I am Peter Parker

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***

**Edna Brock**

- Grrr... - That jerk made me bite my nails. Where the hell is he?! He's been gone over an hour.

Could something have happened to him in this club that looks like a brothel? Although why would, and what bad thing could happen to a young guy under something in a nice jumper over a naked body in a club that looked like a brothel, in the most crime-ridden area of New York City...?

*♪ Biiiiiiiiiiiip ♪

I hit my head on the steering wheel. Surprisingly, it didn't do anything but wake up the drunks in the back alleys. But what can I do? The only thing is to go to that club myself, but....

- It's creepy, it looks like a brothel. - and I sent the boy there anyway.

*♪ Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip ♪

You should at least get the full name, you can't call the hospitals or read the obituary...

**Peter. In a taxi.

Interesting point, sometimes I'm wrong. For example, when I thought that coming out of a club with two girls with not just prospects, but agreed coitus, I should expect to be snogged and kissed in the car - I was wrong. Very wrong.

- How often are you lucky enough to get a lift from a good-looking bloke? - Instead, I sat in the driver's seat in front of her and began to actively, verbally harass her.

- N-N-No, n-N-Not very often. - And while she, like many girls before her, answered stammeringly, unlike them there was no blush on her cheeks at all, on the contrary her face was losing colour more and more with every glance in the rear view mirror.

- You all right in there? - Which was strange, for when I looked back I was met with nicely smiling girls. Is the driver as well as the bartender also aware of their secret identities? If so, they're pretty bad at being supervillains, maybe they should even consider a career change. Become baristas, for example...

- Why don't you join us? - Electro suggested with a smile as Scorpius moved over to make room for me.

- And leave your Kitten? - My body shifted its gaze to the driver, who was drenched in sweat, no longer looking at the road and staring solely at the mirror.

- I don't mind, I can even stop on the side of the road, I can not only stop, I can even go somewhere for a couple of hours, days? - Is it safe to walk around Harlem at night? Or leave your car with strangers?

- Nonsense, I would never leave my Kitty! - Yeah, right, tell that to Brock.

- N-n-n-no, please.

.....

For some it was a fast road, but for the driver it was certainly a long one, a lifetime of memories, you could tell by the look in his eyes, and we arrived at a nice, for Harlem, hotel.

The supervillains rushed to pay for the taxi as soon as I offered a kiss in payment, but the driver gave the gas and drove away at full speed, with the look of a man saving his life.

The decoration of the hotel inside was spotty, but at least the lobby was clean, which gave me hope that the rooms in the ultraviolet light wouldn't look like an alien and a few space troopers had been killed in them.

- A room with a large bed and a mirror on the ceiling. - Ha, it'll be over soon enough, soon enough these delusional effects will wear off. The key is to repeat it more often....

Once again passing through the stage where I offer my body for goods or services, and supervillains do not look threateningly from behind my shoulder, we went up in the lift and walked along the hall with doors to our room.

Inside the room with the dim pink light, things took a strange turn.

- ...

- ...

- ...

We stood in it with pensive expressions, like a colloquium of virgins. The girls held each other, waiting for me to take the initiative, while shying away from their friend. My body, on the other hand... God knows what's going on in his brain-...somewhere. Probably thinking of ways to loosen them up?

- That's right, music! - My body clapped its hands, which frightened the supervillains, and started searching for music to set the mood. I wondered if they were doing their job, if they were jumping up and down when they clapped.

* Saxophone sounds *

Obviously, the only music I could think of was '80s porn. Well, at least it wasn't Toto, Mayflower, Elton John or who else our grandfathers used to lose their virginity to in cars.

Okay, my body is going to the girls to meet me, so I guess this is where I lose my virginity. Well, here's to grandfathers, as they say.

I came close to Electro, put my arm around her waist and reached forward for a kiss, while I remembered about the piercing in her mouth and wondered how it would feel. However, the girl pulled her head back under the gaze of her friend, who was blushing up to her earlobes.

So my body switched to Scorpia, hugging her around the waist and starting a movement towards her, generally shining with originality. Apparently being more tactful than her friend, Electro looked at us obliquely, turning her head towards the bed. And even so...

- Hmm...

- Hee hee...

When my lips almost touched Scorpia's, she started to giggle, with an inappropriately startled expression, as if the laughter was coming out of her like a hiccup, unchecked.

Well, even though I'd never imagined it, I didn't think drunken sex after a club could be a problem, other than passing out, or when a girl uses you half the night for free booze and then goes off into the sunset, or rather the dawn, to sleep it off.

- How much have you had to drink to be so tense?

- Well. Two glasses? - Scorpius replied.

- You can't get too drunk in fifteen minutes.... - Electro added.

Haa... Why do I feel so pleased that my narcissistic body has sat in a puddle? It makes me want to jump on the spot like a little child and shout at the top of my voice:

- "Loser! You've got it coming! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Wow, that's kind of villainous, isn't it? Maybe I'm more of a villain than they are. Although the life of a supervillain is a little too hectic for me.

- Well, why don't you grab something from the minibar to relax?

- Well... - Scorpius averted her eyes.

- We got the room without a bar because it's cheaper. - And so did Electro, who finished her sentence.

Ha! Gosh, it's fun when a character gets in the way of the character's goal... Whoa, wait a second.

- You got a room without a bar? I feel cheap. - says the body offering to pay in kind for the clothes, and the taxi, and the hotel room itself.

- ... - I think the girls were thinking the same thing. It's a little hurtful. It's one thing to think that about yourself, but it's another when other people think that about you.

- Kggh! If there's nothing else to do, there's only one way out!

*(fabric crackles)

My body ripped my clothes again, haha, leaving me naked. What am I going to wear outside now?

- ... - The girls blushed slightly, looked down, and then looked away.

- What?! - My own body was pierced with shock. I wonder why? Did it expect them to immediately jump on me like in a cheap porno?!

Well anyway, the situation is quite similar to the average loss of virginity - we're all very embarrassed.

- You know. Well. - Scorpius began, covering her eyes with her palm, but for some reason she held it against her forehead, as if she were hiding her gaze rather than covering it. - So how have you... Erm.

- Well. Maybe you-- Should lead us. I mean. - Electro would look down not on purpose, come to her senses, meet my gaze, and immediately take it to the wall to repeat the cycle later. - You have more experience...

- I'm actually a virgin.

- ...

- ...

Don't give up on my body, I'm sure you're almost there, and I'm not being funny! Totally.

- Come again? - Looking me in the eye this time, Electro said.

- It's my first time. But don't worry, you don't have to be gentle with me. - The girls froze once again with blank expressions, go on, body, I can feel the impending coitus.... Not yours, of course, but the couple in the next room, but okay. - Don't worry, Kittens, I can fuck you right up. - said the virgin, lol.

- What are you n-... - Electro started to say, but was interrupted by her friend.

- How can you be so negligent about your first time?! - who, putting her hand to her, unlike mine, clothed breasts, looked at me with a serious look. - What about feelings? Love? The first intimate night should be with a special person!

Firstly, I agree, in principle. I'd add, about the connection between casual sex and sexually transmitted diseases, but I'll keep silent. Secondly, are you guys supervillains?! Seriously, there's more gloating in my thoughts about my own body than your behaviour this night!

- Hey... We're actually virgins too... - gave Scorpia a leering look from her friend.

- That's different. - she waved her hand back at her.

I'm seeing a suspiciously high number of virgins, like I'm living in a world created by an anime fetishist. Well, Eroil fits the definition, doesn't he?

- How can a guy feel good about being touched by a random girl?! - Scorpia, with her former confidence, approached me closely and touched me.... - Oh!.....

- Wow... It grew so fast... - Just as Electro's face turned red in an instant, the atmosphere in the room suddenly changed, clearly not for the better for me....

- Mm-hmm! - Scorpia's eyes were so deep, and her breath was so warm that I reached up for a deep kiss.

- Ahh... - followed by Elektra by the waist and hugged her. - Mhmmm...

Having worked as a seamstress's assistant before, I easily managed to unbutton women's dresses with one hand, placing both palms on the firm thighs of two supervillains.

- Mm-hmm! - distracted by Scorpia's kisses, I slid my palm along Elektra's entire body, ending the movement on a small breast with a nipple erupting.

- Mhmmm!... - when it was Elektra's turn to be kissed, my palm went higher, caressing Scorpia's ears and face.

Our breathing, which had entered into the same rhythm, became faster and faster, our faces reddened, our eyelids drooped lustfully, and our hands reached for each other's bodies.

- Mhmmmmm... - Scorpius bit her lips and rested her palm on my chest, running her fingernails lightly over it.

- Mnhmmm... - Electro ruffled the hair on my head, trailing her tongue around mine.

Tension reached boiling point, and I lifted the girls from behind, throwing them onto the bed. The surprise on their faces was replaced by laughter on landing, and then the faces of vicious desire returned.

I was about to rush to follow as.....

- Stop... - a realisation dawned on me.

- Erm... Is something wrong?

- Do you have a condom?

The girls looked at each other with a confused look, waved their heads, and then turned back to me with strained smiles.

- You know... - Scorpius started.

- We didn't really expect this kind of outcome. - Electro continued after her. - And then you took us by surprise. But don't worry.

- Today is our safe days.

- ... - I stared at them for a few minutes, my tension finally dropping. - Yeah, sure, safe days.... Right...

Putting on my dressing gown, I waved at them, wished them a good evening and went outside, where.....

- Stop... - I had the following epiphany, which was confirmed upon inspection. - How long has it been since the effects have subsided and I'm in control of myself...?

*****

Since the heroines had little or nothing left to do, they turned their hopes over to the police patrol, for their involvement would most likely result in a popular commotion. Of course, that only meant that they couldn't go looking for Peter as a group, but a few heroines could very well go on their own. However...

- Halt! - if it was Joanna Storm.

- Freeze! - or Terry Stark.

Each is mired headfirst in the squabbles that constantly occur in New York City, saving other civilians in this seven million person metropolis that is home to someone who isn't Peter Parker, however common that name may be.

After all, they're heroines for a reason, right? Right? Anyway, they get bogged down in a superhero routine with epic battles with criminals and stuff, which is boring... Objectively boring, isn't it? It is. Absolutely so...