I’m Really a Superstar

Afternoon.

The sun had risen. It was a bit stuffy in the house.

Zhang Ye opened the room’s door to air the place out. He stepped on a flyer that was slotted under the door and picked it up. He took a look and saw that it was a menu from a fast food restaurant called Long Long. It’s likely this was a new eatery that only existed in this world, as Zhang Ye had never heard of it before. Whatever. Since it was convenient, he called in to make an order.

“Hello.”

“This is Long Long Fast Food.”

“What’s the cheapest item you have for delivery?”

“Well, the cheapest is chicken rice. Adding the delivery fee, it comes to 15 Yuan.”

“Okay, I’ll take that. Let me give you the address.”

Just as he was about to hang up, Zhang Ye suddenly caught sight of a small shadow creeping into his house. Zhang Ye was startled, hung up the phone and then looked over. It was a little girl who came in. She was about eight years old and obviously an elementary student, as she was wearing a school uniform from the Xuanwu district’s No.2 Experimental Primary School. The little girl had a face like a porcelain doll. Zhang Ye had never seen such a fair and glowing child; she was especially beautiful.

“Little kid.” Zhang Ye blinked, “Who are you looking for?”

The little girl took a glance at him, ignored his presence and walked straight to the fridge. She opened it up and looked inside, then as if it were her house, tiptoed at the edge on the inside of the fridge and reached for a bottle of cola that Zhang Ye had inside. She slammed the fridge door shut afterwards and looked around for a place to sit down. She found herself a seat on the sofa and twisted the bottle cap open and slowly enjoyed the gassy goodness.

Zhang Ye, sweating with anxiety, asked, “What’s your name? And what are you doing here at my house? Did you lose your way from your parents? What are your parents’ names? I’ll take you back.”

The little girl asked childishly, “What’s your name?”

“I’m called Zhang Ye. Hey, why are you asking me instead?” asked Zhang Ye.

The little girl briefly acknowledge that and took a look at Zhang Ye for the first time, “You are THAT Zhang Ye? The school has been broadcasting your fairy tale every week now. I’m so sick of it; it’s so childish!”

Zhang Ye asked, “You know me? My story is childish?”

The little girl’s tone was that of a child, but somehow her voice was deep. When she spoke, it felt like you owed her some money, “Not childish? Just take ‘Little Bunnies Be Good’. When I first listened to it, I thought that the person who wrote it was rather dumb, like he had no general knowledge.” She spoke with a logical flow and was composed, unlike many other kids her age. “Let me ask you: is the Big Bad Wolf a picky eater?”

Zhang Ye in confusion replied, “Why would a wolf be picky about food?”

“That’s it.” she pouted. “You’ve personified the wolf in your writing, making it able to open or knock on doors. The little bunnies could converse with the wolf, too. These are not the problems, though. However, you wrote that the wolf tried all kinds of means to lure the Little Bunnies out to eat them instead of eating the Mother Bunny, so this would be a fault in your logic. You just said that the Big Bad Wolf is not a picky eater, so why does it only want to eat the Little Bunnies and not the Mother Bunny? The Mother Bunny was not protected by the door. Would that mean that the wolf was repulsed by the thought of Mother Bunny’s meat being too old? That it would be difficult to chew?”

Zhang Ye “…”

The little girl was calmly sipping on her cola and continued, “Another fundamental mistake is in the last paragraph where Mother Bunny used a stick to hit the wolf. Even if it had used a kitchen knife, it could not have beaten the wolf. Firstly, there’s the physical difference in their build, and secondly, there’s a gender difference, too, so how could it have beaten and chased off?”

Zhang Ye “…..It’s just a fairy tale; it precedes life!”

The little girl’s snorted, “But fairy tales are inspired by life.”

Zhang Ye was rendered speechless. He nearly wanted to curse. Your sister! Which family did this unlucky child come from! Was the Big Bad Wolf a picky eater? A female bunny could not beat a male wolf? All these were questions that Zhang Ye had no answers to. He had been choked by them! Why are kids nowadays such smarty-pants? They are too unlikeable!

“By the way, how do you know me?” Zhang Ye looked at her and asked, “Did your family tell you?” That couldn’t be right; he did not know most of the tenants here, nor had he even seen this kid before.

Suddenly, the landlady auntie’s voice could be heard coming from the corridor!

“Chenchen!”

“Rao Chenchen!”

“Where did you run off to?”

After several shouts, under the stunned eyes of Zhang Ye, Chenchen shouted back to the outside, “Aunt, I am at Zhang Ye’s house.”

Two seconds later, Rao Aimin appeared in front of Zhang Ye’s door. She came in and immediately stared at the little kid, “Running around again! Sooner or later, you will be sold off if you bump into human traffickers!”

Rao Chenchen’s sipped a little of her cola in disagreement.

“Drinking cola again? Who gave that to you?” Rao Aimin angrily snatched the cola out of her hands, “Let’s go back to Aunty’s house.”

Rao Chenchen pursed her lips and said “You are always scolding me at home. I don’t want to go back; it’s better here at Zhang Ye’s house.”

Rao Aimin smacked her little head saying, “Call him Uncle Zhang Ye; don’t be disrespectful!”

Zhang Ye was all confused while listening beside them. Damn it, I was still wondering why the speaking manner of the kid was so familiar. So it’s a relative of the landlady auntie! No wonder she’s so sarcastic; it’s exactly the same as her aunt! Each one was more sarcastic than the other!

“Landlady Auntie, this is…..” Zhang Ye asked.

Rao Aimin looked at him, “This is my niece; my sister’s child. She will be under my care from now on. You keep your eyes on her, too. Don’t let her run around; this little imp is full of tricks.”

A puzzled Zhang Ye asked, “Under your care from now on? What about your sister and brother-in-law?”

Rao Aimin’s eyes did not betray any emotions as she replied calmly, “They passed away a long time ago. The child had been cared for by my brother-in-law’s family in the past. Two days ago when I was not around, I was at the proceedings to take custody of her. Her surname will follow our Rao family.”

“I see.” Zhang Ye understood that her family matters were probably a little complicated, so he did not probe further.

“Oh, yes.” Rao Aimin thought of something, “I heard you resigned? How is it?”

Zhang Ye nodded, “It’s alright, Landlady Auntie. I did not want to continue there for some time already; thanks for your concern.”

Rao Aimin looked at him, “I’m not concerned about you. I am concerned if you are able to pay your rent on time. It’s almost the end of the month; if you can’t pay up, then get out. No two ways about it.”

Zhang Ye nearly vomited blood. You are too damn direct!

At this time, Rao Chenchen also laughed at him derisively, “Hur Hur.”

Rao Aimin agilely picked up Rao Chenchen with her hand and held her in her arm. A child of eight years old was not that small, but the landlady auntie did it without skipping a beat. It was as if she was carrying a beer bottle. She said to Zhang Ye, “Quickly find a job next week. Who allowed this boy to curse at the award presentation ceremony? You deserve to lose your job, hur, but that poem of yours was quite appropriate. You had some of my style when I was younger!”

Zhang Ye casually said, “Sure. I will look for a job after a few days’ rest. Please don’t worry. The rent will continue without break; I will definitely find a good workplace.”

Rao Chenchen who was in her aunt’s arms looked at Zhang Ye cross-eyed, her mouth stiffly smiling, “Hur Hur.”

Hur Hur, what Hur Hur! Zhang Ye was utterly defeated by these two ladies. The landlady auntie’s poisonous mouth was enough to give him nightmares. Great, now there’s a little one, too!

Could he live through this?

Will this old and young one team up and come destroy him every day?