ALL NOVEL Chapter 17: Conquences, but Oh Well
Jiraiya was leaping from rooftop to rooftop disguised, if you can call it, wearing a green cloth tied under his nose like a stereotypical thief a disguise while wearing his regular clothes a disguise. He soon reached his destination, Naruto's apartment, and he entered through the window to Naruto still sleeping. As it was still several minutes until sunrise, the Fifth Hokage decided to poke around the apartment to get a read on Naruto's state, mainly to see if he had porno mags he could read while he waited.
Jiraiya had porno mags since he was nine before taking up his research early on before even taking up writing. He thought to himself as he examined the apartment.
" It's definitely well lived in, but what kind of kid doesn't have a porno mags!? He should be healthy enough and have an interest in girls by now. Oh? What's this?"
Jiraiya came across some scrolls on a display case and opened one to find it was a storage scroll, a crude one at that. He smiled as he thought.
" So he's already making Storage Seals because no shop would sell a Storage Scroll to a kid. He definitely takes after Kushina. Hmm, while still rough around the edges, it's still usable and safe. Maybe I should take the time to teach him properly. After all, it's a waste if he doesn't learn more advanced Sealing Formula if he's already making Seals this young."
Jiraiya then modified the Sealing Formula on the Scroll to extract its contents quietly. The Scroll was full of books, ink, and more scrolls. He took one of the books marked "Drawings Vol.1" and mentally shouted with glee.
" OH, YEAH, NO WONDER HE DIDN'T HAVE PORNO. I WOULDN'T EITHER IF I HAD A DRAWING SKILL THIS GOOD!"
The Fifth Hokage broke out into a lecherous grin as he saw the drawings of Naruto; while some were sketches of animals and environments, a few were of women, very beautiful women in very suggestive clothing, exposed lingerie, bunny suits, reverse bunny suits, skimpy nursing uniforms, maid outfits, sexualized Kuniochi with fishnet body stocking under a loose short skirt kimono, tight bodysuits, micro-bikinis, gothic lolita, and several others.
Jiraiya had a nosebleed at seeing the contents of the book and immediately took out his notebook to write down all these ideas for his next book. The Fifth Hokage immediately started rummaging through Naruto's drawings. His draw dropped when he found a drawing of Tsunade in what could be called a cross between a bikini and a nurse uniform ( insert Trick or Treatment craft essence from FGO). He looked back at the sleeping Naruto and took out a kunai to cut out the drawing for his own enjoyment, then put a 10000 Ryo bill in its place.
Jiraiya then set aside the drawings and moved on to some books that were in some kind of code he didn't recognize. He spent the better part of ten minutes trying to decipher it but with no luck and thought.
" This is no code a regular kid could come up with; it's probably not important, but I think I will have the Cipher Core try their hand at decoding it just out of curiosity."
It was written in English with a few modifications, but Jiraiya had no idea he was tossing a whole another language that no one spoke of in this world except Naruto onto the Cipher Core. This "code" would forever plague the Konoha's Cipher Core as being unsolvable since it was fundamentally built differently from the Quasi-Japanese this world used, but that is a story from another time.
The Fifth Hokage then puts everything back in the Scroll and takes out another one to analyze. This Scroll contained a variety of wooden weapons that were clearly handmade by Naruto, and Jiraiya quickly puts everything away before checking the time. While he was curious about what the other Scrolls contained, he put away his curiosity and waited for Naruto to wake up.
Naruto's alarm rang, and he slammed the snooze button before he started to rub his eyes while keeping them closed for a few moments longer. After a yawn, he pulled himself out of his bed and cracked his neck, then stretched his arm to pop his shoulders. The former Jinchūriki finally opened his eyes, and as he finally saw Jiraiya, the Fifth Hokage greeted the blonde.
" Well, good morning to y-."
Jiraiya didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before a Kunai he had under his pillow was thrown his way, and he barely dodged it as that was the last thing he expected to happen.
" ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME YOU STINKING BRAT!"
Naruto narrowed his eyes and debated what to do with his intruder but quickly decided to handle his uninvited guest the "fun" way. He then shouted for half of Konoha to hear.
" YOU THINK YOU CAN BARGE INTO MY APARTMENT AND STEAL FROM ME, YOU PETTY THIEF!"
The blonde threw more Kunai at the Fifth Hokage, and Jiraiya was having difficulty dodging in the narrow apartment with his large frame. Naruto then held a Kunai in reverse grip to stab downwardly at the intruder, but Jiraiya caught his arm and started to speak.
" Now listen, you brat, we need t-."
The blonde threw a punch at the Fifth Hokage's solar plexus, but the fist was caught by the intruder's free hand. Jiraiya was getting annoyed by Naruto's attempts to attack him and said.
" Would it kill you to calm d-?"
A wordless scream escaped the Fifth Hokage's mouth as the blonde kicked him in the balls. Unfortunately for both Jiraiya and Naruto, this is not the first the Toad Sage's family jewels were attacked, but it has been a while since someone dared to go for the Fifth Hokage's tender bits. Jiraiya lost all patience and snapped as he headbutted Naruto with all his might, then kicked his Godson onto the bed.
Because the Fifth Hokage did not hold back as much as he should, the blonde was knocked out. Jiraiya grumbled angrily while glaring at the passed-out Naruto.
" He takes way too much after Kushina. In fact, he's an even bigger spitfire than her. He may be the spitting image of Minato, but he has none of his father's charm."
The Fifth Hokage cupped his bruised balls gently as they still hurt from being kicked. Wincing at the pain, Jiraiya sent one more glare at Naruto before sitting down on the nearest chair in the connected dining room/kitchen. He then muttered.
" Now, how long am I supposed to wait for him to wake up now?"
The Fifth Hokage then grabbed one of the other Scrolls to peruse through its content while he waited for the blonde to wake up.
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I woke up with my head still hurting from that overgrown toad of a pervert's headbutt, and my gut was not much better from being kicked. However, I did enjoy kicking Jiraiya in the balls; that was just satisfying, especially if he is my Godfather and yet practically abandoned me. I didn't care about his reasons nor whether or not I am expecting too much. I was just being petty and spiteful.
I groaned as I got up and saw that Jiraiya was still in my apartment. He looked at me with an annoyed look before saying.
" Finally up are we? Now sit down, shut up, and listen, or else."
He ordered me, and I briefly debated digging the hole I probably am in deeper. You know what? I'm already in trouble for probably beating the living daylights out of that drunkard yesterday, and I just kicked the Hokage in the balls. Let's see how far I can go in ticking off this pervert.
" Who the heck are you?"
Jiraiya's brief, stunned expression at my question only fueled my desire to push his buttons and make the situation worse, as I honestly didn't care anymore. So long as I am not jailed or sent to ROOT, I can handle most other punishments. The Fifth Hokage frowned as he retorted.
" Very funny, you aren't getting out of this that easy. You attacked a civilian yesterday and-."
" No, seriously, who are you to take up the Fifth Hokage's appearance and tell me what to do? Even if I beat up some drunkard yesterday who was blaming all his problems on me, there is no way the Fifth Hokage would waste his time on some orphan attending the Shinobi Academy. He's too busy, and it's more likely that Lord Third would show up instead since I see him more often.
So you aren't fooling anyone. Beat it before I call for the ANBU on you for impersonating Lord Fifth."
Jiraiya opened his mouth and wordlessly closed it and then asked.
" Wait, makes you so certain that I am not the Hokage?"
" Same as I said before, he's too busy and is more likely to send someone in his place than come himself. After all, why in the world would he waste his time on some random kid?"
At my question, he narrowed his eyes and replied.
" Maybe because of the Will of Fire, where he regards you as a family like the rest of the village."
I scoffed and said.
" Funny, but the one thing I have come to learn about this family known as Konoha is that you don't have to like or even love it; you just have to accept and deal with it as best you can."
I kept my true thoughts on the matter under lock and key because the last thing I need is to be treated as a Flight Risk. After all, I would laugh as this shitty village burns if it was on fire, even throw a lit match to light it. Jiraiya sighed at what I said and then asked with exasperation.
" What would it take for you to believe me to that I am the actual Fifth Hokage and not some idiot impersonating him?"
" Pay me, and I will entertain your delusions."
I answered while holding out my hand, expecting payment from him. After all, you never have too much money in this world. I felt some satisfaction in seeing his eye twitching furiously, but he sighed and took out some Ryo.
" Here, you brat. Now, will you listen?"
I looked at the hundred Ryo coin in my hand and retorted.
" You have five seconds, go."
" Why, you little!"
Jiraiya bit his thumb and formed hand signs before shouting.
" SUMMONING JUTSU!"
A puff of smoke appeared, and a tongue shot out from the smoke, binding and gagging me. The smoke faded to reveal a giant toad. Well, it was easier than expected to make him snap. Now, what is he going to do now?
" Now listen here, you little punk, as the Fifth Hokage, you are placed under house arrest until further notice! Oh, and don't go thinking I'm some fake, either. You're getting your punishment in writing through the proper channels! Take the time to cool off, brat."
The Fifth Hokage walked out of my apartment, and a moment later, the Summon went away. I muttered to myself as the punishment was lighter than what I was expecting.
" Oh, well."
________________________________________
Jiraiya returned to the Hokage office while thinking about Naruto.
" He takes after Minato more than I thought. He was pressing my buttons on purpose, which means he was trying to get a read on my reactions."
The Fifth Hokage sighed with exasperation as he continued his thoughts.
" However, he definitely takes way too much after Kushina in terms of temperament. Bold and fierce, coupled with some of Minato's shrewdness and intelligence. He's going to be giving me and my successor headaches in the future."
With a wry smile, he thought back to his Godson's stance on the Will of Fire.
" You don't have to like or love your family. Just accept them as is, huh? I don't think I ever heard that one before when describing the Will of Fire. How jaded."
With another sigh, Jiraiya entered his office to see his Sensei and the other two Elders, Koharu and Homura, and bitterly thought.
" And I thought the paperwork was the worst thing about being Hokage, but having to deal with wrinkly old washed-up Shinobi who haven't seen action in almost three decades is more unpleasant. At least paperwork doesn't talk back and state its opinions like it is it's goddamn right. Stuck in their ways and entitled to a fault, what a combination. I wonder if the other Kage has to with this shit too."
Koharu was the first to ask what the Elders wanted.
" Jiraiya, how was the former Jinchūriki? Regretting his actions, I hope."
The Fifth Hokage couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Naruto, who dared to kick the Hokage himself in the balls, regretting anything, let alone beating a drunkard almost to death. Homura frowned and demanded with a calm tone.
" What's so funny?"
" You know what? If you're so curious, go see Naruto yourselves."
Jiraiya retorted as he imagined how that meeting would go. In fact, he honestly hoped they did go see his Godson and watch the show from his crystal ball. He could use a laugh at the Elder's expense. Hiruzen then asked.
" What is Naruto's punishment?"
" House arrest until further notice."
The Fifth Hokage answered evenly and sat down, frowning at the mountain of paperwork in front of him. The former Third Hokage had to do away with the new secretaries to help maintain the secret of Naruto no longer being a Jinchūriki. As Jiraiya ready himself for the slog of paperwork, the female Elder said.
" Jiraiya, there is another matter to be discussed."
" What?"
The Fifth Hokage impatiently replied and briefly considered changing Naruto's punishment to taking care of the Elders to let him be a complete mence to them. Homura answered.
" Reinstating Danzo as an Elder of Konoha."
" No."
Jiraiya stated coldly, as he wasn't having it. He had enough on his plate and didn't need that old hawk planning his downfall so he could be Hokage. In fact, the Fifth Hokage felt it was the best decision his Sensei made before passing on the hat to him. The two more experienced Elders bristled at him with displeasure, and Jiraiya said coldly.
" Danzo is the last thing Konoha needs right now, let alone ROOT, as all of the village needs to be on the same page now more than ever, and Danzo would divide it for his own benefit."
" But Danzo loves the village more than anything, Jiraiya. He might have made a few missteps, but it was all for the sake of the village above all else."
Hirizen defended his old comrade, and the Fifth Hokage briefly wondered what his Sensei was smoking. Jiraiya firmly puts his foot down.
" My answer is still the same, Sensei, and it won't change. Danzo is staying put."
The Elders weren't giving up as they continued to press the issue, much to the Fifth Hokage's annoyance.
________________________________________
Danzo sat in his home office and sipped his tea before ordering.
" Report."
" Yes, Lord Danzo."
The ROOT Ninja replied and told his master all of the village's happenings to date and speculations. The Shinobi of Darkness dismissed his ROOT operative and frowned with restrained anger as he thought.
" Jiraiya being Hokage continues to be a thorn in my side. Despite the persuasion of the Elders, I'm was still under house arrest with little to no political power. My plans are delayed, and I can't make any major moves; otherwise he will sniff me out."
Danzo continued his thoughts on his current scheme to reclaim power and become Hokage.
" I just need to wait for Suna to be more desperate than they are now, and they will become my pawn. Orochimaru is steadily making inroads to Kumo, and once he has an alliance with them, I can start my plans in earnest. I will be the Hokage Konoha deserves and needs. None will stop me!"
The Shinobi of Darkness broke his cup by gripping it too tight and spilled his tea. Danzo's one visible eye opened to reveal a cold and ruthless light.