirting the issue like a nervous cat approaching an empty box. But I’m her mother, I can read her well enough.”

“So you’re absolutely certain that she’s pining after Felix and not Esme?” Semper asked.

Luciana didn’t want to admit it, but she wasn’t entirely certain. Valeria was hard to predict, at times, and Luciana had not received an outright admission. She could be reading into what Valeria said incorrectly. It was a faint possibility, but one that was there nonetheless.

“Hah!” Semper said. She plucked another grape. “I knew it. You don’t know.”

“Of course I do,” Luciana said.

“It would make more sense if she went for Esme.”

Luciana sniffed. “And why do you think that?”

“They have more in common, of course,” Semper said. “They both enjoy reading, are both of a more intellectual persuasion. And they’d be very cute together.”

“You are a fool, Semper. Obviously she enjoys spending time with Felix more. They both exercise together more, and Felix is nothing if not loyal to Valeria, that sort of thing is attractive. Besides, they have many facets in which they are opposites to each other, but that only makes them more likely to be attracted to each other.”

“You’re using logic from those trashy romance novels,” Semper said.

Luciana wasn’t about to admit to the truth of that. “And you’re deciding that she should be with Esme because they’d be cute together. A couple’s cuteness is no measure of whether or not they should be in a relationship.”

“I think it is,” Semper said. “I’ve certainly encouraged a few Archivists to spend more time in the field together for that same reason. Esme’s parents, as a matter of fact...”

“Besides,” Luciana ploughed on. “Valeria and Felix make a much cuter couple.”

“Oh, hardly. Felix is far too brusque and brutish. She seems like a good person, and a loyal friend I’m sure, but it just wouldn’t work out. They’d clash.”

Luciana barked a laugh. “And Esme is far too passive. Valeria would lead her around like a lost pup in matters of romance. What would they do all day? read?”

“Yes, what a travesty that would be. You know, if Valeria did choose Felix, they’d both want to wander about and go on those adventures they like so much.”

“Which would only further their bonds together,” Luciana said. “Now, imagine if one was mildly hurt. They could care for the other, bring them... soup or whatever it is injured mortals eat. Then they could cuddle the injury away.”

“Oh, Luciana, you poor lost darling,” Semper said. “Lost and delusional. I do hope Esme invites me to the wedding.”

“W-wedding,” Luciana said. She cleared her throat, then carefully poured a full goblet of wine for herself. “Let’s hope things aren’t so far along.”

“Oh? Please, Luciana, they’re young now, but mortals age quickly. Give them a year or two and they’ll be all over each other. Then a year or two more and certainly there will have to be a wedding.”

Luciana took that thought and chucked it out of her mind. “I imagine Valeria and Felix will want a simple wedding.”

“I’ll ensure that Esme’s special day is exceptionally special, of course,” Semper rolled on, heedless of what Luciana had just said.

Luciana eyed her companion suspiciously, then she sat up straighter in her seat. She was allowing herself to become far more casual than usual, even more so than she allowed herself to be around even Valeria. This whole romance business was getting to her head.

“I suppose only time will tell,” Luciana said.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Semper said. “But as I said early, these sorts of things can be... pushed along a little.”

Luciana’s head snapped around. “You will, of course, not interfere with Valeria’s... fledgeling love life.”

“Of course not,” Semper said. “That’s far, far below me. Besides, Valeria’s yours. I think we’ve agreed long ago not to toy with each other’s... more precious things.”

Valeria was hardly a thing, but Luciana understood the sentiment. “Yes, of course.”

“Esme, on the other hand,” Semper muttered.

Luciana took a small sip from her wine. It was appropriately sweet. “We’ll see how things work out, I suppose. By the way, did you intend to stay here for long?”

“I imagine that I could impose on you to stay for another little while,” Semper said. “I am quite amused here lately.”

Luciana kept her face blank, but she was almost eager now.

***