How I became the Empress of Hell

3.10: Phobias



Trigger warning: If the title wasn't obvious, there will be several experiences with various phobias. If you need a list of which ones, please see the spoiler.

Spoiler

“My Lady, before you depart, I was able to make a new choker for your Power Limiter that will allow it to automatically deactivate should you fall unconscious. In addition, should one of our clan mates or myself utter the phrase, ‘I humbly serve the Overlord of Corruption’ it will also automatically deactivate. This is useful in the event you are hexed, stunned, or otherwise unable to remove it yourself.”

“Judas, as always, you have exceeded my every expectation. If I may ask… is there a reason you didn’t want to join us today?”

“Lady Tesrif still seems to be in poor spirits after what she went through and what she put you through. I told her that you would never hold it against her, but she’s still not ready to face you yet. I plan to spend the day with her making sure she is alright.”

“Judas, for a demon you are one of the most caring and kind people I know.”

“You are most kind with your words, my lady. I reserve displaying my demonic nature for our enemies, or those I happen to face in combat.”

He grinned at me with his fangs showing and I recalled our fight in the clan battles. He truly was a force to be reckoned with. (Even now, after all these years of playing alongside him, he still won’t tell me more details about who he was before he came into Mellic’s service. And he still calls me Lady Allexus despite my insistence that he just call me Allexus or Allie.)

After dealing with the massive orgasm taking the Limiter off causes, he switched the gem in it to the new choker and I equipped it. The closest I can describe how it feels to wear it is how it feels to try and move normally underwater. Like… you can do it, but it takes so much more effort than normal. Taking it off though… It's like shedding excess layers of clothing after a winter storm and being able to move so much easier.

Upon arriving at the cave, the eight of us readied our weapons and moved forward. I summoned a suit of light armor to keep my mobility intact, as I wanted to be able to maneuver away from any potential threats. As we walked in, I immediately sensed that same feeling that Aeryn had described. It felt like a thousand eyes were watching us at once. That in every shadow lurked an enemy. Even the Demonspawn who didn’t share our enhanced senses seemed to be more on edge than normal. After about what felt like ten minutes of walking, I nearly turned and swung my sword in surprise as Ikelos spoke from behind me.

“Even though it feels like we’ve been walking for hours, I can still make out the faint outline of the entrance… What the hell is going on?”

I turned to face him and suddenly realized that the rest of the clan wasn’t behind him. 

“Ikelos… where the hell did everyone go?”

“What do you mean they’re- Oh… what the fuck? I don’t like this. Nope. Not a fan.”

I was about to suggest we backtrace our steps when we saw a faint light up ahead. Waiting underneath it were Scythe and Areandra. They looked just as confused as Ikelos and I felt as we joined them underneath what looked like a oil-burning lantern slightly swaying back and forth on the end of a long chain that extended up into a pitch black void. Per Scythe’s suggestion, we took a rope and tied ourselves together to avoid getting separated further. As we continued forward the black void seemed to give way to a regular cave tunnel, and I felt that sense of being on edge fade.

Journeying forward, however, soon became more difficult as the tunnel got narrower and lower with every step. It wasn’t long before we were moving at a literal crawl to get through. I was grateful yet again that I had changed my form to be the same as my real body, as traveling through this with my larger form would have been incredibly difficult. As we made a sharp turn I saw that up ahead the tunnel was so narrow we would have to squeeze through it at an odd angle to fit. I imagined Scythe in his heavy armor getting stuck, so I talked as calmly as I could keeping my voice barely above a whisper so that only Areandra could hear me.

“Areandra, can you hear me? The cave narrows even further up ahead. We’re going to have to unequip our armor and weapons.” 

The air around me felt stuffy and cramped, but I was still able to hear her whisper her reply back to me.

“I’m here. But I’m worried about Scythe. He’s not doing so well. I think he may be claustrophobic. Any suggestions on keeping my wings tucked? I keep scraping them on the roof of the tunnel and it's starting to hurt quite a bit.”

“Sorry… I’m in the same boat up here.”

I spoke a little louder so that Ikelos and Scythe could hear me as well, still keeping my voice steady and calm.

“We only have a little further to go, guys. Unfortunately after that turn we just made we’re going to have to squeeze through a small opening before we’re out. Take a moment, unequip everything, center yourself and just focus on getting through this. You with me, Ikelos?”

“Roger that, Lady iPhone charger. I’m all good. Especially now since I get to stare at your now nearly nude butt as I crawl forward.”

I laughed and found that doing that helped calm my slightly frayed nerves. For once I was thankful for Blaine’s sharp wit, although I would never admit that fact to him.

“Scythe, it’s just a little further, OK? Tell me about yourself…”

I started to scoot forward as I talked, pulling the rope that tied us all together. Spencer didn’t say anything, so instead I just talked about the first thing that came to my mind.

“So, last night I got to meet Emily’s family. Her dad made dinner. It was amazing! Afterwards we had drinks in their TV room while we sat around and told each other dad jokes. Hey Blaine… know any good dad jokes?”

“What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad?”

I kept scooting forward little by little until I was at the point where I had to shift my body slightly to fit through. My wings scraped against the roof hard and I winced in pain. I closed my eyes and let out my breathing nice and slow, and responded to Blaine’s joke.

“I can’t think of anything. What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?”

“The frog says Ribbit Ribbit, while the horny toad says Rub it Rub it.”

I let out a long groan that had nothing to do with the tight fit I was enduring and I heard Areandra laughing softly behind us. As I finally managed to get free from the bend I saw that up ahead the tunnel started to widen out. I scooted forward slowly as Blaine told another joke.

“So, I figured out that if your phone autocorrects fuck to duck, it’s ok… you’re still using fowl language.”

“That… one… is… terrible!”

I smiled as I heard Scythe groaning at the bad pun and shifting forward as he did so. Finally after an agonizing period of nearly 20 minutes we had all managed to squeeze through, with Blaine telling one joke after another to keep everyone calm. As the tunnel widened I could hear Scythe’s breathing slow more and more until it returned to normal when we came upon a slight drop down into a room that was blessedly wide open. We all took a moment to catch our breath as we re-equipped our gear. I set a hand on Ikelos’s shoulder and smiled at him gratefully.

“Thank you, Blaine. I don’t think we would have made it through without you.”

He looked genuinely touched and beamed at me and went over to Scythe.

“Dude… you did awesome. I know how bad claustrophobia can be… I used to have it real bad. But you got through it, man. Truly… awesome job.”

Scythe nodded weakly and placed a hand on Ikelos’s shoulder like I had done.

“Allie was exactly on the money. You got us through that, Blaine. Thank you.”

“Anytime, my guy. I live to make people laugh. Say… is it me… or is it getting really hot in here?”

At first I thought he was making another joke before I felt a bead of sweat run down my forehead.

“Huh. Yeah, now that you mention it… After the darkness and the tunnel I’m not really looking forward to what’s next. That said… onwards, to glory!”

The others chuckled softly and we started down the tunnel ahead. As we progressed we steadily moved at a downward incline. Even though the cave didn’t appear out of the ordinary, the heat seemed to get worse and worse the deeper we got. At some point it was so bad that I again had to remove my armor. I was grateful my demonic body was naturally resistant to heat, but it seemed to matter very little as we journeyed further. It wasn’t long before the ground became almost too hot to stand in one place for too long. I stuck my hand out to steady myself as the ground suddenly got steeper, but I heard the flesh sizzle and I recoiled away from it. Scolding myself for forgetting about the skill I had inherited from Emily I cast my Coldfire spell and ‘ignited’ my body with it. The relief was almost instantaneous. I had the others keep a hand on my body to cool themselves and we slowly walked forward.

As we descended even further, it got to the point that even my Coldfire wasn’t enough to quell the intense heat. 

“I am… getting so hot… I'm gonna take my skin off!”

We laughed weakly at Blaine’s parodied song and we soldiered forward. At one point the heat got so bad that I had to fly a bit off the ground and carry Scythe while Areandra carried Ikelos so that we could just get off the scalding stone floor. Finally after what felt like hours the heat ever so slightly started to decrease before eventually we reached a point where it had returned to a normal temperature. 

As we turned another sharp corner I saw that the path ahead just suddenly dropped out into a black abyss. I looked off into the distance but couldn’t see anything that even resembled a spot where the path continued. I figured that this was more of the darkness like the first area, so I stepped forward… onto nothing. I flapped my wings a few times to keep myself from tumbling down, but it felt like a force was pushing me downwards. Unfortunately, because I was still tied to Ikelos, he let out a yelp as the rest of my small party was pulled down with me. I knew that any second we would fall and hit the floor at such a high speed we’d all likely be killed instantly. What ended up being worse was that the sudden stop never came, we just kept falling.

“Hey Allie! Check it out!”

I looked up and saw Blaine attempting to do his best impressions of Olympic swimmers with their fancy dives. He looked so stupid that I couldn’t help but laugh. As we met eyes I could tell he was just as scared as I was, he was just doing his best to keep everyone in bright spirits. I immediately understood why Tiffany had adopted him as her brother. He always seemed to find a way to bring humor to even the darkest situation. Taking a page from his book I folded my wings and just let myself enjoy the feeling of wind rushing past me. I did flips and spins and all sorts of tricks, and soon Scythe and Areandra had joined in. We ended up in a circle like skydivers do when they hold hands while descending, and we kept each other from succumbing to the fear that we were never going to stop falling.

“How deep do you think we are right now?”

Me and Ikelos looked at each other and gave each other a sly grin before we spoke in unison.

“That’s what she said!”

We all laughed nervously but I could see the weariness on my clan mates faces as we continued to fall. Areandra in particular had a look that bordered on outright terror. Just as I was about to start panicking in fear that this would never end, I felt solid ground underneath me. It wasn’t that we suddenly landed, it was like one second we were falling the next we were on solid ground. I stood up and hugged the walls, almost literally and saw the others doing the same. We stood there just enjoying the feeling of the cave floor beneath our feet before we decided we were ready to move forward. 

Just like before, we came to a sharp turn and reached yet another downwards incline. As we walked slowly forward, I felt the ground beneath me becoming wetter with every step. After a few hundred more feet, there was a steady stream of water flowing downwards that was just deep enough to cover my toes. Then my ankles. Then up to my knees. Then up to my groin. Then up to my lower back. As it kept getting deeper and deeper I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

It’s not something I like to talk about, but I am deathly afraid of deep water. For the longest time when I was a kid, I refused to get in a swimming pool for fear it might contain sharks or some equally frightening sea beast. To this day I still refuse to go more than a few feet into the ocean. So as the water started to reach my chest, I felt a massive panic attack coming on. Apparently Scythe noticed, because he offered to take the lead for a little while. Areandra grabbed one of my hands and Ikelos grabbed the other, and I forced myself to remain calm. Despite the fact the water was actually somewhat warm, my entire body was shivering. Just before it was deep enough to be higher than my neck, the floor leveled out. I let out a huge sigh of relief until I took one step forward and realized we had only reached the end of the running water and were now descending deeper into the standing water. My legs nearly gave out and I felt lightheaded as the water became deep enough that I had to bounce on my toes to keep my head above the water line. As a hand tapped against me in the water I turned to Blaine and realized he was talking to me.

“What?”

“Change into your other demon form. The taller one.”

Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. Of course that made sense. My Overlord of Corruption form was over six feet tall and could easily keep my head well above the waterline by almost two feet. I shifted forms and let out a huge sigh of relief… until I felt something cold and slimy brush against my leg.

Oh. Fuck. No.

I screamed. Loudly. This was not a scream of surprise. This was a scream of pure utter terror. I started thrashing around violently and it wasn’t until Scythe had me in a tight embrace with his arms pinning my arms to my sides from behind me.

“Allie. Listen to me. Just listen to my voice. Don’t think about anything but the sound of my voice. Just let your body relax and listen to my voice. Focus on your breathing. Inhale… hold it… and then exhale. Good. Again. Inhale… Hold it… Exhale. You’re doing great. Keep doing that. Inhale… hold it… and then exhale. You’re doing amazing we’re almost through. Inhale again… hold it… Exhale. OK, Allie, I want you to listen to me. Do you feel my hand around you? I’m going to keep holding you, OK? Even if the water goes over your head I’m still going to hold you. OK? There is no force in this realm that can stop me from holding onto you. OK? Alright… on the count of three I want you to take a really deep breath and hold it… can you do that for me? Good! Alright… One. Two. Three. Deep breath and hold it, Allie.”

My head slipped under the water and I felt the panic rising in my chest. I felt Scythe’s fingers flexing as he held me tightly. After a few more seconds I realized that I could actually hold my breath for quite a while. I didn’t know how Scythe was faring, but I felt like I could have held it for at least another solid minute or two. As I felt his hand on me flex again a thought occurred to me. I shifted back to my normal form and grabbed his hand so that he could shift his grip to accommodate my smaller frame. I felt the air hit my face and I exhaled loudly shortly before Scythe came up and started gasping for air.

“You did… Awesome… Allie! Only.. a little… further… to go! Just relax… and breathe. Feel… your chest… going… up and down. Doing great.”

“Hey guys, it looks like the path goes up out of the water just ahead!”

“See! Look! We’re almost through, Allie! Just a bit… further.”

I kept my eyes shut and listened to the sound of my breathing. As I heard splashing behind me I realized that Scythe was swimming while carrying me.

“Allie, I’m going to set you down now, cause your feet should be able to touch the bottom.”

He slowly released his grip on me and I felt my feet come into contact with the stone floor. I opened my eyes and saw that the others were still holding my hands and we walked forward slowly. Eventually the path evened out and the floor beneath us was completely dry. I leaned my back against the wall and slumped down to the floor. I glanced at the others and gave them a sheepish look.

“So… yeah… I’m more than a little terrified of deep water. I am so so sorry guys.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, Allie. I’m afraid of tight spaces, You’re afraid of deep water.”

“I’m afraid of burning to death.”

“And I’m afraid of endlessly falling.”

After Areandra said this it dawned on all of us what was happening. Ikelos sighed loudly and scraped the toe of his boot on the cave floor. 

“So… cave of fears… cool cool. Given the moniker I chose you’d think I would have been better equipped for this.”

“Yeah… I don’t know who or what Ikelos is.”

“Greek god of Nightmares, baby! I thought about some dude summoning nightmares and fighting with them, and that’s how I came up with that.”

“I have far more respect for that name than I did 30 seconds ago.”

“Thanks! I have always wondered though… why your name is Scythe… but you use a katana.”

We cracked up and let out a collective sigh before Areandra spoke softly.

“So… what do you think is up ahead?”

“Seeing as how they already threw our worst fears at us… I’m not sure what we could face that would be worse than that.”

“Blaine… did you just say the equivalent of ‘it could be worse?’”

“Well shit. Yes, I did. My apologies, ladies and gent.”

I stood up and stretched before tugging on the rope that still bound us together.

“May as well get this over with.”

The others nodded and slowly rose to their feet. We walked forward until we came to a dead end that contained a short pillar and a silver orb on top of it. We all looked at the orb and then started studying the room closely. Between the four of us we touched every square inch of that room besides the pillar and the orb, but it was to no avail. We all looked at each other then back down at the silver orb. Ikelos took a step forward and shrugged with his hands.

“Surely it can’t be this easy, right? I mean surely they wouldn’t-”

As he picked up the orb everything around us suddenly stopped. I tried to move, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t blink. All I could do was stare at Ikelos as he froze in place with the orb in his hand. All at once it was like we all had been encased in glass and someone had struck the side with a hammer. My view shifted as Ikelos’s form ‘shattered’ and became distorted. This happened again and again, each time his body becoming more and more distorted until finally we all collapsed to the cave floor. 

As I looked around I saw a woman wearing a dress made of sharp metal spikes that accentuated her figure but also made her look terrifyingly deadly. She had piercing orange eyes that glowed with an unnatural intensity, while her tangled hair hung down around her shoulders like a mass of cobwebs. Several metal spikes of varying length jutted up from the mess of her hair and formed a sort of crown on her brow. As she slowly stood up I saw that her fingers ended in very long slender fingers with wicked looking claws on each one. The way the metal dress clung to her body made her movements seem unnatural, and I felt that same sense of unease that I felt when I was in the room with the darkness. As the woman looked at me with her mouth gaping open like she was drinking in my fear, I dreaded what she was about to say as she spoke.

“Hey guys, check it out! I have tits!”




If it wasn't incredibly obvious already, Allie is a reflection of me. Like her, I share a very deep-seated thalassophobia. Just writing her portion of the fear cave made me anxious.

***Update regarding Body of a Goddess: I have been struggling to write the next chapter of Goddess, since it is drastically different from everything else I've written. I will post it just as soon as I have a workable chapter, and then we'll return to the regularly scheduled fun. Sorry for the delay! ❤️***



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