How to Survive As a Villain

Chapter 134 – I Hide My Love For You Inside My Heart, But You Don’t Know It.

Xiao YuAn returned to the residence near midnight. Even though the argument lasted a long time, in the end, everyone knew that it was the best choice for him to replace Zhang Changsong as the army physician.

Xiao YuAn didn’t forget that Yan HeQing wanted to say something to him tonight, but when he remembered that it was so late at night, he thought that Yan HeQing wouldn’t wait for him at this hour and that he must be already asleep. After all, they could still talk about it tomorrow.

However, when he walked through the courtyard and came closer to the East wing room, he found that there was a bright candle light flickering inside the wing room he shared with Yan HeQing.

Xiao YuAn was stunned at this and hurriedly walked over to push open the door of the wing room.

Yan HeQing, who was sitting at the side of the wooden table, raised his head when he heard the sound of the door being pushed open; his eyes were filled with Xiao YuAn’s figure.

He must’ve waited for a long time since the candle was almost burned out, the previous melted wax fell down solidifying on the candlestick, twisted and cracked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I had some things to discuss with my Shifu and I didn’t expect it would take so much time. Did you have to wait for me for a long time?” He asked, after repeatedly apologizing and explaining the situation.

“I’m fine.” As Yan HeQing looked at Xiao YuAn, his tone sounded indiferent, but his fingertips were gently touching the table restlessly: “In the end, I waited for you.”

“You wanted to tell me something, don’t you?” After Xiao YuAn sat down beside Yan HeQing, he raised his head to look at him and with a warm smile on his lips, he said: “It just so happens that I also have something to tell you.”

Yan HeQing was a little surprised at this, as he slightly raised his eyebrows: “You can speak first.”

Xiao YuAn waved his hand and made a gesture of ‘you go first’: “Nonono, you must speak first, after all, you’ve been waiting for so long.”

Yan HeQing nodded his head, his voice was slow and flat: “Alright, I’ll speak first.”

As Yan HeQing raised his head, his eyes fell on Xiao YuAn’s eyes. Those eyes that were always warm and smiling, had appeared countless times in Yan HeQing’s dreams. Even though he didn’t like this body nor this face, he liked the man buried inside the depths of those warm eyes, the man who told him that his real name was Xiao YuAn.

From then on, Yan HeQing has been obsessed with Xiao YuAn, he has been in love with him all this time. There wasn’t an end to the greediness he felt, and there wasn’t a way to survive without him.

Yan HeQing said: “Xiao YuAn, look at me.”

“Ah?” When he saw that Yan HeQing was acting serious, Xiao YuAn hastily sat upright. As he tried to restrain a smile, he looked at Yan HeQing.

Yan HeQing looked into those eyes, no longer hiding his true emotions: “Do you still remember what I said to you on that rainy day, inside the wooden cabin while we were on the mountain?”

Xiao YuAn’s body suddenly stiffened. He didn’t expect that Yan HeQing would suddenly mention something like this.

Even though they have returned to Taoyuan Village, both of them had coincidentally kept silent about what happened during that period of time. Xiao YuAn still had been vaguely worried inside his heart that Yan HeQing would come to question him about why he acted the way he did back then.

‘It seems that the time has come.‘

Xiao YuAn silently thought about what words he should use, to explain everything to him inside his mind: “I know, you want to know why I-…”

Yan HeQing interrupted him: “Do you remember what I said to you?”

Xiao YuAn seemed to be afraid of making him mad, so he replied with a soft tone of voice: “I remember.”

Yan HeQing asked: “What did I say?”

Xiao YuAn bowed his head and looked around restlessly, then he replied: “You thought I was Lin Shenling and showed me your feelings. But about that, I was pretending to be Lin Shenling because-…”

Yan HeQing interrupted him again: “Xiao YuAn, look at me.”

Xiao YuAn didn’t have a choice, so in the end, he looked up at Yan HeQing. Originally, he thought that he would see the anger of having been manipulated by him within Yan HeQing’s eyes, but what he saw in those eyes was the same indifference as ever. However, within the depths of that indifference, he could see some other emotions; those emotions that were once very well hidden were now revealed to Xiao YuAn. Even if Xiao YuAn is foolish and doesn’t understand romance, he can clearly feel that Yan HeQing’s gaze was full of deep love and yearning.

Yan HeQing said. “In those days, I wasn’t blind and I already knew it was you the whole time. Everything I said about love, was for you.”

Xiao YuAn’s breath was stagnant, as he opened his mouth for a full minute without being able to say anything. After a brief moment, he suddenly half stood up, supporting his body on the table, shouting: “Yan HeQing! Jokes are supposed to be funny!”

Yan HeQing slightly narrowed his eyes, as his hand on top of the table slowly clenched: “Xiao YuAn, look at me. Do you think I’m joking?”

Xiao YuAn laughed dryly: “Yan-ge, I know that you blame me because I lied to you while we were on the mountain, but you don’t have to do this. Revenge is never the answer, if you don’t say the truth, then your innocence and honor will be gone. I-…”

“Xiao YuAn.” Yan HeQing interrupted him for the third time. “I love you.”