I’m Not a Hero Like You

113 – 37. I don’t look into the future.(2)

A small incense burner made entirely of brass.

The floor is wide like a round table, but the central pillar is a flower and is as thin as a plant stem.

The inside was empty, like a bowl that could contain something, but it was not deep.

Inside it, lay a light gray floor covering and then flatten it.

On top of the flattened flooring, this time, he collects and clumps the powder hewn off as if peeling off juniper wood, and piles up the lumps that have been piled up like a hill.

Then, the powder started to burn from above, and a faint scent began to rise along with faint smoke.

After a while, when the lid of the copper incense burner is closed again, a scene is created as if incense rises through the flower petals.

“You must have made up your mind to see how determined your eyes are.”

“… ….”

Gazef, who used the cave as his home, lit an incense burner and handed over herbal water brewed with medicinal herbs to the late guest’s appearance.

Accepting it, Kariel put the dark herb ingredients floating in a small wooden bowl in her eyes.

“Don’t eat that together.”

“… ….”

I had to drink it as hard as I could because it was heated water, but I was told not to eat the ingredients separately and not to get them out, so I drank more slowly.

She ate it quickly and there was no reason to do anything, so Kariel calmly moistened her lips, wet her tongue and teeth, and led her contents into her mouth, warming the pit of her throat.

“So, have you decided where to go?”

“I am thinking about that.”

It doesn’t make sense to go to the empire right away.

But if there is a place to go, that is not the case again.

I wanted to lock myself in here until I was sure.

“For now, I plan to visit the places where Mines needs to go first.”

“Really?”

Gazef didn’t bother asking.

Even though I’ve been here for so long, the number of times I’ve seen him face-to-face, even had a serious conversation like this, could be counted on one hand.

The reason is probably that Kariel herself couldn’t afford it.

“I ate that the other day. It definitely helped her look a lot.”

“Are you talking about a story from a year ago? Don’t do it out of the blue You just have to say thank you because it was given to you by an adult, and move on to be thankful for that moment. If you give thanks for every single thing you eat, when will you sleep and hunt? When are you looking for a mate?”

“… ….”

Although it is said to be a beast, its physique is quite unusual.

It’s not to the extent of the giants, but at least compared to other normal races that are human, its size was uniquely intimidating.

Since ancient times, the Beast Tribe has placed great importance on self-control and control to the point of considering it a belief and religious doctrine.

So they used to be more tied to various traditions and forms, including formalities and ostentation, than humans.

A desperate effort of their own to curb needless strife without disturbing harmony by controlling themselves permanently in that way.

However, the stronger the beast, the more difficult it will be to control one’s emotions, impulses, and instincts.

In the first place.

Even if it’s the same prisoner, there were a lot of people who wondered or questioned why they should be treated equally and treated as a person when someone is fed that.

Why should we harmonize with nature? Why respect?

In the case of Gazef, a deer was a herbivore.

In other words, because he was a rock-in, he was said to be on the side of accepting that part conciliatoryly.

That said, he has a nature-friendly and peaceful habit.

That was absolutely not the case.

“I’m sorry to say that, but when are you planning to find a partner then, Mister?”

“Me? Do you need that? I don’t think there’s anyone who can handle me.”

It seems that he is aware that he is ignorant.

“There was, there was. The problem could have grown because they were not of the same race… Anyway, for now, I have no idea. But aren’t you? All the kids who follow you must be hot, but are you planning to neglect them irresponsibly? A man neglecting a woman is more serious than not being able to take care of himself. Even if it’s a pair or other guys look at it. Possessing it and not touching it is beyond irresponsibility and a serious crime.”

“… ….”

Your body is heating up.

Is it a crime to own and not touch?

The expression was very exaggerated and explicit, but the whole thing itself was wrong in the first place.

“I don’t have that kind of relationship with them.”

“If you pierce, f*ck, and cum, having a baby is the same, but what’s not? Do you have any flaws there? Or is there something wrong with them?”

“… Doesn’t that mean that?”

“As a female, that’s fine. If I were a human and had a humane aesthetic sense, it would have been a sin to neglect them. Both males and females suffer less if they give birth when they are young. Giving birth is secondary.”

It must have brought up a pointless subject.

I don’t think scratching and swelling is this much.

“And the effort it takes to raise them is even greater. Hunting to secure food every day, protecting and cultivating the ground. If there are competitors, kick them out and defeat them. In addition, teach survival skills so that the young can easily stand on their own. Aren’t human beings already short-lived and less fertile? So, before the number in front of age changes to 2, you must have at least two or three children.”

“… ….”

“Isn’t it normal to have two or three kids your age? When your father was in the middle of the day, because of the damn demon king and his followers, we wanted to live and die for each other, so we couldn’t afford to do that… Even in that situation, everyone seems to know how to mate well.”

“Ha ha.”

I started to get confused about whether this was a sermon or just noise.

“Aristhetis also showed interest in you and seemed unable to control his burning body. Don’t look around and accept it quickly.”

“So, you said it wasn’t like that.”

“No, what? It’s a man’s duty to listen to a woman’s wishes. Is there any difficulty? Just soothe it and add some water. Why do you attach so much importance to something that will only take a few minutes?”

“… Is that listening limited to mating?”

“If you pair up, you become a pair. Whether it’s two, three or four, everyone can live a worthwhile life by dedicating themselves to each other. How good is it Faith does not begin with the heart, but with the body. Do you think that we who were called heroes and warriors had a good relationship from the beginning? Right away, the emperor and your father were aiming at each other’s heart to get the holy sword… This is a pretty famous story, didn’t you know?”

“… ….”

It’s not strange to say they’re brothers beyond best friends?

Should be shocking or absurd.

More than that.

If you snoop here and there irresponsibly poking around as much as you like… I thought life would be so easy.

No. If you look closely, there are many people who live like that, so it may be that they decided not to live profligately as a doctrine.

Otherwise, by the standards of human society, chaos would not be like this.

Kariel herself wants to follow the doctrine of Irenice, so she dares to cross the line with only one woman, and after her marriage.

She’s not in a position to be obsessed with that.

Just.

“I can’t afford that right now.”

“Leisure is what you make. What else can you not do? It’s about being nice to each other. Do you know why the male and female can’t get along and eat each other regardless of the age? If you do it, that’s why it’s so good. This is God’s grace. Equality without discrimination among plants, insects, animals, and humans is the right to give birth to life. Ruler! Tell me Am I wrong?”

“… ….”

Why did the topic suddenly turn this way?

In hindsight, Kariel herself might have made the biggest mistake by mentioning this topic.

Coming to think of it, when I first saw him here, didn’t he openly treat Ashes and himself as a married couple?

It was very embarrassing.

Since they’re not a couple, then a relationship that only enjoys each other’s bodies? Then, when I had a child, I would become a couple anyway, but when I questioned what was wrong, my brain was shaking.

“Did you think about it after trying it or not?”

“… All right.”

Dating or being plain about a lover, or being reluctant to do so.

Since Kariel herself is a person and a man, it wasn’t that she didn’t have that sort of consciousness at all.

“… ….”

To like someone is to make oneself defenseless.

That makes them vulnerable to betrayal.

For him who has been stabbed in the heart by people he believed to be comrades, even if not lovers, as well as his family.

… It was not easy for him to open his heart toward anything.

But even when he finally faced such a result.

I didn’t want to be disappointed.

“The guy who used to be such a nice person. In the old days, you were young, so you said that if you saw a pretty kid among your peers, you would be my wife, right? And that sister is also my lover! I even went to a married woman and said that I would make her my wife.”

“I, uh, did that?”

“I remember clearly. I don’t think I really remember anything. You were very grumpy back then. Because they pushed me regardless of race.”

“… ….”

Is this a migraine or vertigo?

It was like I had a headache for a while, and I also felt dizzy.

“Didn’t you tell that Aserat to live next to you if you had nowhere to go? Wasn’t that the girl clinging to you right now because of that?”

“… ….”

“No?”

Why is he snoring seriously, as if facing an unexpected situation?

I had a hunch that something, an absurd misunderstanding, was settling in a different meaning.

No, it might be too late.

“I don’t know~ as the male says, the female bursts into flames. Didn’t you get slapped on the cheek?”

The cheeks didn’t fit.

… I just almost got my throat blown off by the sword.

“No, I really….”

I don’t know.

How sociable was I in the past?

No, I think this is beyond the level of being sociable?

Are you really taken hostage? Rather, it’s a trip, so wasn’t it because I wanted to see another country legally?

“… ….”

Is it plausible?

Judging from the information I’ve received so far, it makes sense.

“Yes. Let’s talk about this. It doesn’t look like you’re worried about it anyway, and I’m not really interested in that.”

“… ….”

Is it finally over?

The topic was a bit embarrassing, so I couldn’t finish drinking the drug.

It was easy to drink because it cooled down, but the bitter taste became more prominent because of how the mellow scent had cooled down.

“For what purpose are you trying to improve your skills to such an extreme? I was wondering if I should ask this or not… I also recently went out for a while and came back to hear rumors from the outside.”

“… ….”

“What the hell did you get involved with, so you put on an absurd false accusation?”

It’s a false name.

“Okay.”

Can we just call that a false name?

“It’s probably not because of that girl who has the power of the Great Demon King.”

“… It’s not easy to explain, and even if I did, the story would be very long. I can’t even say that with certainty.”

“What’s so complicated? That’s why you still can’t hold a single female. They say you have to experience it once to become a true male.”

“… ….”

“Ask Acerat or Mines for a favor. If it were just the two of us, would you listen to it casually?”

What am I asking for?

I understand the point, but discussing it casually… I don’t know if it’s because he’s not human, or if it’s just because his personality is like that.

“I don’t think that will change people.”

In the first place.

Whether I did it or not, it didn’t matter much at the moment.

Is it a desire or a desire?

If that doesn’t happen, the biggest failure is probably failure.

Although it’s a dream, it’s a world that comes from consciousness, and it’s like an illusion.

I have lived more lives in such a world of dreams and consciousness than in reality.

Is that why?

“I know that your emotions are fading as your consciousness and mind become the same as Mother Nature’s, but… If you think it’s real, you’re getting it all wrong.”

Nature rather.

“Because I have very rich emotions. Even more desires and even desires.”

“…… ?”

“But it is not as diverse as life like ours.”

Isn’t this?

“Some plants in this area do not receive sunlight, so they survive by parasitizing on other trees or by eating living things.”

And some plants.

“… If I’m going to die, you’re going to die too, so I’m burning the forest.”

“Yes? I beg your pardon?”

“It is not a lie. There is such a plant.”

As you can see, this is nature.

“We express various needs and emotions, but they are unidirectional. It’s hard to explain, but they feel the same joy, sadness, and fear as we do.”

“… ….”

“However, those who were born were determined not once, but hundreds and thousands. Maybe more than that, they live and die and change their temperament and ecology. Even though they were simple weeds and weeds in the old days, at some point they injure or burn even huge trees, and on the other hand, they call in pests to impoverish rival trees.”

Now, take a look.

“This is life. But the dead don’t talk. Do you think the rock is dead? Living rocks and dead rocks have different dynamics. The intensity itself is different. Dead rocks quickly harm and split, but… Mountain rocks are hard and even tough.”

“… That sounds like something incredible.”

“If it were you now, would you be able to recognize that much? It’s out of interest, so it must’ve been out of sight until now.”

“… ….”

“Live lively. If you want to live.”

Even if it goes towards death.

“Don’t deny that you are alive. Isn’t it better to be able to think later that I was happy to be born rather than being born?”

“… ….”

That’s a good word.

It was also a word that penetrated deep into my heart.

But.

There’s one thing you don’t know.

“… ….”

I’m not killing or getting rid of emotions.

On the contrary, it’s because I’m full of emotions, so I’ve been able to endure it all this time.

It’s only because that emotion is fundamentally close to anger.

I’m not killing my emotions.

I am.

… It’s just killing the anger.

In order not to explode this emotion on useless people.

In order not to make mistakes because of that.

I….

“Good words, thank you.”

“You do it well with a face that doesn’t reach you.”

Even as Jeff snorted, his twinkling eyes were slightly raised, as if feeling regretful or bitter.

Since it is similar to a human but different from a human, it is a little confusing whether that expression is this one.

… However, if you look with your heart, not your eyes.

Everything becomes clear at a glance.

“No. I am truly grateful.”

There is not a single point of lies in this statement.

But just because I’m grateful.

As if that advice, encouragement, interest, and consolation could not become sweet rain in my heart.

Can such a day ever come?

I don’t know.

Release your mind, rely on someone, trust….

If I leave it to you, it will be enough.

“… ….”

If you sit down like that once.

Can I stand up again? Can you recover?

… At the point of rejecting Alessia’s favor, the worries about this part had already ended a long time ago.

Therefore, there is no change.

There is no room for shaking.

Nevertheless.

“Like you said, I hope the day comes when I can say thank you for being born to someone.”

If that happens.

At that time, I will gladly and thank you again and again.