Heartbeats and Illusions

The next day.

Shuchiin Academy.

The bell signaling the end of classes echoed across the building. Students chatted and laughed as they packed their belongings, ready to leave for the day. Yet, in the farthest window seat of Class 2, Grade 3, a particular girl had no intention of moving.

Kasumigaoka Utaha, clad in her pristine school uniform and sheer black pantyhose, rested her head on her desk. Her slow, rhythmic breathing revealed just how little she cared about the bustling world around her.

Kasumigaoka was a name that carried weight. Under the pen name "Kasumigaoka Utako," she was a bestselling light novel author, praised for her poetic prose and the depth of her storytelling. Critics lauded her as a genius capable of writing contemporary literature of the highest caliber, though her decision to write light novels instead baffled many.

Her response to such bafflement was as sharp as her pen: What does it have to do with me?

For Kasumigaoka Utaha, the world was a dull place filled with shallow people and meaningless chatter. Her disdain for mediocrity was matched only by her resolve to live life on her own terms. She would compromise for no one.

"Kasumigaoka-san," a voice interrupted her thoughts, dragging her back to reality. "Someone's looking for you."

Kasumigaoka stirred. Rubbing her drowsy eyes, she yawned, her usual indifferent demeanor intact. She had stayed up all night writing after a sudden surge of inspiration, and now, sleep clung to her like a heavy fog.

"Who is it?" she asked lazily, already preparing a scathing remark for the unlucky soul disturbing her rest.

The answer caught her off guard.

"Yukinoshita Yukino?"

At the name, Kasumigaoka straightened slightly, her curiosity piqued. She had expected some love-struck boy stammering out an awkward confession or a classmate with a trivial question. Instead, it was someone entirely different—a black-haired girl with a presence so composed that it bordered on unsettling.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

Kasumigaoka tilted her head, her expression unreadable. "What does she want?"

The answer came soon enough. As Yukinoshita approached, her voice was calm and measured. "Senior, I'd like to talk to you about... Natsukawa-san."

"Natsukawa?" Kasumigaoka repeated, raising an eyebrow. Her curiosity deepened, though her tone remained indifferent. "The matter of a junior? Fine. Let's find somewhere more private."

The two girls moved to a quieter part of the school, away from prying eyes. Yukinoshita's stoic expression betrayed no emotion, while Kasumigaoka's gaze lingered on her, intrigued.

"If you have something to say, be quick about it," Kasumigaoka said, leaning against the wall. "I don't have all day."

Yukinoshita nodded, her voice steady. "What kind of person is Natsukawa Kanade?"

The question hung in the air for a moment. Kasumigaoka stared at Yukinoshita, her expression blank. Then, unexpectedly, she let out a soft laugh.

"What kind of person? Shouldn't you already know that better than anyone?"

Yukinoshita remained silent, her calm façade unwavering. Kasumigaoka's smile faded as she realized the seriousness of the inquiry.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Kasumigaoka asked, crossing her arms. "Or are you just looking for validation?"

"Let's just say I need clarity," Yukinoshita replied.

Kasumigaoka sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You're persistent, aren't you? Fine. What exactly do you want to know?"

Yukinoshita hesitated for a moment before rephrasing her question. "When Natsukawa-san... pursued you, did he do anything significant? Something that left a deep impression on you?"

At this, Kasumigaoka paused. Memories of the past surfaced unbidden, and a faint, almost imperceptible smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"If I had to pick one thing..." she began, her voice softer now, "it would be how he debated with countless people online for my sake."

Her tone grew wistful as she continued. "Back then, there was a heated discussion about my book, Love Metronome. It was clear from the beginning. Kasumigaoka Utaha knew better than anyone that her junior didn't adore her book Love Metronome as much as she had hoped.

He argued for it not out of admiration for her literary brilliance but because he admired her. He liked her. He loved her. That much was obvious. And he loved her enough to spend sleepless nights defending her work against the hordes of faceless critics online.

For Kasumigaoka, that was enough.

After all, how many people would go to such lengths for someone they liked? How many would willingly wade into endless online debates, losing sleep and sacrificing their time, just to stand up for the person they cared about?

Even if his motives weren't purely selfless, even if there was a hint of personal desire in his actions, the thought of it warmed her.

Yukinoshita Yukino nodded slightly, absorbing Kasumigaoka's words. Her expression remained stoic, but her thoughts were far from calm.

The pieces were falling into place. The way Kasumigaoka had spoken about Natsukawa Kanade made one thing abundantly clear—her feelings back then had been fueled by jealousy. Kasumigaoka had deliberately misled her. She had painted him as a hopeless scumbag, a reckless playboy incapable of loyalty. All because she couldn't stand the idea of someone else liking him.

But none of that mattered to Yukinoshita.

If Natsukawa Kanade had been promiscuous, she wouldn't have cared. She believed that people could change, that love could transform even the most wayward heart. What truly mattered was something else entirely—whether his feelings for her were genuine.

Because Yukinoshita Yukino had never truly understood love.

Sure, she had read about it in novels and seen it dramatized in films, but none of it had ever been her own experience. If she wanted to understand what love really meant, she knew she couldn't rely on secondhand depictions. She would have to listen to her own heart.

Her memories wandered back to the days she had spent with Natsukawa. She had sensed, on many occasions, that he treated her differently than others. But did that special treatment equate to love?

Was it her identity that drew him in? Was it their shared struggles? If that was all it was, then the bond they shared felt more like the camaraderie of comrades-in-arms than the intimacy of lovers.

If it was trust, the mutual respect born of a united front, then why had he shown equal—if not greater—trust in someone like Hikigaya Hachiman?

There was something about Natsukawa Kanade that felt... off.

It was as though he was always striving to prove himself, yearning for recognition, desperately seeking to be needed and wanted. It reminded her, uncomfortably, of her younger self—back when she had longed for her mother's approval, even at the cost of her own happiness.

And so, she wasn't sure. She couldn't tell if his feelings for her were born out of love or if they were merely the result of the similarities in their struggles. At the same time, she couldn't even discern her own feelings.

Were they born out of sympathy? Or were they something more?

In her confusion, she had done the only thing she thought was fair. She had rejected his confession.

"Sorry," she had said back then, her voice calm but distant. "I'm not ready to date yet."

Because she wasn't ready, she couldn't give him a definitive answer.

And then, as if taking her words to heart, Natsukawa Kanade had resigned from the club.

Yukinoshita had been angry at first, calling him a coward for leaving without a word of farewell. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she had no right to judge him.

She, too, had run away. When her mother's approval seemed forever out of reach, she had chosen to escape, moving out and living on her own.

When she couldn't find a way to deal with her own turmoil, she had thrown herself into club activities, trying to fill the void with work. But in the end, her desperation had caused harm to the innocent members of her club.

She hadn't meant to hurt anyone, but when she finally regained her clarity, she saw the damage she had done.

Her thoughts returned to the present.

"Second question," she asked, her voice steady. "Did you and Natsukawa ever date?"

Kasumigaoka smirked. "Depends on your definition of 'date.' If you mean something romantic, then no."

"So... nothing more?" Yukinoshita's tone carried no judgment, only curiosity. She nodded politely and gave a small bow. "Thank you, Senior. That's all I needed to know. Sorry for taking up your time."

"..."

Kasumigaoka Utaha remained silent as she watched Yukinoshita disappear down the stairwell. For a long time, she didn't move, her thoughts spinning in circles.

Her legs, hidden by sheer black stockings, shook slightly—a small but unmistakable sign of the restlessness in her heart.

"How many girls have you provoked, you idiot? You playboy," she muttered, biting her lip.

Before, she could convince herself that Eriri posed no threat, that her position was secure. But now, a new rival had appeared—a black-haired girl with a personality entirely opposite to hers.

And who knew how many more were out there? How many "slutty vixens," as she called them in her mind, were secretly vying for her junior's heart?

The only solace Kasumigaoka could find was in the fact that, so far, none of them had truly stood out as her equal.

Still, as she pressed a hand against her chest, she couldn't ignore the unease creeping into her thoughts.

Was this jealousy?

She refused to give it a name.