I Became an Extra Who Died Instead of the Main Character

43 – Self Brainwashing

I’m back in the classroom.

Leaving the crying Adele alone.

I don’t know how I got back. Minor scratches and scars all over my body let me know that the way back was not smooth.

It wasn’t without the help of Ifrit and the staff on the way back.

It’s just that the hand I was holding when I left wasn’t there when I came.

Only one difference. Wounds that did not occur when I left were formed on my body.

······Only? Did I dare to say that Adele’s hand was just a hand?

Jaak-!

I hit my cheek with my hand as hard as I could.

The reason was simple. To punish. To punish Adele for daring to describe Adele’s hand as nothing more.

To the subject of mere extras who hurt the protagonist of this world. To punish those who harbor hopes of being happy.

As of today, I have come to a sharp realization once again.

I have no qualifications to be happy. It is not enough to live a life of atonement for the past.

At first, I thought I could feel happiness for a while for the rest of my life.

I entered the academy as normal and made friends as normal. Take classes normally. Take the test normally.

I was mistaken that I could die after living a normal life like that.

But Adele cried because of me.

Because I couldn’t hide the fact that I had regressed like an idiot. Like an idiot, I couldn’t hide the fact that I absorbed Adele’s disease.

I haven’t seen it myself. Tears flowed from those eyes that he had promised never to shed again.

It’s colorless to promise that you won’t hurt me again. In the end, I was hurt again.

Even if it was a wound that had to be given unconditionally for the sake of the future. The fact that I hurt Adele hasn’t changed.

Becoming friends with Adele again was the root of the problem.

At that time, even if Adele was hurt a little, she should have refused.

Things wouldn’t have come this far if I had definitely refused.

With the excuse that I didn’t want to hurt Adele, I had false hopes that I would be able to be close friends with Adele again like in the past.

Literally. It was a vain hope.

For Adele, I am nothing more than a useless remnant of the past that needs to be forgotten. No more no less

Even if Adele herself doesn’t want that. Adele had to forget me.

That’s for Adele too. Even for me. It was the right choice.

‘······Contractor.’

I can hear Ifrit’s worried voice beside me.

In fact, I wondered if I was worthy of Ifrit’s concern.

I don’t think a guy like me deserves the worry of the spirits I contracted with…

‘Contractor!’

At the sound of Ifrit’s cry once again.

It was only then that I was able to come to my senses amid endless self-abasement.

‘Please calm down…’

“····.”

Until now, I tried my best to pretend I was okay. Objectively, my condition was not at all good.

The body is gradually getting weaker due to Adele’s illness, and her eyesight is in a state where it is not known when it will return.

The spirit could not be more impoverished than this.

Having hurt Adele again has brought my expectations of myself to zero.

At that time, the regret that I had to not hold Adele’s hand came flooding back.

How can you rate a person whose mind is filled with regret and self-abasement as normal?

“······I’m fine.”

‘···.’

Still, brainwashing myself saying I’m fine.

“Now Adele can live happily ever after.”

Because Adele, who abandoned an existence like me, will be able to live a happy life.

I thought that if Adele could be happy, it would be okay for me to be unhappy.

In this world. ‘Cause I don’t matter

“I’m fine…”

So it was fine.

I didn’t know if it was really good. I didn’t know what was good.

***

Deng-Deng-

A bell signaled the end of the long lunch break.

“Now, how far did you go?”

From the fact that Professor Javert came back to class and didn’t say anything, it was clear that Adele had returned safely to the classroom.

It was fortunate. I was worried that I might be late for class because I was still crying.

And even more fortunately, Adele didn’t talk to me when she entered the classroom.

It seemed that the expression of hatred towards Adele earlier had worked well.

According to common sense, there is nothing that I am better than Adele. Adele didn’t have to cling to me to the end.

As I was thinking about that, the bell signaling the end of the class came before I knew it, and I felt someone’s hand on the desk at the same time as Professor Javert said to see me next class.

At first, she stiffened, wondering if it was Adele. I was relieved by Karina’s clear voice that followed.

“······Lian, maybe you had a fight with the Princess of Listonia······. What’s wrong with your cheek?”

She was about to ask me something, but Karina looked surprised when she saw my cheeks, which were probably red and swollen.

Because when I hit you earlier, I hit as hard as I could. It was natural for her cheeks to swell.

But she couldn’t tell Karina the truth about why her cheeks were swollen.

I roughly covered it.

“I was so sleepy in class that I slapped my cheek. It must have been swollen.”

“······I don’t know how hard you hit it to make it swell like that. Anyway. Did you fight with the Princess of Listonia by any chance?”

Did you fight? Is it possible to describe it as a fight?

It seemed quite absurd to call the act of simply hurting Adele a fight.

“······No. Why?”

“Princess Ristonia’s condition… Doesn’t look very good.”

“····.”

I thought it would be okay because I came back on time to class.

Looks like it wasn’t okay either. Well, from Adele’s point of view, the trashy fiancé who hurt her in the past hurt her again.

It was only natural that getting cuts in the same place in a row hurt more than getting cuts in different places consecutively.

“The kids said they went somewhere with you during lunch. I thought you would know.”

“······We didn’t fight, we decided to break up the engagement.”

“I see… It’s not. What? A breakup?”

“Karina, voice.”

“Hup. Sorry.”

Perhaps Karina also realized that her voice was too loud, so she told me that Karina was sorry for me.

It was natural to say that someone else decided to break up the marriage.

Karina asked me with her voice much lower than before.

“May I ask why?”

Karina also seemed to know that it was a very rude word, but the voice she asked was full of hesitation.

It was rude to want to know the circumstances of someone else’s marriage breakup, but. Because there was no reason why I couldn’t tell you.

I briefly told you the reason.

“It’s no big deal, it’s just that Adele is my fiancée who is so precious to me.”

“······Is that all?”

“What more do you need?”

“No… I think that’s a good reason to break up the engagement.”

To Karina, she doesn’t see this as a reason for breaking up.

Rather, I couldn’t understand Karina who asked me that. The difference between me and Adele was stark enough that even a 5-year-old could tell.

Even if you just hear the rumors around you right now, Adele is a genius freshman who has appeared for the first time in decades. I’m a rare idiot who appears in hundreds of years.

How can you say there is no difference between me and Adele?

I wanted to tell Karina this way, but. The words that came out of Karina’s mouth were words I didn’t expect.

“Isn’t it inevitable that one person is missing in an engagement or romantic relationship?”

“······· Huh?”

“How can two people be similar in a relationship. It’s only natural that one is outstanding and the other is lacking.”

“····.”

It felt like someone had hit me in the head with a hammer.

Karina was right. It was only natural that one side of the relationship was lacking.

It was also impossible unless she was dating a human clone of herself.

“I don’t know if I’m qualified to talk about your relationship with the princess… But I don’t think it’s something worth breaking up.”

“····.”

“Rather, I thought it was a pretty fitting engagement.”

Me and Adele get along well.

It couldn’t be. No, that didn’t work.

How can someone like me get along with Adele?

There’s absolutely no way that would happen…

The denial could not spread further and was blocked by Karina’s continued words.

“You tend to think too low of yourself. You are a better person than you think.”

“······Me?”

“Uh. First of all, it affected the orb that no one could affect during the entrance exam. In the forest, you bravely tried to fight Professor Tillian to save me and the other students.”

“····.”

“Sometimes self-esteem matters, Rihanna.”

I want you to know that. Karina’s last words.

Deng-Deng-

I heard the bell announcing the start of class again.

However, I couldn’t concentrate at all in class.

Of course, it must have been because I couldn’t see. Karina’s words that there are times when self-esteem is important keep ringing in my head.

I couldn’t hear Professor Javert’s voice properly because it was endlessly spinning around in my head.