Hero’s Downfall Report

21 – Report on the Fall of Purity (8)

The chapel of the Otranto Blockade Monastery was spacious. However, it couldn’t accommodate all visitors. Even now, in terms of the number of people, it was like a small city gathering on a weekend for mass.

The Order of Mercy Knights, over 50 patients, nursing staff with two patients each, priests from the Inquisition Interrogation Chamber of the Order of Mercy, and even Cain and Lily.

After a short discussion, the seating arrangements were made. Father Haspel, the inquisitor, took his place at the altar since he had to conduct the mass. The patients’ beds and nursing staff were in the central part of the chapel, with the inquisitors and knights of the Order of Mercy on the left and right sides.

Cain and Lily, the high-ranking knights and the monks of the monastery, sat near the exit, while the trainee knights and monks of the Order of Mercy gathered outside the chapel in organized squads.

However, the reason the mass was continuously delayed was due to the objection of Director Bartolomeo of the monastery. The content was that bringing weapons into the chapel, even if it was for the ritual of exorcism and blessing, showed neither respect nor reverence for God.

“Why on earth would you bring weapons to a ritual that is not even an exorcism but a blessing?”

After Father Haspel reluctantly replied that he would also bless the weapons and equipment, the commotion finally subsided. As a result, the mass didn’t start until around noon.

The beginning was a hymn without any accompaniment.

Wasn’t the most beautiful instrument the human voice? The monks of the Otranto Blockade Monastery knew how to harmonize without instruments, and they knew how to make their voices loud without shouting.

They pulled up the sound from their lower abdomen, matching it with the humming of others. Whether it was 30 people or 40 people singing, it sounded like only one person was singing.

The united hymn reached the monastery’s stone walls. Like a sentinel who had stayed up all night at the crack of dawn, the awakened stone walls echoed the voices of the monks.

The stone was dense, hard, but simple. Although it was difficult to open one’s heart once, if one knew how to gain their heart, the stone would reveal its inner self, split open.

In that moment, it seemed even the soul trapped in a physical body found solace. No longer appearing human, but still shedding tears, even the broken and shattered things.

Even the pure knight, who had completely lost his sanity, fell silent.

Of course, only God knows whether it was because of the engraved habits on his body or the deep faith that had lasted for thousands of years that comforted Archbishop William.

Next, Father Haspel, the inquisitor, continued his sermon. Cain was amazed at the clear and deep voice of Father Haspel.

When he was whispering in the carriage, there was no such conspiracy in the world. But now, he was showing the tone of a lawyer pleading to a judge and the passion of a professor imparting knowledge to enthusiastic students.

“…What I want to share with you today is this.

When the Prophet of Life and Death was teaching, two women were present.

Melissa was making food and welcoming guests with others. But Sylvia was sitting in front of the prophet, only listening to his words.

After the people left, Melissa asked the prophet, ‘What should I say to Sylvia? While the rest of us worked without a moment’s rest, how could she just sit there and watch everything?’

Then the prophet spoke. ‘Melissa, Melissa. Just as you have done your part, Sylvia has done hers. Each of them took what they wanted, so why are you angry?’

Later theologians interpreted that the prophet favored Sylvia and despised Melissa. However, if we view this passage from the perspective of ‘jealousy,’ a more challenging interpretation is possible.

The parents of the world openly say, ‘There is no finger that is not bitten by the child’s teeth.’ But right after that, they answer, ‘But there is definitely a finger that hurts more.’ Every child is precious, but some are more precious than others.

But the way to express that preciousness varies from parent to parent. Some parents deliberately treat their beloved child harshly because they fear their child will become crooked. Some parents give more. It is an expression of affection.

So, interpreting it as the first child being more cherished and the second child being indulged because the first child was made to sit still while the second child was busy is a narrow-minded story.

If we look at it from the perspective of a guest, it changes again. Imagine a guest coming and one child sitting quietly and just observing, while the other child is busy bringing drinks and food. From the guest’s perspective, wouldn’t the second child look more attractive?

And there is also this example.

When parents, who have been away for a long time, come home and want to talk to their children, one child sits quietly and has various conversations, while the other child keeps bringing things, saying they couldn’t do what they were supposed to do, that they have unfinished business, and keeps moving around.

From the parents’ perspective, which child would be more heartbreaking? The first child or the second child?

If we view it from the perspective of the Prophet of Life and Death, while I am speaking here, would it be more beautiful to have a disciple who listens to my words quietly or a disciple who keeps coming and going, cleaning, guiding others to their seats, and welcoming guests?

Of course, both are necessary and important tasks.

However, the one who recorded this story did not clearly specify whether Melissa and Sylvia’s actions were done at someone’s command or if they were voluntary. Considering the surrounding circumstances, it seems more appropriate to view it as a voluntary choice.

In other words, Melissa actively chose to take on the role of welcoming guests, and Sylvia chose to listen to precious words. As the prophet said, “Each took what they wanted for themselves.”

In this light, Melissa’s actions appear contradictory. Without being instructed, she took it upon herself to welcome guests, expressing dissatisfaction with Sylvia’s silent presence. Interestingly, the real target of her frustration is not Sylvia but the prophet.

I believe Melissa committed two sins here: jealousy and deceit.

Jealousy is easily understandable. Melissa was jealous of Sylvia. Saying, “While I was working, that child just sat quietly,” is jealousy.

How narrow-minded is that?

Melissa didn’t envy the guests. They are the ones receiving the most hospitality in this story.

Melissa didn’t envy the prophet. She couldn’t have imagined herself in such a respected position.

Melissa’s jealousy is directed at Sylvia, who, in her eyes, received more affection despite not being instructed to do so. No one told her to do that. No one said anything. Melissa, not someone else but ‘chose’ Sylvia, comparing herself to her and causing harm to herself.

Why did she do that?

Because Melissa wanted to become like Sylvia. She wanted to sit in front of the prophet, quietly listening to his words.

But she deliberately ignored that she didn’t make that ‘choice’ herself and envied Sylvia as if she had ‘taken away her share.’

The reason jealousy is a sin is not just because of mere envy. It becomes a sin because it lowers oneself, disturbs, stings, and provokes. It’s a form of self-harm.

Here, the sin of deceit arises.

What is deceit? It is deceiving. Acting differently on the outside than one’s true intentions is deceit.

What Melissa truly wanted was to sit in front of the prophet like Sylvia. Whether she envied just sitting quietly and listening, or simply wanted to be close to him, at least in her eyes, Sylvia seemed to be ‘loved by the prophet.’

So, Melissa is undoubtedly aware that she can be loved by acting like Sylvia.

However, what did she do? She did not act that way. Ironically, while knowing how to be loved by the prophet, Melissa’s actions were misplaced.

She attended to the guests, cleaned, and prepared food. Despite knowing how to be loved by the prophet, her body was in a strange place.

This is Melissa’s second sin. Deception towards oneself. Not valuing one’s own voice. Instead of honestly expressing her hopes until the end, she concealed, hid, and envied others.

If she truly found joy in serving guests, she wouldn’t have been jealous of Sylvia. On the contrary, she would have been proud and satisfied with her own achievements.

Then what led Melissa to commit the sins of jealousy and deception, causing harm and torment to herself of all people?

Brothers and sisters, this is the question that the sacred scripture poses to us today.

Why do people stray away from the path where they can receive love and wander in desolation? What drives them away? Why can’t people be honest with themselves?

Silence filled the air. People took their seats in individual chambers of silence. The high inquisitor quietly withdrew from his position. For a minute, even the sunlight seemed to hold its breath.

Cain bowed his head, pondering the words of Father Haspel. It was a tedious and boring sermon, yet something kept bothering him deep within. The sheath on his left side felt heavy, and the cane leaning against the chair felt burdensome.

Lily’s bare back came to mind. It was covered in old scars and wounds. Lily didn’t try to hide those scars. Instead, she proudly revealed them under the moonlight.

Was it a plea for someone to embrace her? Or was it the confidence that there was nothing to hide under the moonlight? Did those scars, shining under the moonlight, still inflict pain on Lily’s body and soul? Or…

No. Cain shook his head.

Lily is different from him. If it were Lily, she wouldn’t draw a sword like Cain or swing a cane. She wouldn’t come up with absurd excuses like swinging a cane would cause less death.

– Running away again, huh?

Cain was surprised and taken aback. The shadow writhing beneath his feet whispered.

– You didn’t really want to ask yourself that. It’s a question about yourself, not about Lily. There’s no need to bring up Lily’s story. Speak up. Kairos. Why did you stray from the path?

Cain lifted his head. He averted his gaze from the shadow. Whether it was because of Cain’s confusion or not, Lily gently touched his arm. As warmth seeped through, he regained some strength. However, the shadow persisted.

– Liar. Coward. Deceiver. You could have been happy. You knew the way. You threw it all away. Isn’t that right?

The shadow was gray. It didn’t disappear when touched by light nor flowed away into darkness. It simply whispered from the shadowy place.

– I know the reason. You know it too, in fact. But you’re a coward, too afraid to speak it aloud or even think about it. So let me say it for you. The reason you’re unhappy is…

“Please rise.”

Father Haspel declared. Everyone stood up. Lily held onto Cain’s arm and helped him to his feet.

“What’s wrong?”

A quiet voice. Cain turned his head.

“You were shaking.”

Again, Cain lowered his head.

“…I see.”

In a moment when Lily looked disappointed and glanced ahead, Cain waved his hand as if signaling her to look at him.

When Lily nodded slightly, Cain placed his hand on her thigh and traced a pattern with his fingers, hesitating slightly.

In situations where one cannot speak, that is, when you have to surprise someone or when you are under attack, it is a secret code exchanged between security agents.

‘Be alert.’

Misa now transitioned to the purification ritual. Like cleaning the body before attending a big event, it means tidying up the soul to receive blessings.

The priests poured chemicals into the plates. Made with mixed bone powder, these white plates withstand the intense heat quite well. Next, they put in a small part of the bodies of those who will receive blessings, a strand of hair or neatly cut fingernail and toenail pieces are enough.

The plates caught fire in a frightening manner. The scent of incense, cinnamon, pepper, and sulfur filled the air, and within 30 seconds, it went out. All that was left was white ash.

The monks of the blockade monastery and the bell ringers of the heresy interrogation room stood by the patients’ bedside. Father Haspel stood next to Bishop William. After dusting his fingertips with ash, Haspel said a prayer.

“Dust returns to dust, earth to earth, ashes to ashes. So does sin. Remember that sin does not nest inside a person but that the person holds onto and releases sin. You will be cleansed by the touch of the divine, who is dead yet alive, and alive yet dead.”

The noon sun sent its light through the glass ceiling of the monastery. Bishop William smiled brightly, like a newborn baby recognizing its parents.

The first bell rang. The people standing by the beds dipped their fingers in the ash.

The second bell rang. Starting with Father Haspel, everyone applied ash to the foreheads and heads of the patients. Since the sins have already been washed away, all that remains is a pure and clear soul.

The inside of the chapel brightened.

A monastery built in a high rocky valley. The time was noon. It may not be the highest mountain in the empire, but it is a fact that it is closer to the sky than most monasteries or chapels. It was only natural for the dazzling light to pour down.

But was it so painful to the eyes like this?