chapter 46
46 – first love
Ed tilted his head.
I just called his name, but he reacted furiously saying ‘I didn’t do anything!?’
Edser couldn’t help but be a little bewildered.
“ah! Sorry, drool for a while! hahahaha, I go to bed early!”
In response, Enya hurriedly tried to deal with it.
I fell asleep for a while.
‘Idiot! Who falls asleep in 30 seconds after lying down!’
However, Enya, who belatedly realized that her hastily made excuses were ineffective, and with a tear-stained expression shouted, “Die! Die!’ he shouted inwardly, biting his index finger.
It was now clear that Ed really was going to treat him like an eccentric.
“Oh yeah? You look tired. Is it because you sweat a lot?”
Fortunately, Ed didn’t seem to mind it.
Assuming that he was just tired, he assumed that he fell asleep in an instant.
At this, Enya let out a sigh of relief, and vowed again and again not to make any real mistakes.
And while making that promise, Ed’s next words continued.
“Rather than that, do you have any concerns? Your expression looked serious earlier.”
…the expression you made earlier.
Enya knew what the words meant.
The gloomy expression he had on the feeling of being alienated as the gap with Ed gradually widened.
Ed was asking about that expression.
“No~ don’t worry. I guess it was just because I was tired.”
However, Enya did not want to find out about her pathetic heart.
To think that he, who was called a swordsman’s genius, had such an inferiority complex.
I wanted to show only a cool and sophisticated look to the person I like.
‘Should I just be honest with you?’
But on the other hand, I also wanted to express my concerns.
Ed is a dependable person who excels in many ways.
Rather, I wanted to tell him about my concerns and solve this situation that seemed to be stuck.
Enya needed an advisor to listen to her concerns.
“Hey… Ed. Are you sleeping?”
“···no.”
So, 20 minutes later, Enya called Ed again.
And he spoke honestly about his feelings.
Then Ed answered.
“Well. You were looking at me very high. In fact, I am no different from others.”
“…?”
But Ed’s answer was unexpected.
Are you no different from others?
If he was no different from the others who filled up his hexagonal stats in many ways, it was as if there was no one in the world who could be called special.
“Kuk-kuk. Do you think I can’t believe it?”
But as if he had used mind reading, Ed smiled and pointed out his thoughts.
And then he said the following.
“Actually, I have failed so many times. too many to count.”
Ed, who had only tasted a complete failure while playing ‘El Pandor Runeterra’.
The reason I have the confidence I have now is because I continued to challenge myself despite all the failures.
Such challenges accumulated, and I was able to take first place in the rankings, and based on that, I was able to get ridiculous fraudulent items called ‘Mechanic Blueprint’ and ‘Creator’s Hammer’.
“It’s just that you can’t see it, I failed miserably. Frustrated and despaired.”
“…that you could do that, I’m amazed.”
But Enya couldn’t even imagine.
Ed’s frustrated and desperate look.
Ed replied with a smile.
“If you look at it closely, what I do is also a series of failures. Research and experiments are bound to be accompanied by failure.”
“Ah… even with what you’re doing…”
“uh. Remember the entropy we talked about before?”
entropy.
There was no way I couldn’t remember.
Enya had never forgotten that conversation in Ed’s lab.
“yes. remember.”
“Then do you remember that too? That the universe is designed to always increase entropy.”
“Of course I remember.”
“yes. Then it will be easier to understand. So, the fact that the universe is designed to have ever-increasing entropy means that we’ve been thrown into an environment where we’re bound to fail over and over again. The degree of disorder will continue to increase.”
“…”
…But maybe it’s because it’s a concept I haven’t heard in a while.
To be honest, Enya didn’t understand.
Since the entropy of this universe keeps increasing, we are thrown into an environment where we have no choice but to fail.
what the heck does that mean
“hahahaha, isn’t it a bit difficult?”
But Ed noticed this and asked.
Enya scratched her cheek and replied.
“yes. I don’t know yet…”
“Well···. Then I’ll give you an easy example. What do you think is the standard for a beautiful face?”
····A beautiful face?
It was an easy question.
Enya listed her criteria for a beautiful face as she spoke.
Before long, Ed, who had heard all of Enya’s conditions, answered.
“yes. Are there too many conditions? As a result, beautiful faces have some similarities. There are a lot of difficult conditions for a face that we feel is beautiful, and people who meet all of them inevitably have similarities somewhere. An ugly face, on the other hand, is ugly for so many different reasons. Eyes, nose, mouth, face size, proportions, condition, hair thinning. Even if only one condition is violated, you can’t help but feel ugly.”
When I thought about it, it was like that.
Ugly people are ugly for so many different reasons.
All beautiful people are beautiful for similar reasons.
“At home too. All happy families are happy for similar reasons, but each unhappy family is unhappy for its own reasons.”
“…that’s right.”
“Making my suit is like that too. Even if one screw is missing, or if the formula calculation is slightly off, the suit will not be able to fully function. When hundreds of screws and joints all functioned without a hitch. It will be a fully functioning suit.”
Ed said that and caught his breath.
Enya seems to have followed her own words, so it was her turn to draw conclusions.
“So I mean, there are so many ways to fail. Because the world is moving towards chaos. Success is ultimately the process of finding an order.”
“The process of finding order…”
“yes. But the process of finding order is not easy. Even if you manage to find an order, in the end, entropy will increase and become disorderly as time passes. For example, even if one order of marriage is reached, there are many couples who end up ruining before long. As time passed, the disorder between the two increased, and the form of marriage was lost. My suit will eventually stop functioning as the parts wear out and corrode over time. No matter how great an invention is, it is bound to flow in the direction of losing order in the end.”
Enya suddenly felt a deep fear.
It seemed that this universe harbored a deep malice towards humans.
All of the human heritage and brilliant civilizations are destined to eventually lose their shape and scatter in disorder.
I could feel the sense that my will and will were broken by such nihilistic thoughts.
“However, there is only one thing that goes against the chaos of the universe.”
But then, Ed said something meaningful.
Something that goes against the chaotic universe.
Enya asked what it was.
After a while, Ed answered.
“Human will. It is the human will to find order.”
“…”
“A couple that has lost the form of marriage that we mentioned earlier. Will the couple end as they are? No, they never end up like that. Humans are creatures that cannot stand disorder. We will eventually find order while colliding, breaking, and despairing. Perhaps they can be reunited to form a stronger form.”
Enya’s mouth opened slowly.
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Little by little I seemed to understand why Ed could be such an outstanding person.
He was telling himself the importance of an unshakable will.
That is the spirit of a baldojae that does not succumb to any trials!
“So, if you don’t give up, you will find a way. Even if you fail dozens, hundreds, or thousands of times, you only have to succeed once.”
Enya clenched her fists.
In the meantime, I compared myself to the people around me and reflected on what I felt intimidated by myself.
In the end, all of this was just to go on your own path without wavering, just as Ed said.
No matter how far ahead others were, no matter how badly he failed to catch up with Ed, it was a problem that could all be solved if he found his own order in the end.
It doesn’t need to be shaken.
“thanks. Thanks to you, I think my head is clearer.”
“Hmm. I’m glad it helped. Actually, I was embarrassed because I seemed to be talking too proudly by myself.”
Enya smiled softly.
The more I got to know him, the more I liked him, but now that I heard his thoughts, I started to respect him.
Even though the weapons and sword techniques used are different, Enya could sense that Ed and herself were going in the same direction in the end.
“her. It’s already past one o’clock. Shall we sleep now?”
“yes.”
As we talked about this and that, it was already past 1:00 in the morning.
Eventually, about 20 minutes later, Ed began to sleep soundly.
However, Enya still couldn’t fall asleep because her heart was still beating.
Because of the conversation we had today, my feelings for Ed grow out of control, and the fire in my heart can’t be calmed down.
“Ed…”
Enya took the rest of the pillow from the bed and hugged it tightly.
This pillow, which Ed may have slept on, and this pillow, in which his body odor might remain, was tightly adhered to his body to soothe his boiling heart.
It was just that it was curled up like a fetus asleep in its mother’s womb, and Enya felt as if she was being reborn.
‘I like you···’
I got a guy I like for the first time.
I want to be like him, I want to be with him, I want to respect him and follow him.
there was such a man
“hahahaha···”
Enya hugged the pillow tighter.
In his bed, wrapped in his blanket, hugging his pillow.
Hugging his pillow tightly in a space dotted with his, I felt an ecstatic feeling as if I was being reborn and conceived with his values.
“Our Entropy…”
And Enya thought.
He wants to bond with Ed, who doesn’t know how it will go, and his own entropy in the form of ‘love’.
And for a very, very long time, I want to use all my strength and will to keep it from collapsing.
With that thought in mind, I hugged the pillow.