Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fking Ridiculous

Chapter 16



Monday passed in a blur, but on Tuesday, the crazy second-years showed up again.

However, there were significantly fewer of them compared to the previous day.

The reason was simple.

Yesterday, the auxiliary department annihilated the martial artists in a duel.

So the martial artists begged for a chance to vent their frustration.

Now, the classroom was filled with martial artists gathered in a horde.

They were the ugly ones seeking revenge on newbies after getting beaten by experts.

Is this a star room?

Is every dog and cat just sitting here saying “1:1 only for newbies”?

I watched as sweaty old men and a few female students glared at me.

Then suddenly, I felt a sense of unease.

“Hyeji, isn’t this a gender-swapped world?”

“…Shinwoo, how dire is your knowledge level? Are you sick?”

“I didn’t even properly go to high school.”

“I’m sorry, I spoke too carelessly without knowing your circumstances. Really sorry.”

Hyeji suddenly started apologizing to me.

It was a rapid mood switch, like someone trapped in a trap of Talu-la.

I was taken aback and told Hyeji.

“Don’t twist your circuits! It’s definitely not the tragic story you think it is.”

“But why bring up gender reversal out of nowhere?”

“There were quite a few female students during the entrance ceremony.”

“Entrance ceremony?”

Hyeji questioned my words.

“Why did you go to the entrance ceremony? It wasn’t mandatory, so a lot of people must’ve skipped it.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you get the notice? Participation in the entrance ceremony wasn’t mandatory, only those who wanted to participate could.”

“What… what do you mean?”

They definitely told me to participate when I called the admissions office.

What’s going on here?

Is this discrimination against ability users?

“Anyways, stop talking nonsense about gender reversal.”

“That’s a pity. I was brimming with thoughts about how to win.”

Amidst this, a martial artist with zero awareness and no patience shouted.

“So, Kim Shinwoo, challenge the masters to a duel RIGHT NOW!!!”

“Are you not attending class? I’m going to die learning this theory, so come at me after class.”

“Are first-years not even learning theory these days?”

The martial artist glared at me with a contemptuous gaze.

Without warning, he handed me a stack of papers.

“Here’s the duel application for all of us.”

“…Is this still Korean? Why do you keep changing ‘duel application’ to ‘duel’ and causing a ruckus?”

The martial artists finished their business and left in a swarm.

Even by rough estimates, there were at least over 20 applications.

My mind was spinning.

“But Shinwoo, can you handle all these people?”

“I’ll just go along until it’s too much and quit halfway. Who the hell would do all this?”

“Looks like they underestimated you big time.”

“Why?”

As Hyeji flipped through several applications, she spoke calmly.

“All the ability and weapon fields say ‘Not needed against ability users.'”

“Those bastards are really insane! I’m taking them all down.”

They can claim physical enhancement is the basics of martial arts, but to not write anything and still act tough?

That’s crossing the line.

“Those damn bastards.”

I began filling in the blanks on every application.

Especially the weapon and combat tool sections.

I listed every weapon and combat tool I would use.

When the scratching sound dominated my ears, Hyeji suddenly spoke.

“Shinwoo, let me see that.”

“Why? Want to take a peek?”

“I’m checking if you wrote down ‘tool’ like last time.”

“There’s no way I’d write something like that again.”

At that moment, a number above Hyeji’s head went up.

“Bring me the last page, you bastard.”

“Shit.”

That’s just too unfair.

I hadn’t even written it down.

Slowly checking the last application, Hyeji said.

“The last person wrote ‘physical enhancement and weight transformation’ in the ability section.”

“Know who the last person is?”

With a sharp glare, Hyeji looked at me.

“The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Am I your informer?”

“You’re the only person I can ask.”

At my words, Hyeji’s expression softened.

Her face was constantly changing.

“Um! Um! Well, I suppose it can’t be helped~”

“Thanks, Hyeji.”

“Don’t call me something that sounds like a future cat robot. I’ll seriously die.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Since my situation wouldn’t change much, I wrote down the same content as before.

I planned to submit the application later by lunchtime.

Open your mouth.

Time for some true education.

*

The promised duel time was approaching.

The sparring ground was already bustling with people like cockroaches.

It seemed the betting conditions were already met.

Were all these people here to bet on me?

Then, people started pointing at me and saying something.

Must be praises for me.

“Oh, that bastard’s here!”

“Give me back my money. Give me back my money. Give me back my money.”

“Without any ability, what’s up with that robe? A wizard? A counter betting wizard?”

“Must be a wizard out of sympathy.”

Nope.

That last bastard can wait.

The hatred the students showed me was intense.

So, I guess the expectations placed on the martial artists were equally high.

“That bastard’s going to bet on either side.”

“Martial artists, I trust you this time. Please kill him.”

“If I get beaten again today, I won’t be called a martial artist anymore. Call me ‘champion!'”

“This time, it’s just him, right? That’s a definite! Bet it all on the martial artists!!”

When I arrived at the sparring ground, there were 25 martial artists waiting on the opposite side.

The moment they saw me, their teeth started grinding.

“What are you all doing? Get up, it’s already time for spiritual meal.”

“Who treats morning spiritual meals as a thing!!!!!”

“You shouldn’t get too mad. How about trying meditation with a ring on?”

“SHUT UP!!”

5 professors were waiting as if expecting duels to take a long time with 25 participants.

They probably planned on rotating after each duel.

A few professors looked unfriendly; I guessed they were on a commission-based salary.

Even though I don’t like professors, I do feel a bit sorry for those who don’t get paid for overtime.

‘I won’t draw this out, I’ll finish swiftly. Because quitting is precious.’

I was already prepared.

I gazed at the opposing martial artist with my arms crossed.

“With so many people, let’s start quickly. Who’s coming first?”

“Move aside, rookies. I’ll finish this in one go.”

Then, from the back of the martial artists, a huge woman pushed her way through, stomping loudly.

My first impression was the marvel of a human being able to walk with that body.

Then came the unfortunate feeling toward her bursting black tights.

“Sorry, outfit, but this is awkward.”

At first glance, she looked human enough.

Then the students began to cheer upon seeing her.

“She’s here!!! The pride of second-year martial artists! The condemnation that buries them! Maegal!!”

“Oh look! That mighty stature! The very embodiment of manhood!”

“This time’s counter bet is a definite win! Who could beat a body like that, which shakes the ground with every step?”

“I can feel the ground shaking with each step! My heart’s beat is also starting to move!!”

The massive mass finally stood right in front of me with heavy stomps.

Although the distance wasn’t far, it took her an eternity to arrive.

Seeing her up close, she was massive.

I’m about 180cm tall, and she was far bigger than me.

Dressed in black, with a black mask and tights that looked like they’d rip.

Her overwhelming presence wafted through.

My body sent warnings, and I tensed up all over.

I mentally steeled myself to strike the opponent.

But then I heard her speak.

“Hanman. Are you prepared to die, you little sucker?”

“You little brat must have escaped from a pig farm, why’s your mouth running like that?”

“MA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” GAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

All tension evaporated, and I just wanted to beat her up.

Her loud voice started ringing in my ears.

While I held my ears, Maegal started to babble.

“I will break the glass ceiling created by Hanmen. That is the path of the Heavenly Demon, little sucker.”

“Rather than a glass ceiling, the ground is going to collapse, you crazy woman.”

“Hmph. A world that can’t handle just one of me should become dust.”

“And the heavenly demon should hit the sky, you fool. You’re just slapping your parents’ backs.”

Maegal shook her head as if my words were laughable.

Of course, the flab jiggling along with that was nothing to laugh at.

“The family of Hanmen and the condemned should be the first ones broken by the heavenly demon.”

“Shut it, crazy. If you’re a heavenly demon, why can’t you stop being a pig?”

“If I was born in a place where only pretty boys exist, I would have been a gold rank.”

“Golden Maegal? What the hell is that?”

But Maegal didn’t hear me at all.

Or maybe her being a mass blocked her ears.

The important part was that we couldn’t communicate at all.

“Someone like you, sucker, has no idea about how much suffering our pretty boys endured.”

“You survived in South Korea because it’s a democracy, you bastard.”

“I will make pretty boys great again, little sucker! You like my stepping stone!”

Then suddenly, Maegal raised her right hand and shouted.

“Make Pretty Boys Great Again!!!!”

「This is a gender-discriminating statement! Please be cautious with your words!」

“Hmph, the condemned cannot grasp my grand vision.”

“Seriously, fuck off.”

Anyways, talking nonsense can be dealt with through violence.

Hearing the sparring ground activate, I checked my gear.

In my hands was a two-handed sword. On my hips, on both sides, were a hammer and a sawed-off shotgun.

For emergencies, I had reserve bullets. My hands were clad in steel gauntlets.

Finally, I wore a robe with a wide fit and a hood.

You might question the last fashion choice, but I did it to conceal my gear as much as possible.

Since I was the one who finished and submitted the application, my opponent was in the dark about my equipment.

Maximizing the advantages of information disparity.

‘They’ll probably just think I’m carrying a two-handed sword and gauntlets.’

With both hands on the sword, I pointed the tip to the right behind me.

Then, putting my right foot out, I slowly approached.

Maegal just stood there watching, looking like she invited me to make the first move.

‘Screw this, you brat.’

I finally got my desired distance.

Maegal couldn’t attack; only I had the chance to strike.

I tightened my grip on the two-handed sword and swiftly sliced upwards from below.

Yet, Maegal easily blocked my attack with her physically enhanced hand.

Clang!

“How amusing.”

It sounded as if metal was chiming together.

The shock I felt in my hand was rather strange.

Ignoring the pig noises I heard and using inertia, I continued my flurry of strikes.

From above to below. Left to right. Once more, I used inertia to swing from below to above.

However, Maegal only stepped back a little at a time.

None of my strikes were landing effectively.

‘Maybe something else will work?’

Feigning to slash and taking one more step, I switched to half-swording.

The pommel serves to balance the sword.

But now, it became a bludgeon as I struck Maegal’s head.

Thwack!!!

“What, is this brat’s head made of vibranium? I hit her with the pommel and she still looks fine.”

“This is becoming a hassle. Enough is enough.”

I felt the hit; however, Maegal still looked intact.

She immediately rolled her feet and bent her knees.

“Cheongeunchu!!!!”

Then in an instant, Maegal’s figure vanished.

Suddenly losing sight of Maegal, I panicked and looked around.

In that moment, I caught a glimpse of students shouting “Wida!”

When I quickly looked up at the sky, Maegal was already high in the air.

“Mankeunchu!!!!”

From above, Maegal shouted loudly.

As soon as her words ended, a massive force was plummeting down to crush me.

Boom!!!!!!!!

Timing it just right, I leaped back intending to create distance as I landed.

But Maegal was one step faster than me.

While I was still mid-air, Maegal used her full weight to drive down on me.

“Die!!!”

In a dire situation, I used my right hand to grip the sword inversely, directing the blade towards her impact direction.

And with my left hand, I supported the opposite side of the blade to brace for impact.

Bang!!!!!!!!

Clang!!!

Just one downward strike.

But the damage was tremendous.

My left gauntlet and two-handed sword were shattered.

The kinetic energy I couldn’t nullify sent me flying toward the sparring ground wall.

I slammed my back hard and collapsed to the ground, groaning.

“Cough, fuck. It’s Cheongeunchu, not flying in the sky.”

“Hanman. The Cheongeunchu is merely a technique for me, little sucker.”

With defiance, Maegal extended her fist towards me as she proudly declared.

“True strength comes from Mankunchu, little sucker.”

“How heavy can you be that Cheongeunchu makes you lighter, you pig!!!”

“This is the last time I’m letting you talk!”

I barely managed to get up.

My breathing hadn’t returned yet; my back hit hard.

Just as I was trying to catch my breath, the number above Maegal’s head increased.

Every alert bell in my body rang.

If I didn’t avoid it, I would die.

“It’s already my victory!!!”

Before Maegal even opened her mouth, I rolled hard to the left.

Her strike came fast and furious.

The figure blurred, and before I knew it, she had struck where I’d just been.

Meanwhile, I had just rolled and still hadn’t stood back up.

The biggest problem was I was exposing my back to Maegal.

In that brief moment that lasted less than a second.

My mind raced.

When she hit me, I felt the impact. That means my attacks resonated.

Body enhancement could be specific, but doing it for the entire body is a challenge.

In the momentary acceleration, she was far superior.

Her next attack would come from her left hand.

I had enough information.

So, I found a way to counter.

I pulled the sawed-off shotgun from my waist.

Without turning my gaze, I pulled the trigger straight backward toward her.

Bang!!!!

“What!”

As predicted, Maegal withdrew her right arm, preparing to strike with her left.

However, my attire led to her underestimating the hail of bullets.

It wasn’t an effective shot, though I gained a moment of reprieve.

But that tiny moment was more than enough.

Turning my body to rise, I drew the hammer from my left waist.

With my left foot on the ground, I shifted my weight and swung the hammer outward with a twist.

At that moment, I noticed the red number above Maegal’s head rising too.

Seeing that, I smiled and initiated my attack.

“Hey, fat pig, didn’t see this coming? Time to start taking hits.”

With centrifugal force and body weight, the hammer struck directly at Maegal’s left temple.

Thwack!!!!!!!

“Kuwehwehwehwehck!!!!”

“Ahhahahahaha! I’m so happy!!!”

With sounds resembling a slaughtered pig, Maegal splattered blood from her head.

I could hardly contain my laughter.

The tingling sensation in my fingertips indicated I’d delivered considerable damage to her skull.

Yet, Maegal still didn’t fall and tried to endure.

Her strong stamina derived from thick blubber propelled her resistance as she prepared to charge me again.

‘No chance, you brat.’

This time, I fired the last remaining bullet in the sawed-off shotgun.

Bang!!!

“It’s not just one shot?”

“If you don’t know, you’re going to get hit, pig!”

Maegal’s expression turned to one of shock and confusion.

And with that briefest moment of reprieve once again.

I gripped the hammer and began my powerful downward strikes.

The hammer I brought along remarkably resembled a Katsu hammer used for making tonkatsu.

Ahh. Time to tenderize my pork chops.

“I’m! Going to! Make! You into! Tonkatsu today!!!”

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

In the chaos of the sudden barrage, Maegal flailed her hands desperately trying to ward off the strikes.

I kept pounding down, kicking her hands away to continue my hammer fists.

“Move your hands. They stink, damn it.”

Unlike before, Maegal found herself at the mercy of my relentless assault.

Writhing in agony, she begged for mercy.

“St-Stop!!!”

“Should have shut that mouth of yours first, you bastard!!!”

No chance.

Pig slaughter nowadays is best done humanely through electricity.

Yet, the archaic meta was right in front of me.

I couldn’t help it.

If I didn’t beat her down, it would be rude.

Thus, my one-sided beating continued until my arms felt numb, unable to wield the hammer.

By the time I couldn’t lift it anymore, Maegal was trembling like a slaughtered pig, leaving her hands and feet splayed out.

At the point it became clear Maegal’s defeat was imminent.

Finally, the sparring ground system shut down.

It was a human victory.

Meanwhile, the stands were engulfed in silence.

Without Hyeji around, nobody expected me to win alone.

‘Ah, the counter betting is too steaming hot.’

Yet, my job wasn’t done yet.

I raised my middle finger toward the remaining martial artists.

“Hurry up and come. The professors need to clock out.”

*

The subsequent duels with the rest of the martial artists ended far too blandly.

Initially, I didn’t even need to draw my sword.

Just this one fact that I’m a non-ability user had the 24 idiots overly confident without writing down any abilities.

For sheer stupidity, a shotgun does the trick.

Thus, every martial artist took two shots from my sawed-off shotgun as they waited for their turn and promptly rotated out.

“Cough, what a coward to use a gun.”

“I’m a realist. I don’t deal with the romanticism of duals.”

“This is a duel, not a spar!”

Bang!

“Next.”

Another rotation happened.

Really, are these brainless idiots?

Did they seriously think I’d fight barehanded?

What kind of confidence makes one think to rush me without an ability listed?

Occasionally, there were those sneaky ones attempting physical enhancements.

But against the overwhelming violence of my Katsu hammer, everyone was equal.

I raised the Katsu hammer high while facing another incoming martial artist.

“Hey, fuck, the automatic Katsu hammer is loaded at your head height.”

“This bastard!!!”

“Hurry and take your punishment so the professors can get some rest.”

“I’ll kill you!!!”

Another martial artist charged at me.

And down came the hammer.

It was an infinite repetition.

That day, I received 25 guests in total.

As I finished off the last one, another collective scream erupted from the stands.

“I trusted this champion group.”

“Hey, fuck, no way! I don’t even have money for dinner today.”

“This must be a dream. Please tell me it’s a dream.”

“Fuck, a coin mountebank recovers half of his capital, why do I lose everything, fuck!!!”

“Bastards, I’m 100 million in debt! Damn…”

I was happy.

So incredibly happy.

The cries reminding me I was alive.

So delightful.

Meanwhile, the professors seemed thrilled.

Maybe because they didn’t bet this time at all.

Ah, they must be avoiding overtime.

I could safeguard the most important muscle in life: ’getting off work.’

Suddenly, I thought about Yerim.

I took out my phone and texted her first.

Me: [Did you see I’m a counter bet again? Go report to the naked dojo.]

Auntie: [I was about to call you.]

Me: [When you wear a leash there, the old man will work you all day until you get pregnant.]

Auntie: [Thank you, thank you, thank you.]

I had enough sent to Yerim.

Now it was Ryu Kang-hyuk’s turn.

Me: [Be grateful.]

Idiot: [What does this bastard want? Is he drunk?]

Me: [You’ll know soon enough, so get ready to say ‘thank you.’]

Idiot: [Huh??? Thank you.]

Me: [Refrain from playing with yourself for a while.]

Lastly, I approached Hyeji.

Beside her, Jeong Ahyeon was looking gloomy.

“What’s with you? An agent of the champions? Why not give me a konpeito?”

“Is it wrong for me to be here?”

“Shinwoo, are you okay? This brat is just trash, right?”

“That’s true, but I feel like that piece of trash keeps pestering.”

“When did martial artist treatment become worse than a dog at a restaurant?”

Jeong Ahyeon muttered bitterly.

Then Hyeji felt pity and remarked.

“They lost to the auxiliary department and tried to vent their frustration on Shinwoo, then lost again. What idiots?”

“Hyeji, this is actually a crisis for others.”

“Why?”

Hyeji stopped teasing Jeong Ahyeon to question me.

“Those idiots getting defeated will get branded as lesser than us martial artists.”

“Oh.”

“……Martial artists aren’t a bunch of idiots…sigh.”

What if a specific baseball team loses 18 consecutive matches?

Every team’s goal would be to not lose to that team above all else.

A plague-like team could engulf the entire league in madness.

Of course, that was just an example.

There can’t be such idiot teams in this world, right?

Jeong Ahyeon was shedding tears.

We left her there and moved to eat.

As soon as I finished everything, fatigue hit me like a tidal wave.

I realized I’d fought 25 times today.

Even gladiators would awaken to rights under such treatment.

‘If I had to face 25 consecutive matches a day, even Maximus would find it annoying and quit.’

Feeling exhausted, I was still so hungry that I added two more dishes to the menu.

Noticing Hyeji had come to a stop, I paused my meal to glance her way.

Hyeji’s pupils were quivering.

“Hyeji, I made money thanks to you. Isn’t it a bit much to hold back with just two dishes?”

“……It’s not that, damn it.”

Hyeji uttered with a gloomy voice.

Curious, I followed her gaze and saw a busty female student passing by.

“Oh.”

It wasn’t because of the menu; it was Hyeji enamored by the girl’s assets.

Feeling a sudden wave of sympathy, I offered my dessert to Hyeji.

She looked at me with eyes filled with gratitude.

“Shinwoo.”

“Hang in there.”

As I cleared the dishes I had finished, I prepared to stand up from my seat.

I felt the urge to run again.

“Dreams can’t be achieved, making them beautiful.”

“Fuck you!”

That was a brisk run for post-meal exercise.



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