I am Peter Parker

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***

Despite the worlds distributor's strange resentment, the day went pretty well, and I ended up going home with the day's wages and a stack of books.

For the first time, I noticed the number of women around - yes, there really are quite a few, and yes, they are quite attractive. But I don't have much time to chase skirts - school, work, and I have to rest. Maybe someday.

Not that I've ever been popular, not in my past life, not in this one. Then again, I never really cared much for it. Why did the worlds distributor have to load my head with it?

- Ahhhh... - Sighing heavily, I continued to walk peacefully towards my abode.

.....

When I reached the house, I found, to my surprise, that the front door was open. Pushing aside the silly thought that I might not have locked it when I left in the morning, with some caution, I stepped inside. Probably now, strength above an eight could come in handy.

I heard furious shouting in the living room, and a slight illumination from the TV running. Everything fell into place at once. It wasn't thieves. Not rapists. Or even murderers. It was someone scarier than all of them put together.

Without thinking, I decided to get the hell out of the house. And maybe spend the night in the park if the landlady wouldn't let me do it at the bookstore.

*(Squeaks)

When I was let down by my lack of dexterity and stepped on a creaking floorboard.

- Huh? Brother, is that you?

.....

Finally, having dispelled the gloom with the light, I pressed the switch. I began to practise my slave position as big brother. Namely, making goodies for one little one. I used to like it, because she was a cute little thing, but then, like all kids, she grew up and became a teenager.

Plus, she's also one of those anime people. So she's always watching her Chinese porno movies at my place. Even her "little brother" comes from there, not "Hey, you" like normal little sisters.

- What are you watching?

- "Slutty Princess and the Mockingbird Cat."

- Is this another dumb thriller? Like the one where the schoolgirl always falls on shy men? Or the one where another schoolgirl ends up with a sealed dragon in her hand and she's in the service of a demon prince? Or the one where a schoolgirl is cursed by a cat statue and has to... That one was good, though.

- Yeah, yeah, abs and booty are dumb fanservice and shit, and blood and guts are good and not fanservice at all. - I don't know why she said that, I guess it was just something she said.

- It's time to eat. - After I finished the rice omelette, I put the plates on the table and called out to this social casualty.

- Where's the ketchup? That's not canon at all, bro, what are you doing?

Exhaling heavily, I cast a glance towards the freezer, where my supposed dinner tonight, which would take no more than five minutes to make, was imprisoned.

.....

- Itadakimas~

- Yeah, nice one.

- By the way, I saw in your eyes....

- Chew it first. Talking with your mouth full is rude.

- I'm telling you, I saw a site you bookmarked with the tag "reverse harem".

That's-- That's not true. That's not true at all.

- Chew and don't talk.

- Boooo~

....

- So, bro, what are we watching? "My little brother can't be that cute" or "My sissy morality complex can't be stopped"?

- Can we get something not about incest?

- Anime without incest, geez, bro, you're funny.

- Okay, you pick one, I'm gonna go take a shower.

- Do you want a back rub?

- No!

.....

Throughout the night, my insatiable sister kept me awake. Yes, it was what you might think - a binge night of anime watching.

We watched a huge amount of stuff, from about a quarter of a season of Gintama onwards, and it was hard. When I'd fall asleep, I'd get my nostrils closed, my mouth closed, tickled or have an earpiece in my ear and a strong but hoarse voice would shout - "Moiyooyo! Ta-da!"

- Whoa, okay, bro, I'm going home to sleep it off. - If anything, for reasons not entirely clear, we're separated. - It was fun, let's do it again sometime~

- Hey, little thing... - She gave me a look that literally said, "Geez, bro, you're such a tsundere," which made me want to throw a trainer at her. - Don't forget about school, so don't get too much sleep.

- Jesus, bro, it's the day off. Did you forget?

- ...

This little thing.

Cost me the day off?

...

- WHAT FOR?!

- Brother, you'll wake up the neighbours. Have some decorum, really.

- ... - I'm glad we're separated, though. I don't have many trainers....

.....

When I opened my eyes, I immediately wanted to die. It was half past five in the afternoon. Back and forth, and I would have to go to bed again to be fresh tomorrow. Plus, now I'd have to go down to the ground floor and put away all the chocolate wrappers, chip packets, soda bottles..... How does such a tiny body hold so much food?

All in all, today is not a happy day.

- Huh?

As I pulled on my jeans, I inadvertently looked out the window. Where a curious pair of green eyes beneath my red hair were staring at me intently.

I waved at my classmate-neighbour with a smile. She panicked, shook her head from side to side, and fell down with a loud noise, seemingly tripping over something. Oh, those high school kids with their hormones.

.....

It took me about fifteen minutes to decide between frying eggs and bacon and toast, or heating up the instant pizza I'd planned for dinner last night. Well since I was chased to the shop last night for a rice omelette, I then decided to shop for myself as well. One of the most reckless decisions of my life that I repeat time and time again. It's not that I don't enjoy cooking, it's just that doing it for myself alone..... You know. And when you have food in your fridges, it's hard to just throw it away - you can't do that with food. So all you have to do is.

- Wait a minute.

Did I spend fifteen minutes on this whole thing? Really? That's, like, a third of a page.

- Is my life that empty?

Maybe that's why the worlds distributor was so angry last night. He's disappointed in me because I'm living a useless life, aimless!

- How can you achieve happiness by living day after day?!

That's right! In my previous life, I was a stupid loser, unemployed and with no prospects! Always sitting around doing nothing and striving for nothing! But now it's going to be different! This time my life will not be aimless! I'll reach the heights and I'll be proud of myself!

- But...

What exactly do I want to achieve? What do I want to become? It's hard, because I'm completely satisfied with my humdrum life and working in a bookshop.... Rubbish! This swamp of comfort just won't let me go!

- I know!

I'm gonna start exercising! That's a good start, though. I'll start running in the mornings and exercising, maybe start doing some gymnastics. God! I sound like a pro athlete!

- Damn, it's burning!

While I was trying my best to prevent myself from having a burnt breakfast for dinner, I had a resolution in my head to start exercising.....

Starting Monday... I will!

**"The Devil May Roar" - bar**

- Anyway, my popadan got his balls cut off by a chick when he tried to hit on her, lol.

- And mine got frustrated with anime girls because they wouldn't let him, and started dating a kun, lol.

- No no, mine is the best, he tried to build a harem, thought he was building a harem, thought all his members were in love with him. And in the end, every one sent him to the ! Lol-lol-lol-lol-lol!

- No! Mine's the funniest! He got into the world of sword and magic and died thinking the system is cooler than skills and experience, loloooooooooooooooooooool!

- So that's the standard story. Everyone wants to be Marty Stu, but they don't realise that even with boosts, life isn't going to be easy.

- Yeah. Just like they don't realise that they can't be assholes, laying down on others and treating them as nothing more than things, and still be the charmer everyone loves.

- Yeah. They wanted justice in their world, but in their mind, justice is when everything revolves around them and they do the same.

- Well, at least they're not all like that, but-- They're so annoying.

- Jeez.

- Like.

- Signed.

- ...

Five buddies working as world distributors, as usual after a long day's work, gathered at a local bar to relax and wash the bones of negligent underlings.

- Hey, Eroil, what's up? You're not wearing a face, lol.

- And you're kind of quiet.

- What, you got a special someone? Tell me.

- How-- - friends bent over Eroil. - How lucky you all are! - only to jump away from his shout, covering their ears.

- What, is it that much of a lost cause?

- He doesn't want to fuck! Shag! Fuck! Letting his one-eyed snake out for a walk in the caves!

- ...?! All four of us were stunned by that statement, as were the rest of the bar's customers.

- I gave him a tidy appearance! I sent him to a world with legions of women. I gave him an all-inclusive rate.

- All-inclusive?!

The main task of world distributors is to teach souls lessons that they could not learn in their past lives or did not have the opportunity to learn. With the sole purpose of educating the purest, brightest souls possible.

The "All-Inclusive" tariff - was given to already quite pure, light souls, which are met one in several millions. And then, usually, they try to harden it anyway. Or those who've been through more than one world, learnt more than one lesson.

- Y-you're sure the boss can punish you for that.

- It's okay. He has a high percentage of good deeds. Well, as far as actions go.

- Well, he can always play the card - "It was to teach him love"; or some other nonsense. - put in a remark from one of Eroil's mates.

- 'The worst thing about that chap is this ... That he doesn't notice anything around him at all..... He turns a blind eye to everything that doesn't interest him, as if it doesn't exist at all!...

- Come on, it can't be that bad.

- You think so? He still doesn't even realise whose identity I gave him in that world. A key character from the Marvel universe. - the four friends were left shocked by what they heard.

- No way!

- The same one.

- There's no way that he's--

- Falcon Eye?!

- ...

- ...

- ...

- Are you stupid?

- N-but I like Hawkeye.

- Fool.

** Monday morning**

Sitting at the table, I slowly finished the rest of my pizza. Occasionally, I would glance at my watch... Just for no particular reason. Of course, I could hurry up and still have time to go for a run, but.... Food should be eaten slowly and chewed thoroughly.

- I'M NOT SATISFIED!

Quite suddenly, the world stopped again and the voice of the world distributor sounded. It seems like I should have started running after all.... And how did he know...?