Her True Form

Yvette held tightly onto the reins, her heart pounding. She didn’t know how it was possible. How could anyone move so quickly?

Vala had led them deeper into the forest in order to bring them to a strange trail. While at first glance, it seemed as thick as any other path, within a few minutes it became clear that the ground was smooth and well worn, with only a few leaves brushing against them when they rode. At times, the path cleared entirely, allowing their mounts to full gallop without any worry of tripping or getting harmed.

In the past two days they had made far, far better speed than they had during the entirety of their trip through the woods. Even Gervas, despite his constant grouchy mood at the changeling, couldn’t deny that they were saving so much time.

However, no matter how fast they went, Vala always seemed to be ahead of them. Leaping from branch to branch, the woman seemed as if she never ran out of energy. Though she rarely spoke to them, except to warn them of any encroaching difficulties the path revealed, she was always there to keep an eye on them.

There was definitely magic along this path, Yvette could feel it. She didn’t know if it was to protect it, keep it clear or possibly even shorten the distance. But at the very least, the trail was definitely the easiest travel they’d had through the woods. Every so often she would reach out with her own, touching and poking at the seams of this strange place. While it wasn’t part of the Fay Woods themselves, it was definitely connected to them in some way. Every so often she would see different creatures out of the corner of her eyes, though whenever she looked they seemed to already be gone, as if they were a figment of her imagination. She even, as an exercise, had partially transformed her eyes to that of the trolls in order to see the magic that surrounded the path. Even with those eyes she could never seem to catch a glimpse of the creatures that she swore were watching them.

She sometimes wondered if it was her imagination, if they truly were there or if the strange magic of this place was affecting her mind, making her believe things were there. It felt as if they were always being watched, every night making her feel uneasy and, despite his denials, she suspected Gervas was feeling just as wary as she was. He didn’t object at all to her sharing his tent with him, so they could stay close.

However, today things felt a little different. The magic in the air seemed to have dampened considerably and those spying eyes no longer seemed to appear in the corners of her vision. Chestnut and Redwood began to slow their gallop until, eventually, they moved at a brisk but steady trot, lightly panting.

Vala had stopped, leaping down from one of the tree branches ahead of them before glancing back. “This trail ends soon. You’ll want to guide your horses by hand now. Once you’re off the path, you’ll arrive at the coast before sundown.” She then glanced to Yvette and shook her head. “You’ll want to change before then. You’re a bit obvious. The robes or the bracer, I’d choose one.”

Yvette nodded and then slowly climbed down from the saddle, careful to avoid falling out once again. She gently patted Chestnut on the nose. “Thanks for the ride,” she said softly before glancing back to the changeling. “Thank you for all your help. And thanks for not getting mad.”

“Getting mad?” Vala asked, crossing her arms. “You mean when I almost slit your throat?”

“No. About me being a girl,” she said softly.

Vala stared at her for a few moments before her eyes widened. A little red pushed into the changelings cheeks and she looked away. “Well… that’s not really any of my concern, now is it? As long as you’re not trying to damage anything here, I don’t care what you are. If you say you’re a girl, you’re a girl, that’s all that really matters,” she said before she stepped off the path, walking into the trees and bushes. “Just be careful. Us fay don’t usually care about such things. Others often do. Just don’t cause any problems and be safe out there. I think it goes without saying, but don’t tell people about the dryad. The last thing any of us want to deal with is some idiot trying to steal from her grove. She’s had enough problems as it is.”

“Of course,” Yvette said firmly, watching the woman walk away. Once she was out of sight, she gave a soft sigh and started walking down the path.

“What did you mean?” Gervas asked.

“Huh?” Yvette asked, glancing back at him.

“Why would she get mad about you being a girl?”

“Everyone always gets mad once they find out what I was,” Yvette said softly. “Or they keep calling me him. Or… all of that. Even you did. But she didn’t. It was nice. She never called me a guy, even once.”

Gervas paused for a moment, looking Yvette up and down before glancing away. “I didn’t notice.”

“I can’t help but notice,” she whispered. She felt a small sting in her heart, glancing back towards where the changeling had disappeared into the woods. She felt that small, crushing weight beginning to press in on her again. Before the day was out, they would be back in another town. The Mage’s Association might be coming after them, could even be waiting for them.

She’d have to be careful once more. Every word she said, every movement she made. If people found out what she was, that she wasn’t truly a girl, they’d judge her again. She’d get looks. She inched just a little closer to Gervas.

The idea of facing more of those looks and words made her heart sink. Constantly being told she was a guy, that she should learn to man up. The way they’d recoil from her, as if she had some disease. The way they’d refuse to call her anything but ‘him’, as if accepting that she was a girl was somehow a great, horrible blight that if they were just nasty enough, would fade away.

She felt weak, closing her eyes. Having to listen to people who couldn’t even begin to understand how she felt, telling her how SHE should behave. How she should just ‘accept’ being male. How she should keep working for it. Never mind that it made her miserable and want to do anything to escape the pain. It was the ‘correct way to behave’.

She glanced back towards Gervas and felt just a small hint of that weight being pulled away. Spread out between them. Other people didn’t understand, didn’t even try to understand. They refused to believe she could be correct and be a girl. But he didn’t.

Their time in the forest had been them and only them, traveling through these woods it had been easy to pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. That nobody could, or would, ever hurt her. That no one would try to stop her from being herself.

Those people existed, though. They might always exist. But she was sure there were more people like Gervas. People who would stand by her side and help her carry the burden. Who wouldn’t abandon her just for being a little different. Slowly, she reached her hand out for his, but stopped before gripping it. She pulled her hand back, her cheeks burning a little red. It was so nice to have someone on her side for once. Even if he was the only person in the world who would accept her, as long as there was someone else to help her bear this weight, she was happy. As long as there was one person, that had to mean there were more. After all, if a fay like Vala could accept it, why couldn’t a normal person?

Her eyes widened when his hand reached back to grip hers, giving it a little squeeze. “I understand. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, we’ll face it together,” he said with a confident smile that made her heart jump. “I’ll keep you safe. No one has to know that you’re anything but a young girl. Another mage doing her best to learn and grow. Okay?” He gave her hand another small squeeze, making her heart beat a little fast.

“It’s okay that I’m a girl?” she asked softly.

“I don’t see how it couldn’t be. You’ve always been a girl. It’s just taking the world a bit longer to figure it out. We’ll find a way to stop you from being tracked, then we’ll get that scale. Okay?”

She nodded, giving a small, relieved smile. “Okay.” She glanced down to his hand, feeling his warmth moving up through her body from it. So long as she had him to protect her, she knew nothing bad would happen to her. “Do you think I did okay? When we fought the trolls?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I only helped to eliminate one of them. You had to save me from the--”

“You fought a troll,” he said firmly. “Even a small one isn’t easy. You did fine. I’m just happy you didn’t try to turn into a bear and fight it, you wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“Obviously,” she said with a light laugh. “A bear was nowhere big or strong enough. I doubt I could have gotten through its hide at all. I just mean… do you think I could have done more?”

He stopped and glanced back at her. “Done more? How?”

She felt her cheeks go red when his eyes fell on her. “I just mean, you and Vala eliminated the other two. I should have been able to help with more than just one.”

Annoyance covered Gervas’ face and he let go, walking down the path once more. He barely seemed to notice that the brush was getting more overgrown with every few steps, swallowing the path from under them.

“What’s wrong? What’d I say?” she asked, following after him.

“Nothing. You did fine. Don’t compare yourself to Vala.”

“Why not? She helped us, didn’t she? And she’s--”

“A changeling. I know exactly what she is. She also put a knife to your throat after we helped her. Or did you forget that part?”

“She was just being careful. I’m still a fallen mage, if anything--”

“You’re not a fallen mage!” Gervas snapped before turning around to face her, both him and Redwood stopping.

Yvette’s eyes widened and she froze in place, Chestnut freezing besides her. “But… I am. This symbol on my hand is--”

“It shouldn’t be there at all. If I could remove it, I would,” he said, his voice full of anger.

“W-what?” she asked. “I… I mean, I know I would, but I--”

“You’re not doing anything wrong and I am so tired of all of… this!” he yelled, swiping at the air with his free hand. Redwood cringed back from him, though he kept a firm grip on the reins. “We shouldn’t be sneaking around. We shouldn’t have to worry about them sending hunters after you. You don’t want to hurt anyone. All you want is to STOP hurting!” he said, the anger in his voice almost as strong as the anger she had been feeling for so long.

Yvette stared at him, her free hand rising to her mouth. “I… I know. But I--”

“And it’s so frustrating. It’s not fair. It’s not right.” He let Redwood go, the horse quickly taking a few steps back. Gervas stepped forward and cupped Yvette’s cheek in his right hand, staring into her eyes. “I’ve watched you. I’ve seen you. You don’t deserve this. You’re trying so hard just to be yourself and they can’t even try to accept it. I’ve lived my whole life amongst mages. I’ve seen them lie, cheat, steal, abuse, tear people apart with their magic. I’ve seen them do things that, were they anything but a mage, they would have been imprisoned for. But because it’s magic, it’s okay. It’s allowed. It’s not a problem when they use magic to tamper with a person’s mind. To alter what people see, hear, feel. Because it wears off. Never mind that the damage is done.”

“But you? All you want to do is fix yourself. All you want is to be yourself. For that, you’re treated like a criminal,” he said, his hand letting her cheek go and gripping her right hand. He rubbed his thumb gently over the mark of the fallen mage. “Because of that, my grandmother did this to you. She made you a criminal. She made you have to run and hide. She made you have to flee for your life. It’s not fair. You don’t deserve this. Now we’re going back, somewhere that we’ll have to deal with even more people like that. People who will judge you. Punish you. Hurt you. Why?”

His grip on her hand was so tight it hurt, but she didn’t mind. She stared up at him, trying to process his words. She had felt that way for so long. It wasn’t fair that she had to go through this. His support had meant so much to her. But she’d never thought that he had felt that strongly about everything. That he had understood her feelings, her thoughts, her hurts. That he had hurt when she hurt.

Her mouth was so dry, but she had to speak. “I… I did steal from the vault,” she whispered.

“Only because you had to.”

“I poisoned you and her. I lied to you, used you, to get the opportunity.”

He stared into her eyes for a long moment, before softly speaking up. “You felt you had to. If I had known, I would have helped you.”

The words cracked through her like a lightning bolt. “What?”

“I would have helped you. I’m not an idiot. I knew what you wanted. I knew you wouldn’t give up on that spell. I knew we weren’t just sticking around because you wanted to learn more from my… from the grandmaster. But I was hoping you’d decide against it. I was hoping that if we waited there long enough, you’d let it go. That you’d abandon such foolishness.”

“But I can’t--”

“But you couldn’t. Even though it’s stupid and dangerous, you had to jump in, both feet first. Didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she whispered, staring intently into his eyes.

“I hate that you’ve been forced down this path. I hate that you have to go through this. I hate that you’re being hurt for something that isn’t your fault. I hate that I can’t do more,” he said, his grip only tightening on her hand and making her give a soft whimper of pain. He quickly released her hand, his eyes widening. “Sorry.”

“I-it’s fine,” Yvette said, rubbing her hand. “It’s not your fault, though. I made this choice. I decided to--”

“You never decided anything,” Gervas snapped before turning around and moving to Redwood. He took the horse by the reins, gently guiding her down the path. “They did. You just want to be yourself. That’s all I’ve ever seen you ask from anyone. They’re the ones who decided to make it a crime. You’re not a fallen mage, Yvette. You’re just a mage who’s being punished for something that isn’t her fault.”

Yvette stared at him, a hand moving up to her mouth. She tried to hold back the tears, ignoring the pain in her hand. While she hated to watch him suffer, to see that sadness and anger in his eyes, she couldn’t help but feel joy knowing how he truly felt about this entire ordeal.

That, despite everything she had to endure, she had to go through, she truly wasn’t alone. She had at least one person who understood and shared her frustration at this entire situation. She glanced down at the mark on her hand and smile.

She wouldn’t tell him, but she couldn’t help but feel that becoming a fallen mage may have been worth it after all. Just to know she had someone who truly supported her.