Chapter 64: A Lifetime Of Nightmares
It was an estranged cottage that was far from town. No one knew who was in that cottage other than the single woman who carried a rifle that she named. Others had noticed that the woman only gets out of the cottage once in a while. No one would question the woman for she had this strange quality that made people back away.
The woman entered a cottage. In the house, sitting in a rocking chair there was a man staring at the window. The woman walked to the man’s side, pressed her lips on his forehead, and placed the bag of goods on the kitchen table.
The man had dark hair with a reddish tint. You could see that the veins on his arms and legs had been cut expertly, and he could not move or walk because of it. His eyes were firmer than the woman, who seemed to be drowning in this despair.
“Hey, I’m home,” said the woman. “Today, I’m making spinach bacon pasta. This old auntie told me to make them.”
“I see,” the man smiled. There was no complaint in the man’s eyes. He looked at the tomato, onion, garlic, pasta and oregano sprawled on the table. She was making an egg pasta with the sauce made from baby spinach and streaky bacon.
For the finishing touches she applied the black pepper on the dish. She placed the dish on two separate plates. She dragged his rocking chair next to the table, she placed a bib-like garment around his neck and blew the pasta that she rolled with a fork.
She started feeding him. He accepted it gracefully, sometimes taking time to swallow, and asking for water. The woman continued to feed him until the dish was gone. After feeding him, the woman stopped and looked at the plates. She held her head and her eyes became warped and went cold.
She placed the plates on the sink and stared at the man who had been eyeing her. She found his stare ridiculing him. “Want to go out and kill some Nullers and Magi?” he smiled darkly. His words struck a sore part in her.
Hurriedly, she struck her palm against his cheek. The man fell sideward and landed on the side. There was a calm smile on the man’s face as he continued to look at her. “Why not? Aren’t you finding a way to escape this ‘dilemma’ of yours?”
Her face twisted. She kneeled, helped him up and patted the dust on him. “I’m sorry,” she wrapped her toned arms around him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you…”
“That so?” he mocked.
“Of course, you keep...being disobedient...running away and risking your life. I can’t let you do that...you understand, right? Right? I know you do, you aren’t angry at me, right?”
“Perhaps, still, you do want to escape your nightmare, right? As long as you keep away from being Viola, I’ll accept whatever you do.”
She stared and felt her head churning. This isn’t right at all. Be angry at me. Be mad. I crippled you for god’s sake you dumb man. Why are you like this?
Then again she knew that this was his way of mocking her. No matter how ‘good’ she did, in his eyes she was nothing more than the woman who had crippled him. It was something that she couldn’t change no matter how much she retried. That same look, that same attitude, and that same uncaring acceptance towards the fate given to him.
As if he knew that he could not win against her. She had suspected that she knew what her Imperator’s Crest could do. How it could affect her battle against this nightmare.
Suddenly, she fell on her knees and placed her head on his lap. “I am sorry, please, I didn't meant it. Hey, save me, I don’t want to do this again...I don’t want to wake up, do this over again, not you, I don’t want to.”
She sobbed, her shoulders shaking, and body shuddering. It was an ugly thing, her face wet with snot and tears, and she was laughing as she cried. Then, suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, her crying stopped.
“So...tired.”
She was wondering how many times this had happened. Nonetheless, there was someone who remained unchanged, and somehow at the same would changed in these retries. She didn’t understand why. Although there are times where she thought to herself as immortal, someone who could walk the earth carefree. She kept on coming back, all because he would not stay still. Her fate was tied to his, and when he died, she would have to go back to that time.
She walked the world, saw through things, and even got what she wanted. But there was a limit to her dreams, and it truly hurt her the most when there were times where she wanted something, but she would then wake up from said dream. Like a long dream that suddenly stopped in the middle. She tried to search for a way to end this, and yet at the same time she found out that her heart was breaking in her search.
She kept repeating the same things, and when she did find a way to change how things are. She knew it would end abruptly someday. In order to extend her time in this ‘vision’ she had to do this to him.
At the first retries she had to cut off his limbs, but doing so had caused him to die in shock.
There are times were she tried to keep him in a state where he would be unable to move, frozen, but somehow this man would find a way to die. After a few repeats, she found it better to keep him this way. Cut the veins that allow the movements of muscles, and keep him crippled.
She had used this method to find a way to free herself from this nightmare. But it kept on repeating, and somehow this man would keep protecting her. Sometimes out of spite, and sometimes out of nothing more than she needed the protecting.
She had been searching the world for a way to end. She had infiltrated organizations, secret societies, and learned how to control her crest to the fullest. She had learned many skills, and yet somewhat it wasn’t enough. One mistake could cost her life, but the worst part of it was that she had a weakness. And that weakness was him.
Who would want to keep a man who would do nothing but look at her with spite? She couldn’t blame him, not when she had harmed him, and made him into this. It was better that she was hated, to be despised, and yet he barely would do so.
An endless recurring nightmare where she had to do this again and again. Normally, she would have been in some place, trying to deal with individuals who might know ancient secrets. She had to build her foundations. She had gathered information, but she didn’t have wealth, time. So she had to rebuild from the start every time, know trends, and get funds in the first years.
This time she just became tired. She had been traveling from one place to another, so she had decided to stop here after realizing how wornn out she had become. If she had people under her, they would worship her crest, and make her life easy. But at the same time she got tired of taking responsibility for a group of people who want nothing more than to rule the continents as the ‘superior’ people. They were expecting a lot from a woman who had fought against ‘supposed’ tyrants and fought under the guise of liberty. But who was she to talk about liberty when she robbed one of said liberty? It made her feel like puking.
She raised her head and looked at his expressionless face. She has been doing this so much that it was tiring. She had spent a lifetime's worth of travels and lately she had began to look for peace, a place where she can just stay still.
Playing like a poor housewife with a crippled husband. She had the funds, and even the town she was in knew better than to interfere with her. There were men who wanted to court her for her wealth, which was nothing new, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to accept anyone. At first she did, but then she found out that rebuilding relationships from the start was tiresome and heartbreaking.
One moment they were her friends, then she woke up and those friends were acting like strangers. She hated it, and she felt sickened by the thought of it. She had known people, learned their pasts, and yet as time passes those memories become blurred.
“Tired...so tired.”
She kept on muttering, her head still on his lap. The man just stared, occasionally blinking, but he never said a word most of the time. She stayed like this until there was no sunlight coming in from the window.
She stood up, carried him outside of the house, and sat on the porch. The house had a view of the town and the sea next to it. Next to this sea was a land that only had desert. On the horizon there was another land that was covered in gray ominous clouds.
“Ah, there are no stars today.”
He didn’t reply.
“Hey, I’ve never been to your land, now that I think about it.”
“Please, don’t try to trick me,” he said.
“No, your people, they are too loyal.”
She recalled the times she tried to do some work in the Lands of Lazon. She searched Lazon, but she realized that he had taken care of any Nuller and Magi, leaving Lazon as nothing more than a place she had to avoid.
“That so? Then again, they would understand if they saw me like this.”
“They will.”
It had been five years since she had started to live in this town. All she could remember was how she found this spot wonderful. There was an occasional view of the stars here, but this time there were clouds.
“You are all in our way,” she clenched her left hand and the crest on her hand glowed. She performed movements with her hands and above them there was a whirlwind that drove the clouds and dispersed it.
“Do you like it?” she said to him.
There was light on his eyes for a moment. He nodded his head and admired the canvas of stars that was before them.
As she gathered her strength she found her stomach hurting. She looked down, and saw blood pouring out of her stomach. “Imbeciles!” she roared. A dome of light appeared and with a series of actions with her hands, she blew the surrounding area, leaving nothing but a scorched hill.
She pointed her hand on the ground and scanned the area. She found no one and as she looked around, two more rifle rounds broke her kneecaps and shot her in the stomach. Finding the general direction where the gunfire came from, she casted a spell, and within a few moments she felt her invisible hand catching someone’s neck. She tried to break this man’s neck, but another shot stopped her. She lost strength in her knees, and fell. She tried to raise her left hand when another shot blew her left arm off.
She gritted her teeth, but found herself somewhat calm. Perhaps, this time she will die? But she was not the type to lay down and die. She produced an arm made of light and brought down a rain of projectiles.
She supported herself with this physical light and stood up. Although she had abandoned the path of taking care of the Nuller and Magis, they would not leave her alone. It seems that somehow she had been careless.
A shot broke her back. She fell face-first and tried to stand when she saw something glint. She tried to block the shot when she saw that familiar sight again. A body blocked the shot, she gathered power on her left hand and then crushed that person.
She didn’t hesitate to use her power, but another shot from somewhere stopped her from doing so. She roared again, stood up, and tried to fight back, but she was caught by him. His body shielding her, bullets pounding on his back, and his forehead leaned on her shoulder.
“You know what will happen after this. Even in the next life...I might find you.”
“Of course you will.”
“Yes, you think so, right?” she felt something pound her back. A chunk of her flesh was carved by that shot. She wrapped her right arm around his and projected a shield. Her heart was beating, but she was losing blood. She tried to keep herself alive, but it was too late for him.
“You...I give up.”
His eyes moved as if surprised. “I don’t want to anymore...I’m tired of this. Next time, let me die in your hands okay?” she smiled.
She saw his eyes dull and lost any light. A familiar sight that had plagued her again and again. She saw the spark again, and her crest glowed hard. She found the world spinning and disappearing like broken pieces of a puzzle.
Then she woke up from that 'dream'.
She looked around her and held her head. She looked at her left arm and found that it was the same silver prosthetic arm that had been cut. Natalya shuddered at the thought of the dream, that ‘vision’. She tried to gather strength in her left arm, trying to conjure that same arm made of light to no avail.
“What’s wrong?” She looked to her side and saw this man who held the same stare. Then her eyes went to the ring on his ring finger. She reached out to the ring on her neck and breathed out a sigh of relief.
She rested her back on the bed once again. “A terrible dream...don’t mind it.”
“I see,” he sat on the side of the bed. “You should cool your head down, I don’t know the effects of that crest of yours more than what I know, but at least whatever it is that has plagued you won’t happen...at least I won’t let it happen again. For my sake, and yours as well.”
Natalya looked at him for a moment before nodding her head. She might have lost her powers, but she had not lost the skills she had learned in those ‘visions’. It was strange a day had come where they would be begrudgingly together . She did not mind this, in fact, it was clear that they were both twisted bastards trying to heal their own scars.
She did not dare to bring up such reasoning that she suffered more. That she required pity, and she wasn’t looking for it. As long as he understands, that was what mattered to her. Honestly, losing her left arm and powers was nothing compared to the sins she had accumulated. There was no way one lifetime could pay it all, but she was willing to at least stay by his side. She had lifetimes of living selfishly, chasing after her own salvation. She wondered what it was like to help someone find their own salvation.
She was not a saint either, she had some personal reasons to let this all play out, but in the end, she wanted to see if she could crack a hole in his heart and let herself in.
“One day, your eyes will be warmed towards me,” she said to no one. “Ah,” she stopped herself for a moment. “I really want it all, huh?”