Hoping For My Death

 

Sylvia was genuinely shaken for the first time in a long while.

Was it the painful twinge of a conscience that had almost disappeared from being told that he was worried about her when she was about to die?

Or was it because the man before her, who had a stoic face, looked so vulnerable as if he could break at any moment?

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but her usually composed inner self was deeply shaken.

However, as if sensing danger, her instinct quickly covered the emotions with the thought, ‘It must be a misunderstanding.’

No goodness in humans is eternal.

This man, too, will eventually change after experiencing betrayal and despair several times.

Like other people and like she herself had done.

‘…….’

Unconsciously, Sylvia imagined Randall becoming emotionless like herself, but she quickly cut off that thought.

Now back to her normal self, she grew serious at the sight before her.

‘…Why are you doing such a cute thing?’

Randel had his eyes lowered and was leaning his face against Sylvia’s hand.

It felt like a big dog coaxing her.

Like a big dog whimpering as if it would shed tears at the slightest sign of its owner’s pain.

‘Just by looking at your face, one would think you’re hurt.’

Sylvia looked at Randall’s slightly furrowed brow and let out a faint sigh.

Patting Randall on the cheek with her fingertips, she spread her arms.

“Here.”

“……?”

“I don’t mean to do it. It’s just a little chilly. Could I borrow some of your body heat?”

In fact, the room was slightly warmer than usual in the North due to Randall’s instructions.

Yet, Sylvia spoke with no shame.

The sight of him looking like he was about to cry made her feel very uneasy.

For a brief moment, Randall stared at Sylvia, lost in thought, then he let out a hollow chuckle.

However, he didn’t refuse; instead, he climbed onto the bed and pulled Sylvia towards him.

Or to be more precise, this time it was her who he embraced Randall.  

Sylvia patted Randall’s back, who had buried his face in her shoulder, and deliberately made a joke.

“It’s the opposite of last time.”

“… It is.”

“I’m not tying you up in the duvet unlike someone else. I’m being very considerate.”

“Sylvia.”

As Sylvia emphasized ‘tying up’ even in this situation, Randall called her out in a stern manner, then immediately burst into laughter.

He could sense Sylvia’s attempt to console him as she threw a silly joke.

Ironically, she was the one who was seriously injured and was on the verge of death, and it was Randall’s fault for not being able to prevent such a situation.

Her quiet caring touched his heart, and he blamed himself for not hiding his feelings.

“… Sylvia.”

Randall pursed his lips as he tried to say the words that had been on his mind the entire time Sylvia had been unconscious.

Even though he had organized his thoughts beforehand, when the time came to actually say it, it felt as if his throat was blocked, making it difficult to get the words out.

The warmth of her embrace made it even more difficult.

He didn’t want to lose this warmth, this laughter.

However, it was an undeniable fact that Sylvia had been severely injured, and it was not something that could be kept hidden inside.

Finally, Randall managed to find his voice.

“Right after we dealt with all the monsters, I also sent a letter to Count and Countess Fleurette. About your injuries.”

Sylvia’s hand, which had been patting Randall’s back, flinched and stopped at his words.

‘…They’re probably going to rush over immediately.’

Common sense dictated that Randall was right, but the issue lay with her parents.

The Count and Countess Fleurette were particularly sensitive to matters concerning their only daughter, Sylvia.

Even when she got a minor cut on her fingertip, they couldn’t hide their tears. So, upon hearing the news of such a serious injury, they were likely to rush to the North immediately.

-Sylvia!

-My dear child!

“…….”

Just thinking about it made her tired.

As Sylvia secretly looked troubled, Randall continued.

“However, I stopped them from immediately coming to the North. The installation of the improved barrier by Auston hasn’t been completed yet, and the stability of the upgraded barrier hasn’t been confirmed. It’s dangerous.”

“You did the right thing. Truly.”

“But… it should be possible to move just you to the Fleurette territory.”

“… What?”

For a moment, Sylvia doubted her own ears.

She tried to pull herself away to see Randall’s face, but he had wrapped his arms around her waist and didn’t lift his head.

“Randall. Look at me.”

Sylvia struggled to pull herself up, but there was a stark difference in strength between them.

He buried his face into Sylvia’s shoulder and muttered softly.

“Auston might make a sound of dying, but since the Fleurette Territory is right next to the capital, it’s not impossible in terms of distance. If we use a teleportation magic circle to move you onto the bed in the Fleurette mansion, it won’t strain your body too much…”

“Wait, wait a moment. What are you saying right now?”

Sylvia interrupted Randall in a panic.

Upon that, Randall let out a low sigh.

She shivered, feeling his breath on her skin through her thin nightgown.

“As you may have realized from this, the north is a dangerous place. Quite frankly, it’s not a good place for people to live.”

“…….”

“So, if you… If you wish, you can stay in the capital or the Fleurette territory from now on. If you desire, I will instruct Auston to prepare the teleportation magic immediately.”

There was no response from Sylvia.

Amidst the continuing silence, Randall struggled to calm his heart.

‘This is the right thing to do.’

This incident was entirely his own fault.

-That gem… got attached to the hem of my dress. It got caught in the lace.

Rubea Glevor claimed that she saw the gem rolling on the floor when she tore her dress to stop Sylvia’s bleeding.

Upon checking the dress, there were definitely traces of something tangled in the lace at the end.

She knew it would likely work against her, but with a pale face she confessed to the truth she had witnessed.

Randall investigated her based on her words and meticulously retraced her movements. As a result, the presence of a certain servant came to light.

He was a servant of one of the vassals who attended the banquet.

As the investigation narrowed down, the vassal revealed that he had witnessed the servant expel the gem in question from his mouth during the middle of the banquet.

His excuse was that he had kept his mouth shut until now, lest suspicion fall on him.

The servant resisted at first, but eventually admitted his crime.

-Because life is so hard. He was a man I met on the street for the first time, but he said he would pay me handsomely if I pulled off this job. How could I refuse?

The servant spoke with a bitter laugh.

Randall was convinced that the ‘man’ the servant mentioned was one of the Dark Vermin that had recently infiltrated the territory. He continued to question, but he had no further information.

In the end, Randall had to settle for beheading the servant.

Although everyone entering the banquet hall had been searched beforehand, the gem was so small, and they never suspected it could be hidden in the mouth, so they failed to prevent its entry.

Given that even the dark vermin had infiltrated the territory, he should have been more cautious.

-… I was too complacent.

Randall couldn’t shake off that thought.

If only he hadn’t hesitated to suspect Sylvia, who didn’t even seem like a spy, and had paid more attention elsewhere.

If he had paid more attention to other places instead of trying to suspect Sylvia, who did not seem to be a spy.

If he had done that, Sylvia would not have been in a critical condition like she is now.

The attack on the day of the wedding, and the incidents at the banquet hall.

Sylvia, who had lived a peaceful life until now, has already narrowly escaped death twice since becoming involved with him.

Furthermore, he couldn’t be certain how many more times such incidents would repeat in the future.

Even if he were to find the hidden dark vermin lurking in their territory, he couldn’t change the inherent nature of this land that borders Kelvetia.

To her, he and this North were nothing but sources of harm.

Randall acknowledged it with bitterness.

He then chose his words as carefully as he could, trying not to make her feel forced.

In the end, his attempts at speaking gently had failed, but Randall meant it.

If Sylvia wished, he was willing to send her to a safe place without delay.

The vassals would surely resist, but compared to Sylvia’s safety, the duties of a duchess were utterly insignificant.

‘It was my responsibility from the start. Sylvia simply shared it with me for a brief moment.’

Randall repeated this to himself inwardly as he awaited Sylvia’s decision.

Eventually, Sylvia asked in an unfamiliar tone.

“If that happens, my qualities as a duchess may be questioned.”

“No one would dare bring it up.”

“What are the duties of the Mistress of the Castle?”

“Even before I married you, I had already been responsible for certain aspects. It’s just going back to how things were then.”

Randall calmly presented the answer he had prepared.

He thought it would be better to instruct Auston to prepare the teleportation magic as soon as the sun rose.

‘Following the improvements to the barriers, immediately suggesting long-distance travel again might annoy him, but there’s no helping it.’

Even though Auston would vehemently protest, he was someone who would readily exert himself without complaint if given with enough money.

So, as long as he makes sure to provide ample compensation for his efforts, it should work.

Randall thought to himself, calculating his budget.

At that moment, Sylvia called out to him.

“Randall.”

“Yes.”

“This place is now my home.”

For a moment, Randall forgot to breathe.

While he remained silent, unable to find the words to say, a gentle touch landed on the back of his head.

With a rustling sound, Sylvia lightly stroked Randall’s hair.

She spoke in a soothing voice, barely above a whisper.

“I like the north. Thelma and the servants are good, Auston is good, and you are good too.”

“…….”

“So, please don’t say such things again. Don’t apologize either.”

When Randall told her to leave the North, Sylvia’s heart sank.

If she were to leave this place, she would once again let time flow until she dies, spending her time wearily.

Sylvia didn’t want to continue living like this anymore.

For her, life was always something she had to endure.

Enduring a long life for fleeting and illusory moments of joy and happiness had already worn her out.

That’s why, leaving the relentless dangers of the North meant she would once again be crushed under the weight of time.

It was easier for her to keep trying to die here, even if she might fail.

But she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, so she mixed the truth and lies.

‘Did it not feel genuine?’

As Sylvia waited for a response from Randall, her unease grew gradually.

Just as she was about to add something, slightly moving her lips.

Randall reached out and pulled her into a strong embrace, avoiding the wounds on her back.

“… Thank you.”

“…….”

“And I’m sorry.”

Randall’s voice was choked with emotion.

It was a voice that felt much more sincere than Sylvia’s own.

“I told you not to apologize.”

“Even so.”

“You’re also quite stubborn, you know?”

“I won’t deny that.”

Randall chuckled softly in response.

Since their bodies were pressed closely together, the vibrations from his laughter transmitted clearly through Sylvia’s body.

His laughter felt as if it encompassed her entire being, evoking a rather peculiar sensation.

‘… He’s warm.’

Sylvia didn’t mind his warmth and quietly nestled against him.

Meanwhile, Randall suddenly raised his upper body, wrapped Sylvia in the duvet, and raised herself.

“Then please rest. I’ll get the physician.”

Before Sylvia could even respond, Randall swiftly left the room with hurried steps. 

It felt urgent at first glance.

Left alone in the room in the blink of an eye, Sylvia rolled her eyes and whistled inwardly.

‘Oh…’

So, he wasn’t impotent after all?

Meanwhile, Randall, unaware of Sylvia’s thoughts, leaned against the closed door and buried his face in his hands.

“

Ha

…”

He almost became a beast that came charging towards a person who had no feelings for him.

After telling Wilcott to summon the physician, Randall headed straight for the bathroom in his room.

The sound of cold water pouring into the bathtub continued for quite some time.

  Hello, everyone~!!! Eica here~ Thank you for having the time to read my translations.Due to my ongoing classes, I will provide updates once a week, specifically on Sundays, unless something unexpected happens.Despite my shortcomings in translating this, I hope everyone of you will have a good time reading this.For any mistakes, you can comment down below, or you can ping me at discord.You can support me on ko-fi. And please rate this on NU. Any comments of yours will be appreciated. And though I may not reply, rest assured that I'm reading and anticipating each and every comment of yours.Once again, thank you, everyone~!!! Happy reading~!!!