I Decided to Become a Perfect Girl

“I wonder if I’ll ever write songs like this in the future.”

Backstage, I felt a slight emotional burnout.

Honestly, this stage was just whatever.

It was simply a song prepared for performance.

By a twist of fate, a dark melody was written.

As I tried to add lyrics, the only empty emotions I could express were those.

It was a story known only to me, with no one else to remember it.

While seeking a new life, I didn’t want to leave my dead days behind.

But now, there’s no need to be sad anymore.

This song will remember him with me.

“True.”

It felt too vivid to not be me from that time.

I was the man who ended his life in an accident.

It was empty, yet it etched a rebellious mark on me.

I was simply grieving lightly.

“Do-hee, you were really amazing.”

Amidst it all, Manager Young-ho’s voice came through.

I nodded while trying to smile.

“Let’s hurry back to the waiting room; we need to change outfits again.”

As I greeted the staff I encountered in the corridor towards the waiting room, I received praises that felt almost like passionate exclamations.

The stage was just whatever, and that was enough.

*

The door to the waiting room opened.

Kim Na-eun Unni was leading the way with a bright smile.

“Do-hee~ The stage was really awesome! The best, the best!”

At that moment, while the award ceremony was transitioning from the second part to the third, it seemed everyone had come out unnecessarily to greet me.

“Enough, once you’ve changed your clothes, come out quickly; right after the opening stage of the third part is the award announcement.”

Without a word, I just nodded, and everyone stared intently at me.

“Youngest, did you cry?”

“Right? Do-hee’s eyes look a bit bloodshot.”

Normally, I would feel the need to brag about myself.

Seeing that made me laugh for no reason.

Since they knew me well, they silently adjusted the hem of my dress and helped me up.

Although it was a break time, the corridor felt a bit quiet ahead of the main third part.

Colleagues? I have no concept of that, but the gazes of fellow idols from the same industry felt different.

“Maybe I was a bit cool after all.”

“…Is that your opening line?”

“When you say those things, I feel a bit embarrassed, so don’t say it too loud.”

“Uuuh…”

“Oh, what’s with that tone again?”

“Uuuh…”

“Oh, Chiyo is copying again!”

“I’ve been using this tone since the day before yesterday! It’s Do-hee who’s copying me!”

“…Oh really?”

As we moved past the door connected to the outside, I was welcomed by the roar of tens of thousands of cheering fans.

The wide-open dome sky was dark.
The sky of the dome is pitch black.

The harmony is truly magnificent.

Carefully returning to my seat to avoid disturbing the filming, countless gazes approached.

There were still people I liked there.

Starting with Hana Unni, who gave me a thumbs up.

Ye-eun Unni, who smiled cutely and clapped her hands.

As for Sara Unni… um.

Hand hearts, big hearts, royal hearts, cat hearts.

It looks like she won’t stop until I join her.

‘…Yeah, I’ll do a heart too.’

In any case, the other Ailee members, Bomi and Miho, were also expressing their happiness next to Hana Unni with their whole bodies.

Facing those connections, I sat down.

A natural smile began to form on my face.

The expression that Do-hee Lee would definitely make returned.

Yeah.

There, to the camera too.

Got to smile for the fans.

*

[Watermelon Music Awards, Main Award for Digital Music]

The main award candidates for the digital music category appeared one after another in the VCR.

Among them, we were also included.

“Now, I will announce…”

And since Watermelon is a music streaming company, the Song of the Year award for the digital music category naturally went to the number one on the annual chart.

“I am truly, truly happy to receive this award…”

As I focused on Ye-eun Unni’s fingers hugging the trophy, I nodded my head to the joyous male idol stage that followed.

And then, the award presentation for the album category followed right after.

[Korean Music Awards, Main Award for Album]

A grand orchestral performance filled the air, and a famous middle-aged male actor, who was in charge of the Watermelon Awards ceremony, appeared with a rookie actress.

“Thank you very, very much for inviting us.”

The two actors started talking about when they bought CDs as kids, LP records, and cassettes.

“In the end, we have entered an era where albums are approached through digital music. Maybe that’s why it’s become difficult to pay attention to entire albums.”

“Yes, these days, there are many singles. Moreover, it takes 6 to 7 months for an album to release, sometimes even up to a year… I applaud all artists who go through this process and continue to release albums.”

Applause erupted at the mention that they hope for continued interest in music.

“This year, a total of 47,596 albums were released, all of which received love on the Watermelon chart. Let’s meet the candidates.”
Cheers erupted every time the nominees appeared on the screen.

Then, the male actor pulled out a small envelope from inside his jacket.

“I won’t keep you waiting. WMMA 2025, Album of the Year.”

There was no need for any music to heighten the tension.

“Debonaire.”

He just calmly read it.

“Debonaire, DBNR. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations.”

Amidst cheers that could shatter eardrums, the title of the DBNR album resonated.

It’s a somewhat arrogant thing to say, but…

Honestly, the award plaque that someone is handing over doesn’t give me that thrilling rush.

The sight of the older sisters beside me covering their mouths and awkwardly standing up only satisfied the balance between reality and sensory experience.

“Younger sibling!”

It’s Chiyo Unni grabbing my shoulders.

Or Woo-ah Unni trying to take my hand and push me forward.

And Seo-yoon Unni and Na-eun Unni just standing there.

“Thank you.”

We bowed repeatedly to the other group as we clapped and voiced our congratulations.

As I looked at my sisters’ backs, I headed towards the stage.

Once on stage, the bouquet and trophy were passed from hand to hand.

“Thank you.”

For a moment, Na-eun Unni seemed choked up as she took the mic.

Then… it was the first time I saw Na-eun Unni cry like that.

It was a sob filled with relief, letting go of all her emotions.

The loud crying quickly spread, and no one could grab the mic.

But I didn’t cry.

Seeing my sisters’ tearful faces, so honest with their emotions, somehow made me feel satisfied and brought a smile to my face.

Eventually, I, who hadn’t cried, was pushed to the front for my remarks.

“I don’t know if I should be the first to give a speech…”

I nodded at the members standing beside me and then turned back.

“Yes.”

Just that one word erupted into cheers that could shake the whole neighborhood.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

But right now, I wished they’d laugh instead of cheer.

“It’s now my turn to give my thoughts as the youngest, since my unnis are crying.”

So I grinned and joked.

“It’s a beautiful night.”

Laughter erupted loudly from the audience.

That in itself was satisfying.

“Yes.”

I took a moment to catch my breath.

Then I continued speaking.

“This is the first time I’m sharing the story of why I started music and began playing the piano.”

I wanted to be honest.

“I was five years old, thinking it would be cool to master an instrument, just that simple thought.”

An elementary struggle for recognition, based on Hegel’s concept of life preservation – that was what I was.
“Starting an elementary struggle for recognition based on the preservation of life. That was me.”

“Back then, I never thought I’d make a career out of music.”

“But someday, when the time comes to choose between faith or life after losing the struggle for recognition, I think I’ll be able to talk about it.”

“I’ve really grown to love music so much.”

“Finally, I realize that the recognition of personality is higher than the preservation of life.”

“I might have gained the independence of self-awareness.”

“I’m lucky.”

“Ordinary me has become extraordinary because I’ve lived twice and had the fortune of meeting lovely connections.”

“Of course, the truth is that I still have a young mindset.”

“There’s still a lot I’m lacking to claim I know something.”

“I’m just a lucky person pretending to be all that.”

“But I wanted to say this.”

“I like my name. The character for ‘to’ (到) combined with ‘joy’ (喜) conveys the joy of reaching something.”

“My name.”

“But when you add ‘human’ (人) to ‘to’ (到)… it turns into ‘to fall’ (倒).”

“Well, whether you like it or not, it can’t be helped.”

“That’s… surely a universal truth that there are always trials and falls on the way for a person to reach something, isn’t it? I live interpreting it as I please.”

“I just looked at the audience.”

“What can I do? I’m the subject here.”

“What songs or music do you all want to hear?”

“Like Kazantzakis said, I can’t struggle to expand my mind until I reach the limits where it begins to creak for a lifetime.”

“Like Kazantzakis said, I could never create a great thought that gives new meaning to life and death and comforts humanity.”

“Instead.”

“I want to give you a song that gives strength.”

“I simply want to give you a song that empowers.”

“That’s something even an ordinary person might be able to manage once.”

“It’s a difficult wish, but in the process where everyone hopes for something and reaches out, I hope I can give even a little strength, even if they stumble…”

“I hope someday that falling isn’t just a painful and distressing ‘to fall’ (倒) but rather a big laugh of ‘to collapse in laughter’ (抱腹絶倒).”

Ah, our unnis need to share their thoughts too.

I should wrap up my remarks quickly.

“I think I’ve ended up not mentioning the people I need to be grateful for because I was speaking so personally.”

“I wrapped my arms around Na-eun unni’s waist, who was standing next to me.”

“I’m the youngest in the group, so I feel like I’m always being looked after by my unnis.”

“I’m always grateful for meeting these wonderful members. I love you all.”

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