I Was Sick of Loving You

31 – dream

body is burning

A yellow flame burns, using my dead body as firewood.

It doesn’t feel hot even when burning.

weird. I’m dead, but why can I see the world… Is it because the lingering attachment is so great that I couldn’t leave this world?

I don’t know. I can’t understand what’s happening right now.

I could only guess that I was cremating the disfigured corpse according to my small wish.

I turn my blurred and strange vision.

A garden where the snow is falling little by little. It is a garden that children love.

After the kids grew up, no one came to visit. There are many people here today.

Take a close look at the faces of the people gathered.

My comrades in arms who have grown old now, the servants who seemed to pass by, the servants who supported me until the moment of death, the vassals who were a little uncomfortable, and the unknown priest.

A lot of people came… But it’s so lonely. I wish it was a little more noisy. It’s not polite to the dead, so it can’t be helped.

It was a bit sad to see the scene even after death, such a desolate world. Even so, it was a little nice to see the comrades.

As I think about it, the people I love come into my blurry vision.

Iris and the children are there too.

Thanks to unknown circumstances, seeing their faces made me a little happy. I want to savor that happiness a little more, so I look at it closely.

It was nice to see the children who had matured a lot while I couldn’t see them. I still liked how lovely she was.

It was nice just to see them.

While looking at them while chewing on those feelings, their red eyes catch my eyes.

A dead heart throbs.

Your wish has come true. I’m glad… I’m so glad. It wasn’t a meaningless struggle.

My life, which I thought was fleeting, was over, and the wish I had so longed for came true. I was grateful for that fact, but also regretful.

If my wish had come true a little sooner, I would have been able to see her smile. Too bad…

It’s a pity, but I’ve been able to put my burden down.

My happiness in my fleeting life can now be happy, so I am satisfied.

As I let go of those lingering feelings, half of my body turned to ashes before I knew it.

it will be over soon…

Even though I let go of the biggest regret, I couldn’t help but feel regret.

That’s why, isn’t everyone longing for life?

It was a little funny thinking about life like a philosopher. My close friends who have gone before will burst into laughter when they hear my thoughts.

When I think about it, I think of those who went first.

When the present moment is over, I hope I can meet my friends who have gone before. I wish I could meet my mother.

We’ll know in a little while whether that will happen or not.

As I thought so, and was looking forward to another pleasure, I heard a sorrowful voice.

It is Iris’ voice. An unforgettable voice howls plaintively. The children hug her and cry together.

I could hear their voices, but for some reason I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

I just feel their sadness.

I was happy about it, but at the same time I hated it.

I was glad that they mourned my death, as I could be certain that the curse had been lifted from their appearance. And I didn’t like seeing him sad.

What I want is their happiness, not pain. So stop being sad

I’d like to say that, but I was only allowed to see. I cannot reach them because I am dead.

It’s sad, but it’s okay because they’ll shake off the sadness someday.

They hug each other’s sadness and believe that they will overcome it.

We wish them happiness in a world that is getting darker.

The yellow flame that burns me burns splendidly before the end. The flame gradually dims, and the world goes completely dark.

After the completely darkened world, I see a slightly familiar ceiling.

Ah… it must have been a dream.

It was a happy dream. No, it’s a sad dream.

If I hadn’t known anything, it would have been a happy dream. I’ve seen too many things now.

A hero drowned in sorrow, a witch’s malice, a broken giant. It is a sad dream because I have known so many things.

I want to believe that they will overcome because I left a note telling them not to feel sorry for me and not to feel sorry for me, but I couldn’t have hope because I knew the witch’s malice.

It’s the worst. I feel so awful in the morning.

In that terrible mood, I remember the words of the man who was my father-in-law. His cry for ruining my daughter eats away at my heart. makes his heart melt

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Life was thoroughly denied. My life, which I hoped for their happiness, is being denied, and I see that their lives will be ruined.

Hearts are torn and blood flows. I can’t breathe. Overwhelmed by a terrible dream.

Unable to bear the weight of the dream, he whispers as if hypnotizing himself.

It’s just a dream. It’s just a one night nightmare.

As I was forcing myself to think like that, I heard a woman’s voice.

‘Then what other nightmares have you had?’

That voice makes it impossible to think of a dream as a dream. The dream comes crushing again. A sense of nausea rises from the weight of the dream.

If it stays like this, I think it will collapse. run out

In order to empty his thoughts in a world covered in darkness, he overworks his body to forget the terrible dream.

After moving my body for a while, my body gets heavier little by little, and my dreams become blurry.

It’s getting blurry, but it’s still lacking. Even if I can’t completely forget it, I have to erase it because it’s a little bit.

With that thought, he overworked his body until the world covered in darkness received a blue light. My whole body is wet with sweat, my mouth smells sweet, and my body creaks. The pain he suffered in his body emptied his head. The weight of the dream is gone.

I’m glad it turned out the way you wanted it.

The weight of the dream disappears, and I move my light and heavy feet to wash my exhausted body.

As I soothe my tired body with warm water, I fall asleep. But I don’t want to sleep.

I don’t want to go to sleep, thinking I’ll face that terrible nightmare again.

To wake up my heavy eyelids, I head outside where the cool breeze blows.

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Let’s go outside, the cool wind of the north blows in the season of harvest. Thanks to that wind, my eyelids lightened a little, but it was not enough. Walk lightly because it’s not enough.

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Looking at the garden, it is obvious that dreams will come to mind, so I slowly walk in the opposite direction.

As I walked like that, the outbuilding came into my eyes. The future decades later and the detached building with no other places are constantly trodden on by the eyes.

I don’t know why a detached house with no one there is trodden on in the eyes.

Is it because I spent my last years here?

I don’t know the answer, but before I knew it, my steps were heading toward the annex.

The door to the outbuilding creaked open slightly. I don’t have any good memories, but a very familiar place catches my eye.

Many thoughts pass by. I ignore these not very good thoughts, and move on to the room where I lived.

When I go up to the top floor of the annex where my room was, I can feel the presence. And a woman with no reason to come here comes into view.

the woman who was my wife. Iris came out of my room.

I am a little puzzled that someone who should be busy with the rush of work for the harvest season is here, and I am embarrassed to see her come out of the room where I lived.

The embarrassing girl greets me.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. Lady Gong.”

“What brought you here?”

“While I was taking a walk with nothing to do, this place caught my eye.”

After hearing my words, she laughs for no reason.

“Nothing to do. Then, I will give you something to do.”

There is a hint of playfulness in her voice. I thought about refusing for a while, but since I really have nothing to do, I accept her words.

“I don’t know if I can be of any help, but if you need help, I will.”

After my words, her smile deepens a bit.

“I’m glad you said that. Then, as my betrothed, stay by my side at the upcoming Harvest Festival.”

I am a little perplexed by her words. I felt that she had changed, but seeing her say this to a man who asked to break up her marriage was unfamiliar. Still, I didn’t like it.

“All right.”

“Then, I will look forward to that day.”

She says that and smiles sweetly. I savored the appearance for a while and expressed my curiosity.

“Rather than that, why is the princess here?”

She pauses for a moment and opens her mouth.

“I came because I saw this place in a strange dream.”

Ominousness sets in at those words, and breathing becomes heavy. He denies them and opens his mouth to confirm more.

“You mean a strange dream?”

“Yes, it was a bit of a strange dream.”

“Could you tell me what kind of dream it is?”

She puts on a puzzled expression for a moment, then opens her mouth.

“It was a dream where I was crying in front of the body of a man I didn’t know.”

Those words take my breath away. A dream that had lost weight now gains weight again. Feeling the weight, I opened my heavy mouth.

“okay…”

The weight gets heavier as time goes by. The weight is so heavy that it tries to show it on the face. have to get out of here

“I’ve got something to do, so I’ll go first.”

In order to escape from this place, he tells her a lie and runs out.

You have to strain your body.

Thinking so, I overwork my body, but the dream still weighs me down.

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Lack. The pain of the body cannot handle this. To reduce it, alcohol comes to mind.

Needing alcohol, I went back to my room and rang the bell calling for a servant. After a while, a young man with less flair came to visit.

“Do you need anything?”

“I need a drink, could you bring it to me? A strong drink would be nice.”

At my words, a look of bewilderment came over the man’s face.

“The Duke took all the alcohol, so there is no alcohol left. sorry.”

“… I see. go back.”

The man bows to me and leaves. Left alone, I chew on my innocent lips and move on belatedly to receive the drink the broken giant offered.