ALL NOVEL 4. The Suspicion
Let me apologize for what happened last night. Everyone in the room, myself included, was just tired of Caruncle, things just got out of hand with his cries and well… whatever, let’s just move on, let’s forget about what happened, what do you say if we talk about someone else rather than him? I’m a very imaginative person, you turn so after death, and I can imagine thousands of stories with the people you just met to entertain you! Would you like to hear a story about Valentin instead? What about Percival? What about someone new enterily? No? Not really? Anyhow, around the next morning, I followed Evelyn. She was drinking a cup of coffee with Felicity, who had just sat with a book in her hand. They were both in the garden inside the Dominguez family home, where she was living at the time.
“I’m leaving the desserts, madam, is there anything else I can do by now? The maid left a tray with cookies on the table. It was a rather pretty mosaic table that distracted me a lot if I continued to pay attention to its many patterns.
“I was meaning to ask you how the party went this weekend,” She asked with an enthusiastic smile.
“Oh, well, let me just say that I wasn’t the star of the night,” Evelyn answered with pity on her face.
“Oh, my, what happened?”
“Let’s just say that the people at the party and I didn't quite agree on what it meant to have an enjoyable dance.”
“Oh, what are you saying, madam?”
“I’ll tell you about it later, I need to discuss something with Felicity by now, you might take your leave.”
“If you say so, if you need me, you know where to find me,” the maid walked away from the garden.
“So, what did they say?” Felicity asked, once they were finally alone.
“The guard at the assembly hall said that they had not noticed anything I should be alarmed for.”
“They didn’t let you even enter.”
“No, they said that I should rather talk to my fiance if I was worried about an insurrection coming up, since he has a place at the hall that he would know what to do.”
Felicity frowned and opened her book to attempt and read it. There were cookies served for both of them in the tray on the table and she had started to eat one of them.
Evenlyn remembered seeing her father agitated by a discussion that same morning he had in the living room with one of his friends, a councilor that came from the empire of Basilio. They had been talking about a possible mutiny brewing up from the people of Luciana against the descendants from Basilio that still ruled the country.
“I don’t know what my father is thinking but I know he would rather not risk a new situation where we have to move to a new country and leave everything behind yet again.”
“What about you? I mean…”
“I know what I have said, if we end up having to leave again, I don’t know if it would be better or worse, but escaping is something I don’t want to repeat.”
“I thought you liked traveling,” Felicity smirked.
“Yes,” she took a sip of her coffee, “maybe I just don’t like him that’s all.”
Felicity didn’t answer, she continued to eat yet another of the cookies from the tray, she looked back at Evelyn, who was still deep in thought.
“Are you still worried about what Caruncle said?” Oh God, Caruncle always Caruncle, I just couldn’t let him get out of my hand any sort of way, could I? I sighed and sat on top of the table, pretending I took one of their cookies and ate them.
“How could I not be worried, Felicity? How could I not be worried?” She scratched her head.
“Do you feel he will end up breaking the engagement?”
“No, I don’t think he would, but I feel I should end it myself.”
“What are you saying?” Felicity raised her head.
“I’m saying that I’m not marrying a queer.”
Felicity stared at her for a while, she was looking for something to say, but she didn’t find anything.
“I’m worried about the kind of father he might be.”
“Do you think he will run away if it turns out to be too much for him?”
“I’m genuinely afraid he might do something drastic,” she looked around the garden making sure there wasn't anyone else nearby and whispered.
Felicity chuckled, but she changed her expression back into a blank slate at seeing Evelyn trying to eat her nails. It was funny to me that she did that too.
“Don’t.”
“And what he said last night… Before we arrived, we were talking with each other. He said that what he would tell us would help me understand him more, but now I’m more confused than ever.”
“That he likes drag? As far as his family is concerned, they’re all fervent followers of the Divine, he couldn’t publicly allow himself another relationship with another man but–”
“No, it’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m not worried about him being homosexual.”
“What do you mean? He said he wanted the life of a broad.”
“He said he was in love with me.”
“And you believed him?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I have been with him long enough.” Evelyn raised her hands in the air and for a moment raised her voice, she turned around just to check in case anyone else close to the garden had heard her.
“You have said that he seemed to avoid you.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Either he wishes to be a broad, or he wishes to be with you, but he can’t really wish for both.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“And I know this will sound unwise of me to say, but I think you should calm down, I really doubt he would break the engagement, so don’t try and call it off yourself.”
“You mean he will get back on his feet.”
“No, most likely he really won’t, probably never will.”
“Are you saying that I should get tied to a man that has lost half of his marbles?”
“I’m saying there might be a silver lining here; a quiet life with someone less likely to assert himself. You have told me how deeply afraid you have been of ending with a man that can’t keep his hands to himself, a man that would treat you more like furniture in his home than a wife.”
“That man’s anguish is as palpable as any other’s, and I don’t have the strength to deal with the neuroticisms of another man.”
“He’s spineless, ask him to roll over and die and he would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m worried about.”
“What for?”
“I feel he’s going to anchor himself to me.” She widened her eyes. I had noticed her lips were very dry despite having been drinking coffee, but she hadn’t paid attention to them.
“That’s what an engagement is about.”
“I’m talking about him.”
“Well, better for you, isn’t it? He’s most certainly not the type to have an affair.”
“I don’t know if I care about that at this point.”
I was still sitting on the table, but doing so had lost its thrill long long ago. I would sit on the tables of other people to see if they perhaps noticed me, to test my own luck, if they noticed me, the embarrassment would be worth it for me to escape the loneliness, at that point I would prefer to have the embarrassment of a lifetime than continue to be ignored forever.
“He’ll lead a quiet life, won’t he? No ripples in the pond. Perhaps not the sturdiest branch, but then, you never did fancy climbing too high.”
“I don’t think he would agree with your assessment of having a quiet life.”
“Wouldn’t his family send him to a doctor?”
“That wouldn’t be convenient for them, it could delay our engagement in their eyes,” she sighed.
“What if he gets sent after you two get married?" You would be left on your own to handle the assets of his part of the family and yours.”
“I don’t like what you are implying, Felicity.”
“Excuse me, then, Evelyn, I was just speaking my mind.”
Evelyn just kept moving the teaspoon on her cup of coffee as she looked at the flowers in the garden. There were some gallica and damask roses in the bushes, but those aside, the bushes lacked variety for her. She remembered the time she attempted to bring some on the way while they were passing by Abrego, the seeds had been lost when their luggage was inspected at the entrance of the country, most of the flowers had died along the way.
“Not to mention, he’s still paranoid thinking something it’s about to happen, something in this city.”
“Well, he’s hysterical, that’s to be expected.”
“He’s hysterical, but he knows something.”
“Do you think so? I’m starting to feel like those things he mentioned were only stuff he said to catch our attention.”
“Valentin didn’t seem to think that way, no.”
“Well, he probably has dug up some dirt on his brother? That would make the most sense to me, if I’m truly honest with you.”
“I don’t know, and this is starting to cause me a headache.”
“You shouldn’t let yourself get worked up by this kind of matters, they are part of this kind of affairs.”
“He said his father was planning something, didn’t he?”
“Yes, I think he did.”
“Do you have any ideas?”
“An affair?”
“Hmm, you might not be wrong.”
“Of course, how could I be?”
“But still, I would rather not be left in the dark about what he knows,” Felicity rubbed her eyebrows slowly. She looked at the sky, but the day was foggy and dim.
“Do you want to find out what his father is doing?”
“I think that finding out what his father is doing might help me understand what has him so worried.”
“I think his repression to do drag has him more perturbed than anything else.”
“What if it's his father’s affair that caused his delusions?”
“Well…”
“Maybe Caruncle finally started to act on his own accord against him?”
“I thought he always did.”
“His father never liked him that much, but I had the impression Caruncle never disobeyed him before.”
“Well, in that case Caruncle might be right after all.”
“Why?”
“That man looks depressed, but what else can you expect of someone so stubborn in his dreams?
“Come on, don’t talk to me about dreams now.”
“Oh, I apologize, must I assume your endeavors have not worked so far either?”
“People from Luciana do not seem to be interested in Bluebells,” Evelyn looked back at the garden. Her father had suggested filling it with other types of local flowers. The few roses that were in there looked quite lonely.
“Oh, that is… rather unfortunate.”
Now, that is a thing I liked, I liked flowers! While being around Caruncle was rather amusing because of how pathetic he could be to me, being around Evelyn made me feel at home. The thing that made me sad though was how she always looked at the sky as if looking for something, but no matter how long I would spend with her, she wouldn't find that “it” that was missing for her. But here is the thing, even then… even then! I wanted to stay with her, with her melancholy and emptiness inside. I just wanted to forget about me, a ghost going through the world without sense or purpose. I thought that if I spent enough time around her, forgetting to think, forgetting to move or talk, I would finally forget that I was a ghost, and I would believe once again that I was a real person, a human like any other.
“Let’s not stray from the topic at hand,” Evelyn waved her hand trying to move away from the memory. “You mentioned that Caruncle’s father looked cast down? I always took him for the taciturn kind, but if Caruncle said he had seen him acting strange lately…”
“Anything in your mind?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be wise of me to ask my family, but I was considering that someone should pay attention to what Mr. Periwinkle has been up to.”
“I see,” Felicity cleaned herself with a handkerchief. She kept drinking coffee by her side, which was now almost cold.
“Perhaps Caruncle’s hysteria and paranoia has to deal with that, or maybe there is something worse about his family I should know about.”
“Have you thought of asking him once the two of you are alone?”
“I will, but I still rather know what his father is doing on my own.”
“You want me to help you out.”
“Please.”
“Well… if it worries you that much…”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was necessary,” she took Felicity by the hands looking at her while widening her eyes. “He might just be under the weather but, I don’t know, if anything, I just need to know.”
“Alright.”
Evelyn looked inside the house and remembered the words her father had told her that morning. “I get that you are worried, Evelyn, but let's leave the serious decisions to those of us who have experience in these matters, alright?” She started to eat her nails again and thought, “Caruncle, I really want to understand you, but I don’t really get why you would want to be a woman...”