I Give Up on Conquering the Heroines

44 – Episode 44. Fragments of Memory (2)

“Not there? Not there? Anywhere in the North?”

Deep anxiety is gradually becoming a reality.

What happened one year from now seems like yesterday, and yesterday feels like the day we promised to get married.

But why? Why.

Is Eugene not by my side right now?

“Ha…”

Eugene is not there.

It is nowhere.

All the photos I took with him have disappeared.

I stick my nose in the bedding in the master bedroom and sniff it, but I can’t smell him.

Even though I searched the entire northern part of the country and searched for it, I couldn’t find it at all.

“Master. I don’t think there is such a person…”

“That can’t be possible! Search more thoroughly!!!”

As if it never happened in the first place.

Like I had a dream.

Yujin’s hand caressing my ear is so vivid.

It seems like Eugene’s body odor is coming from right in front of his nose.

There is so much evidence within me that he was by my side.

But everyone just keeps repeating that there is no such person.

“You still don’t believe me?”

“It can’t be so. Of course I believe it, my lord.”

“Don’t lie! You don’t believe it! It’s true! I saw the future! Want to prove it? It was July, so a month from now! A big fire breaks out at Karon’s house! Two months later, it’s snowing for a whole week ! Three months later, Eugene’s boots will be completed! Within that month, Eugene will confess to me that he loves me! Just wait and see! Everything I say will be right!”

“Yes. I believe it…”

Everyone only believes, believes, believes…

Stop that bullsh*t.

No one believes it.

Everyone thinks I’m crazy.

You think I’m making up someone who doesn’t exist.

Eujin actually exists.

There was.

I still clearly remember that sculptural face… Huh?

“I can’t see it. I can’t see Eugene’s face…”

It becomes blurry.

Eujin’s face becomes blurred.

I was so startled that I ran into the room.

Then he picks up a pencil and draws his face on paper.

This is not it.

Once again.

Again.

Again…

“aaahhh…!”

Hands do not respond.

I can’t transfer the images in my head onto paper at all.

Even now, Eugene’s face is gradually fading.

All that was left on the paper that had already covered the floor were silhouettes that looked like fluffy clouds.

I can’t draw Eugene.

It’s as if I’m fundamentally blocked from translating the Eugene in my head into reality.

“Why! Why are you doing this!”

It’s frustrating.

I can’t breathe well.

Yujin is a real person.

But why doesn’t anyone believe me?

“Ugh…”

When I close my eyes, the scenery of that day unfolds vividly.

An ice cave that reflects light here and there and creates a beautiful halo of light in the air.

My own sanctuary that has given me peace since I was young.

I take a step there with Eugene.

Take off all the protective armor and sword scabbard.

Wearing a pure white dress that she doesn’t usually wear.

I hold Eugene’s hand and enter the cave.

He whispers love in his sweet voice.

I forgive myself for doubting him until now.

Wearing tokens of love on each other’s ring fingers.

The moment our lips finally touched.

Time has stopped.

A strange light is flashing outside the cave.

Eujin falls with a stern expression and turns his back on me.

I want to hold on to it.

My body doesn’t listen to me at all.

I want to call him out, but no sound comes out of my throat.

Yujin finally escapes from the cave.

The memory ends there.

Immediately after that, I went back to a year ago.

At first, I waited.

Until Eugene came to Palana.

I went out to the snowy mountain every day until that awkward-looking man who came up on the transcontinental train appeared.

It was the second month that I noticed something was wrong.

There was no news that Eugene, who should have come a long time ago, was absent.

Could it be that he has already arrived in the North but has crossed paths with me?

Maybe he’s living somewhere in the north.

With that in mind, I searched the northern part of the country.

I found the name Eugene.

I found a man who uses strange sword techniques.

Just looking at him made me out of breath, and I wandered around looking for a man I wanted to lean on.

“Master, you should stop at this point and take care of state affairs…”

“You can quit whatever you want!”

It’s been like that for a month.

A month passed without any results or even a trace of Eugene.

It’s a possibility I don’t want to think about, but I thought he might have been bitten to death by a wild animal.

So, he seems to have covered all the mountain paths near Palana for about ten days.

All areas that smelled of blood were dug up, and all areas that smelled of rotting corpses were dug up.

Unfortunately or fortunately, Eugene did not come out.

Then it has to be somewhere.

At least there needs to be evidence that he exists.

But why, why has no one ever seen Eugene?

There is no record of him.

Everything is the same as in my memories.

Except for the fact that Eugene is not by my side.

Only Eugene has suddenly disappeared.

Perhaps what the vassals say is true.

Isn’t Eugene really a non-existent person?

I guess I’m chasing an illusion.

I had countless doubts like that.

There were many times I tried to forget.

I was caught up in the feeling that I had to give up.

“I can’t give up… I can’t forget… How can I forget…”

However, it failed every time.

Even if I tried to forget, Eugene’s rough but affectionate touch and sweet voice came to mind, and I couldn’t.

He could not give up hope.

“Alicia. I’m only telling this to you…”

“Yes, yes! What is it? Please tell me anything. She’s been strange these days. I thought she was going crazy from frustration.”

“I have a favor to ask. Please find someone.”

The only thing I’ve looked into is the northern continent.

Not only is the southern continent larger, but there are also a lot more people living there.

It was foolish to give up until we explored the South.

“He’s a tall human man of northern descent, and he’s handsome. Very handsome.”

“Is there anything more specific?”

“Hmm. He knows how to use a sword, and he’s strong. He’s also very strong.”

“How much is that?”

“Enough to defeat me.”

“Puhup. Are you kidding me, sister?”

I chose the person I was sending to carefully.

Only people I can trust.

Only people who will not betray me even if I show my weaknesses.

“What’s your name?”

“That’s not a definite name. A different name may be used in other places…”

I was hesitant to say my name.

In this world, no one knows Eugene’s existence.

In this place, I am the only one who remembers Eugene.

I felt reluctant to tell Eugene’s name to someone who didn’t even know him.

It was a name I wanted to keep to myself.

I was the one who wanted to monopolize everything.

“Oh, so what is it?”

“Eujin…”

However, he mustered up courage and only revealed his name to a few close associates.

Then, dispatches were sent to various parts of the South.

I let go of those who held my last hope.

-Sorry. It seems that the man you mentioned is not in Hameln.

-The same goes for Cologne.

-There are no men in Pettenburg who fit the conditions.

-I’m sorry, sister. Her sister couldn’t find the man she was looking for in Bothell.

“Ugh…”

Messages from people close to me arrived one after another.

It was empty soup, empty soup, and empty soup again.

Even the last hope was denied.

I searched all the places where Eugene might be.

I searched places that were unlikely to exist.

In the end, it turned out to be a misunderstanding on my part, but the places she searched to see if Eugene had crossed paths with a saint or a witch were all in vain.

“Where did you go, Eugene…?”

That day.

The moment when time stopped.

Where did Eugene go after leaving me?

She had a firm expression on her face as if she had decided on something. What did she do?

As I curl up in bed and think about things, a terrifying possibility suddenly comes to mind.

“Ah…!”

No way.

What if all of this was Eugene’s decision?

What if Eugene chose to disappear on his own?

The number of such absurd cases is being pieced together.

What did Eugene say that day?

What did you say at the end?

‘I’ve thought about it a lot. It wasn’t the first time that our relationship was strained, but I thought about it every time. ‘I really didn’t do anything wrong.’

I didn’t think it was strange at the time, but now that I think about it again, it seemed like a random thing.

The reason I doubted Eugene was all a misunderstanding caused by my extreme dependence.

In all this time, Eugene never once said he was sorry to me.

Yujin suddenly apologized.

Like a person nearing the end.

As if she were about to die, she said something she didn’t usually say to me.

‘In the end, we came to the conclusion that it was all a burden we had to carry together. No matter what happens, I want to be with you forever, Yerina. ‘Will you marry me?’

She thought it was simply a promise of love.

She didn’t think it meant much.

But now, if you look at each word again, it is quite meaningful.

I want to be with you forever.

Immediately after leaving those words, Eugene left the cave with a stern expression and time stopped.

Disappeared from my side.

Contradictory behavior.

It is now clear what that means.

“Are you asking me to find it…?”

Find me.

That was the meaning.

Because you trusted me.

I believed that even if everyone else forgot Eugene, they would remember me and come looking for me.

That’s why he was able to make such a cruel decision.

“I’ll find it. I’ll find it somehow. Just wait, Eugene. I’ll be there to rescue you in no time…”

I have no idea where Eugene is.

She may be in a place where she cannot be physically found.

She may remain in the gap of time that has stopped.

Still, we cannot give up.

I will find a way somehow.

No matter what I do, I will bring Eugene back.

Because I will be held in his arms again…