I Was Sick of Loving You

23 – Snow Field

Iris Seven weeks she has been with us. And the day the end of summer is visible.

snow is falling Scattering snow piles up on the floor and catches our feet.

The cold that ignores the season freezes my breath and burrows into my arms.

The wind blowing from beyond the field passes by giving the pain of being cut.

All of this, the land of eternal winter. It informs you that you have come to the snowfield.

“Brother, I think I’m going to die of cold.”

“Be quiet and move your feet.”

“Sister is too much.”

“Who is Sister! I must have told you many times not to call me by that title.”

Rachel makes a dying noise in the snow field she is experiencing for the first time, and Iris says something to her.

Even though we have been together for seven days and nights, it is still a sight I am not used to.

“Anyway, brother, how much further do you have to go?”

“Looking at the map, it looks like it will take about four days. If the weather is bad, think it will take longer.”

Rachel’s complexion turned pale when told that it would take four days, or longer if she was unlucky.

“Brother, can I go back and wait?”

“If you remember the way you came, you can go. If I don’t remember, I’ll get lost and freeze to death.”

“I’ll just follow you.”

Because of the snowfield where wagons and horses cannot go, I left it at the last village two days ago and walked. If you are not familiar with the geography of this place, it will be difficult to go back alone. Rachel must have recognized that, and since entering the snowfield, she shut her mouth that had been raging about the cold without a break.

Rachel shuts her mouth, and only the sound of the cold wind and our footsteps on the snow spread through the quiet snowy field.

“It’s nice to be quiet.”

Rachel looked at Iris’s words with displeasure, but Iris wasn’t the kind of person to care about that.

Every time I see something like this, there is something new. In my previous life, people I hadn’t met met, and I showed people I hadn’t seen before, so each and every one of them was new.

That newness, her various appearances, more and more instills anticipation in me and shows hope.

It’s thrilling and also unsettling.

Because of such complicated emotions, it makes me not know how to look at her or how to treat her.

I walk on the white snowy field with those complicated thoughts and feelings.

When I walked a little on the snowy field with such a complicated mind, I looked back with the feeling of being hit from behind.

“Brother, I am hungry.”

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Look around to see if there is a windshield that can stay on the horse for a while. Unfortunately, the surroundings are snow fields with nothing. I can’t settle down and eat in a place like this, so I take some jerky from my backpack enchanted with space expansion and give it to her.

“Take it.”

Receiving the hard beef jerky, she sent miserable eyes, but she couldn’t help it. I know it’s hard to eat because it’s hard and chewy, but in the middle of the snowy field, there’s no other way.

“I can’t help it, so please be patient. You should be able to eat properly in the evening.”

“Yes…”

She answers in a weak voice and puts the jerky in her mouth. It looked a bit pitiful, but I looked away because there was nothing I could do.

Averting her eyes from Rachel, she approaches Iris, who is standing in the lead.

“Would you like some beef jerky, Princess?”

“I’ll eat the beef jerky later. By the way, stop with that stiff title. I’ve been with my fiancé for seven days and nights, should I keep calling it that?”

There is nothing wrong with her words. It’s not even the first meeting, but there is no one who uses a stiff title towards my fiancé like me. However, I still haven’t made up my mind… so I can’t help it.

“I will think about it for a bit.”

“I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, but I hope you think positively.”

Since joining, Iris doesn’t come out as strong as she did the night before leaving.

Do you even know what you’re thinking about? Or, since it’s close, is it a thought to come closer?

Whatever it was, it was fortunate for me that I couldn’t make a decision yet.

“Don’t be too sad. I’ll call you sister.”

“Don’t call me comfortable! Call me princess.”

“Why are you discriminating against me? Sister, I love you so much.”

Seeing the two of them arguing, I laughed, and my complicated and heavy heart became a little lighter.

“Brother. My sister only discriminates against me.”

“It is not discrimination, it is fair treatment.”

These images somehow feel like a dream, so I feel comfortable, but anxiety settles in a corner of my heart because it feels like a dream that I will wake up from any minute.

“This is discrimination, not fair treatment! Just be nice to your brother.”

“Fiancés and strangers cannot be treated the same.”

“Why am I a stranger? Everyone has been blessed by Kaian-sama.”

“I don’t remember ever receiving anything like that, and I don’t need it.”

“If Kaian-nim hears it, he will be sad.”

“huh. It’s none of my business whether I’m sad or not.”

Rachel, shocked by Iris’ words, clings to me and asks for help.

“Brother. Kaian-nim seems to be sad because of the sister. Please scold me!”

The words made me laugh out loud. The day I first met Iris, I couldn’t help but laugh at the child-like image that was far from the shady heart that Iris showed me.

“Why are you laughing!”

“Sorry for laughing. Princess, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve been together for a while.”

“huh. It’s because you don’t know the true face of the author.”

Seeing Iris say that. Had I seen Rachel’s shady side without my knowledge? If that’s the case, it’s understandable to be treated so unkindly. I get goosebumps when I see Rachel like that.

“Anyway, aren’t they colleagues who should help each other now?”

“that’s right! I am too much for my co-workers.”

Iris glared at Rachel, who agreed to my words, and sighed.

“I get it. Don’t take it seriously.”

“thank you.”

Rachel smiles at her words, and Iris looks at her disapprovingly.

These conversations are repeated several times, and the day passes as the white snowy field turns reddish.

Before the night came when the wind was stronger than during the day, we were lucky enough to find a shallow cave.

A bonfire is lit in a shallow cave to warm up the frozen body and dry wet clothes and shoes.

“I think I will live now.”

“It’s tough.”

“It’s not tough.”

“huh.”

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Leaving them alone again, he takes out a pot and prepares to fill his hungry stomach. melt snow to make water In the eyes that have become watery, loosen the dried and ground meat powder, and trimmed and put few vegetables.

As the warm, stomach-stimulating scent spreads, Rachel clings to it.

“Brother. I’m hungry.”

“Wait a little.”

“Yes!”

Unchanging every time I prepare food. Rachel’s behavior has become too natural, and she has become accustomed to it. Of course, there are people who don’t like it, but it doesn’t change no matter how much I say it, so I quietly move on.

With that in mind, I hand the cooked stew first to Rachel, who is screaming hungry, and then to Iris, who waits quietly.

There are few quiet hours in the day.

The stew that was made full is empty, and the world is completely immersed in darkness.

“Today’s night watch order is me first, then Rachel, and finally Princess Princess.”

“yes~.”

“i get it.”

“I’m on a night shift, so I’ll go to bed first.”

Rachel took out a thick sleeping bag and lay down around the campfire, and soon fell asleep with a quiet hum.

“You must be tired too, Princess, but you should go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep yet, so I’ll go to sleep in a little while.”

After her words, silence comes. It was less when Rachel was awake, but since only the two of them are awake like this, I feel suffocated and tickled, which makes my heart feel strange.

I rummage around the burning bonfire with branches. Then, Iris breaks the silence.

“Aren’t you tired?”

“This is fine.”

“Strange. It’s normal for people coming to the snowfield for the first time to fall asleep like that because they’re tired.”

I realized my mistake in her words. It’s okay because it’s not the first time I’ve been to the snowfield, but it’s natural for those who experience the snowfield for the first time to stretch out on the first day because it’s a harsh environment they’re experiencing for the first time.

“You don’t answer again… You’re amazing every time I see you. I get easily swayed by emotions when I’m involved with you, and for some reason you seem to know me well, and you’re familiar with things you’ve never experienced.”

I couldn’t answer her. Since I am speechless and silent, she opens her mouth.

“If you find it difficult to answer, don’t. continue to be silent. However, I believe that the day will come when you will tell me.”

My heart trembled at those words. Because I know what those words mean, and because I did it, her words permeate my heart.

I want to give an answer to her like the old me, but I still… I can’t. I’ll tell her the day I feel a little more confident.

You don’t know, but from a long time ago I loved you, hated you, liked you.

Saying those words in my heart, I rummage around the burning bonfire.