If The Villain Catches Me Alive

 

Rattle, rattle!

 

Theodore’s hand strained against the doorknob, but the door wouldn’t open. For the first time today, he realized that this door could be locked.

 

“Dante!”

 

His heart was racing. Anxiety had taken over his mind completely, and he couldn’t see anything else. The silence was deafening. Theodore pounded on the door, calling out Dante’s name repeatedly. The hallway was empty of people, and the few who passed by were too individualistic due to their nature as mages to cast a glance at him.

 

His head was a mess.

 

‘Why? Why do I smell blood?’

 

He wouldn’t…… He doesn’t do that kind of thing anymore, he’s not that kind of person anymore. Ever since that day, ever since he changed so suddenly. After he changed, he’d freak out if someone even got a paper cut, and pour a whole bottle of alcohol on them, almost as if he was the one who’d been hurt……

 

‘Is this related to the certificate you were looking for the other day?’

 

Theodore pressed his fist against the locked door. His fist shook helplessly.

 

“Now that me and Jeffrey are of age, it’s time for someone else to……’

 

Theodore shook his head hard.

 

“No….”

 

Calm down. Theodore. Please, calm down.

 

He had been calling him ‘Dante’ instead of ‘Master’ for barely a year, but Theodore knew. He wasn’t the kind of man to do that, he knew that for sure.

 

He knew that much, even if he had always been afraid of being betrayed, always been pessimistic and doubtful.

 

He calmed himself. He tried to remember the clear, innocent face of Dante that he’d glimpsed occasionally as they exercised together, as they worked together, but his face had already turned pale. 

 

His complexion has turned white and his hands are shaking.

 

‘It’s okay, it’s okay…’

 

I swear, if something like that ever happens again, I’d listen first. I’ll hear what he has to say… and then it will not be too late to fix everything afterward. It’s okay.

 

With that self-brainwashing, Theodore broke the doorknob in one swift motion.

 

It was surprisingly calm inside.

 

Everything was the same. It looked the same as he had seen it before he left for the ceremony. It was the same place that resembled a gentle and caring person. The only difference was that……

 

One of the bookshelves had been moved.

 

Theodore knew what lay beneath, he knew the hidden room. He hadn’t been in it since they’d left it together that night, but his body still remembered. The pain he’d felt back then came back to him. His cold hands began to shake. It was a reflex.

 

‘No…’

 

Even as he thought that, he continued to walk dutifully downward. The deeper he went, the more the pungent stench penetrated his senses. The smell of blood was almost too much to bear.

 

And finally, when he reached the basement laboratory,

 

Thud.

 

His legs that had barely held him up gave out.

 

It was a room filled with nightmares. It was a place he’d forgotten, but never been able to erase.

 

“Dante……”

 

There was the person he had been looking for.

 

“Dante!”

 

There was no answer. There was no sign of movement as he lay there, lifeless. His breath was caught in his throat, as though his worst fears had come true.

 

“No, no……”

 

He kept repeating the words of denial like a fool. His legs, already weak, struggled to take more than a few steps. His heart pounded harder as he got closer.

 

Eventually, Theotore reached Dante’s side and carefully pulled him into his arms.

 

“Don’t do this… Please… This isn’t funny. It’s not funny, not one bit….”

 

I’d rather the assumptions I made when I didn’t know anything were true. I would rather see that twisted view. Just tell me that the smell of blood all over this place isn’t yours. I won’t ask for any explanation. Just, just say it is…

 

“I asked you to wait for me.”

 

There are things that I need to tell you. You agreed to wait…… Why didn’t you even listen to that?

 

It didn’t feel real at all. Oh, this feeling… It was the same one I felt when I sent them off. Oh Mother, Father. My family. My family that was within my bubble of happiness. Damn it, only now did I realize that all of this was undeniably true. Ah, then……

 

‘It’s happening again this time…’

 

No matter how many times I tell myself it’s a lie. It’s undeniably true, like a stain that won’t go away no matter how hard I wipe it away. I’m forced to face the horrible, tiresome, unbearable reality one more time.

 

His tears fell down his face with a dull plop, and when they landed on Dante’s face, it looked as if he was crying. As if he were alive.

 

“You know, Dante…”

 

I have grown to like you quite a bit……

 

I was afraid you might dislike me, so I hid it away, not wanting to get hurt… But you said it yourself. I have to speak up for anyone to understand. If I don’t say anything, nothing changes, and the other person won’t understand.

 

“So I……”

 

It was then that I had the courage to tell you. I wanted to make things right with you, too, this time. I wanted to be brave, and even if our relationship started from the bottom of a puddle, I wanted to put a good layer of dry dirt on top of it and stand upright …together with you.

 

His eyes were closed, his lashes densely matted, and there was a trickle of blood on his lip, either from enduring the pain or from trying to hold it in, but Dante’s features appeared to be calm……

 

It seems like you’re at peace. But I can’t cheer you on, or even accept it……

 

***

 

I gasped for air as if I were suffocating.

 

I opened my eyes.

 

I was lying in a cabin filled with warm colors, not in the white, snowy world of my dreams.

 

‘I must have been dreaming…’

 

Strangely, I didn’t feel bad. I had always thought that my dreams… were a reflection of my past, so whenever I opened my eyes, I would always feel like someone squeezed my heart all the time… I think this is the first time this has ever happened to me.

 

I sat up slowly and straightened my upper body to look around. The small cabin, which must have been about the same size as my apartment, looked so different from the last place I had seen.

 

The midday sun streaming through the window tickled my fingertips, moderately warm and not scalding.

 

Feeling more at peace than I had in a long time, I stood up and went to the window.

 

The view outside was filled with lush trees. The small village below seemed to be inhabited, with little wisps of smoke rising from their chimneys and their noises carried by the wind……

 

Thump.

 

I don’t know why my eyes are welling up with tears at this shallow happiness.

 

My steps faithfully led me outside. The sunlight shone down on me a little more directly. It was dazzling, and warm.

 

Another tear fell down my cheek as I looked at the peaceful scene.

 

Perhaps I finally found peace. Or perhaps I was left at the borderline between death and life. I couldn’t tell. If I was dead, I wouldn’t have to endure anything anymore, including sorrow. Was death so empty? I wondered what I had been living for all this time.

 

After a moment’s desolation, I realized that I was still alive. I had no proof, but a strong sense of certainty. Perhaps the gods had taken pity on me and given me a second chance.

 

Here, in this unknown and warm place, to start over.

 

Suddenly, I thought of the people I had left behind. No, not people. To be precise, it was only that child.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

My legs gave way. I slumped helplessly to the ground. And yet, the world remained unchanged and dazzling, the sun still shining on me. It was too much for me to bear. No, I wouldn’t know if I would make the same choice if I were to go back. I realized that I was human enough to have selfish and greedy desires.

 

My mind was awakened to an emotion I had forgotten, one that didn’t go well with warmth, one that I had thought was an incurable disease that I had lived with.

 

Loneliness.

 

It was that emotion.