chapter 19
19. Future Prediction 3
“I’m home, big brother! …Oh, where are you?”
A cute voice filled the dim room as a long-haired girl appeared on the screen. She was taller now, but it was definitely Himawari.
“Oh, there you are. Big brother.”
Click. The lights in the room turned on. The screen revealed a sterile, white room with nothing but a large bed in the center. There was no wallpaper, carpet, furniture, or windows. The room, with only a door and a bed , looked like an isolation ward.
And there, sitting on the rumpled sheets, was a man. He looked different, but I could tell it was me. Why was I in such a room? Such a minor question seemed insignificant compared to the disturbing scene before my eyes.
“Look, I tried the same hairstyle as Suoh Akane!”
In the drab room, Himawari is standing, her face still a little childish but more mature than before. Wearing a hero suit with shorts, Himawari proudly shows off her long, wavy hair that reaches down to her back. Her long, dark brown hair and her entire body are covered in a sticky, reddish-black liquid.
It didn’t take long to realize that it was blood, blood spatter…or rather, back spatter. The hero suit, a symbol of justice, is boldly stained with back spatter, which could be mistaken for a pattern. A dull , muddy red mixed with bright red and black, a grayish red that has dried up and caked. It would be impossible to end up like this after witnessing a single death. I can sense the smell of blood on the screen, coming from Philance Yellow , over a long period of time and on multiple occasions.
“It’s not long enough yet, but I think I’ve got the look.”
The girl twirling around and around in the middle of the stark white room has the face of an ordinary girl who just wants her new hairstyle to be complimented. That ordinariness made the madness all the more striking.
“Onii-chan liked that woman, right? So I thought maybe you’d be happy if I did this…what do you think? I got the hairstyle right, but I guess I can’t do anything about my body. I’m not as tall as that woman, and my chest isn’t as big.”
The me reflected on the large screen looks haggard. I look like a sick man with my rumpled pajamas and unkempt, messy hair. I’m not tied up or anything, but I’m slumped over as if I’ve given up on everything , just looking at Himawari.
“But I’ll grow up to be a woman that Onii-chan likes, right? I’ll even get plastic surgery if Onii-chan wants me to. Should I make myself look just like that woman? Or is there another face you like? I’d be happy if you could give me a specific person to model myself after, so I can fulfill your ideal as accurately and reliably as possible…”
Himawari plopped down on the bed, swinging her legs and talking to me. But even though I look like I want to say something, I just listen to her in silence.
“Actually, I want you to like me for who I am. But that’s impossible, right? Because I’m just a worthless piece of trash, a maggot who doesn’t even deserve to be thrown in a ditch if I don’t have Onii-chan’s love. I know that’s impossible. I’m good at knowing my place. So I want to become a woman that Onii-chan will like as soon as possible. I belong to Onii-chan, so I can’t just change or hurt myself, even if it’s for Onii-chan’s sake, right? So Onii-chan, you decide, okay?”
“……….”
“Oh, don’t worry! Of course, even without Onii-chan’s instructions, I did my hero work properly today. I was told that I could figure out what a hero of justice should do on my own. Rest assured, today again , many people thanked me. Oh, and by the way. Ufufu, there’s something I want you to praise me for.”
She plays with the tips of her hair, which are matted with blood, and speaks shyly.
“I finally defeated that woman.”
“….Did you kill Akane-san too?”
My words, finally spoken, must have been hard for her to believe. Did I just say that? And what do you mean by ‘Akane-san too’?
“Yes! I finally killed her! Isn’t that great! It’s proof that my love has triumphed over that woman’s love! Eheh, you’ll praise me, won’t you, Onii-chan?”
Unfazed by my agitation, Himawari tilts her little head, asking me to pat her.
“That woman had the audacity to turn down Onii-chan’s confession. She must have liked Onii-chan all along, but that’s strange, right? That’s unforgivable, right? It’s impossible, right? She’s a bad person for hurting Onii-chan, a criminal. She deserves to die. That’s why I had to do it. I had to kill her for Onii-chan’s sake…but I really wish I had finished her off sooner. I’m sorry, I’m late. It must have been hard for you, Onii-chan. I’m sorry for being a sister who makes you worry so much. The doctor was just getting in the way, and it took me a while to kill everyone.”
The girl on the screen who looks so much like the Himawari I know said so innocently. With a face that showed no guilt or remorse, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, like she had finally finished her summer homework.
“But now, there’s not a single person left in this world who has hurt Onii-chan. So sleep easy, okay? You haven’t been sleeping much lately. You might not want me to worry about you, but I hate it when Onii-chan isn’t feeling well.”
“Akane-san…”
My feeble voice, trying to argue back on the other side of the screen, sounded like someone who had given up a long time ago.
“Akane-san wasn’t at fault. It couldn’t be helped. In order to protect me, to protect us, Akane-san and I shouldn’t have gotten together…if we had, the other heroes would have gone berserk, and there would have been no turning back. It should have been obvious if I had just thought about it for a second, and the doctor had even warned me. It’s my fault for confessing without thinking.”
What came out of my mouth wasn’t an argument or words blaming Himawari, but only self-reproach. I don’t know what happened from just a part of the footage, but I could somehow understand that many people were hurt as a result of my confession to Akane-san.
“Oh, are you still saying that? Onii-chan isn’t at fault. That woman is to blame for everything. See, that’s why that woman was defeated by me. Justice always prevails. That means that the woman who was killed was a bad person. I’ve become stronger than the evil Philance Red thanks to the power of Onii-chan’s love!”
Himawari’s eyes, trying to comfort me as I continue to mutter self-reproachful words, seem to see nothing but me, both physically and mentally. An expression of infatuation, as if the world, the other heroes, and everything else are irrelevant before me . She seems to believe in her own justice, waving a banner of a theory that is both abrupt and twisted, with a smile on her face.
“I’m not at fault. It’s my fault.”
“Why are you saying that? Onii-chan could never do anything wrong. Anyone who says that is the bad guy. Everyone who makes Onii-chan suffer should just die. Right? I’ll crush all of Onii-chan’s enemies, so don’t make such a sad face. I even defeated the strongest Philance Red. I’m stronger than that woman who suffered Onii-chan. From now on, I’ll protect Onii-chan. I’m not like that woman , I won’t deny Onii-chan with some lame excuse. I think everything about Onii-chan is right. I’ll listen to anything Onii-chan says. I’ll be happy no matter what Onii-chan does to me. I’ll accept everything about Onii-chan, and I’ll be the only one to affirm everything. Onii-chan is not at fault. Onii-chan is not wrong. Suoh Akane, Nadeshiko Momo, Tokiwa Uguisu, the doctor, I killed everyone who got in our way. It’s for Onii-chan’s sake. It’s their fault for denying Onii-chan. They say they care about Onii-chan, but they only say things that trouble Onii-chan, so they’re the bad guys. But I’m different. I’ll always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always think only of Onii-chan. I’ll listen carefully to what Onii-chan says. So please, Please, please praise me? Pat me? Tell me I did a good job, Himawari?”
Wiping away the still-fresh blood on her cheek, she looks at me with her big, round, childish, amber eyes shining. She has the excited expression of a dog that has just been told to ‘fetch’. But there was no reaction , and I just listened in silence.
“….Maybe that’s not enough? I understand. What else should I do? Who should I kill? What will make Onii-chan smile? Will you praise me? What can I do to make Onii-chan happy? I can do anything now. I’m the strongest in the world. I can destroy anything
“I don’t know how many times I’ve apologized. Is it possible that I can’t even have a normal conversation anymore because I’m afraid?”
“Don’t apologize, I’ll be as defiled as I need to be for my brother.”
“Please don’t do that. Don’t hurt Himawari anymore.”
“Why not?”
Himawari tilted her head in confusion and grabbed both of my hands with her small ones.
“Why do you care if I get hurt? Don’t you believe that I’m okay yet? Look, big brother. I’ll do anything until you understand. Can I hit you? Stab you? You can even rape me. I’ll do anything. Think of me as a convenient tool, and use me until I’m tattered… You can keep using me until I die, even if I become a tattered rag. I don’t need to be treated like a human as long as my big brother praises me, needs me, and loves me. Please, order me around more. Is there anyone who’s in the way? Even if it’s something as trivial as bumping shoulders or clicking your tongue, it’s my pleasure to eliminate your enemies, big brother. Don’t think of me as being hurt. It doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s for you.”
Like a believer who worships a god with blind faith, the murky yellow-orange color was shining. I could only hold my breath and stare straight at her.
“It’s all for my big brother.”
The brown hair was matted with what was probably Akane-san’s blood. She was running her thumb and index finger over it as if to spread it to the tips of her hair.
“Fufu… This makes my hair a little red, just like that woman.”
The gap between her ordinary, girly gestures and her predatory appearance was eerie.
“You were the one who said it first, big brother. That they were bad people. I think so too. They all say they like big brother, but they go against what you say and say ridiculous things like they want to keep you all to themselves. They’re a nuisance to big brother. They choose the world over big brother’s confession of love.”
“Th-that’s not it. It was my misunderstanding… I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want you to do something like this…”
Himawari’s index finger stopped my words. She smiled sadly at my surprise.
“You knew that I would listen to everything you said, so please don’t say such sad things.”
“It’s my fault…”
As my words tried to evade responsibility, Himawari’s words painted over them.
“If it wasn’t for big brother, what was I supposed to become?”
“I…”
“…So please, love me more and more?”