Chapter 67
I wasn’t feeling very well that day. I knew Werner was coming, I knew I’d have to face him… No, I was the one who set it up, but I still didn’t feel good about it.
How could I describe my feelings for Werner Alten? Jealousy of his skills? Pity for his loss of grand magic? Anger that he never apologized for what he said to me? Disappointment that he suddenly left? Worry that he suddenly used grand magic and got injured? Or was it lingering feelings from the confession he made to me when we were kids? I didn’t know. My head was a mess, and I just kept smoking, taking it out on the poor cigarettes.
If I were to draw a diagram of our relationship, what words would I use to describe it? Partners who developed magic together? No, he created it, and I just watched. Rivals competing for achievements? No, he was always ahead, so I’d be the eternal second place to his first. Friends who were each other’s only companions? No, he had his circle of heroic friends, while I was always an outsider, with no friends then or now. Then was it a relationship where we once had romantic feelings for each other? I still didn’t know.
“Sigh…”
I still hadn’t quit smoking since he disappeared. I smoked when my mind was cluttered, when it was blank, when I was bored, when I was overwhelmed with work, before and after meals, right after waking up, and right before falling asleep. Come to think of it, I smoked a lot. Maybe I should start cutting down? It’s not like the top-quality custom-made cigarettes would leave a bad smell.
“We’ve really changed… both of us.”
You, who showed off your grand magic that I couldn’t even imitate… Now you cough up blood every time you use grand magic, and you, who always acted on your interests but had a sense of responsibility… You abandoned everything and ran away in the night.
Me, whom you treated like a weakling and always played pranks on… Now I’ve become the head of the magic tower, and instead of dreaming of being an adventurer, I’m buried under mountains of paperwork and involved in politics.
Because we stood in opposing places, we could understand each other. ‘That guy must be lonely and alone, just like me.’ But we still stood in opposing places.
But… even though we stand in opposing places, just like before, why don’t you look at me anymore? Why can’t we see each other anymore?
Even though we’re still in opposing places, why can’t we understand each other? It’s just that our positions have changed.
That question, which would never be answered in my lifetime, tormented me again, and I couldn’t focus on the paperwork anymore. How much longer would I be tormented by this question? A new question was added: How could I solve these questions that bound me like chains today?
At that moment, my maid, Ekaterina, knocked and entered.
“Lord Lorcha, Werner has passed through the gate.”
“I know, so stop bothering me with that.”
“I’m sorry.”
She was just doing her duty, but I snapped at her without meaning to. Damn it, it’s all because of these damn cigarettes.
“Ah… sorry for being irritable.”
“It’s okay.”
“By the way, your son’s birthday is coming up, right? I’ll send him a gift.”
“It’s okay, Lady Lorcha.”
“So, what does he like? Food? Books? Toys?”
She had been my maid for almost 20 years since the death of my nanny, Ellen, so it was only right that I took care of her. I was worried when she said she was going to marry a gentleman 15 years older than her, though.
“Weapons… he likes spears, in particular.”
“I’ll ask a blacksmith I know well to make something for him.”
‘I take care of my people no matter what.’ That was my motto. If Werner had accepted my proposal back then… maybe we’d be here now, talking about sending a birthday gift to Ekaterina’s son.
“Ekaterina, can I ask you something?”
She had chosen marriage at the age of 20 and had been married for over 14 years, so she would be knowledgeable about relationships. I was weak in that area, so I wanted to ask an expert. ‘Don’t be ashamed to bow your head and learn.’ That was my second motto.
“What is it?”
“In relationships between men and women…”
Ekaterina covered her mouth and started giggling. I glared at her, and she stopped laughing and returned to her usual demeanor.
“… I’m sorry, Lady Lorcha.”
“It’s a bit annoying, but it’s okay. I’ll forgive you since I was just irritable a moment ago. Let’s call it even.”
“So, what did you want to ask…?”
“Um… you see…”
I honestly shared the questions I had. I didn’t know how I felt about him, and I had no idea how to describe our relationship. It was more difficult than any other problem, but Ekaterina easily provided an answer.
“That’s simple.”
As expected of Ekaterina, the woman who seduced a man 15 years older than her. I focused my attention and listened carefully to her answer.
“If you’ve written anything about him recently or done anything that made you think of him, try to recall it.”
“As expected of Ekaterina. You always give me a clean answer to my questions.”
“You’re flattering me, miss.”
Ekaterina covered her mouth and started giggling again. But I noticed a small, unfamiliar scar on her hand.
“What’s that scar on your hand?”
“Because of some problems in that household…”
That bastard must have laid his hands on his wife. According to my motto of taking care of my people no matter what, and even by common moral standards, I couldn’t forgive a piece of trash who hit his wife, especially one 15 years younger than him.
“Tell me what happened in detail.”
“I tried to persuade a fox who was flirting with another woman’s husband… or rather, a woman who was flirting with a married man, with my fists, and…”
“Are you badly injured?”
“My hand is fine. It’ll heal without a trace in a week…”
“No, I meant the other person.”
She was the one who disciplined me whenever I did something wrong, so I knew how painful her punches could be.
“That… facial fracture…”
I won’t stoop to fighting like that over a man, no matter what happens. I won’t hit someone or get into a messy fight just because of love.
After sending Ekaterina away, I decided to follow her advice and look through the recent writings I had posted about Werner on the Akashic Magician Record.
Title: Why Werner is a Bastard
Author: IWantToStabWerner’sAss
Content: He abandoned his post as a royal magician, an honorary position, and fled on his own. He should be severely punished according to the law.
BitchBeThere: Honestly, it’s understandable. That job was unbearable.
ThreeYearsOfHardLabor: Isn’t it amazing that he endured three years of hard labor in the magic circle?
CryingAtASightOfABastard: Ttahhheuuuuhhh! Ttahhheuuuuhhh!
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Shut up, you bastard.
SteelWill: This apprentice is just jealous. Are you even on his level?
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Yes, I’m the head of the magic tower, you piece of shit.
Title: Werner Should Be Expelled from the Magic Circle
Author: IWantToStabWerner’sAss
Content: I might accept him as my assistant, though.
DragonsRoar: Are you even a head of the magic tower?
SteelWill: He claims to be, haha.
CryingAtASightOfABastard: Ttahhheuuuuhhh! Ttahhheuuuuhhh!
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Get lost, you bastard.
LightningIsTheWillOfTheSky: This troll never stops, does he?
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Are you still breathing? Just die, you bastard.
Title: Werner Was Like This Even in the Past
Author: IWantToStabWerner’sAss
Content: He was so self-centered and reckless that I disliked him.
GrassWomanLara: Isn’t that what makes him cool?
WinterIsOurSeason: That’s why he’s cool, you bastard.
CryingAtASightOfABastard: Ttahhheuuuuhhh! Ttahhheuuuuhhh!
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Are you crying because your mother died?
IAmTheHeadOfTheMagicTower: Is this guy in love with Werner or something?
IWantToStabWerner’sAss: Your parents must have cursed each other a lot, huh?
… I feel like I’ve been swearing a lot lately. It’s all Werner’s fault.
But even after searching through all my posts, I only found curses directed at Werner. Do I really hate him? If he were to die somewhere… Would I be happy about it? No, I don’t think I’d be happy. I just don’t know why.
At that moment, Ekaterina knocked and entered again.
“Lord Lorcha… there’s a report about Werner…”
“What is it now?”
Today, I’m really going crazy because of Werner.
“He didn’t ride the carriage alone; he was accompanied by three beautiful women…”
“Ekaterina.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Teach me one kicking technique.”