ALL NOVEL Chapter 11: Euphoria
Tanya
Tanya.
Taaaaaanya.
Tanyaaaaaaaa.
Tanyyyyyyyya.
Tannnnnnnya.
Tanya couldn’t stop playing with her new name in her head, stretching out the various sounds. It was addicting. Intoxicating. It blew her mind. This was her name.
The girl in the mirror’s name.
Her name. Tanya’s name. Tanya was the girl in the mirror. The girl in the mirror was Jay, but not anymore, now she was Tanya.
“Cute name,” Steph said.
Tanya blushed. She watched herself blush in the mirror. That cute blushy girl in the mirror was her! Tanya! She was Tanya!
This felt like a dream.
“Th-thanks,” Tanya replied. “Um, picked it myself.”
Steph giggled. “Same here. Is there any particular reason you chose ‘Tanya,’ cutie?”
Tanya smiled shyly. “Um, I- it- I- pretty. Name pretty.”
Steph nodded. “I like it, Tanya.”
Tanya forgot how to speak at that because holy shit! That was her name! Tanya! And Steph called her it!
What was this incredible feeling? Tanya wanted more of it.
“Fefgjirjgitjgreh,” Tanya said.
Steph giggled. “A cute name for a cute girl.”
Tanya started to wonder if she’d ever stop blushing.
Steph grabbed Tanya’s hand. “Come on, hot stuff. Wanna take some pics?”
Tanya’s mind screeched to a halt. Pics? Nononononononon-
Wait.
She didn’t look like Jay right now.
She looked like Tanya. And Tanya was hot.
So, fuck yeah, Tanya was going to have her picture taken.
Tanya’s eyes were glued to her phone screen. That’s… her. That incredibly pretty girl with the cute smile was her.
Steph had her arm around Tanya in the pic. Both girls were giving the camera cute smiles, each of them holding up peace signs.
Before she knew it, Tanya found herself opening up Instagram. She hesitated for a brief moment, and then…
She posted the picture.
No caption.
She began to panic. What if someone saw-
“Hey, Tanya, you wanna watch a movie?”
Steph was taking every opportunity she had to use Tanya’s name. Tanya hoped she never stopped saying it — although, a part of her was scared of the implications of that.
“What movie?” she asked.
“Um, whichever, really. How about Lilo and Stitch?”
“I’ve never seen it,” Tanya said. “Is it good?”
Steph nodded. “It’s pretty great, yeah. You wanna watch it?”
Tanya nodded. “Yes please.”
Steph
God, Tanya is gorgeous.
If there was any doubt left in Steph’s mind that Tanya was trans, it was gone now. For fuck’s sake, the girl had picked a new name! When Steph asked if she was ok with stopping this whole week-long experiment, she panicked and said no. She was definitely not a cis guy. A cis guy wouldn’t even have gone along with this whole scheme in the first place.
After the movie finished, Tanya stood stretching her arms above her head, letting out a quiet groan. “I’m gonna make some lunch, Steph. You feel like grilled cheese?”
Steph nodded. “Sure, Tanya.”
Tanya’s smile was so adorable!
Steph stood up to go grab her laptop from her bedroom, bringing it back to the living room. She opened up her writing folder, looking through her various projects, trying to find one to continue. She still hadn’t decided by the time Tanya returns with two plates, each with a grilled cheese sandwich on them.
“Thanks, Tanya,” Steph said, accepting her sandwich.
“Want something to drink?” Tanya asked.
Steph nodded. “Um, Pepsi.”
“Coming right up, babe,” Tanya said, giving Steph an absolutely adorable smirk. Steph couldn’t help but melt a little at it. God, she really should’ve tried cracking this egg sooner.
Not that it actually was cracked yet. Not properly. Only partially, really. As far as Steph knew, Tanya was still treating this as though it was a temporary thing, but…
…
…
Steph was sure that there was nothing temporary about this. Tanya was smiling. Constantly. Genuinely. There was nothing forced about her smiles now. Steph was pretty sure this was Tanya riding a wave of euphoria.
Tanya returned with two cans of Pepsi and handed one to Steph.
“Thanks, Tanya.”
Steph would do whatever she could to keep that wave of euphoria rolling as long as possible.
Tanya
Throughout the rest of the day, Tanya kept catching a glimpse of her own reflection — in windows, in mirrors, in her own powered off phone screen. She couldn’t get enough of it.
Her reflection was that of a pretty girl. Steph kept calling her ‘Tanya.’ It was giving Tanya this never-ending wave of positive emotions. She was quickly becoming addicted to it.
While making lunch for herself and Steph, Tanya couldn’t help it. She danced. She had a song playing in her head, and she found herself swaying her hips to the rhythm. She’d never done anything like that before! A part of her was curious about what exactly had gotten into her. Another part was afraid to question it — worried, if she did, this amazing, wonderful, perfect feeling would go away, leaving behind nothing but a sad boy-
No.
Don’t think like that. Thinking like that felt… wrong. Thinking about Jay made no sense. This amazing, beautiful person she’d become - that wasn’t Jay. This was Tanya.
After eating lunch, Tanya’s lipstick had gotten a bit smudged. She didn’t even notice until she next went to the bathroom. Rather than getting upset or insecure, Tanya pushed those feelings aside and focused on the solution: it didn’t matter! It was just lipstick, the smudge was barely noticeable, no one was gonna see it. Well, no one except Steph, that is.
Tanya stuck her tongue out her reflection, letting out a soft giggle.
Seriously! Look at that! She was fucking giggling at her own reflection!
Who are you and what have you done with Jay?
I’m Tanya!
When she returned to the living room, she found Steph engrossed in her laptop, typing away.
“Whatcha writing, Steph?”
Steph blushed. “It’s… um, nothing.”
“You seem awfully focused on nothing.”
Steph wouldn’t look Tanya in the eyes. “I’m finally giving my story an epilogue. The one about, well, me I guess. My OC Stephanie. The one I got my name from.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” Tanya said, sitting next to her girlfriend.
“Yeah, um, I kind of left it unfinished. I’m, uh, going to reveal she was trans all along.”
“Oh really?”
Steph nodded, biting her bottom lip anxiously. “I know it sounds pretty silly, but-”
“It’s not silly!” Tanya exclaimed. “It’s very important to you, Steph. If you feel like it should be finished, then you absolutely should finish it.”
“And making her trans is… well, it feels like it fits. I mean, she’s me! I- It only makes sense that she’s trans.”
“So, um, how are you revealing this?”
“Time travel,” Steph said. “Um, the story was mostly, like, futuristic, science fantasy type stuff, but, for a bit, I wanted to do a sort of like middle ages fantasy setting, so there was this time travel plot, and- Uh, anyway, point is, time travel exists in the story, so I can use that to have Stephanie meet her younger self in the present day and do something that causes her to be sent forward in time to go on her adventures and whatnot. And her younger self is- well, she isn’t a boy, but she does think she is, because, well, she’s trans. Then in the future she transitions.”
Tanya raised her eyebrows. “That is… pretty wild.”
“This story is wild, Tanya! I started writing it when I was twelve. It has a bunch of continuity issues, plenty of plotholes, entire characters that literally disappear. It’s a hodgepodge of tropes and settings. A part of me wants to go back and edit the early chapters because they kind of suck. I’m not sure though. I have a lot of nostalgia about them.”
“When did you stop writing it?”
“Basically as soon as my egg cracked. So I’ve kind of left it in this unfinished state for three and a half years now. Actually! I have a pretty good way to send her back in time, too! So, like, when she went back in time the first time, like, to the middle ages, she left behind her then boyfriend, and when I left off, he had come back to try and get revenge. I was thinking he could try sending her back in time, and then she sends her younger self to the future or something.”
“Sounds crazy. And fun. Maybe I’ll read it-”
“NO!”
Tanya frowned. “Why not?”
“It’s not very good, Tanya. The early chapters are nearly unreadable. I had never written anything before when I started this. Seriously, read some of my newer stuff! I have this great story about mecha lesbians I’ve been working on-”
“I’ve read that one,” Tanya said. “It is really good. You’re a really good writer, Steph.”
Steph blushed. “Thanks, Tanya. Anyway, I won’t stop you from reading that old story, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya!”
Tanya giggled. “Maybe it’ll make me appreciate how much you’ve improved.”
Steph sighed. “Honestly, yeah. I was looking at those older chapters and… yeah, I’ve definitely gotten better. Actually, really helped with my self-esteem about my more recent stuff. I kept thinking about how cringy some of my dialogue is, but then I reread that old stuff, and, like, holy shit. Night and day, Tanya! Sure, maybe Joanna confessing to Katie sounded a little cringy, but my god is it so much better than how I introduced Stephanie.” Steph laughed anxiously.
Tanya decided to leave Steph alone for a bit so she could finish her epilogue. She sat down with her own laptop, opening up Minecraft to play around in creative mode.
She couldn’t help but giggle when she saw her skin — a goth girl. Figures.
She continued work on her pixel art of Pikachu. When she was finished, she took a screenshot, then DMed it to Steph.
She flew around her creative world, trying to think of a new project to start, but she eventually closed out of the game.
Her phone chirped with a notification.
She pulled it out. It was an Instagram notification. Why would she have notifications on there, she hadn’t posted there in-
Oh.
Right.
The selfie from that morning.
She opened up the app and-
There was a message from Martha.
