ALL NOVEL chapter 1
1 – The Escaping Mountain Guardian NPC (1)
The only good goblin is a dead goblin.
A saying I felt like I had heard somewhere before floated up in my mind the moment the back of my head went numb from the goblin’s hand rushing up behind me.
“Damn…!!”
I had no idea why my body wouldn’t move at all, and even though I knew the goblin was rushing up behind me, I stupidly allowed the ambush and twisted my body to face the bastard laughing that he got to hit me, kicking him square in the face and crushing him before falling to the ground and rolling to break the impact.
“Ow, my head. Dammit.”
How many years has it been since I let a goblin get the jump on me? I don’t even remember, but that’s not the issue.
This body wasn’t ‘designed’ to be knocked down by a mere goblin attack.
“…Huh? Designed?”
The strange memories and thoughts popping into my head suddenly are making my headache even worse.
Could it be? Did that goblin’s hand actually crack my skull?
There’s no way… My head that endured a troll’s club head-on couldn’t have cracked from a punch by that goblin…
[-Class: Mountain Guardian NPC – Level: 300 Name: Jack Age: 15]
[Strength: 50+?]
[Agility: 40+?]
[Intelligence: 3+?]
[Luck: -30+??]
[HP: 300,000+???]
[MP: 0+0]
[Skill: Mountain’s Manager]
[Effect: All stats slightly increase in the mountain you manage.]
[Managing: Ponyia-]
“…What the hell?”
Seeing the strange blue window I’ve never seen in my life, I can’t help but swear out loud.
And my headache starts getting worse, making me fall to my knees right there.
Level. Mountain guardian. Ponyia. Just what the hell is all this?! Ponyia, as in the Ponyia continent of the Eight Continents?! What the hell…!!!
Caught in the raging torrent of memories spinning wildly in my head, I couldn’t hold back the spewing curses.
But I wasn’t granted the refreshing sensation of those curses leaving my throat.
Because…
“…Ah… Gotta… get home…”
-Thud.
The backflow of insane memories shook my mind even harder than the goblin’s blow, knocking me out completely.
*
A scene of someone tapping away at a bright screen with their fingers appears.
“Damn. Still no drops this week either. sh*t game.”
For some reason, I felt like saying It’s your sh*t life that’s trash, not the game, but the words didn’t make it past my throat.
Not that I held back on purpose. Looks like I just don’t have a throat.
“Seriously, damnit. It’s been how long since the Celestial gear got added and I still don’t have a single piece? Are these assholes not playing the game anymore or what?”
If they quit playing, then you quit too. Another comment I somehow thought of but didn’t actually say out loud.
“Ugh. Damn, I gotta go to my part-time job.”
The person of unknown gender didn’t turn off the screen and left the room. A part-time job…probably making money.
A sh*t life working part-time making minimum wage. I have no idea why those words floated up in my mind.
And after the person left, I kept staring at that scene.
Just what exactly is going on here? I’m Jack. Jack, the mountain guardian of Ponyia.
I know I have a little sister I have to raise and protect. But this situation seems to insist I need to know about it, like it’s reminding me of something.
As I keep blankly watching the situation for no reason I can discern, the glowing screen starts moving around on its own.
And then.
Ep. 4 – The Beginning of Despair, the Land of Ponyia.
The moment the screen randomly switched and I saw those words, I opened my eyes.
*
“Ugh, damn.”
The first thing out when I opened my eyes was a curse filled with irritation. Anyone could tell, that scene was ‘memories of my past life’.
“…Past life. Could it be I reincarnated inside the game? How? Did I die?”
After spitting out the sand that had poured into my mouth from my fall, the monsters that had killed me – the goblins – had all disappeared, their magic stones scattered around the ground.
I quickly gathered them up and organized my thoughts, reaching a conclusion.
“…First, run away. This isn’t right.”
My current situation. And current state. If this really is reincarnation, there’s no answer.
Running away immediately is absolutely the right choice. Because…
“…A map getting destroyed before the insane tutorial is over, there’s no way that makes any damn sense.”
And the mountain and village I’m supposed to protect. Ponyia Mountain and the village are also complete garbage. If I stay here, my sister will…
No. My sister just dies, no question about it.
“…Damn it. I’ve decided.”
That day, I decided to live a new sh*t life.
Let’s go back to being a NEET first of all.
*
[-Class: Mountain Guardian NPC – Level: 300 Name: Jack Age: 15]
[Strength: 50+?]
[Agility: 40+?]
[Intelligence: 3+?]
[Luck: -30+??]
[HP: 300,000+???]
[MP: 0+0]
[Skill: Mountain’s Manager]
[Effect: All stats slightly increase in the mountain you manage.]
[Mountain under management: -Fornia-].
“Just go away, please.”
The status window in front of me didn’t disappear or anything when I called it a ‘status window’ or ‘status’.
In other words, it just annoyingly blocks my view, though when I tell it to go away, it does shift diagonally above my head. But then it comes right back in front of my face, which is irritating.
As soon as I decided to become unemployed, I headed to the village first. Our house is a hut in the mountains, but my younger sibling and I live there.
It’s because my father was the village guardian, and I’m the village guardian.
To be honest, I’m not too bothered by the situation itself. Even if I recalled my past life, our family was doing fine, my sibling and I.
Rather, the problem is…
“Um, I’m quitting as village guardian.”
“What?”
“…Are you crazy?”
The village itself is the problem.
The pitiful Jolyeop Village that didn’t exist in the game. It was the part I was most angry about when I recalled my past life.
It’s a village destined to perish anyway, but I’ve already suffered too much and for too long here.
“Hey, go home instead of spouting nonsense and trying to give me goblin gems.”
“Why would I give gems to you, Uncle?”
“What?”
“Hey, I think this punk has really lost it.”
The village guards, named Village Guard. These punk bastards. Until now, they’ve been giving me 800 coins a week as the village guardian’s salary, which is 8,000 won in Korean money.
Right now they brought 3 goblin gems, which are worth 300 coins, but they try to take it all for themselves. And on top of that, they’ve been skimming off my salary in the middle.
‘…Ah, I wonder if it’s because my intelligence stat was 3 so I didn’t realize I was being scammed until now? Or was I just an idiot?’
Either way, the situation is very irritating and infuriating.
My father passed away exactly 3 years ago.
In other words, these bastards have been scamming me, the ignorant one, out of the money my father used to receive by giving me an absurd salary.
On top of that, they’ve been taking the gems I hunted in the middle.
“Goblin gems are 100 coins each. 3 gems is 300 coins. If I give that to you uncles and you give me 800 coins a week, how am I supposed to live? Don’t you uncles have families? I live with my younger sibling, why would you want to steal that money?”
“What?”
“…Hey, where did this punk get ahold of this stuff?”
Unbelievable. Without any intention of hiding it, they contort their faces and reach to snatch my bag of gems, and I lightly avoid it.
[Villager: Level 15]
[Villager: Level 12]
My status window doesn’t display detailed stats, but it does show level.
It doesn’t even show names, let alone guard. It just says Villager.
Moreover, the level is 10. Lower than even starting village NPCs in the game?
“…Uh? Avoiding?”
“Hey. I’ll give you 1000 coins next time. Hand over the gems and get lost.”
“The village chief and villagers all know about this right? And how do you expect me to live on 1000 coins a week?”
“A punk who’s been living well until now, where did you hear that nonsense? You really want a beating?”
He’s the one who asked if I wanted a beating, so why is his fist already flying at me? He really has a horrible personality.
I guess until now whenever these jerks tried to punch me I just took the hits. When my younger sibling said they were hungry and asked if I could share some food, I’d hear that the kid doesn’t work and just begs.
I twist my body slightly to easily avoid his fist and look around.
Somehow amidst the noisy ruckus, villagers had gathered.
Unbelievable.
Some of them were just smirking, wanting to see me get hit. What was my father thinking dedicating himself as village guardian for this village, and what kind of punk was I?
“Uh? He avoided it again?”
“Don’t say punk, punk. Stupid punk.”
“What?!”
“Hey. Can’t let it go. Today, let’s properly teach this punk a lesson.”
They think they’ll win even after seeing me lightly avoid their punches, so they continue swinging their fists at me.
That’s right, I must have recalled my past life. My level is probably 300 now. Let’s have some fun.
“Uncles. Which hand do you hold chopsticks with?”
“What?”
“What’s he saying? This moron.”
The two are bewildered by my question, looking at each other, and I smirk and continue.
“No, from today if you want to eat fist you’ll have to hold a utensil.”
I rush at the moronic bastards who don’t understand me and turn them into popcorn machines.