Her True Form

Yvette did her best to maintain some dignity and poise. She was a phoenix, she could not allow herself to be taken in by such petty things like elegant robes.

But it was such a pretty robe. She wished she’d had something like this when she was still fully human. The robe was white hemmed with red, with orange and black flames sewn into the fabric, as if it was aflame. Each movement made the fabric ripple slightly, causing the flames to almost seem as if they were real. Best of all, however, was it was certainly a FEMALE robe. It molded perfectly to her form. Granted, that was partially because she’d used a bit of magic when she’d transformed to ensure it molded with her, but it was certainly designed for a female form. Or maybe she was just happy to have clothing again. Either way she desperately wanted to show Gervas her new elegant robes and twirl around happily. It was also incredibly nice to not have to fight to get them to call her a girl anymore. She hadn’t felt so secure and as much the old Yvette since she’d died.

Unfortunately, she still had to play the role of the phoenix, so she didn’t dare spend more than a few seconds looking at herself once she’d changed. Instead she pretended to be unimpressed, eyeing the fresh garments with slight disdain. “I suppose these will do.”

“O-our apologies,” the man said, bowing his head. “These are the finest robes we had, normally they would be worn by a high priestess of… of…” He trailed off when she just stared at him.

“These were worn by others?” Yvette asked, her tone harsher than she had intended. It seemed the phoenix within her was annoyed at the idea of getting some hand-me-downs.

“O-of course not, oh Divine Messenger of the Gods!” he said quickly. “W-we would never dream of giving you--”

“Good,” Yvette said before glancing out from the pillar. The storm had started again, but it was much weaker than it had once been. Even now she could feel the storm being called, but the call was so much quieter than it had once been. She wondered if that was because they were no longer on the highest level of the pillar or if it was because some of them had been wounded from her arrival.

Possibly killed. Had she killed any of them? She’d tried to redirect the force of her power, but that had been such a powerful explosion. She knew she’d hurt some of them at least. She hadn’t wanted to kill any of them.

No, that wasn’t true. The mage half of her didn’t want to. The phoenix half had been insulted and threatened, she had very much desired to slay every last one of them for the insult. It was only because of the mage side of her that the pillar still stood at all.

“Oh Great Divine--”

“Enough,” Yvette said, silencing him. “Tell me, human. What is your name?”

She didn’t expect the color to drain from his face so quickly, but there it went. “I-I am High Priest Metale Lor--”

“Metale,” Yvette said, cutting him off. “You may call me the Unceasing Storm. I take it that is a name even you can understand?”

He nodded, though his face was still so pale. She wondered what she’d said that had him go so pale. Neither the phoenix nor the mage side of her understood that reaction. She then turned and started towards the staircase.

“D-Divine Messen--” He quickly silenced himself when she glanced to him. “Unceasing Storm, where are you going?”

“We wish to see what resides within this structure,” Yvette said. “Is there a problem?”

“No! O-of course not,” he said. “But, err, it can be quite cramped and compressed compared to the open sky.”

“If we are uncomfortable then we will make space,” Yvette said.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Metale said so softly she almost didn’t hear him over the winds.

Yvette stopped and glanced back at him. “You are afraid of us?”

“Your glory is magnificent,” Metale said. “Not since Eterna has a phoenix deigned to walk amongst us mere mortals.”

Yvette barely resisted giving an annoyed sigh. She wondered if every single interaction with them was going to be this way. A part of her kind of liked being idolized. It definitely beat being yelled at, scolded, told she had to be a boy or threatened and nearly thrown off a ship to drown. But it was going to be incredibly frustrating if every question she asked had about ten seconds of them praising the ground she walked on.

“I am humbled by your very presence, you walk with the grace and elegance of the winds themselves,” Metale said.

Yvette paused and barely resisted the urge to snicker. Oh, she knew THAT wasn’t true. As much as she hated to say it she was far more used to flying now than she was walking. Her steps were a lot more awkward. The robe coiling around her feet didn’t make it much easier, either. But she did like being called graceful. She wondered if Gervas would find her graceful and elegant in this robe. She felt a small blush begin to fill her cheeks and she started walking down the steps, hoping Metale couldn’t see. “You are right to be,” she said.

Yvette took each step slowly and carefully, wishing there was something besides the steps to grab onto. It felt so strange and nerve wracking to be walking down steps as a human. More than that, walking down into the darkness made her feel claustrophobic and trapped. If her transformation ended here, she wouldn’t be able to fit. She wondered if she’d be crushed.

No, unlikely. She was the living storm. She’d likely erupt in lightning, wind, rain and flame. She supposed she should best keep this visit short. “We cannot maintain this form forever,” Yvette said. “If you desire for us not to have to destroy this structure, you had best come.”

“O-of course, oh Unceasing Storm,” Metale said before quickly running after her.

“Tell us,” Yvette said before pausing. Wait, us? When did she start going ‘us’ and ‘we’? She supposed it was accurate, at least. But now that she was aware of it, it felt a bit over the top and silly. He wasn’t objecting, though. She hoped it helped add to her air of credibility. “Should we expect more ‘traps’?” She held up her right hand and lightning crackled between the fingers. “If so, we would advise you to make all abandon this pillar now who wish to live. We showed mercy for your prior misstep. We will not for a second.” She couldn’t deny feeling slightly chilled knowing that it was true. The mage side of her likely would. But the phoenix side of her would not allow such a transgression to occur again without reprisal.

“O-of course not, Unceasing Storm!” Metale said quickly. “W-we have learned well from our prior misstep. We would never dream of attempting to harm you a second time.”

“Good,” Yvette said. The inside of the pillar wasn’t much different from the outside. Walls and floors of solid black stone, illuminated by small torches. It was hot and muggy within, with small tapestries lining the walls. Almost all of them were images of phoenixes, sometimes with people kneeling to said phoenixes. She hesitated just for a moment when she saw one with a woman sitting at a throne, the phoenix on the back of the throne with many people bowing before her. She wondered if that was Eterna, the first phoenix of the empire. Or perhaps it was more symbolism.

One important thing she noticed was that the woman sitting at the throne was wearing similar robes to the ones she was wearing. He’d said these were the robes of the high priestess. Had the styles changed over the years or were they similar? She really wished she’d paid a bit more attention to the Eterna Empire now. How was she supposed to know she’d one day end up in it? They were never considered an actual threat to the Mage’s Association, content to hide away on their little isolated island. True naming magic wasn’t supposed to actually be dangerous.

It had killed her, though. She supposed Gervas was right, she should have taken it all a lot more seriously. Especially now that she was in their den. If they knew she was a mage they’d kill her. She then paused and held up her hands, a few bolts of lightning crackling on her fingertips.

“Has something displeased you, oh Unceasing Storm?” Metale asked.

Yvette glanced back at him and, for the first time, realized there were other people in the room with them. Pressed up against the walls, they all but cowered before her, a few even kneeling. She then glanced down at her hand. “Not yet.” She then motioned towards the tapestry. “Tell me about this.”

“Ah, Eterna’s blessing,” Metale said. “When the Phoenix Emperor first found our grand land, he was blessed by Eterna himself. A child of the phoenix, she was the first of the order and the second to speak all tongues, after the Phoenix Emperor himself.”

Yvette blinked a few times. All tongues? Once again she wished she knew more about true naming magic. There were Tongues of the Gods. The phoenix side of her once more rose to answer. Tongue of the Elements, that was how it spoke. Then she supposed there was the Lexicon of the Superior that dragons spoke. So she could speak all languages? Or was there a more magical explanation for what he meant by all tongues?

Was that what they were hoping? That she’d leave a child or something behind, for them to add to their lineage? She barely resisted making a disgusted face at the idea of making anything with the prince. He was probably somewhat attractive, but she couldn’t even fully tell anymore. More than that, he’d killed her.

How did phoenixes even mate? Was it like what happened to her, enveloping her in magic as she died? Or did they take a form of another creature? The only person she could even imagine having a child with was Gervas and they weren’t anywhere near ready to do something like that. Heck, the idea of even kissing him still made her stomach do little flips.

That thought made her cheeks go almost entirely scarlet and for a few moments embers sizzled in the air, sparkling around her. She cringed, quickly trying to bury it down and suppressing her magic. She supposed on the one hand she should be thankful there was some magic she could use in her human form now. But it seemed a little too easy to bring to the surface now that she was aware of it. Metale had pulled back, his eyes wide and fearful.

Yvette barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes, instead turning and walking deeper into the pillar. Try as she might, she couldn’t get herself to stop blushing. She missed Gervas, she couldn’t deny it.

No, that wasn’t it. Yvette missed having Gervas. She missed hugging him, she missed being able to hug him. She missed being held. She missed having him calling her nice things. She missed practicing with him, even when he was sometimes too harsh on her. She even missed his smell. He had such a subtle, but nice, smell. Even the phoenix side of her missed it and it didn’t even fully understand it.

These people revered her and likely thought she was the most awe inspiring thing they had ever seen. But they’d likely kill her if they knew exactly what she was. Gervas was the only one who truly knew who she was and he cared about her anyway. Her fists clenched and there was an ominous pressure shift before the pillar began to get quite breezy.

She missed Gervas and she wanted him back. All of him. That, at least, was something all sides of her wanted. The prince was ensuring she couldn’t have him, so she WOULD find a way around him. Possibly through him.

Yvette paused for a moment before reaching out and stroking the wall. The entirety of the pillar seemed to have been one massive black pillar, then hollowed out. Ancient, as well. Now that she thought about it, something about this place seemed to be stirring up quite a few feelings. It brought the phoenix power and instincts to the forefront. It also created a desire to settle down, to take Gervas and--

“It’s a nest,” Yvette said.

“O-of course, oh Unceasing Storm,” Metale said. “One of Eterna’s grand nests, dragged from the ground and brought to the heavens.”

Yvette felt a moment of fierce rage before turning to face him. “You hollowed out their nest?”

“What? No, we--” Metale let out a shriek and stumbled back when the winds around her began to grow once more.

“You hollowed out Eterna’s NEST?” Yvette asked, the rage inside her only growing. It took all she had to suppress the desire to end her transformation and destroy him and all who had done such a foul thing. The phoenix side of her certainly longed to do that. The mage side of her was just confused as to why they were so angry, but that rage was intoxicating and, for the moment, she let it wash over her.

“N-no!” Metale said quickly, shaking his head and falling to his knees. “We would never dream of such a thing! Eterna did this! We merely added decorations to honor them!”

Yvette stopped, glancing around for a moment. Had Eterna really done that? Hollowed out its own nest for the humans to live in? Her phoenix’s instincts said no, that it was an insult and to do such a thing would be beyond reproach. But there was no proof to say it hadn’t. More and more she truly wished she’d studied phoenixes more when she wasn’t one, it was so hard to discern what was actually accurate from what her instincts were telling her. She let the winds die down and took a slow, calming breath. “We see. Very well. Shall we continue this tour?”

“A-as you desire, oh Unceasing Storm.”

Yvette sighed again. The reverence was definitely getting old. Still, better than being misgendered constantly.

------

Yvette hadn’t been sure what she hoped to find in the nest, how it could possibly help her. Now she knew. More importantly, a plan was forming and she couldn’t help but grin when she looked at it.

A map of the country. More importantly, the route the prince would likely take. She gently stroked a finger over the path, trying to find the best place. There had to be somewhere that he’d stop. She gave a small, silent thank you to Gervas for all the training he’d put her through on their traveling. Though, looking at the map she couldn’t help feeling a little concerned. There were a few places that had markings she couldn’t understand. About a fifth of the map was entirely blocked off, though the area itself seemed well mapped. She pointed towards it. “What is that place?”

Metale gave a sharp intake of air and shook his head. “T-that is the Taint, oh Unceasing Storm. A foul, vile place created from the hubris of treasonous mages. The dead walk those lands, killing any that dare to tread amongst them.”

Yvette stared at it for a few moments. The dead walk? What in the world happened there to make THAT happen? Did the Mage’s Association know? At least now she understood why there seemed to be a great wall cutting it off from the rest of the island. She motioned towards a strange forest next, covered in symbols that she didn’t recognize. There didn’t seem to be any settlements near it at all, as if they were avoiding it entirely. “And that?”

“A dangerous fae, the Collector, resides there,” Metale said. “Us mere mortals dare not tread anywhere near those woods, only the foolish and desperate would dare intrude. It is said they can rise up and encircle those who come near, only for the trees to retract, taking the unfortunate souls with them.”

“Fae?” Yvette asked. Ohhhh, that was good. If there was a portal to the Fae Realm there then they could use that to get out of here. How hard could traveling through the Fae Realm be? Okay, incredibly hard. But it certainly beat traveling through a country that viewed her very existence as a blight to be snuffed out.

Yvette suddenly gave a soft, exhausted sigh. Even if they got back home she’d still be seen that way, wouldn’t she? These people saw her as wrong because she was a mage, the Mage’s Association saw her as wrong because the magic she was trying to do to fix herself was ‘forbidden’. Maybe staying a phoenix and being here wouldn’t be so bad. They revered her, saw her as some Divine Messenger of the Gods. She was a phoenix now, so it wasn’t as if she was lying or hiding what she was. Maybe she could just grow to accept it.

Yvette shoved that notion away a moment later. She was a mage. It was a part of who she was. Even if she wanted to just stay here and live as a phoenix, Gervas likely didn’t. Besides, she’d had so many plans. More importantly, she only needed a few more ingredients. The blood of a changeling, fae dust, petals of a silver lotus. If she could gather all of them, then she could finish this quest.

More importantly, if there was a portal to the Fae Realm, then that meant she could, theoretically, meet Vala again. That could be all she needed. She could fix herself, fix who she was. Then what? There had to be others who needed this spell. People who weren’t as lucky as her. How many times had Gervas reminded her just how fortunate she was to be allowed to be a mage? Most people couldn’t even hope to be themselves. Jade had mentioned others like her who needed that spell.

She could be that hope, that help. She’d been granted a chance to be reborn, to find her true form that was herself. How could she deny others that chance?

“Unceasing Storm?” Metale asked, snapping her from her thoughts.

“What?” she asked, glancing to him.

“Is everything okay? You’ve just been staring at that. Do… the fae disturb you?” Metale asked.

“No,” Yvette said. “Maintaining this form is… tiresome. We long to become one with the storm again,” she lied, hoping that he’d believe it. “Here. Along this river path, this is where you shall strike.”

“Strike?” Metale asked.

“The traitorous prince’s forces,” Yvette said.

“Y-you wish for us to attack the prince?” Metale asked, his voice filled with alarm.

Yvette had to struggle to keep her voice and face calm. She’d misjudged. They’d been fine attacking her and had called the prince a traitor, but the idea of actually attacking him seemed to have horrified the man. “Of course not,” Yvette said as calmly as she could. “Strike, we said. Make the storm its grandest. The fiercest of winds, unleash the skies themselves in a torrential downpour. I will use that distraction to take back what was stolen from me. From there, you will be free to do with the prince as you wish.”

Metale nodded, though he looked worried now. “It will take nearly a week for them to arrive there, oh Unceasing Storm. What would you have us do while we wait?”

“Wait?” Yvette asked. “Prepare for our return.”

“So you will still come to the capital?” Metale asked, his voice filled with relief.

“Of course,” Yvette said. No, she desperately hoped not. The prince would kill Gervas and Nautia if the time came for it. But she doubted that these people would be much different. They revered her only because they didn’t know her true origins. She wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to use Gervas to control her as well.

One step at a time, she supposed. She had to get Gervas and Nautia out from under the prince’s hold. After that she could focus on getting them to the Fae Realm. Then from there would be a whole new set of problems to deal with. Why couldn’t anything ever just be simple? She just wanted to be a girl, not trying to escape through fae forests and caught in the middle of some empire’s ascension issues. She didn’t understand why everybody else had to make it so incredibly hard.