I Have a Reason to Hate Streamers

[You were killed by ‘Gawol’.]

[Death penalty: Access restriction (4 hours)]

[You can access again in 3 hours 58 minutes 47 seconds.]

With Gawol’s frustrated face as the last sight.

Camelian closed her eyes amidst the darkening vision.

If I can’t play the game, there’s no need to be in the connection device.

As Sin Hae-chan stepped out of the practice room, she saw a woman.

It was someone familiar to the team’s players.

“Are you done with everything you wanted to do?”

Luce. Lee Ga-yoon smiled.

Her expression was beautiful and serene, but her eyes weren’t smiling.

“Yes. Were you waiting?”

“It’s okay. I was just having a cup of coffee.”

“I’m sorry for acting on my own. I guess I should expect some punishment, right? I tarnished the team image.”

Pro gamers don’t particularly like dropping into the siege board.

Some may even view it as a form of corruption or downfall.

Moreover, fans want the pro league and siege board to remain separate.

However, there’s no strict regulation that neatly divides the two.

It’s an unwritten rule. No one enforces it, but nearly everyone has followed it without objection.

Today, Camelian clearly broke that rule.

Luce was a strict person when it came to principles.

So, it wouldn’t be strange for her to dislike Camelian’s recent actions.

“No. There was never a rule against getting involved in the siege. Wouldn’t it be a bit unreasonable to actually impose a punishment? That’s just how I feel.”

It was an unexpected statement from Camelian.

If that’s the case, there wouldn’t be any team-level punishment.

Lee Ga-yoon’s position in the team Sigma e-Sports doesn’t merely end with being the ‘captain’ or ‘ace’.

It held more significance in various ways.

While Ga-yoon never wielded unfair power, some forms of power exist even without use.

Ga-yoon’s tone was always soft.

She never directed harsh words at anyone, and I’ve never seen her act roughly.

But for some reason, Sin Hae-chan felt as if her breath was being cut off.

In Ga-yoon’s non-smiling gaze, she sensed a strange anger.

Though her voice was undoubtedly warm, it felt as if a great hand was gripping her and wouldn’t let go.

“But, Eun-chae.”

“Yes.”

“Did you enjoy it? Messing with someone else’s wounds.”

“…No.”

“It’s a coincidence, but I knew her. Not for long. Just vaguely thought, ‘could that be?’ but anyway, I found out recently. About the situation.”

Eun-chae’s eyes widened.

She looked at Ga-yoon in surprise, but then lowered her head again.

Her lips didn’t smile either, creating a colder atmosphere than one would expect.

“I guess I should have stopped you. I vaguely knew what you wanted to overcome. Why you were so obsessed. It might be overstepping, but I thought it could be a good opportunity for both of us.”

“No. I was immature. I’m sorry.”

“If you’re okay with it, would you like to meet? I’d like you to apologize. It’s not a demand.”

“…Yes. I will definitely ask.”

*

In the end, my connection device was deemed inaccessible due to ‘safety reasons’.

Internally, they seemed to look for illegal programs or suspicious actions, but naturally, none were found.

However, the fact remained that my paradise was taken from me.

I guess it’s a relief in some way.

The gaming company kept this matter under wraps.

Since nothing particularly problematic occurred, they wouldn’t stir up issues unnecessarily.

Well, I could still access using another device.

I just wrapped up the external story like I had personal matters to attend to.

“It’s so empty.”

Time drags on.

I spent more time with that device than my bed.

Now, it has just become a burden occupying most of my small room.

Maybe I should just throw it away… but considering it’s my parents’ keepsake, I didn’t feel inclined.

But I can’t carry it forever either.

At some point, I’ll have to make a decision.

Maybe it’d be better to move to a slightly bigger place.

All I have to do is let go of the one obsession that bound me.

I could use the money meant for fixing my legs for living expenses instead.

“The remaining balance is… pretty sufficient.”

The savings I gathered aren’t small.

Assuming I give up my legs— I could manage until I find a new place.

Or I could follow Elderin and start broadcasting as a female streamer.

Although it might be a little hard in a sober state.

In that sense, it could actually be easier now.

It feels as if there’s an emptiness gaping inside my chest.

Now that I think about it, it’s always been like this. Whenever I feel like I’m about to grasp something—the world always snatches away something bigger from me.

Warmth, parents, dreams. Just holding onto my life, I find myself thrown somewhere as nothing more than a rag.

It’s truly ironic.

At a time like this, I can’t even shed a tear.

What flowed endlessly would not come out when I truly needed to cry.

Am I too busy filling the empty spaces to be able to let something go?

I still don’t understand my own heart.

After all, if everyone knew themselves so well, all mental hospitals would have to close down.

[You have received a message.]

My phone consistently buzzes with notifications.

Since I declared a break from the game, contact has been flooding in from all sides.

I haven’t checked a single one.

I didn’t want to say anything.

Explaining is tiring and painful.

I feel vaguely exhausted, and I have no strength in my body.

At times like this, I just wish for someone to quietly hold me.

Even if it’s just empty words, that’d be fine.

I wish they’d pretend to be warm. I’d fall for anything then.

I needed to hold something, so I tucked a pillow under my arm.

With the house quiet, I could hear footsteps on the stairs outside.

It felt oddly unfamiliar. Come to think of it, it’s been a long time since I was awake during the day like this.

Usually, I’d be in the connection device or asleep.

‘Could it be that the neighbor has returned…?’

Ding-dong— the doorbell rang at our house.

Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, I held my breath and pretended not to be here.

Since outside couldn’t know if someone was home.

They would probably think it was a missed package and leave quickly.

My expectations were pleasantly dashed.

Elderin’s voice resonated outside the door.

“Da-eun? Are you in there? Open the door.”

“……”

“I feel like I know you well now. I can’t imagine where you could have gone.”

“……”

“Hmm, so you’ve decided to pretend you’re not home. A lot of people have been looking for me lately. Maybe for the photos we took together…”

“I’m… coming out now!”

Scary, Yuserin.

I hopped on one leg to open the door.

There stood my sister, looking like she knew this would happen.

“See, you were here!”

“Just because I wouldn’t go out means I’m hurt? That’s a bit harsh. I sometimes do go outside.”

“You didn’t go out this time.”

“That’s true, but…”

Her gaze briefly scanned my neck.

I’m not self-harming just yet.

Her concern is excessive. I haven’t sunk that low.

After all, I guess her sister must have loathed herself even more than I do.

Understanding her worry isn’t lost on me, so I pretended not to notice.

“The room is too dark. Let’s pull the curtains and open the windows.”

Sister, you sound just like the coach.

—If I say that, would I get scolded again?

“So, why are you here today? Isn’t it a day for your broadcast?”

“Are you watching my broadcast, Da-eun?”

“Of course.”

I’ve relied on her quite a bit, and if the need arose, I’d have to learn from her as well.

Elderin was both a good sister and a great teacher to me.

While I don’t catch every broadcast, I’d pop in whenever I could.

“Today there’s no broadcast. Even I need to take breaks.”

“Is it just because of me that you rushed over?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Not necessarily. I just thought it might be due to me.”

“Da-eun, you’re right. I figured you might be having some bad thoughts by now.”

You struck a nerve there.

Things were slowly heading in a bad direction.

Thoughts are like a flowing river, and once the dam breaks, it’s hard to redirect.

If I had been alone, I would have spent a rather gloomy time.

At least with the room brightened up, it felt a bit better now.

As Elderin walked around the small room, life returned to the once dead space.

“When someone is having a tough time, having someone there can help ease the mood. So, I was wondering, would you like to go out with me?”

“If I go outside… I’m going to be too tired, so no.”

“I’ll drive. I parked close by. I also made a reservation.”

“A reservation? Where are we going?”

“You’ll find out when you get there. I have something to discuss on the way. Is it really a no-go?”

“Hmmm. Fine.”

I owe Elderin a lot.

So, I suppose it’s okay to indulge her this much.

I’m not feeling too bad about it either.

—So I thought, only to soon taste the bitter flavor of regret.

---