I’m A Demon Summoner, Damn It!

“Crowley! It’s good to see you!”

Aaahh fuck that’s not good.

Moldo’s never happy to see me, or anyone really, unless he needs something done. He only ever uses his chipper voice and attitude to catch you off guard. Make you think the man currently walking towards me with his arms wide, with a purple cloak so long that it drags across the black obsidian floor, was glad you came. Which wasn’t entirely untrue. It’s just that he’s never glad when someone comes to visit.

“What do you want, Moldo?” enjoyed watching as the pasty faced son of a bitch’s smile twitched a bit at that. Making my displeasure at being called away to fix his fuck ups was one of the few joys left in my life.

Unfortunately, Moldo knew that too.

His smile came back as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, “Oh, don’t be like that Crowley! Don’t you remember all our good times together? Remember that time we fought the Gorgoth?”

“Yeah, I do,” I slip out of his slimy grasp and start walking towards the overly large desk he has set up at the end of the hall, “You were out in the field a lot more back then.” I don’t know why but I was feeling especially pissed at the man I would tangentially call a friend. Maybe it was the constantly flickering blue flames in the lanterns on the wall that hurt my eyes to look at. Maybe it was the annoying tapping sound that seemed to come from everywhere at once ringing in my ears. Maybe it was the giant, enchanted, reinforced glass window that made up the back wall of the wall right behind Moldo’s desk, shining sunlight directly into my face.

Or maybe I was just in a bad mood.

Regardless, I really didn’t feel like indulging in Moldo’s crappy act.

I turned back to see him still wearing that damn smile on his face. Eliza stood by his side like a haunting specter, her raincoat making her blend into the shadows. Moldo turned to her, waving his hands dismissively, “You are dismissed Eliza. Why don’t you go track down that Glaive that got out of containment? It should be in the fifth district by now, so might wanna hurry.”

Eliza was already out the door by the time he finished speaking. She was always so eager to go after an escaped demon. I’d be worried for her if I hadn’t seen what she did to that one asshole who thought he could take her in a fistfight. I don’t think he ever mentally recovered from what she did to him.

Once she was out the door, Moldo made his way over to me. He pulled the chair in front of his desk out with the same smile on his face, “Might I offer you a seat, Crowley? You did just come back from another mission after all. Your feet must be aching.” He kept that stupid grin on the entire the time he said that, but his eyes weren’t looking at me. They were looking at my bum leg and the cane I used to support it.

“I think I’ll stand,” yeah my leg was killing me, but my bad mood took precedent. That and it made his smug grin falter a bit more, which made me feel a bit better. I walked around his desk to the huge window and looked out over the city of Melphis. It was a dank, dark, shit stain on the ass of this planet. With a giant blue eye staring down on it from above, never once letting up its judging gaze.

Just as I remembered it. “So,” I start while leaning against the glass, “what do you need me for?”

“Can’t I just call up an old friend to-“

“You’re not fooling anyone, Moldo,” I see his reflection freeze up at my words, “Let’s cut to the chase.”

His smile holds up for a second longer. Then it falls and the rest of his charade with it. His posture changed to a hunched over, frustrated look as he walked around to his seat and slumped into it. A hand went to his head to rub his tired eyes as he spoke with the voice of someone who was sick of everything, “Damn it, Crowley. Can’t you play along even a little bit?”

“Don’t know. Can you stop calling me in for another job after I finish one already?”

“I don’t do that too much.”

“By my count, you’ve called me in for about ten jobs this week alone.”

He shrugs while grabbing a plain black mug from his desk, “They were all missions that needed the touch of an Arch Summoner.” He took a sip of what I could only guess was coffee, sighing as he swallowed the liquid.

“Simple retrieval missions that could’ve been done by a Novice required the hand of an Arch Summoner? Don’t try to bullshit me. You were just looking for an excuse to make me do something you didn’t want anyone else to do.”

“Ok, then would you rather I just stop giving you work? Then you stop getting paid, and your skills get rusty.”

“I’d rather you let me retire.”

“Not until we get another Arch Summoner to take your place. It’s not my fault one hasn’t come around for years,” he shakes his head, “Besides, you? Retiring? I just can’t see that. What would you do, buy a house in the middle of the forest, sit on the porch, and yell at people to get off your lawn?”

“Nah,” I wave a hand dismissively at him as he laughs, “While I would buy a house somewhere far away from you, I’d be living out the rest of my days with a fiery young lass that won’t let me rest, but in a good way.”

“Really? Then why not Eliza? She’s pretty nice.”

“Too frigid for my taste. Plus I think she’s had a grudge against me ever since I beat her in that sparring match when were kids. Your sister still open?”

“Sure, if you don’t mind a crazy woman who’s more likely punch you in the face than cook you dinner.”

This time when he starts laughing, I join him. We stop after a minute. Then we’re just quiet for a bit. Enjoying each others company after so long. I might give Moldo shit, but at the end of the day he’s my longest lived friend. I turn to him and ask, “You holding up alright?”

“Eh, doing the best I can,” he shrugs while taking another sip of coffee, “Things were relatively quiet. Then...yesterday happened and...well that’s why I called you up here.”

“Finally getting to that are we?” I put my back up against the window, raising an eyebrow at him while grinning. It disappears when I see the frown on my old friend’s face. The kind that he only has when it’s something serious. I keep my mouth shut while he starts to explain.

“Yesterday, at about seven o’clock in the morning, one of our Scars killed a Celestine Cleric.”

Fuck.

“That’s not good,” I could already see why he was upset. The Angelic city of Celestine was our opposite in every way. We had demons, they had angels. We had a dark slum of a city, they had a shining towering metropolis. We were grim and cynical, they were arrogant and annoying.

Moldo nodded in agreement, “It happened on the Frontier. Two of our Scars were out training some Novice Summoners by having them practice summoning a few low rank demons. Then a bunch of Celestine Chosen Ones showed up with two of their Clerics. One of the Clerics started to insult our Scars and...well one of them didn’t take it too kindly.”

That’s unusual. Scars are our senior Summoners that have managed to stick around for a long time. They’re not sent out on missions much because...well they’re called Scars for a reason. I’ve met a lot of them in my time here, and they all have a patience and stoicism that I wish I could have. But then...

“How could a few insults cause a Scar to go far enough to kill a Cleric?” I ask Moldo, “Those guys don’t let anything get to them...unless the Cleric...oh no.”

“Exactly. According to the report I’ve received from the second Scar, the one that tried to stop his partner, he heard the Cleric mention something about the first Scar’s injuries. That set her off and now we’ve got a dead Cleric on our hands.”

“Just fucking great,” my free hand goes to my head. I can already feel a migraine coming on, “I’m guessing the damn angels are baying for blood.”

“No, actually,” Moldo leans back his chair and places the mug back on his desk, “I’ve been in contact with the Archangel. He’s been extremely cooperative and understanding about the whole situation.”

“But...,” there was always a but when it came to things like this.

“But, the people of Celestine aren’t as understanding,” Moldo steeples his hands together, his frown deepening and revealing the wrinkles on his cheeks, “They believe we’ve committed an act of High Heresy against them, and are calling for a Crusade to ‘Wipe our heretical taint from existence.’

A bunch of assholes that have been taught that they’re the greatest in the world and no one is more virtuous and right as they are, wanting the people who happen to be different from them annihilated even though they’re the ones at fault?

I’m shocked. Really, I am.

“Alright, so you’re in a political clusterfuck right now. Still haven’t gotten to what I have to do with any of this,” it was then he looked at me with a glint in his eye that made me want to rush right out the exit.

“Even if the angels are fine, they need to keep their people placated lest they do something drastic,” he continued, the slightest bit of joy edging its way into his voice, “So, Remiel and I have agreed to, an exchange of sorts. They give us a formal, public apology for the actions of their Cleric...and we give them a representative that will live under the watchful eyes of five of their Chosen Ones for two years.”

Oh no.

“And that’s..”

No. No. No!

“...where you come in, Crowley.”

....I really shouldn’t have answered that fucking door.