chapter 38
38 – Sanctuary of Hybras (5)
[Sirien Ilencia]
“But what is the relationship between you and your older brother? Are you dating?”
“What, what what what…… What?”
“Are you two dating? “Then have you ever kissed?”
“Kiss! If a child says something like that, you can’t use it!”
What is he saying now?
A squeaky sound came out of nowhere. My face felt so hot that I even fanned my hands.
I wanted to scold this cheeky kid right away, but Rajen reacted coldly next to her.
“We are not dating. “We were just childhood friends since childhood.”
“La, Razen is my knight. Stand, stand…… “Is it strange that a saint goes around with a knight?”
“Ah, I see. She was just asking because she was curious. I thought they were dating because they were hanging out so closely. “It was the same when I first saw the saint.”
“Because Rajen was sick at that time!”
When I first saw Luan, right after completing the deal with the Guardian.
In other words, it was a time when Rajen was in danger.
Looking back, I was quite sharp.
Even when Melissa tried to wipe Rajen’s sweat, she slapped him away so hard.
She couldn’t put her mind down at all, as if enemies surrounded her on all sides. She was afraid that if she took her eyes off him even for a moment, she would lose Razen.
– Don’t you dare touch me!
– I heard you sweat a lot…….
– I will do it myself. Move. If Rajen hurts you any more, she will never forgive you.
– Then, I will bring you some warm water.
It was just an expression of that fear.
I didn’t want to lose Razen again. Because it’s my precious article. Because we are only friends and understand each other.
But I thought you were dating?
So, to other people, it looks like Rajen and I are lovers?
Her mind became complicated. Even when she wasn’t thinking about anything, all kinds of random thoughts came rushing in at once and cluttered her mind.
It felt like I could hear a strange noise in my ears.
The world spun. I wanted to stamp her foot, but I thought she would look strange if I did so, so I had to hold back.
The sun was shining for no reason.
Somewhere in her heart. Or cheeks. Sometimes the inside of her throat kept tickling.
Let’s stay calm. First of all, you’ve succeeded in making excuses.
Razen said I was his childhood friend. I made the excuse that Rajen was my driver and that was why she went with him.
‘Excuse? Did she think this was an excuse?’
I don’t like it.
The kid who asked the question quickly nodded and agreed, but I was the only one who was like this.
Something felt bad. I can’t explain it specifically, but I was strangely annoyed.
I bit her lip without thinking. It hurt. She was lucky as long as she was sick, but she hated the whole world for no reason.
It seemed like the tree next to me was laughing at me.
I think I’ll just cut it off. You know that the only weapon I’m good at is an axe, right?
An ax is a weapon originally created to cut down trees. No matter how strong you are, you won’t be able to withstand if I keep hitting you.
Take care of yourself before you get angry.
The cheeky, obnoxious, rude and profane little boy was also a problem.
With my mind wandering like this, Luan quickly turned her attention elsewhere.
“Oh, that’s Aunt Melissa. I think he’s calling me. “I’ll go!”
“Yes. “Go carefully so you don’t fall.”
“See… ….”
Are you running away? Should you not miss it?
Rajen let Luan go as if nothing was wrong.
I was a little dissatisfied with that too.
In the end, I was the only one who was agitated here.
If I do this, I just seem like a narrow-minded woman.
Razen very carefully came into my field of vision.
“Sirien? “Are you angry?”
“That can’t be possible. There’s no way I got angry all of a sudden. There’s no reason to be angry. Right?”
“I just didn’t look good.”
“How can it be bad?”
“No…… “I guess I saw it wrong.”
“Yes. “You must have seen it wrong.”
I’m not sure.
I don’t know why I’m like this, and I don’t even know why I got angry at what the kid said.
What kind of relationship do I want with Rajen?
At first, I wanted to have Razen as my own knight. So yesterday, we had an investiture ceremony just for the two of us.
I was happy. Because she had achieved a long-held wish.
Each step was as light as if we were walking in a dream, as if the hill we were on had become a cloud.
At that moment, only me and Rajen existed in my world.
I felt like I could live forever in that kind of world.
‘Why were you embarrassed when asked if you were dating?’
The question of whether you are dating probably means something like that. Are you in love with each other?
Love. I’ve heard it often, but I’m not sure what it means.
My parents clearly loved each other. I could tell just by looking at the eyes of the two people. Affection dripped from both gazes.
And my parents loved me too. I definitely grew up receiving love.
Both were love. It is said that the love between men and women and the love between parents and children are different, but how are they different?
A night when the stars appeared in full bloom.
I once heard similar words from her mother, who was sitting in a rocking chair.
When her mom and dad first asked her how they met.
– We met at the debutante. They were already engaged at that time, and her mother fell in love with her first.
– Really? What was your dad like back then? Was it super cool?
– Your father was as sharp as the winter wind. He acted as if he had gathered all the chill from the whole world. I don’t know how much I made the other ladies cry.
– Did you do that to your mom too?
– No. I thought she was engaged to a scary person, but she treated me warmly. I was so scared that I was always about three steps away. I never dreamed that I would fall in love with just those three steps.
It happened around the time I was only five years old.
At that time, my mother looked at the sky and smiled warmly. It was a smile that seemed to radiate warm happiness.
I envied her mother’s smile.
To the extent that I thought that someday I would like to become a person who smiles like that.
– Sirien. Love is an emotion that changes life completely. It blocks your eyes and ears, makes things that you took for granted not natural, and makes things that were good bad.
– From good to bad…… Yes?
– My mom thought that the three steps he guarded so tightly were a barrier that protected me. I thought I was safe as long as that person was watching the three steps. But as time passed, I started hating the three steps.
– Did your dad act hateful towards your mom?
– No. Dad was the same as usual. He was a very polite fiancé. Her mom liked it too. I thought there should be courtesy and class between men and women. That thought is still the same. But it wasn’t always good.
Her mother’s hand held my hand tightly.
Perhaps because of those memories, I also held Rajen’s hand.
Rajen was embarrassed but silently obeyed.
Only then did the core of my heart melt. It was absurd.
I can’t believe that my mind, which was so complicated and twisted, could be resolved so easily.
I felt like I could hear my mother’s words clearly in my ears.
– Now that we know each other enough, it would be okay to come a little closer. Two steps, not three. Maybe it would be okay to narrow it down to one step. That’s what I thought. I could never have resented the wall that had protected me so much.
– So your dad came to you?
– No. You’re such a stone-faced person. She is so clueless that she doesn’t know how much this mother has suffered.
-She was like that to her mom last time too. Dad says he doesn’t care.
– Then. He’s such a tactless person. My mind is always fickle, but that person was unwavering. I hate you, but I don’t hate you. I want you to come closer, but I also want you to stay far away. Still, Sirien. There are things about the heart that you only realize after shaking and complaining so many times.
I hated Razen sometimes, but I couldn’t hate her either.
It was the same when he called me his ‘childhood friend.’ She didn’t seem to like how Rajen introduced me.
To be honest, she had no crime against Razen. She was all complaining about me.
– The important thing is not mind-blowing complaints, Sirien. Why do I want to complain so much? No matter where you look in the world, you will only see one person, and no matter what music you listen to, only one person will be heard. When that time comes, you will know.
– Which one?
– Love.
“Razen. “I have something I want to say.”
“Huh?”
“So…… Nana.”
“Me?”
“You bad guy, go slow! “My legs hurt.”
“Oh, sorry.”
As expected, I couldn’t admit it.
Me, I like Rajen? You want to accept Razen as a woman, not as a childhood friend?
I love Razen?
I can never admit it.
If that happens, everything I’ve done to you so far will become courtship and confession.
That is impossible. My pride can’t tolerate it.
So I didn’t fall in love first.
Rajen I just want to accept you if you confess your love to me.
Just wait and see. I finally got you as a knight. It’s not that difficult to take you in as a whole.
“Give me your arm, not your hand. “I’m going to hold on because it’s hard.”
“Uh…… Okay.”
Until then, I didn’t know.
I didn’t think our relationship would make any progress after more than four years.