I Have a Reason to Hate Streamers

Something was being neatly arranged.

Makeup, hair, and all that jazz.

If I were alone, I would never have been able to pull this off.

These were tasks beyond my ability. I wouldn’t even have thought to find someone to do it for me.

As for the clothes… I really didn’t want to wear a skirt.

Elderin was so pushy that I ended up wearing it without a chance to resist.

Every time the wind blew through the hem of the skirt, it sent chills down my spine.

I was definitely clothed, but it felt like my lower body was completely exposed.

A little peek and you might catch a glimpse of… yikes.

Do women actually find comfort in this little piece of fabric?

“Can you take a look in the mirror? Great! Now smile just like that.”

“Ah, hahaha?”

“Just a smile is all I need.”

“Okay…”

I awkwardly smiled at my reflection.

It should have been a familiar sight, but it felt like I was looking at a completely different person.

If it weren’t for my trembling corners of my mouth and my blushing face, I might have seriously doubted it.

I had been transformed into a girl.

At first glance, one might believe I had just entered high school!

I even felt a certain freshness, like the world hadn’t tainted me yet.

I was startled by my own appearance and touched my cheek to ground myself in reality.

“How is it? Surprised, right? Many people are taken aback the first time they see you, but you’re extra special.”

“Special?”

“I’ve never seen someone who doesn’t dress up at all like this.”

There was a subtle annoyance in the employee’s voice.

Hair, as dark as night, flowed down from her hand that caressed my neck.

With a gentle smile, her hand rested on my shoulder.

“This might be overstepping, but please take a bit more care of yourself. I’m not just saying it; you’re the prettiest person I’ve seen so far.”

“Thank… you.”

“All done! Now, let’s go show your sister waiting outside! I’ll bring your crutches, so just wait a moment.”

Staring blankly into the mirror, I suddenly felt a wave of relief wash over me.

So this was what I could look like if I put a little effort in, unlike my usual gloomy self.

*

[Title: Chit-Chatting on Cam]

[Elderin is live streaming.]

Inside the studio glowing with a soft sky-blue hue.

To be exact, it was the office turned streaming space that Elderin had set up.

She started her broadcast a little away from me.

I didn’t realize just how serious and competitive the world of livestreaming was; it was truly a battlefield.

I didn’t know so much preparation was necessary.

On the screen where someone might casually glance, she had put her heart into creating a comfortable space.

“Hey, everyone! It’s been a while since I turned on my cam, right? Thanks! Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since I played games live.”

Behind the table, where the camera couldn’t catch her, several warm lights were installed.

So when Elderin started her broadcast, she looked like she was basking in light.

I sat in the shadows, watching her from behind the camera.

The scenery seen by the streamer was quite different from that of the viewers.

Wouldn’t such bright lights hurt her eyes?

I should really study broadcasting programs slowly.

I stored all the things Elderin showed me in my mind, feeling a hint of jealousy and fear because of the cramped space.

When our eyes met briefly, Elderin flashed a smile.

I nodded slightly in response.

‘What should I… do?’

Elderin didn’t pressure me at all.

She just left the door open for me to join in whenever I wanted.

If I stand up, she’ll briefly turn off the stream.

When the screen comes back on, I’ll be the one sitting there.

If I don’t stand up, she’ll just continue her stream as if nothing happened.

As always, I understood this in my head.

Despite my mind being broken, my reason always did its job.

This was a chance that wouldn’t come again for me.

Elderin is well-known both as a female streamer and a game streamer for “Inbl.”

If I step into this broadcast—this collab would surely nourish me greatly.

But still…

‘It’s scary…’

The moment I placed my hand on the armrest, I couldn’t muster the strength to stand.

It felt as if sticky, dark tendrils were binding my arm.

A small, dark voice whispered beside my ear.

That’s not a place for you.

Look at the chat filled with joy. The moment you awkwardly step in, it’ll become chaos.

This was different from when Sulbbang was around.

Back then, I was Gawol, but now I’m Han Da-eun.

You get tongue-tied in front of people…

“Well, I mean, I really turned on the stream to chit-chat. As for a guest? I’m not sure about that. I still don’t know!”

On the contrary, it felt like Elderin was beckoning to me.

I really wanted to take that hand.

Rather than living with jealousy in this darkness, I wanted to embrace my light.

Suddenly, I spotted a small hand mirror in front of me.

My face looked terrible.

‘I looked so pretty earlier.’

Even I could see how awful I looked.

It was suffocatingly beautiful, even to the ugly me.

But just a few hours passed, and how did I end up like this?

Had my makeup broken down somewhere in between?

That couldn’t be the case.

In reality, nothing had changed.

It was a question that didn’t need convoluted answers.

What changed was my state of mind.

When you look up from underwater, the outside world seems distorted; similarly, the submerged state of my mind was distorting my perception of reality.

Once I realized that, the bindings on my arm loosened.

I stood up and—walked out of the studio door.

*

Though the battle is daunting, escaping is comfortable.

But once the fight ends,

the brave earn glory, while the coward gains only fear.

No matter what choice you make, fear will inevitably catch up to you.

Some superhuman individuals overcome it with sheer willpower.

But for someone like me, rotten and festering, that was impossible.

If I couldn’t win alone, then wouldn’t it be best to seek help?

“Da-eun, are you okay…?”

“…”

Elderin, who had burst out from the studio, stopped.

Her eyes, filled with confusion, stared at me.

When our gazes met, I awkwardly smiled.

Waving the bottle of alcohol in my hand at her, who was looking vacantly.

Inside the transparent glass bottle, whiskey, the color of oak, swayed gently, making splashing sounds.

“Can I drink this?”

“Uh? Uh… Sure.”

“Thank you. It looks expensive.”

In reality, I had no idea.

To me, alcohol was just soju, and premium alcohol was the cheap stuff served at meat restaurants.

Any drink with English on it was just called “foreign liquor,” and it simply gave off a vague impression of being costly.

So, the taste or price of the alcohol didn’t really matter.

My goal was singular. To get alcohol.

I needed to soften my brain with intoxication.

“Just wait a moment; I’ll be right back.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“I’m not sure. So, I’m just going to go for it. I’m already here.”

My mental state is the issue?

Then, I just need to break this damn head.

I learned something at the last gathering.

This body gets pretty tipsy off of just a few drinks. I remember getting drunk and letting myself fall into San-sae’s arms.

There was no doubt I’d be tipsy downing such strong alcohol.

Good or bad thoughts, I need to push through and act boldly.

It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission; it’s more comfortable to surrender to madness than to conquer fear.

In field battles, just as skill is vital, ‘doping’ and ‘equipment’ are equally crucial.

Having downed enough alcohol to feel like my throat was on fire, doping was done.

Next, it was time to focus on my gear.

Right now, my appearance was as good as it could be.

Then, let’s find something to hide my face.

Whether it boosts my lacking confidence or shocks the crowd, I would manage at least one.

On the shelf, disposable masks were stacked high.

I picked a black one, put it on my face, and limped into the studio.

When I opened the door, bright light welcomed me.

*

[Author: ㅇㅇ(475.208)]

[Title: Who’s that on Elderin’s stream right now?]

(Attached photo: Elderin’s stream)

Never seen her before but she looks pretty.

I wish she’d take off that mask.

[Comments]

– Is she someone who’s close to Elderin but I’ve never seen?

– Gawol?

└ Huh?

[Author: ㅇㅇ(339.250)]

[Title: Doesn’t that masked girl look just like Gawol’s character?]

Their bodies are completely identical!

So I checked.

(Attached photo: Gawol in the I challenge)

(Attached photo: Gawol, curled up in embarrassment)

(Attached photo: The masked girl looking shy next to Elderin)

Really looks similar!

[Comments]

– Wow, no way.

– That shy hand gesture, I think Gawol did that too?

[Author: Dongmi-cham]

[Title: Is Gawol on stream?]

I’ve been waiting for today!

It’s time for recording!

[Comments]

– What? Are you actually writing now?

– Why haven’t you started your stream?

└ Gawol isn’t streaming, so how can I, a nobody?

└ Damn it, really!

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