Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fking Ridiculous

Chapter 20



The atmosphere felt tense.

It felt like that Ear Goblin was about to do something to Hyeji.

Maybe that’s why my fist seemed to be enchanted and landed squarely on the Ear Goblin’s face.

The result? One Ear Goblin flying far away.

The female students who followed the Elf quickly ran in the direction the Ear Goblin flew.

But the Goblin regained his senses quickly, despite the fuss of the girls.

I was quite surprised at how fast he got up.

“I thought I could put him to sleep until the break was over.”

The Ear Goblin rubbed the spot where I hit him, clearly in pain.

Then, he started glaring at me fiercely.

“What the hell are you doing, trash?”

“I have a certain sickness where I can’t stand punk-ass idiots like you. Understand, Goblin?”

“You short-lived scum sure can talk a big game!”

Just then, a buzz started among the students in the classroom.

The classroom became louder than ever.

“That earring is a symbol of the High Elf! I get it! It’s Lucianer, the firstborn of the Pond Leaf Tribe!!”

“He entered the academy with a gold rank in the first year, right?”

“If it’s Lucian, he’s the number one candidate to greet the World Tree, right?”

“Come to think of it, this time the representative selection for welcoming the World Tree is happening here at the academy. He must be here for promotions!!”

“Hey, it’s not election season yet.”

To put it all together from what I casually overheard, it went like this.

Lucianer.

Commonly referred to as Lucian. A distinguished High Elf among the elves.

Moreover, coincidentally, he was number one in the World Tree greeting representative selection hosted by the academy.

The students’ whispers didn’t stop.

Of course, no one would dare to punch a High Elf, so it made sense.

“Then, are you here to see Hyeji, like you said?”

“But did that guy just punch the High Elf in the face?”

“Is he directly experimenting to see how far he can go?”

“What a dedicated experimental spirit. This guy deserves to be a research student.”

“We’ll see the last guy later.”

I gathered more information.

Lucian had feelings for Hyeji, who defeated Jeong Ahyeon.

So he came today to take Hyeji as his wife.

Finally, I had barged in out of nowhere and punched him in the face.

“Tell me exactly why you dared to attack me, short-lived scum.”

Lucian glared at me.

It made sense; a madman he had never seen before suddenly punched him in the face.

“Shit, that was a Sudden Surge Punch.”

But what can I say? My hand has always been impulsive from birth.

Logic doesn’t work here.

So I turned it into an emotional battle.

“You were leering at Hyeji with your filthy eyes.”

“Wha… what nonsense are you spewing!!!”

“Boo-hoo! Shinwoo, that Elf tried to assault me. Waaaaah.”

“Did you see that, Elf nerd? You attempted assault, so don’t ever try that again and go back.”

That was definitely Hyeji.

She caught on quickly to what I was saying and gave perfect backup.

Ah, I admit it.

Hyeji, you are a true supporter.

Because of Hyeji’s words, the gaze of the group of girls looking at Lucian turned icy in an instant.

Lucian quickly started to defend himself.

He desperately insisted that he wasn’t an assaulter.

“Master… assaulting is bad.”

“No! I just wanted to take the woman I defeated, Jeong Ahyeon, as my wife.”

“No matter how much you want a new wife, that’s still assault.”

“That’s just too much! Isn’t assault thrilling with us around?”

“I wasn’t assaulting! I just wanted to kiss her!!!”

“Right… I believe you…”

The wives of Lucian chimed in, half-heartedly backing him up.

Meanwhile, Hyeji listened to their conversation and became infuriated.

Filled with rage, Hyeji shouted loudly.

“Who do you think you are to kiss me!!! Hurry and get out, you horned bastards!!”

The female students were completely overwhelmed by Hyeji’s fury and couldn’t say a word.

Only Lucian, seemingly unbothered, slowly walked toward Hyeji again.

“I formally introduce myself. I am Lucianer, the firstborn of the Pond Leaf Tribe. Kim Hyeji, I’ve come to take you as my 24th wife.”

His tone was dignified yet still arrogant.

Hyeji raised her hand in response to Lucian’s gaze.

“If you’re going to flirt, go and do it with the bastards behind you.”

“The more prickly the fruit, the sweeter it is.”

“Did you stick something in your ear? Just listen, you bastard.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve seen many girls like you.”

He was impossible to talk to.

Lucian was just spouting whatever he wanted.

Hyeji looked at me, her face filled with frustration.

“Shinwoo, this bastard doesn’t listen, and it’s driving me nuts, damn it.”

“I felt the same when I fought Maegal.”

“Damn it, this is crazy.”

At that moment, I had an epiphany.

Hyeji could finally understand my position.

“I get it now. We’re finally Tomodachis.”

“What are you talking about? We were already best Tomodachis!”

“Get lost! Who do you think you are to butt in here; you’re less than a bug!”

Lucian, who had been trying to hit on Hyeji, must not have liked my interference since he growled at me.

But to me, he looked like just a long-eared Chihuahua.

I pulled Hyeji closer and aimed at Lucian.

“Getting smacked away by a bug means you’re already a top-tier Lucian. Got it?”

“How dare you speak my name?! I am a noble being destined to greet the World Tree!”

“A candidate for greeting the World Tree, you idiot. And if you say that wrong, it’s election law violation.”

“Shut up!!!!!”

With the hand that wasn’t holding Hyeji, I pointed at Lucian’s earring.

“And that earring, you say it’s from the Pond Leaf Tribe, but it looks like a Water Lily to me.”

“Don’t insult our tribe’s symbol!!! This is a lotus!!!”

What nonsense.

I had never heard such utter garbage.

“A lotus, please. If it were a lotus, it would be pink. It looks exactly like a Water Lily…”

“Our tribe focused on the leaf of the lotus, so we made this pattern!!!”

“You probably whined and begged the High Elf for help to clear away the Water Lilies. It’s so obvious.”

“…N-no way.”

Lucian stammered, looking like he was caught off guard.

Anyway, I inadvertently discovered that this Ear Goblin in front of me was a worker clearing Water Lilies.

I looked at Hyeji, who I had just pulled close, wanting to share this happy news.

She was broken.

Hyeji was broken.

Hyeji, snug in my embrace, had her eyes spinning oddly.

Her face turned as red as her hair color, and she just let out bird-like croaks in my arms.

Hyeji? Why are you broken?

You haven’t used your powers since fighting Jeong Ahyeon.

Why are you broken already!

Chiiko!! Don’t you recognize me?

Still holding onto Hyeji, who hadn’t recovered her senses, I glared at Lucian.

At that moment, I saw an old white-furred cat by the window.

Lucian’s face twisted suddenly as he spotted the cat.

“Ha! That cat looks like it’s lived just over ten years, which is different from a beast like you!”

“If a cat lives for ten years, does that mean it becomes a human? It’s still just a damn cat.”

“A cat at ten is like a 56-year-old human. Can’t you show respect for someone with more experience?”

“How old are you to act so smug?”

Lucian, as if he had been waiting for my remark, started cackling.

He pointed at me and shouted.

“Don’t be surprised! I’m a noble 150 years old, a feat you short-lived ones could never dream of! Show me some respect!”

“Really?”

This time, it was my turn to attack.

“Shit, I’m 20 years old, which would be about 160 in Elf years, right?”

“……Huh?”

Lucian suddenly lost his words.

I didn’t stop and pressed on.

“‘Huh?’ is bullshit. I’m 160 in Elf years, and you think I wouldn’t use honorifics? A 10-year age gap makes us friends?”

“Well, that’s not it…maybe not.”

“Then damn it, use honorifics every time you see me. Unless you want to die.”

“Uh, uh, yes… understood.”

“Good. Now scram.”

With that, Lucian led his group to leave.

One hour later.

The front door burst open roughly again, and Lucian rushed in.

“How dare you deceive me!!!!”

“Shit, where do you think you’re talking to a dog-cat about human age? You’re asking for it.”

“I won’t let this ridiculous act stand!”

Suddenly, Lucian reached out his right hand toward us.

As he murmured something, a powerful wind blew through the classroom.

The students began to panic.

Amidst the commotion, Lucian locked eyes with me and ominously whispered.

“You truly do not understand the fear of spirits!”

“Hey, but isn’t your job something like Spirit Master?”

“That’s correct!! Are you scared now?!”

I wasn’t scared.

And it was understandable.

“Nope, isn’t being a Spirit Master just being a bum?”

“…What?”

Spirit Masters are bums.

The fierce wind stopped.

And then, silence came unexpectedly.

Maybe the shock from what I said left Lucian dumbfounded.

I spoke up.

“Listen, Goblin. Do you know what people in Korea say when asked what their job is if they’re bums?”

“H-how would I know something like that!”

“They say ‘freelancer’ or ‘individual investor’ to save face.”

“What does that have to do with anything!”

Lucian replied with an irritated huff.

Unfazed, I continued.

“There are many jobs for Elves too, right? Cooks, civil servants, scouts, and such.”

“Y-yeah.”

Lucian agreed, albeit with a tremble in his eyes.

Looks like this guy had to have been a bum too.

“So basically, you’re saying you don’t want to admit you’re a bum, so you say you can use spirits, right?”

In an instant, Lucian’s mouth was shut.

Then, he hurriedly yelled back.

“No!!! Being a Spirit Master is not at all like being a bum!!”

“Foolish bum bragging about your status, http://broadway.com 이 병신처럼 보인다wwwwwww”

Kyoukyou, who had been watching beside Hyeji, joined in with a laugh.

I wondered when this idiot adapted so well to this academy, pointing and mocking Lucian.

At the same time, Hyeji joined, as if she wouldn’t lose to the observer.

“Shinwoo, can you see the spirits?”

“I can’t see them. Are they real?”

“Seems they only show to good Elves.”

“The spirits exist here!!!!”

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew, as if to emphasize his existence.

Yet, our mouths didn’t stop.

“Anyway, spirits exist, Hyeji.”

“Imaginary friends usually get dropped past eight years old~.”

Lucian trembled with rage and began to unleash fury upon us.

“You all talk a big game without even being able to handle spirits!!!”

“Just like how Koreans brag about eating kimchi~.”

“Just like how people in the Empire boast about their sushi eating skills, wwwwwwww”

Whatever the rebuttal, it merely landed hard.

Especially Kyoukyou’s additional attack was quite sharp.

With that kind of damage, it was plenty to prove he’s fit to be a hunter.

“Hyeji, spirit magic is an S-ranking skill that dominates nature!”

“Are you nuts? You can’t even defeat a B-rank Hellfire water spirit while applying for an S-rank skill? You heartless bastard.”

“Spirit magic should walk hand in hand with Chidori, wwwww.”

“I… raised a spirit…”

“Please don’t insult the spirits, I beg you.”

Tears started to well up in Lucian’s eyes.

Suddenly, a gentle breeze blew.

As if a spirit was trying to console Lucian.

Lucian wiped his tears and said boldly, looking at Hyeji.

“I will make you my wife. I will return again and again.”

“Shut your mouth, you damn Goblin.”

“Spirit loser, hurry and get out.”

“Shameful bum, get lost, wwwwww.”

As we continued to thwart Lucian’s romantic pursuits, Lucian’s face contorted in rage as he pointed at me.

“That girl is yours, doesn’t mean anything to you?”

“Well, that’s not the case.”

“Then why are you interrupting me!!!”

“Why? Because it’s entertaining.”

“You bastard!!!”

Lucian’s fury seemed to reach its peak as his eyes hinted at a red glaze.

However, realizing his chances in a verbal fight were slim, Lucian quickly bolted.

“I will definitely kill you! Kim Hyeji, prepare to be my wife!!!”

With a line worthy of a third-rate villain, he stomped out.

But thankfully.

I prevented that damn bastard from pressing Hyeji.

I tried to strike up a conversation with Hyeji to earn her praise.

“Hyeji, I did good, right?”

“……Shut up, damn it.”

For some reason, Hyeji’s reaction was icy.

Her eyes stared blankly as if about to kill me.

“You don’t have a clue, do you, you fool ww?”

With Kyoukyou’s words, Hyeji and I fell into silence thereafter.

It felt like there was no other choice but to remain silent.



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