I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

“Empress.”

"I greet Your Majesty."

When I greeted him, he approached me. Holding my hand, I stretched out my bent knee. And I looked at his face.

I raised my eyebrows at the sight of his haggard face. Her complexion looked pretty bad.

"Your Majesty, aren't you feeling well?"

"Oh, I caught a cold."

"Cold…"

"I’m very tired of all this fuss with Lisa. It seems that I have become quite old."

Raymond smiled and joked. He was comfortable with me, which was very different from his manners a few days ago.

So he set out to divert the conversation aside.

“The imperial doctor said that the Crown Prince's health has almost recovered. I came here to take a walk together because I heard that daily life has become possible. Do you have time?"

"Yes, I have…"

"Then let’s walk together with Carlisle after a long time."

"Yes," I nodded at her pale smile.

After Helen brought Carlisle, we went out to the imperial gardens together. There was hardly a trace of Carlisle's poisoning, and now my son could walk.

Carlisle took Raymond and me by the hands and walked in the middle.

"Carlisle, if it hurts somewhere, say it."

"But I'm fine. I think I’m not tired and I can jump."

Carlisle looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes.

All these days my son was trying to find out from me one thing – to cancel the ban on going out. He spent a whole week locked in a room, so now he was incredibly bored.

"I'm glad that everything is fine. Nevertheless, let's refrain from protracted festivities for now."

I pretended not to know his wish and turned the subject around.

Carlisle's face was grim, but there was nothing to be done until the doctors told him he was completely healthy.

It hasn't been long since he almost died from a fierce poison. There should have been no other stories.

Raymond spoke with a smile on his lips, looking at Carlisle.

"How about this, I'll give you a present when you get well."

"Present?"

"If the Crown Prince listens to his mother, I will give you the pony the Crown Prince wanted."

"Wow!" Carlisle jumped as if he had already got his. And turned his head to me. "Mom, it's a pony! I will listen to my mother and take medicine!"

His depressed mood disappeared in an instant, and immediately the promise sounded.

"Yes, yes."

"Cough, cough."

Raymond released Carlisle's hand and coughed.

Does it seem true that he caught a cold?

"Your Majesty, are you alright?"

"Father, are you sick?"

Raymond shook his head in answer to our questions and waved his hand as if it were nothing.

"It's okay, just a common cold."

He looked down and spoke to Carlisle, who now looked worried.

"Crown Prince, it's all right, don't worry."

But the color of his face was different from what was said.

When did he even have such a terrible cold?

I looked at him… As if sensing my gaze, Raymond looked away.

"It's okay, don't worry."

"Oh, mom, there are violets!" Carlisle shouted suddenly.

Carlisle, who let go of my hand, leaned towards the place where the purple flowers were.

"Uhh.”

However, after being in his room for a whole week, Carlisle went limp, and his legs could barely hold.

Carlisle stumbled and flew forward. I tried to catch him, but Raymond moved faster.

"Oh…"

But now, amazed by what had happened, I stopped all movements.

After all, Raymond didn't catch Carlisle.

Carlisle stood up, rubbing his knees.

And although my son fell to the ground a moment ago, I couldn’t take my eyes off Raymond. Raymond was looking down at his hand that missed holding Cain… he seemed very surprised.

"Your Majesty."

Raymond's shoulders quivered at my little call. Looking up soon, he spoke with an awkward face.

"I think I should get some rest."

"I see that you have a bad cold."

"It seems so."

Raymond stroked Carlisle's head.

"I feel bad. I'm sorry, but I have to leave you."

"It’s okay. When you get well, play with me, father."

"Yes."

Raymond, who was looking at Carlisle as if holding his eyes, raised his head.

"I'll go first."

"I will go to your Palace today."

"No, it's okay. Take care of Carlisle. I'll take a couple of days off."

Raymond left. I followed him with my eyes until he disappeared from sight.

"Mom?" Carlisle asked before my rigid face with a strange face.

"Carlisle, let's go back to the Palace."

Carlisle was disappointed, but I couldn't walk anymore because I had so many thoughts. I took Carlisle's hand and went back to the Empress Palace.

* * *

"I greet Her Majesty the Empress."

Returning to the palace, I immediately ran into a doctor.

"Raise you head."

"Yes, Your Majesty.”

I picked up the teacup and asked the doctor.

"His Majesty is not feeling well."

"Yes, he has a bad cold."

"A cold, then… In my memory, this was the first time His Majesty fell ill with a cold. He didn’t get sick, even when he fenced on a cold day, fumbling in the snow…"

The doctor's shoulders twitched slightly.

I didn't notice much detail, but I felt that he was tense.

"Are there any other problems with the Emperor?"

"He just caught a cold, because lately he had so much work…"

The Imperial medic responded immediately, but I saw his trembling fingers at that moment. After seeing the strong agitation from him, I put down the cup of tea.

‘What's wrong with Raymond?'

"I see. I see… so she can go now.”

"Yes, Your Majesty."

The Imperial doctor hurried away with relief.

After the Imperial doctor left, I asked Helen.

“…Helen, what do you think?”

“I think… He seemed to be hiding something.”

In the end, Helen felt the same way that I did.

I ran through the memories and gathered my thoughts together.

The first time I felt something strange around Raymond was when I went to his office after Lisa's trial.

On that day, he forced me to return to the Palace.

And on the same day, Raymond's face was already extremely pale. As if it hurts somewhere.

At that time, I chalked it up to a fleeting illusion, but even after that, he drew an invisible line between us. Besides, he said he was just tired. But the next day he didn’t feel better either.

"It looks like something has happened to the Emperor."

And an ominous hunch that the problem would be much more serious than I thought crossed my back.

Helen tilted her head, a serious look on my rigid face.

‘What's wrong with you, so you have to hide it from me. Is it a disease that cannot be cured?'

I clenched my hand at the worst imagination.

"Helen.”

"Yes."

"Find out what is the medicine that the Imperial doctor administers to His Majesty. And if the Imperial doctor rushes to the Sun Palace, let me know immediately."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

After Helen left, I raised my cup of tea to my dry lips.

It was only then that I realized how much my hands were shaking now.

"Raymond…"

I have never seen him or imagined him sick… As if shaken by anxiety, I took a deep breath.

* * *

The next day.

I couldn't even sleep well, nervous about Raymond's problem.

"You haven't heard about the medicine the Imperial doctor uses, have you?"

Once the maids were done with my wardrobe, I asked Helen.

"Yes… The palace doctors burn all the waste, it won't be easy to find out."

"Such things are done by the servants, but if the doctors do it themselves… It's even more suspicious," I said with a slight pressure on my stinging temple.

"Your Majesty, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I only have a little headache because I couldn't sleep well. Did you send someone to my father?"

"Yeah. I sent it before, so the Excellency of him will arrive soon."

If Raymond is in trouble, his right hand should know about it. So early in the morning I said Helen to send someone for Duke.

Knock Knock.

When I turned my head towards the sound, the maid entered and bowed her head.

"Your Majesty, Duke Croft has arrived."

"Take him to the living room."

I got up and went down to the living room with Helen.

"Father. No need to bow, so sit comfortably."

Father sat down opposite.

I looked him up and down and realized that he was more emaciated than before.

"Father, are you sick?"

"Oh no. I just lost sleep for a few days. I'm healthy, don't worry."

"If you are sick, then say so."

Raymond made me nervous, so at the moment my words sounded cold.

My father froze for a moment after my words.

"…I'm sorry. His Majesty went to bed with a cold, and I was afraid that my father was also sick."

“…”

Duke remained in awkward silence. When our eyes met, I could see my father's face in panic.

‘Why are you nervous?'

"I understand. I'm fine, so you have nothing to worry about."

My father lowered his head, avoiding my gaze, and took up a cup of tea.

My suspicions grew further and further.

There was absolutely nothing in my words that could embarrass my father.

"Father, do you know anything about His Majesty's condition?"

“…”

Father was silent.

He wasn’t embarrassed as before, but only lifted his chin with a stubborn face.

"…I know His Majesty has a bad cold."

"It doesn't look like a common cold. What the hell are you hiding from me? Say it as it is."

"Your Majesty…"

For the first time in my life, I spoke to him as an Empress and not as a daughter.

"Does he has a serious illness?"

Suddenly the door to the living room opened and Helen appeared.

Our conversation wasn’t easy, so I told Helen not to come in unless it was urgent.

"Your Majesty, the Emperor and the doctor suddenly rushed into the Sun Palace moments ago."