chapter 4
004. Solution (1)
This generation’s Pharos has no head of the family.
Because my parents, the head and lady of the family, passed away ten years ago from this point.
I heard it was an accident, but I do not know the details.
As it was an incident where the head of a great family lost their life, the royal family directly investigated, but it was such a mysterious accident that it was not explained until the moment I died.
At that time, I was only eight years old and had no way of knowing the cause.
Also, the retainers were not so thoughtless as to entrust the family’s rule to an eight-year-old young master.
So, for the past ten years, and until the moment of the family’s destruction after I was imprisoned, the one who ruled the family as the acting head was my sister, five years older than me.
Cecilia Pharos.
My sister was different from me in every way.
From a young age, she was dignified, graceful, and intelligent.
She was like a noble lady drawn in a painting.
These are some of her most notable characteristics.
My sister was someone who never raised her voice in any situation.
Conversely, she never laughed frivolously in any situation.
Her devotion to the family was profound.
At times, it felt as if the Pharos family was the very reason for Cecilia Pharos’s existence.
Thus, my sister revered everything about the family.
She was devoted to our parents, merciful to the retainers, and kind to the servants.
Lastly, she was exceedingly affectionate towards me.
That affection was my sister’s only flaw.
She shouldn’t have cherished me so much.
-Young Master, there must be some misunderstanding. I will enter the palace, understand the situation, and then request your release.
Since childhood, my sister had a special fondness for me.
No matter what trouble I caused, she always worried about me first, and after we were left alone, her concern grew even more.
Looking back, even before I faced the world alone, she was always there.
She spent every moment of her life for me.
Even after I was imprisoned, she continued.
For about 12 of the 17 years I was imprisoned, she visited me twice a month.
And she whispered hopeful stories.
-I spoke with His Highness. His anger is intense, so it will be difficult for now, but with time, those feelings will melt away. The Crown Prince has been wise since childhood, hasn’t he?
At first, I tried to persuade the Crown Prince.
-Your Highness is imprisoned. Have you reconciled? If I had known this would happen, I should have brought the young lady into the palace more often since childhood… If they had at least met, this accident wouldn’t have happened. It’s all my fault. But now, you can appeal directly to His Majesty. If you plead that you were unjustly imprisoned due to the Crown Prince’s orders, His Majesty will reconsider.
After the Crown Prince was imprisoned, I sought other ways.
It didn’t go well.
From the beginning, the process of the Crown Prince imprisoning me was meticulous.
There were too many charges to pin on me due to my poor conduct, and I had no innocence I could prove.
No one pointed it out because of my background, but I had committed enough crimes to be imprisoned long ago.
In hindsight, after the Crown Prince’s dethronement, it was like that.
Due to various processes, the empire began to collapse rapidly to the point where it couldn’t be salvaged.
There wasn’t even enough capacity to assign officials for the release of a single criminal.
Nevertheless, my sister was persistent.
Even when I gave up, my sister couldn’t give up on my release.
For years, she visited me like that every time.
-It’s spring outside. This year, the garden of Pharos was beautiful with lovers smiling. Next year, let’s see it together. …No, by then, you will have someone you promised to marry, so it would be nice for you two to see it together.
My sister believed that I would come out of prison, get married, complete the succession, and become the head of the family.
-Baron Venter has now retired. After all, he is of age… His successor is his eldest son. Next time, I’ll come with him.
She informed me of the changed personnel of the family or the political flow of the system.
She didn’t want me to fall behind.
-Winter has come. Isn’t the prison cold? Since it’s a place that accommodates nobles, the environment shouldn’t be bad… but how could it be warmer than the mansion? I asked the guards here to put in a little more fire. Ah, the meal…
I took care of my health.
I was obsessively devoted to it.
Looking back now, that was the case.
My sister, at some point, stopped taking care of her own health.
Over the years, her complexion began to deteriorate.
Her eyes seemed to peer into an abyss, and her sunken cheeks resembled those of a starving child in a slum.
And her wrists, how they were. The bones were so exposed that it felt grotesque.
Death was always trailing her, choking her neck.
At the time, I didn’t know that.
I was too busy lamenting my own fate, imprisoned, or consumed with thoughts of the prince who had put me in this situation and the swordplay that had become my obsession. My mind was filled with just that.
But realizing it later, that moment was my only solace.
The one who gave me hope was always my sister.
I only realized that after she disappeared.
– “Hey, don’t I have any visitors?”
– “…Yes.”
– “Has something happened to my sister? She always left a letter if she couldn’t come.”
– “That…”
The guard couldn’t divulge any outside information.
It was their iron rule, their command.
So I was confused when my sister stopped appearing one day.
The unfortunate thing was that I was still a lacking human being at that time.
When I started to feel the emptiness of my sister’s absence, I thought she had given up on me.
Shamefully, it didn’t end there.
I expressed my anger to my sister.
In hindsight, the prince did help a little.
– “Twelve years was long, wasn’t it? Taking care of a useless cripple like you for that long was already a divine mercy. Accept it humbly. But now that your sister isn’t coming, does that mean there’s no one to bring you snacks anymore? That’s a big problem. A big problem indeed…”
What happened that day… Yes, I approached the sleeping prince and set the entire room on fire.
Of course, the prince was unharmed.
– “Oh dear, why are you burning wood in the summer? Thanks to you, I woke up sweating.”
That monstrous man was already on the verge of becoming a Grand Master just through meditation in the prison.
Anyway, the main point is that the emotion driving me at that time was anger.
That period was a bit rough.
It seems that was also the time when my words and actions towards the prince became truly disrespectful.
I swung my sword in anger, thinking I had been abandoned.
I had the foolish thought that if I escaped this place, I would surely take revenge on the one who abandoned me.
Anger was a good fuel.
– “Oh my, are you only now becoming a Sword Master?”
On the day it had been thirteen years since I received the prince’s swordsmanship lessons,
I reached the level of a Master.
In the empire of that time, I was the fourth, following the captain of the royal knights, the duke of the northern front, and the prince.
It wasn’t particularly joyful.
My mind was filled only with a sense of betrayal towards my sister.
I sharpened my sword even more.
The blade grew fierce teeth that could tear flesh with just a touch.
And it was two years later, during the intensifying war, that I realized I was not worthy of it.
“The Empire needs strength. If you lend a hand, all your sins will be pardoned after the war.”
Prisoner soldier Yuren Pharos.
That was the name under which I faced the world alongside the crown prince.
The first thing I did that day was head towards the Pharos mansion.
And I saw it.
The mansion burned to ashes, leaving nothing behind.
Pharos, who had nothing left.
My sister.
“…What happened?”
“There was a great fire. It was the night when the retainers and the acting head of the family were having a late meeting, and then…”
“The culprit?”
“…It has not been revealed. It was the early stages of the war, so there were not enough investigators.”
Just like my parents, the entire family disappeared.
My sister left me like that.
The feeling I had at that moment was not emptiness.
It was not anger or resentment towards the culprit.
Regret.
And the despair that envelops it.
-Ah…
I was so ashamed of myself that I wanted to hang myself.
I felt guilty for being foolish until the end.
Why did I foolishly blame my sister?
I only received without giving, and when I couldn’t receive anymore, I considered it a betrayal.
For that reason, I truly became a sinner.
I, who had always felt wronged, finally harbored a sin that I couldn’t deny.
The crown prince said,
-Pay it back with the sword. We must do so.
I followed.
Because it seemed like the only thing to do.
Because I felt like I would go mad if I didn’t.
-When the war is over, please let me lead Pharos again.
I pleaded with the next emperor.
I received permission.
Driven mad by the thought that I had to restore everything my sister had tried to protect, even if it was too late.
But, it was a tragedy.
The nation fell, and I died.
In the end, I could do nothing for my sister.
The guilt crushed my heart.
It made me unable to lift my head in front of my sister, whom I met again like this.
“Young Master, are you really alright?”
The hand touching my cheek is so delicate.
A weak hand that has never done nor could do any hard work.
This was the hand that protected me.
“…Yes.”
My sister, with such a hand, asks.
“Your complexion still doesn’t look good. Let’s go rest. Take a full day of rest… and then, the day after tomorrow, could you have a meal with me?”
Why don’t you ask why I didn’t show up yesterday?
“Please don’t find it too bothersome and grant me this one request.”
Why do you lower yourself and plead?
“Health comes first. Your health is the future of Pharos.”
Do you protect me and this family even at the cost of abandoning yourself?
Why do you act as if this is the reason for your existence?
I was furious.
Words surged up to my throat, despite having no right to speak them.
A shred of conscience held him back, and I finally lifted my head.
My sister was gaunt.
This happened in just one day.
She had deepened these shadows for over ten years, and even in the moment of death, she remained so.
So, despite the frustration towards her foolishness rising to my throat.
Despite the priority to tell her not to do this for my sake.
“…I’m sorry.”
An apology came out first.
One I had never made in my past life.
An apology I could only offer now, defying death.
“I’m sorry. For causing you worry.”
Of course, saying this changes nothing.
As long as my heart remembers this, I will be an eternal sinner.
“Young Master…?”
My sister’s eyes widened slightly.
For her, it was a remarkably blatant expression of bewilderment.
A hollow laugh escaped me.
‘Indeed…’
“Is it so surprising that I apologize?”
“It’s not that…”
My sister avoided my gaze for the first time.
Her face was clouded with confusion.
Seeing her, a sudden realization struck me.
‘Ah, so that’s how it must be.’
I opened my mouth.
“Sister,”
Time rewound.
Even though I had no will of my own, and it was due to someone else’s request, the fact that it had already been rewound remained unchanged.
So what should I do?
Should I simply make the crown prince the emperor?
Should I prevent the war from happening, or lead the ensuing war to victory?
No.
Those things were of no importance to me.
There was only one thing that mattered to me.
I spoke to the future crown prince.
Though he wouldn’t hear me.
‘Since you sent me as you pleased, I will do as I please.’
I bowed my head.
“I will do better from now on.”
“Young Master? Are you really alright…?”
Let’s atone.
For the sister who has suffered all her life because of such a worthless human, for this person whose family is the reason for living.
This time, it is right to dedicate my entire life to the family and atone to my sister.
So that my sister no longer has to worry.
So that she can live her own life, not one bound by the family.
I finally knew exactly what I had to do.
End
ⓒ papapa.
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