Isekai’d Shoggoth

I'm excited! There's a note from Alyssa! She says she has a surprise for me in the afternoon! I wonder what it is. She's been away on her vacation, so things were kind of slow. Still, it's a sweet kind of slow. I can finally go on proper dates with Edward! Well, uh... Kinda-sorta. I always wanted to go on a date to the mall, but malls aren't a thing yet! Maybe Alyssa will invent one. Good gods, she's awesome. She's glorious. She's the coffee-bringer. Seriously enough, coffee, pizza, affordable sweets... I guess I'm lucky she's a kind person deep down. I was kind of a jerk to her at first. And at second, too, come to think of it. It took a while for me to pull my head out of my ass. We're totes cool now, best friends even. Maybe even a little more than that. Edward's a sweetie, but if I remember the hints from the game right, he's kinda maybe... Well. The thing was mostly glossed over in the official western version, but I remember reading on the internet that in the original, Ed was kinda pervy and cool with swinger stuff. Not hurrying there, NTR is a trash fetish, but if Ed is cool with it, I totally wanna jump Alyssa's bones. Or, heh, tentacles. Sheesh, I can't believe she just... casually goes "yeah, I haz tentacles and know how to put them on schoolgirls".

Aaanyway, I'm cool, I'm cool. This thing with her isn't a certain bet yet, and won't be on the table for a while anyways... And I still need to talk to her girls and ask them for permission too... I'll get there, I guess. One day at a time, Selene, one day at a time. I wonder what kind of surprise Alyssa has for me... What's that scraping sound?

"...eee..." - I squeal as it rounds the corner. Angly harsh black iron thing, pointy and rusty, a pyramid atop the muscular torso dressed in a bloodstained apron, a huge knife making that scraping noise...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEIII OH GODS HOLY FUCKING WHY?" - and I'm running down the corridor as the fucking Pyramidhead walks after me. Oh gods oh gods oh gods what the everloving fuck is going on, where is everyone, what is going on, where did THIS unholy bastard come from and WHYYYY! I slam the door shut, smack the deadbolt into place and continue running toward the window. This is beyond fucked up, oh gods, what the fuck. Aaand that's where I run face-first into tits.

"GBAH!... Oh gods what, Alyssa whatthefuckishappeningthereisfuckingpyramidheadafterme!" - I babble as I bounce off from her. Ow. Her tits are hard... And her eyes are just empty bloody holes AAAAAAAAAAAH!... No, wait, this...

"Pffhahaha, got you!" - she chortles, slapping her knee with her palm, as her face suddenly reverts to her normal look. I look around in panic, squeak as Pyramidhead just casually steps out from the bathroom opposite to the door I just slammed shut... and morphs into another Alyssa, who comes up to high-five the first one. Two Alyssas turn to me, and with absolutely insufferable identical smirks, say "Surprise?!"

I, uh... beat on both of them and called them every bad word I knew in every language. That was fucking rough prank. A really neat one, I admit, but holy shit why, I just about shat myself.

"Come on. I was sitting on that joke ever since I've transmigrated." - she objects - "I mean, my name is Alyssa Gillespie, for crying out loud. How could I not do a Silent Hill gag? And you're just about the only person who'd get it, too. I mean, maybe Jeannette-Thereze would too, but I barely know her yet. Oh, speaking of which, she's like us and I told her about you, so she just might come up sometime to shoot air. Just keep in mind she's been here for a while, first thing she asked me is who won, Obama or McCain, so, yeah. Fifteen years is my educated guess, give or take. Better start brushing up on the stuff you watched, she was really curious about animes for some reason. Also, heads up, she's actually two people in one body. One's Jeanette and the other's Thereze. They're sisters, and yes, they're just like in the game, except not vampire."

"Why there are two of you." - I ask dumbly. I know, I know, but... like.. just... how? I mean, I, uh, well... Alyssa sort of DOES that thing. That's her schtick, even. Doing impo.. no. Not impossible. Inconceivable. Still, just.. AAAAAGH! Why does she have all the best ideas? Soooo jelly.

"Oh, yeah, remember me mentioning extreme bioplasticity? Turns out I don't actually need to be physically connected. Multitasking is a bitch, though, the more instances I try to run, the easier it is to screw something up." - she quips back happily. SOOO JELLY. And a little bit uncomfortably aroused, seeing her just...meld together into a single figure. Goodness golly gracious, a LOT little bit uncomfortably aroused. NNgh. Ditto ain't got shit on her.

"Anyway, I'm still on vacation, I just realized I should warn you about Jeannette-Thereze since I told her about you and all that... Oh, and here, have a tablet." - aand she gives me yet another thing I thought I've left behind in other life - "I've populated a contact list for you with some mutual acquaintances, but the rest is all on you. I've made sure there were enough tablets delivered to his majesty to be sure everyone in the royal family has their own, so, yeah. Might want to exchange contacts with Jeannette-Thereze if she comes around. Toodles, see you in the spring. Or sooner if you decide to videocall, I guess."

___

Aaaa! Eeee! OOoh!

...Why yes, I have taken a leave of my senses, to borrow some sarcasm from Alyssa. I mean, I had good reason to! But... just... Agh. The tablet. Somehow. Has internet. Granted, it's not obvious. The browser is stuck out of the way in the "experimental" menu. I only turned it on out of curiosity. And promptly lost my marbles when I saw Google prompt asking if I'm feeling lucky. Good gods, I can't believe I can catch up on everything... And I do mean everything. My old accounts are all closed down, it looks like. And, morbidly enough, I actually read my own obituary. Apparently, I just fell asleep one evening and just... never woke up again. Man, it was crazy waking up here. Took me a couple days to really believe I transmigrated somewhere. A couple weeks to truly believe I am now ablebodied.

I thought about posting, but... yeah, well, no. I'm dead and gone, trying to pull off communication from beyond the grave is just gonna make things awkward for everyone. Besides, I'm pretty sure my folks are low-key relieved I've finally croaked. No need to rain on their parade. Yeah, I know, kinda morbid to think of myself like this, but let's be honest - I was always a burden in the last life. Being born with a degenerative neural disorder will do that. This, well, is why I am more or less permanently in a "drunk on life" mood, to be honest - because I kinda am. Being ablebodied will do that to a person. Last life, I only ever was truly mobile until I was like... nine. After that? Well, motor skills are one of the first things impacted by Batten disease. The last few years were nothing but bed rest. Still counting myself lucky I didn't lose vision almost until the end. Internet was my isekai before I got isekai'd for real, heh.

So yeah, I'mma lurk. Not sure if I even can post anything from here, or this thing is one way onl... wait, no, stupid idea. Internet is never one-way only. Still, gonna lurk. And read some stuff. Not sure what kind of bandwidth Alyssa can put on these, or how it even works, so I'mma be cautious about it. Don't want to find out I used up all the internet I'll ever have in this new life of mine in a one-night cat videos binge.

...Or not. That was an Academy footman right now. Apparently, I'm expected at the palace. Wonder why. Ed would just come over, I doubt the king would bother summoning me like this, no real reason for him to do that right now, so... Wait, I have an invitation, I don't actually need to guess... Oh. Ooh. Good grief, Alyssa's timing is... Actually, come to think of it, she always has this insane timing. Because I'm invited by Jeannette-Thereze. The official reason being that me being Ed's putative fiancee means we might be in-laws in the future, hence some getting to know each other. And, for everyone else, she's also "doublechecking if she's suitable for his excellency Edward" behind the lines. So glad this is not the setting like one of those gritty medieval fantasies with a super-formal court. I'd never get through one of those safely.

___

Jeannette is so much easier to talk to than Thereze. I mean, don't get me wrong, Thereze is cool. But she's just so... PRIM. Not "passively-aggressively in your face" prim, too. I could deal with that. No, her deal is "prim because she was born a lady" kinda prim. Still, now that Alyssa clued me in they're actually different people sharing one body, it started making a lot of sense. I used to think Jeannette-Thereze is bipolar or something before. Not really much of a reason for me to hang out with crownprincess to begin with, to be honest, but... yeah, I had opinions. Impressions, even.

"...Jeebus. No wonder you're larking about. Your last life was balls to the wall awful." - Jeannette commiserates. Somehow, they wormed the whole story out of me. Man, their social-fu is on a whole different level. I never even told Alyssa that, and she's my BFF in this life, I guess. Then again, Alyssa never asked, and I have this distinct feeling her own previous life wasn't something she likes to think back to much, same as me.

"Yeah well, I like this one way better." - I agree with a van smile, sipping my coffee. Jeannette copies me, wrinkles her nose and stirs yet another spoonful of sugar in.

"Gah. Still not... quite it." - she grumbles - "Like, can you believe? No one knows what cocoa is. Like... not even in theory."

"I had no idea coffee is called cava around here until Alyssa clued me in. Maybe there is cocoa, just called something different?" - I suggest.

"If only." - Thereze replies, making me twitch. The way they shift back and forth is innerving. Not uncomfortably hot like what Alyssa does with her randomly being maybe liquid, but... Like, everything stays the same, but also changes. The expression, the pose, the tilt of brow, lip, cheek... Little things, but the overall effect is quite jarring. Aanyway, she is saying something... "...No cocoa equivalent. Then again, the maps I have seen strongly suggest there might be undiscovered lands across the ocean, so... Entirely possible there is a local analogue of New World. Weirdly, some things like potato are already known, though. Not sure how. Might be the divergence or there were people who did find the way across the ocean in the past."

"Wait, idea!" - Jeanette suddenly comes to the surface forcefully - "Selene, your dad is like... a ship captain, right? Why can't we hire him to discover us our own America?"

"Maybe because discoveries like that are expensive and dangerous endeavours?" - Thereze comes up again - "Still, the idea DOES have a certain merit, and I do believe we could devote some funds towards financing geographic discovery, if opportunity exists. Selene, what do you think? Would your father be even interested in trying to sail across the ocean?"

I have to chuckle. "Technically, yeah, but Alyssa already called dibs on him." - I reply cheerfully - "She is giving dad a whole lot of moolah to build up a trade fleet and new ship designs too, so, yeah. He's probably gonna be working with her for a while."

"New designs, really?" - Thereze muses - "Do you happen to remember any details about those, perchance? That is, if saying something to us is not betraying anyone's confidences, of course."

"Alyssa gave us like a presentation a while ago. So yeah, probably fine." - I wave the concern off - "Dad used to have a pair of cogs. Basically big boats, rather then ships. Since he stuck to jobs around Haver or just sailed out to fish most of the time, it was fine. He'd like to have something bigger, but karrack is just too expensive for him. Then Alyssa came along, and now my dad sold the cogs and instead had a pair of sloops built. I THINK they're a bit bigger and have fancy triangular sails instead of dinky square ones."

"Schooner rigging? Ok, but still small boats only?" - Thereze apparently is interested.

"So far?" - I shrug - "They were the simplest to build. Right now, dad is using these two to do what he did with cogs, and waiting on brigantines. Alyssa gave him schematics and money to build two and hire them up. She also said once he gets the brigandines on the water and starts working them for good, she will give him cash to build a clipper. Dad's kinda obsessed with ships going fast, there's no way he would pass up on owning a clipper, you know? Oh and Alyssa said something about giving him two galleons for the trade fleet once he has the rest of ships built and tested. Something something rebuilding old karracks to better standards, I think."

"Ohhh. So a diverse trading fleet, I see. Sloops for local jobs, brigantines for short distance trading, galleons for heavy loads and clippers for luxury wares. Alyssa thinks big, have to give her that." - she muses - "Goodness, I need to get in on that. That promises to be lucrative."

"Windjammers were also mentioned as future option, along with steamboats." - I poke. It's weird seeing Thereze so animated. Guess business talk really gets her going.

"Wait, wait, timeout. Windjammers, as in like those humongous fuck-off big huge ships with like seven masts or something?" - Jeannette pipes up - "Wow, that sounds cool. Think she'll invite us for the inaugural cruise?"

"..Uh, probably? I mean, if she does the cruise thing at all, yeah, I think. Maybe? Better ask her, I think. Oh, speaking of Alyssa, did you see the latest crazy thing she pulled off?" - I retort.

"Do tell." - Thereze answers for both of them, looking strangely intent.

"Check this out. Past life internet!" - I gleefully inform them, poking the relevant icon on the tablet.

"...Tusk and Horny?" - Jeannette muses - "Plundering dungeons for their tight sheaths and girthy swords? Oh, my. That sounds... raunchy."

I... probably should have closed the last page viewed. So mortified!

"Internet, and first thing you did was to look up some smut to read?" - Thereze muses incredulously - "Seriously, Selene? Seriously?"

"Aw come off it." - Jeannette pipes up - "So she likes some futanari words, what of it? We don't kinkshame in this reality, sis."

"I mean, was it truly the most important thing to look up?" - Thereze defends her stance - "I do not know about you, but first thing I'd look up would be what happened to our past family."

I sigh. "In my defence, I did find my own obituary." - I offer quietly - "Decided to just lurk and read raunchy stuff after seeing it. I'm pretty sure communicating from beyond the grave would give my folks nothing but grief."

She puts her hand on my shoulder. "...I am sorry." - they say in a rare moment of complete unity.

"Skipping that, lemme see that story!" - Jeanette suddenly snatches up the tablet - "OOh, oh my, sounds like the hero is about to get FUCKED."

"Ee! Don't spoil me, please! I still haven't read that chapter!" - I object, chuckling.