I Left the Non-virgin Party

Karin’s attitude has changed since that day.

If it’s a good thing or a bad thing, it’s definitely the bad side.

From that day on, Karin annoyed Jain, flirting around him, arguing every now and then, and starting to bully him. Each of those remarks were so forceful that other party members who were watching expressed their concerns or even stopped them. But nothing got better. It was because Jain accepted everything no matter how hard he tried.

For instance, it was like this.

“Ah! I told you not to make my rice soggy!”

One morning, after receiving a bowl made of bamboo leaves, Karin immediately spoke bluntly. Jain, who was muttering salted rice balls, scratched his head and said.

“Just eat as much as you give. Because of you alone, will you adjust the amount of water and cook twice?”

It was a common-sense objection, but Karin put down the bowl and folded her arms as if pouting.

“I don’t know, okay.”

“Are you going to skip meals? Do you have to walk for 3 hours in a row from now on?”

“Because it’s done.”

Then, taking a deep breath, Jain quickly swallowed his food and held out his hand.

“Okay, okay. Give me a bowl.”

Then, as if unable to bear it any longer, Ren stepped forward and intercepted Jain’s hand.

“You really need to stop. This means that Ja-in got up early in the morning and prepared with me. You didn’t do anything. But then, why are you acting like a child all of a sudden?”

“What, what? Have you finished talking?”

There wasn’t really anything to refute, but Karin got up and folded her arms. It was Zain who intervened.

“Ren, it’s okay. Now that I have to fight for my life again, the stress must have increased. I’m sure I’ll do it again. Sit down.”

“Okay, okay! It’s your request, so I’ll sit down again.”

“If you say so, I can’t help it… but isn’t that a special treat?”

‘Win!’

Karin smiled and sat down again. Ren was looking up at Jain, puffing his cheeks in anger. Feeling a strange sense of victory, Karin bowed her head and smiled bashfully.

‘Why didn’t I know that it was Ren who really won?’

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No matter how I thought about it, it wasn’t rational. It was like a stray cat addicted to the first snack. I just love this relationship.

He deliberately scolds and scolds, and then he grunts, but pays attention and helps.

Every time I was handed something like that, an unknown emotion swelled in my chest. It seemed that he was the only person special to him.

I was afraid that if I ever got out of this state, this relationship would collapse. So I didn’t want to make any changes. I thought that if I kept doing this, I could keep going.

Why didn’t he notice at the time that it was the same as the hero he hated so much, or maybe even worse?

The relationship I thought would last forever without tension, but suddenly came to an end.

‘My hometown.’

‘Yes?’

‘The way my family is waiting for me to return to my hometown is in that room.’

For a moment I thought it was a joke. I wanted to deny it that much. When I heard that, I realized for the first time that saying that my heart is freezing is not an idiom. Jain’s face, with his head bowed down, was invisible because of the shadows. Please, I hoped not.

‘Thanks to you, I can’t go back to my family anymore. …can’t meet you. forever.’

The end of that voice was wet. crying was pouring out. Karin wanted to scream at someone. Why, why this happened, I couldn’t get my head around it.

‘My mother, every time I give her a massage, she says that there is no pleasure in living other than me… And my sister and I can’t sleep well without me. What are you going to do now?’

On Jain’s face, who raised his head after finishing the rebuke, a stream of tears ran across his cheek and dripped down on the tip of his chin. It was only then that I realized that this guy could get hurt too. At that time, his hair turned white and he stuttered and muttered. I’m sure there must be a way, I’ll try to find it somehow. But the answer that came back was firm.

‘no.’

‘Because there is no It’s all over, just.’

The expression on Jain’s face that muttered like that was something he had clearly seen before. That day, when he defeated his one and only friend and locked himself in the bathroom, it was his expression reflected in the mirror hanging on the bathroom door. The face of a person who has lost the will to live.

Why did I act so foolishly for that guy to have a face like that? I know very well how people make such facial expressions when they feel like it. I know it very well. My brain and mouth couldn’t move properly because of the guilt that came rushing in like a tidal wave. I just thought I should apologize. But since he had never done an apology in his life, his tongue was frozen and his mouth couldn’t move. There were only two words that were barely squeezed out.

“I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry…”

The sweet memories always came here and turned into a bitter bitter taste. Karin, who was drenched in memories, clouded her face and clenched her fists. The bookshelf in his hand was wretched wretchedly.

The climax of the song recorded at that time was flowing from the music box that was playing. Karin blankly sang along to the lyrics of the song.

“I’m okay with being alone…”

At that moment, the last words he had left suddenly pierced my brain.

‘From now on, let’s just live our whole lives without seeing each other’s faces. As if they didn’t know each other and never met.’

“Ahh.”

Karin bowed her head and bit her lip. Blood was dripping from his lips, but he didn’t care. My heart hurt more. The lyrics I loved so much are now digging into my heart one by one as a dagger.

“Alone, even if I’m alone. No, I’m not okay.”

Even if I was left alone, I tried to hold on. However, it couldn’t be like that. For that, the happiness I tasted for a short time was too sweet, and the aftertaste was so sad.

“I miss you… Really, you idiot…”

For three years, no matter what kind of malicious bullying she was subjected to, she opened her eyes and paid her back, but never cried. But now that little shoulder was crumbling like an old castle. Tears fell on the bookshelf, drip, drip, melted the ink and stained the white paper with black light. Soon the tears flowed out of control, and Karin began to weep bitterly.

“I’m sorry… Really, I’m sorry… You’re right.”

Just before leaving, the words left by the first person who exploded were clearly visible in the pinna of his ear. Those memories were not erased like a tattoo, and every morning he tortured Karin so painfully that he died.

“Wrong. I was, really, wrong…”

He accepts me no matter what I do, so I thought it was too easy. Why is this guy trying to fight, what he’s fighting, and maybe it won’t be hard. never asked

One day, I heard him talk about sleep. I kept looking for my father. I was apologizing for something. Then he just woke up and his face looked very sad. He saw it and didn’t say anything. Why didn’t you ask and comfort me? stupidly.

Still, the guy didn’t show it. He was always watching and paying attention to all the party members. It must have been several times harder than mine. But instead of lightening the burden, he climbed on it as a burden.

‘Well, but what he said is probably what you really meant.’

“No… Absolutely not. Up until now, the hardest things have been to meet you… Then, all that time, all of that time was meaningful… So, I thought, I thought…”

To the one who shot him in his memory, he stuttered and pulled out the words he couldn’t say before. But it was just an empty word. In hindsight, there was no evidence to prove that it was not just words.

Because I was always angry and only received, but gave nothing.

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No matter how much he looked back on his memories, the fact that he had done nothing became clearer and the list of things he had received only increased.

“So, I’ll be locked up in this room. Even for the rest of my life…”

I decided to lock myself in this room until I somehow found a way to open the door. I vowed to continue my research even if it would take ten, twenty, or maybe a lifetime. That was the least atonement he could make.

But even though I had made up my mind and vowed to do so, I would sometimes have unreasonable dreams.

If I lie down exhausted from studying hard, the door suddenly opens, and the guy comes in. What am I doing like that? Scratching my head, holding my hand and lifting me up…

However, when he opened his eyes, the door to the lab was closed as coldly as a prison.

Each time, my heart ached. Then, while beating his chest to calm him down, he squeezed out an apology that he couldn’t at that time. If by any chance, even on the side of the road, I ran into you, I wanted to hold you by the shoulder and share this apple with you.

sorry.

Until now, I was hated by everyone and only compared to me.

no one has ever cared for me

To be cared for, to be cared for by someone

Trusting or relying on someone

It’s all for the first time

I didn’t know what to do.

I’m really sorry.

If you give me one chance,

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Next time, really, I wouldn’t…

It was then that the door to the lab suddenly opened.