Kiss the Ground

“Why die? It says here that each car can withstand about 200kg.”“It’s for 2 or 3 people. If the calculation is wrong, we could die.”Shaken by the eerie information, the players glanced at the ferris wheel with some unease, but soon a consensus formed to board it. After all, they had to kill time somehow. Whenever a group of men gathered, it was customary for them to go on an adventure.“I haven’t even ridden the London Eye yet….”Chahyun muttered as he stood in line. Despite being a relatively unknown ferris wheel on the riverside, closer to being second-tier, there were quite a few people willing to ride it. It seemed that most tourists were content with a reasonable size rather than waiting for a long time and missing the beautiful sunset. Next to him, Jude looked up at the ferris wheel together.“It’s not like we’re really going to die. Just sit still in one place. The sky is beautiful, isn’t it?”“Yeah, you’re right.”“We can just take a limousine after we’re done.”Agreeing with Jude’s suggestion, Chahyun slowly moved along the diminishing line. Those who were complaining about not being able to play games and being afraid of dying were already preparing to take out their phones and start filming. The change in attitude was truly instantaneous.Finally, Chahyun approached his designated ferris wheel car. Several attendants systematically opened the door and signaled to Chahyun. As he stepped onto the silver boarding platform, Chahyun looked back at Jude standing behind him.“Huh?”Jude, whom he thought would be standing right behind him, was standing far away near the ticket booth. Unable to understand English, Chahyun looked puzzled. Jude said something loudly, but it was hard to hear over the loud music. Chahyun narrowed his eyes to try to read Jude’s lips.Me. Have it. Acrophobia.“What?”Oh, that little… As Chahyun stood dumbfounded, the ferris wheel car that had arrived passed by the boarding platform and moved a little further away. An attendant waved his hand, signaling that they needed to board quickly. Someone wrapped their arms around Chahyun’s shoulders and pushed him into the ferris wheel car in that moment.“Ingram is out of the question.”As Misha spoke, the automatic door of the ferris wheel closed slowly behind him. As Chahyun stood with his mouth slightly agape at the sudden appearance of Misha, the ferris wheel slowly began to move.“You, uh, us….”“Us? Together we weigh 160kg.”“….”“No problem.”As Chahyun looked at Misha smiling and saying this, only two words unexpectedly came to his mind.Last chance.***Sometimes goalkeepers leave their posts and come onto the field.In the additional minutes of a match tinged with the colors of defeat or elimination, or even in the final moments of a draw, when someone has to come out and contribute to scoring, the goalkeeper emerges onto the field, crossing the penalty area, which is akin to the team’s last line of defense. Amidst players all wearing the same uniform, the sight of a goalkeeper’s jersey standing out alone is somewhat novel and amusing, but surprisingly, some goalkeepers manage to score fantastic goals in those moments.However, none of that matters to Yoon Chahyun right now. The attackers are the ones who have to aim for the empty goalpost in those tense moments without a goalkeeper.And right now, Yoon Chahyun feels exactly like he did back then. Standing in front of the empty goalpost, quietly observing the ball lying still at his feet, not bouncing or rolling anywhere. Within the narrow steel box barely three square meters in size, facing Misha, Yoon Chahyun senses that he is on the brink of a stroke of genius, just like back then.Except for a few minor issues.“Look at the sky. It’s truly beautiful.”Misha, sitting across from Yoon Chahyun, remarked deeply impressed as she looked at the deepening sunset through the acrylic window. Indeed, it was beautiful. The upper surface of the sky, still tinged with the remnants of blue, was gently darkening, while the area where the sun was setting was painting Westminster in the distance a deep red.It was a magical moment that made you want to forget everything and just immerse yourself.Clang. Clang… Except for the lonely sound of a wrench somewhere, plaintively crying out.As the ferris wheel traced its arc, ascending slowly to the right, with each rotation, the car swayed gently accompanied by the rustling sound of the wind. The metallic friction, faintly audible like music, emanated from some assembly somewhere, its origin and nature entirely elusive. With the increasing potential energy and growing sense of dread, Yoon Chahyun turned his head to gaze at the landscape several meters below the ground.His quick-witted friend had already shrunk to the size of a finger. Perhaps by now, this worn-out human cogwheel was leisurely contemplating his own tranquility… Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, Chahyun couldn’t tell. He looked at the face of the person in front of him.“Did you know Jude is afraid of heights?”“Of course.”Misha replied softly.“How? He never mentioned it to me, and he rarely had to go up high places…”“Every time we move by club private jet, he takes pills and falls asleep. Right next to you. Hard to miss.”“Ah…”Was it because of those few hours spent tossing and turning, wearing eye masks and earplugs, even wrapping himself tightly in a blanket? Chahyun recalled the past away matches, resting his chin on his hand. Misha silently observed him.Seated on the old metal chair, with legs crossed, Misha assumed a posture more relaxed than anyone else’s. Even if he didn’t necessarily have a phobia, leaning on a sufficiently scary lump of metal was quite something. As evidence, there were goosebumps on Yoon Chahyun’s arms. He stroked his own arms and asked.“Aren’t you scared?”“Scared? You?”As if devoid of the fear that every human should have, Misha retorted Yoon Chahyun’s question with a rabbit-like face.“A little… This shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Falling off, tipping over…”When Yoon Chahyun honestly admitted his anxiety, Misha unfolded his crossed legs and sat in a proper posture. His expression, which had seemed like he was peacefully appreciating artwork in a quiet museum, now appeared somewhat restless, as if contemplating something.Ah, I feel like I know what he’s thinking about. Just as Chahyun began to imagine such a prediction, lo and behold, in an instant, Misha stood up from his seat and approached the chair next to Chahyun. Yoon Chahyun was startled and hastily waved his hand.“Hey! It’s tilting! It’s tilting!”“!”Misha hurriedly returned to his seat.“…”“…”A silence lingered between them. It was not so different to have 160kg balanced evenly versus concentrated in one place. Despite Chahyun’s rough rejection under the pretext of safety, Misha complied without protest. However, the anxious atmosphere quietly persisted on the opposite side of the road.It couldn’t be left like this. Yoon Chahyun took a deep breath and slowly clapped his hands.“Misha, slowly. Come slowly.”As the words fell, Misha stood up again from his seat. The second relocation, a little slower as per Chahyun’s plea, took place. He cautiously approached Yoon Chahyun’s side and sat down slowly on the adjacent seat, as Chahyun had moved aside. It felt like the ferris wheel was actually tilting slightly due to the mood, or perhaps it was just his imagination. Yoon Chahyun swallowed his saliva secretly.The moment they faced each other, seated side by side on the same seat, looking in the same direction, felt peculiar. Although the view was much better with the window open, it felt strange to sit next to Misha, akin to a stranger in a movie theater seat. Gazing at the scenery unfolding before them, Chahyun turned his head silently.The boarding time, meaning the total time it took for a ferris wheel car to depart from the boarding platform and return to it, was precisely 20 minutes, according to the signboard at the ticket box entrance. Since Chahyun and Misha boarded, the ferris wheel had already ascended halfway, so about a quarter of the time had already passed.Chahyun glanced back discreetly. He could see the other cars carrying different people up and down. Through the hazy acrylic window, he caught glimpses of people vigorously taking photos and chatting non-stop. In this ferris wheel, secluded yet not isolated from others, there was only one moment when privacy was guaranteed.When it reached the very top.A chill ran down Yoon Chahyun’s spine. Was he really about to make that suggestion? Misha’s finger slowly touched Yoon Chahyun’s hand, a few seconds after his turmoil.“Yuan.”“Yeah.”“If I were to hold your hand…”“You’re going to hate it?” Misha murmured softly. His actions felt exactly like something one would do in a movie theater. Yoon Chahyun had no idea what he was thinking right now. He seemed mischievous yet innocent at the same time.“…No.”With the reluctant permission granted, Misha slowly placed his hand over Chahyun’s fist, starting from his pinky finger. While not hiding his desire to touch Chahyun, he had adopted a somewhat pitiful attitude, as if seeking permission from him. It was a significant improvement for Misha, but for some reason, Chahyun felt disappointed by his progress.If only he acted as recklessly as he did last time. Unable to bear such a terrifying thought, Chahyun changed the subject. Strangely, his heart was racing.“Misha. What… What were you going to say back then? On the day of the away uniform photoshoot.”“What was I going to say?”“Why, you know, I missed it because I went to answer a call.”“Ah…”After a moment of thought, Misha suddenly smiled as if remembering something. Then, he pronounced each word carefully.“Yuan, you’re pretty too. I was going to say that.”Heh, Yoon Chahyun let out a hollow laugh.“What’s that supposed to mean?”“What?”“Talking like that while playing soccer is something new to me.”With a puzzled look at Misha’s eyes, Chahyun furrowed his brow. Men who play sports tend to be described as cool or handsome. Regardless of whether it’s true or not. (It’s not like Yoon Chahyun is bad-looking.) Seeing Chahyun’s puzzled expression, Misha chuckled and added.“I said you’re pretty to me.”“That’s… different circumstances.”“What circumstances?”Yoon Chahyun was speechless. After a moment of silence due to his own contradiction, he changed the subject belatedly.“And, what was that 700 pounds about earlier?”“That couldn’t be helped. If I could’ve put more, I would’ve, but that was the limit.”“That’s not what I’m talking about. Why did you gamble on something so unnecessary?”“That was an investment.”“Heh…”Without saying a word, Misha covered Chahyun’s left hand, which was clenched into a fist, with his right hand, and gently teased the gaps between his stiffened fingers. Reluctantly opening his hand, Chahyun allowed Misha to insert his fingers slowly into the gaps.“Actually… I wanted to buy a new camera.”At the unexpected words, Chahyun looked at Misha’s side profile.“A camera? You mean my selfie cam?”“Yeah. The one you said was broken.”As he said that, Misha moved a little closer to Chahyun. To think he was considering something like that. Cameras are something that can be easily replaced. Surely, after teasing Yoon Chahyun’s carelessness for about two minutes, he would generously provide a new camera. But Chahyun didn’t bother to mention it.“I can buy hundreds of those if I wanted to. It’s just a waste.”“I know. But I’ll buy it for you.”“Why?”“Because when you get a new camera, you’ll invite me over again someday.”“What if I don’t even make a profit?”“I was thinking about what to do with the remaining money.”Leaning against Yoon Chahyun’s shoulder, Misha asserted with a firm voice.“…Let’s go have dinner. Just the two of us this time.”He had been talking to Yoon Chahyun under the assumption that he would naturally agree. A straightforward belief and conviction towards Yoon Chahyun. Something heavy settled in Chahyun’s chest, an undeniable fact.Champions League, the main event after years, victories and defeats with a difference of 1 point, the precarious round of 16, Misha Asplund’s sacrifice, the 700 pounds hanging like a cross… And the future that unfolded thereafter. Everything was tangled up like threads, making it difficult to sort out.Yoon Chahyun thought about the upcoming game tomorrow. Since they tied in the first leg home game, they absolutely had to win the second leg away game. A tie was not an option. If they tied, they would be eliminated.The stark reality hit him like a double-edged sword. Cold sweat formed in Misha’s probing left hand. Was it because of gravity, the fear of being up high, or something else entirely?Suddenly, his vision gleamed dazzlingly. Yoon Chahyun turned his head to look out the window. Five more minutes had passed, and the red sunset illuminated Misha and Chahyun sitting straight in the observation car. The beautiful scenery of London unfolded parallel to the window. There were no obstacles blocking the red sunlight.That statement, at this moment, was akin to saying that the two of them were higher than anyone else.Yoon Chahyun took a deep breath. It was the last chance, the last chance of opportunity. In the fleeting moments of a few seconds, the two of them seemed to be suspended in breathless anticipation.It’s now or never.“Misha.”Chahyun turned towards Misha, grasping his arm with his free hand. Misha, surprised by the sudden movement, remained silent, calmly staring into Chahyun’s face.“Misha…”Chahyun called out his name, meeting his eyes. The gray hues filling his irises were nowhere to be found; instead, they were filled with the red glow of the evening sunset. And in the center of it all was Chahyun’s own face reflected back at him.The goalpost was completely empty. No spectators could see this place.“I… I…”…“Perhaps I…”…Ah, he couldn’t.Yoon Chahyun exhaled deeply. Then he released Misha’s arm and pulled him into a tight embrace behind his back.Though they had been sitting quietly for a few minutes, his heart raced as if he had just finished a sprint. Misha’s hair lightly brushed against Chahyun’s face. He couldn’t bring himself to say those words. The simple, brief phrase: “Let’s kiss.”But it wasn’t like he could. How on earth could he say such a thing? Unless he was crazy. Rationally. Yoon Chahyun was not as simple as the human he was embracing.Yeah. It would be nice to score one more goal.It was almost like a compulsive temptation, slowly melting his rationality like a harsh mountain in his mind for days. There were plenty of opportunities. If he had wanted to, he could have done it. But he couldn’t take even one step further.“Heh.”Suddenly, everything felt utterly foolish. What on earth was he doing? It would have been much quicker to prove something ridiculous, like shoving some poor acrophobic guy waiting below into this observation car.“Yuan?”If only he had been demanded like last time…Yoon Chahyun could have pretended to be helpless like he did last time, letting his irrationality take over. It was such a weak thought that it made his stomach burn. Unable to bear it, he hugged Misha’s neck tightly against his chest.“Yuan… Are you okay?”Misha extended his shoulders, fully offering himself to Chahyun, genuinely concerned about Yoon Chahyun’s behavior. His calm voice soothed Chahyun’s throat.“Are you that scared?”“Seems like it.”Yoon Chahyun said it as if it were someone else’s business. A voice emerged from his throat that even surprised himself. Misha slowly raised his hand and placed it on Chahyun’s waist.“Look, Yuan. Everything will be fine.”…Misha whispered calmly. The observation car, carrying the two of them touching each other awkwardly, began to descend slowly after reaching its peak. Misha didn’t ignore Chahyun’s discomfort and hugged him tightly around the waist from behind.“It’s okay.”No, it’s not okay.Because of you, you jerk…Without even saying those words, Yoon Chahyun looked up at the old metal ceiling while embracing Misha’s shoulder. A soft fragrance brushed against his nose.Now, at least, he couldn’t blame Misha as a mere opportunist. After all, Yoon Chahyun was just like him. Chahyun squeezed Misha’s back tightly with his hand. Even though his nails dug into his skin and it must have hurt quite a bit, he didn’t show any signs of discomfort.As if the sand poured out was slipping through his fingers, something was quickly dissipating into the crevices of the last moment, but Chahyun couldn’t grasp it at all.