ALL NOVEL chapter 42
42 . The hawk of love
What was more terrifying than shouting was the quiet expression of anger by a normally quiet person.
Perhaps the feelings of the children who see me are not very different from him. Hearing my cold voice, the children each ran out of their rooms and headed for the yard.
Left alone in the room where the children left, I was lost in thought.
Tears cover my face.
Was all my efforts to properly raise my children was in vain? I devoted my entire life to keeping children abandoned by their parents so that they would never feel empty.
I wanted to raise a guy who was far from studying, so I went to the city to buy all kinds of books and study all night.
He constantly asked for help from people around him.
He started farming again, which he hated when he was young, and earned money.
Are all my efforts in vain, faded with just one break away?
The answer to that question was not visible.
As I was looking out the window and lost in thought, the door burst open.
Looking back, the children were holding a bunch of thin twigs in their arms and catching their breath.
The children looked at me, placed branches next to me, and then lined up in a row in front of me.
In our house, which is always full of laughter and energy, there was an awkward silence for the first time.
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First of all, I decided to ask why. He wouldn’t have put Helga in such a miserable state for no reason.
I asked in a reproachful tone, pressing down on my temples as if to indicate a headache.
“Haa… Why did you do that?”
At my question, the children only looked at each other and only chatted their little lips.
I bang the desk with the palm of my hand in the lengthy silence! He slammed him down, and even raised a blood vessel in his throat and screamed.
“Aren’t you talking straight!?”
After shouting, the children twitched their upper bodies as if they were surprised, and at the same time lowered their heads as if they had talked about it beforehand.
I tried to weaken my heart from the sobbing shoulders and the thick tears that started to drip to the floor, but now there was no room for a weak heart.
As I continued to touch the desk with my fingers without saying anything, the children began to open their mouths one by one.
“We knew Dad would like it… Because those people are the ones who made it difficult for my father….”
“And the girl ignores her dad… In addition….”
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For reasons I don’t understand, I cut Olivia off and raised my voice again.
“But you make people like that? A person who can’t even move properly!?”
Even though I yelled at them, the children were unable to speak properly because they were crying.
Saying you did it for me is not a reason to bully others. If he was truly for me, it would have been better if he had been honest with me rather than in this twisted way.
The children were ignorant and innocent. He was faithful to his instincts more than anyone else, and at the same time, he was in a state where he was easily stained by the malice of the world. I showed only good things and said only good things so that the children would not become like that, but it seemed that my shouts did not reach the children.
“Everyone, roll up your calves.”
The moment I told them to bring the cane, the children let out a short sigh as if they had an intuition that the current situation was coming, and the children pulled up the hem of their pants, revealing their white calves – except for Noah’s – slender calves.
This is my first time holding a hawk.
The hand holding the cane aloft trembles endlessly, as if suffering from tremor.
I closed my eyes tightly. A fleeting moment felt like an eternity. Countless thoughts run through my head.
I opened my eyes ferociously, as if shaking off a weak thought. He glared at the children with bloodshot eyes and forced himself to raise his voice.
“Did I teach you that!?”
Poo!
The sound of not the skin, but the tearing of the heart echoes through the room.
My heart breaks every time I swing my arms and draw red lines on my calves one by one. The scars left on their calves will remain as indelible scars on my chest.
However, the pain I feel now is no consolation for the life the children have suffered until now.
“Do you think I raised you to the bone to bully others?!”
He spat out harsh words that he didn’t even mean, and waved her hand. Ripples rippled through the white skin, and several more lines were drawn over the scars that had already been drawn.
A sound of enduring pain flows from the mouths of the tightly shut children. It opened its mouth occasionally, but no sound came out.
I held my breath and bit my lip at the sight of the children desperately enduring the pain. Do you mean to hold back your voice in this situation because you don’t want to worry me?
Blood dripped from the lips where the fangs had dug into.
Likewise, blood came out of the fingernails that dug into the palms, and the blood that began to flow from the palms formed at the tip of the cane and dripped onto the floor.
“I didn’t want you guys to do that….”
The feeling of the cane cutting through the wind and touching their calves was transmitted to my hand.
It was unpleasant. It was an infinitely unpleasant, sticky feeling. I tried to shake him off, but he didn’t come off easily, and now I can’t shake him off.
“I… Did I ever tell you guys to take revenge like that? Have I ever asked for something like that?!”
Before I knew it, my voice was trembling slightly.
Crying seemed like it would explode before the sound, so I had no choice but to force myself to scream.
“Why did you do something you weren’t told to do!”
The revenge I shoulder must be my own.
I confessed my past to my children, not wanting to have any secrets, and to be proud of myself, not to relieve them of my uncomfortable burden.
I didn’t want my children to step into such a dark life, a dark past. It was the heart of parents to always want them to grow up seeing only the good things.
The fact that he trampled on my heart and caused pain to others casually made my heart even more painful.
As time goes by, the broken branches accumulate.
Bloody calves of the children, I barely calmed down my wildly exhaled breath and lowered my hand.
It must have been sore and painful, but the children didn’t even show a sign of touching their calves, just stood still and whimpered.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked the children.
“Everybody got hit a few times.”
The children only looked at each other and no one spoke first.
Of course, no one will count the right ones.
You can’t blame the children. I am responsible for their ignorance.
It was the law that parents had to take responsibility for mistakes that their children could not handle alone.
Yes, everything is my fault.
My mistake of sharing the past with my children and lacking in their education.
I laughed and said it as if it were self-deprecating.
“It’s my fault for raising you all wrong.”
When I sighed and turned my back, the children came closer crying and limping.
“Dad, no. We did more wrong.”
“I won’t do that again….”
“From now on, I will become an obedient daughter, so that means….”
Anyone could say sorry if they had a mouthful.
I poured out the remaining cane in front of the children and spoke in a calm voice.
“As much as you guys were beaten, no… Beat me until this cane breaks.”
The children’s eyes, which were filled with only tears, widen.
“Dad, I’m sorry!”
“Because I will really, really listen carefully… !”
Unlike when they were beaten, the children begged me with their faces covered with tears and runny nose.
Grabbing the hem of my clothes, holding my hand, I shook my head as if I didn’t want to.
I laughed out loud.
If I had given even half of my heart to someone else, this wouldn’t have happened.
I took Olivia’s hand, her eldest daughter, and put the cane in her hand.
Olivia looked up at me with her golden eyes and finally burst into tears.
“No… ! Why do I have to hit my dad!? I hate it, I hate it!”
Sitting down in her place, Olivia wiped away the tears flowing from her eyes.
But my will was not broken. I didn’t want to choose this way either, but this was the only way I could think of.
This was a mountain they would have to overcome if they were truly reflecting.
In order to break the habit of easily hurting others, you need the pain of someone close to you.
Perhaps only then did she realize that I was not giving up. Olivia wept and took her cane.
“Huh, huh… Dad, I’m sorry….”
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Finishing her apology with a whimper, Olivia hardened her heart and swung her cane at my calf.
The thin branch that touched my calf was shattered in one blow.
I can confidently say that the blow that Olivia wielded was more painful than any pain I had ever suffered, and it pierced a corner of her heart.