Kiss the Ground

Misha carefully took the doll from Chahyun’s right hand, gathering both hands together. The sacred gesture seemed as though he had obtained some religious relic.“I really wanted this… Thank you,” he spoke honestly. Chahyun felt a bit embarrassed; such words didn’t seem necessary for such a trivial gift.“Don’t make a fuss, it’s just a toy.”“I’ve never had toys before.”“What?!”No microwave, no toys… What did this kid even have? Chahyun blinked incredulously, his mind sharp with the complexities of his circumstances that he had heard about a few weeks ago.He knew it was a sensitive topic for Misha, but this time, he couldn’t just stay silent. Chahyun hesitated several times, then slowly asked, “So… is that also because of your parents’ issues?”Unexpectedly, Misha nodded and calmly replied, “They said it would cause me harm. So, I got rid of everything like that.”“Cause harm? What kind of harm?”“They said it wasn’t good for my development. That it didn’t help with… what I needed to do.”“…That’s ridiculous, really.”At Chahyun’s incredulous response, Misha simply looked down at the doll in his hand. Seeing his awkward fingers touching the doll’s round belly, it seemed his words were indeed true. Though he couldn’t curse someone else’s parents more than this, Chahyun decided to keep his mouth shut. But the ache in his chest was inevitable.A child who grew up without toys, seemingly not very close to his siblings either. Imagining how he gradually lost something while learning what he didn’t want, Chahyun could easily picture it.How was I back then? Chahyun furrowed his brows, retracing his own childhood memories. By the time he was old enough to play with toys, he had already burst countless balls. If he thought that was natural and normal, then… to Misha, it didn’t exist.Chahyun absentmindedly raised his hand and gently patted Misha’s head. As his hand moved slowly, soft strands of hair slipped through his fingers.“Must’ve been really bored. What did you do for fun?”“I watched TV alone.”“Your parents didn’t buy you toys, did they allow that?”“No, I watched secretly.”“You’ve done it all.”Recalling Misha’s characteristic mischievous puppy-like face at that moment, Chahyun couldn’t help but smile discreetly. While Chahyun’s fingers were playing with his hair, Misha turned his head slightly, looking at him silently. Feeling a bit awkward under that silent gaze, Chahyun pointed to the doll in his hand, changing the subject.“I wouldn’t leave that alone in an enclosed space with you. It might arrive home before you do even if I threw it outside.”“I’ll never throw it away.”Although he said it as a joke, the slightly different directions of the doll’s eyes made it seem definitely eerie. Yet, unfazed by such eerie craftsmanship, Misha clutched it like a precious treasure. It was surprising to see him so delighted with just a doll, given his restless nature… Anyway, realizing that what rested on his hand bore his own likeness, Chahyun tapped his cheek.“You wanted that so badly? Honestly, it doesn’t look anything like me.”“The eyebrows do. It has a bit of an angry vibe, you know?”“This is how I look? Alright, you said it all?”“And I like the uniform. I like this outfit.”Misha traced the red national team uniform with his thumb. Despite never seeing him wear it… But instead of teasing, Chahyun simply nodded. Giving someone their own doll as a gift was more embarrassing than solving a puzzle about oneself.“I’ll keep it safe.”Misha held the doll close to his chest as if embracing it, speaking with a soft smile. Looking into his eyes overflowing with a sparkling light, Chahyun felt a lump forming in his throat. It was the pride of overcoming countless obstacles, the realization and joy of being able to keep the promise to send Misha to the next game, to run on the field together.“Yeah, take good care of it.”Chahyun gently tousled his hair that touched his fingertips and smiled faintly. The warmth spreading slowly in his heart felt unfamiliar yet comforting. It was truly a sense of peace and tranquility that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He wished for this stability to last as long as possible… even considering thoughts that should not be brought by someone who makes competition a profession.So Chahyun swallowed down the anxiety that had been sitting on one side of his chest since the seminar, without spilling it out in front of Misha. The warning needles in his throat from Jude’s advice faintly touched Chahyun’s chest before rolling away like stray marbles, disappearing somewhere, leaving behind a lingering echo.The Round of 8, first leg, was an away game heading to the Netherlands.***▶[Where to?]The indifference emanated from the two letters on the phone screen like a cold breeze. Sitting in his designated seat on the charter flight, Chahyun tapped on the keys without any spirit.▷[Going for an away game.]▶[Right now? Round of 8?]Could his brother be so indifferent? When his older brother almost got injured in a terror incident, he was so worried, but now his younger brother returned to his original cold demeanor without a care. Chahyun felt truly disheartened. Yet, before he could even dwell on his sadness, another message popped up on the screen.▶[Check this out]Below the short message was a screenshot of an internet page. Chahyun tapped on the picture and waited for it to load, then stared at the long image that appeared. It was a familiar template of a community screen.66784: [Turn on the WinYou training live quickly, I’m going crazy]Why are Misha and Chahyun swapping clothes? Any opinions?└ ??? What’s going on?└ Why are they like that?? LOL66785: [Why change clothes while training…]Chahyun is so tall and Misha is so small, what’s the meaning behind it???└ Cuteness└ Right;66792: [Looks like Chahyun and Misha are really close]They were whispering to each other and going wild while doing shoulder massages and stretching, what’s up with that?└ They seem super close, LOL└ Highly developed teamwork can’t be distinguished from romance…66798: [Wow, Yoon Chahyun doesn’t lose out in size even in the national team]He’s with a Northern European and seems so carefree, LOL look at their clothes, so oversized└ Seriously giving off boyfriend vibes LOL└ LOL“Boyfriend vibes”…? It was a word that sounded unfamiliar yet subtly touched his pride. Chahyun chuckled for a moment before tapping on the screen again to type just two letters.▷[??]▶[Last time, the Winchester SNS live reaction, yeah]As soon as he saw that single response, memories from a few days ago flooded Chahyun’s mind. While playing around with Misha in different clothes, he had completely forgotten about it, but he distinctly remembered hearing Leroy talk about taking such pictures. Imagining how his awkwardly dressed self would be broadcasted back home, Chahyun’s fingers moved involuntarily.▷[Fuck]▶[People sent Misha chocolate sandwiches LOL, saying he plays well with his brother]▷[??]▶[It’s common for Korean athletes to receive such gifts when they’re close]▶[You didn’t know??]Were those five boxes of chocolate sandwiches meant to convey that? How on earth could rough stretching look like Misha playing around with Yoon Chahyun? Chahyun clicked his tongue, but soon another text and a screenshot arrived.▶[The joint interview is a total riot LOL]73423: [Hey, did anyone see the teaser clip for the new documentary featuring Chahyun?]Cahill Misha Yoon Chahyun Friendship Test LOL└ Seriously, their empathy level is off the charts LOL└ Isn’t that a penalty for Chahyun?? His expression was priceless LOL73425: [But how does Chahyun know Misha’s height and weight exactly??]Winchester Real Genuine Friendship LOL└ Misha got it wrong though└ Misha: I meant naked weight excluding clothes and shoes;└ Does that make sense?73428: [Guessing the dog’s name was even worse]Red Ginseng LOL How did you even know that?└ Chahyun probably kept saying it all the time, he only posts dog pictures on his SNS└ (dog pic)(dog pic)(dog pic)(roughly translated as “KFA promotion”)(dog pic)(dog)(roughly translated as “sponsorship”)(dog)(dog)(dog)└ Epic trolling LOLChahyun tightly clenched his fist holding the phone. With a force that seemed to squeeze out juice, the phone, displaying the message screen, trembled. Damn friendship test. Despite repeatedly begging to cut it out, instead of editing, they even put it in the teaser for a documentary promotional clip.Chahyun scrolled through the phone screen a few more times before quietly turning it off. His pitiful image sandwiched between two Western handsome guys persisted vividly in his memory. Why do people even like this kind of stuff? It’s just a scene of me sweating cold for ten minutes.“Whatever happens, happens.”Chahyun stretched his body, which had been slumped, across the spacious seat. The plush seating of the Winchester FC charter plane gently enveloped Chahyun’s troubled body. He lowered the black mask he had been wearing until boarding, down to his chin with his fingers. A deep breath that had been trapped in his lungs was released.Time flew by. A month had passed since the Round of 16 second leg, and today was already the day before the first leg of the Round of 8.The past 30 days had been incredibly busy. It felt like there were countless incidents despite the training. Interviews, seminars, practice matches… There wasn’t a single day of rest. From morning till night, Chahyun’s schedule was packed, even entrusting the evening walk of the dog, the final task of the day, to a sitter. It might have been torture, but the desire to win in the game was just as strong in Chahyun as it was in others.The first game being an away match, the players of Winchester FC were boarding the chartered flight to the Netherlands early in the morning, going through the procedures one by one. Chahyun, who had already taken his seat, pushed his passport into the storage compartment in front of the adjacent seat, watching as his teammates entered the plane one by one.After a few familiar faces passed by, the long-awaited figure of a friend appeared. Chahyun waved his hand.“Jude, over here.”“Yuan….”Jude’s face, known to have agoraphobia, was particularly pale. From the moment he entered the aisle, he was already wearing a neck pillow and had an eye mask on, with dark circles under his eyes, looking pitiful. He already had a pill bottle in his hand, presumably having been prescribed sleeping pills by Dr. Alana for today. The sound of his trembling body added to the discomfort.“Are you okay? Sit here and rest quickly.”“I’m not okay, Yuan. I think I need to sit next to the coach today. I don’t want to vomit on your pants….”“Is it that bad?”“Yeah. I think I should have a doctor nearby….”Jude glanced once at Chahyun, who was pointing to the seat next to him with a troubled look, then shuffled away to the back of the plane where the coach seat was. Usually, he seemed like an empty leather pouch, but today was particularly serious. What should I do with that poor guy…. After staring at his lonely figure for a while with a turned back, Chahyun turned back to the boarding gate.Then, as if waiting for that moment, a tuft of brown hair popped out.Considering the average height of Europeans, the ceiling of the plane was quite high above Chahyun’s head. Misha, who had lightly pushed his belongings into the overhead compartment, had a bag in each hand and a passport in his mouth. As soon as he spotted Chahyun, he naturally placed his bag on the luggage shelf next to him.Then, he lightly winked at Chahyun. Misha, who displayed a casual wink, sat down beside Chahyun, who was staring at him blankly. Even though he probably hadn’t practiced it, the whole series of movements seemed refreshing and lively, as if even the wind would blow.Finally, a whistle-like voice reached Chahyun’s ears.“Ingram really screwed up.”“Um….” Misha gave another subtle jab with his usual expression. This time, it was quite explicit. Implying various agreements between them, Chahyun stopped his response and fiddled with the round part of the armrest that his fingertips touched.Perhaps interpreting Chahyun’s quiet demeanor as something, Misha gently spoke, tilting his head.“Don’t worry, to others, it’ll just look like I’m sitting in an empty seat. They won’t suspect anything else.”“….”“Fortunately, from this game onwards, it won’t seem odd to be close… There are legitimate rules now.”Legitimate rules. That meant he could be there next to Chahyun as a teammate, having come down from the stands. Being within arm’s reach, they could easily make contact without worrying about others noticing their relationship. It seemed Misha interpreted Chahyun’s silence as an attitude of not wanting their relationship to be revealed to others. Chahyun acquiesced somewhat casually.“Yeah, well… That’s true.”As he watched Chahyun nodding coolly, Misha glanced away as if pondering something. Chahyun stole a quick glance at his statue-like profile, but as soon as Misha turned his head towards Chahyun, he immediately averted his gaze, pretending indifference. Then, a sincere and earnest voice rang out.“So, from now on, anytime you need me….”Stopping there, Misha unexpectedly hesitated for a moment. After briefly pondering the words lingering on his tongue and pursing his lips, he eventually raised the tone of his voice, seeming somewhat uncertain even to himself.“Call me…?”For Misha, it was quite a normal word for someone who usually rolls his eyes. A typical phrase that could certainly come up in an intimate relationship. The tone was awkward, seemingly due to the effort to avoid touching Chahyun’s feelings. With a somewhat admirable heart, Chahyun glanced at Misha’s face.“You’ll come even if I don’t call? Anytime, anywhere?”“I’ll come even if you don’t call, just like now.”“….”Chahyun kept his mouth shut because Misha’s words were anything but empty. Indeed, he didn’t hesitate to come running in a ridiculous manner, neither taking off nor putting on his clothes, just to find Chahyun. The sight of him panting in the lobby of the Queens Hotel, looking like a rich gangster, was still vivid in Chahyun’s mind.The chartered plane, now filled with all passengers, began to make heavy noises as the engines started to warm up. Seeing the head coach standing up and comparing the roster for the away game with the boarding list, it seemed departure was imminent. Chahyun adjusted his posture somehow with a bitter feeling of not knowing what to do. In the rough vibration of the cabin preparing for takeoff, Misha suddenly leaned towards Chahyun and whispered.“And this is a service not listed in our contract.”“Huh?”And with that, he immediately reached out his left hand and held Chahyun’s hand resting on the armrest. Surprised at how quickly the warmth of the other’s hand melted his slightly cold fingertips, Chahyun turned his head in disbelief to look at the person sitting beside him.“What? Holding hands when there are other people around…”“You’re afraid of heights too. Not as much as Jude Ingram, but still.”Chahyun raised an eyebrow. He had definitely shown such vulnerability to Misha before. Surely, it was during that incident in the Ferris wheel. That pathetic scene of him turning pale, his face whitening, as he listened to the squeaking sound and felt the swaying bolt.However, the anxiety Chahyun felt at that moment wasn’t just about being on a rusty chunk of iron high up. The strange feeling he had now was similar. And without a doubt, occupying the intersection between these feelings was Misha Asplund.Unable to find a way to explain, Chahyun hesitated, and Misha covered their joined hands with the training jacket he had placed on his lap. The contact that had been openly displayed was quickly hidden beneath the clothes.“This way, it won’t be visible outside. You can sleep without worry.”And as if nothing had happened, Misha immediately turned his head towards the luxurious LCD screen attached to the front seat, as if asking what had happened. In this way, they would surely look like teammates sitting side by side on the outside, unless someone deliberately peeked under the clothes covering their hands.How could one sleep soundly like this? Holding hands clandestinely in a sacred club charter plane.But even that excuse seemed a bit faded now. If they could do such a thing even in the dressing room, why couldn’t they secretly hold hands on the plane? Chahyun covered his mouth and chin with the hand not held by Misha and rested his elbow on the armrest.‘I’ll help you whenever you need me.’The hidden message behind those words was, “Use me,” “Take advantage of me,” “Do as you please with me”… They were still such declarations. Sacrificial and instrumental, it was a proclamation allowing oneself to be manipulated as long as it served Chahyun’s benefit. It was a self-sacrifice disguised under the pretext of contractual clauses, but Misha still knew that such feelings lingered.As Chahyun entertained those thoughts, a strange sensation tickled his heart. It was an emotion different from the embarrassment or awkwardness he had felt countless times before. It was a strange warmth that seemed to dissolve his rib cage from within, accompanied by a sense of urgency akin to pain.Nevertheless, Chahyun couldn’t help but keep his mouth shut, knowing that there would surely be moments when Yoon Chahyun would need his help. From now until just before tomorrow’s match, there would inevitably be moments when they had to come together, a jinx that wouldn’t be dispelled by just holding hands.All the contacts Chahyun had with Misha so far were nothing more than preparatory exercises for what would happen tomorrow. The true contract would begin now. This moment, on the brink of the quarterfinals, would be the most important goal and essence for both Yoon Chahyun and Misha.The sound of the plane rushing down the runway drowned out the thumping of Chahyun’s heart. To quell the eerie sensation of weightlessness and the trembling heart, Chahyun squeezed Misha’s hand very tightly.***It took less than three hours from England to the Netherlands. After unpacking at the hotel they arrived at in the morning and finishing their meals, the players of Winchester FC headed straight to the stadium where the match would take place.Everywhere they went, reporters were swarming. Being Dutch themselves, they supported their home club, Villadevalt CF, and often asked quite sensitive questions, putting the Blues in awkward positions. Are you considering defeat in this match? What differences do you see between Villadevalt and Winchester in terms of strength? And so on.The uncomfortable reception was no different for the players. Even as they warmed up on an unfamiliar training ground, they were constantly followed by persistent curiosity and subtle hostility from the locals. Chahyun tried to ignore the impertinent questions thrown at him as much as possible, but he couldn’t help but feel the piercing gazes pouring down his back.After completing the nerve-wracking sightseeing and warm-up, the players immediately returned to the hotel. It was a bit early to relax, but no one objected to the coach’s decision. That’s how tense the atmosphere was.“Hey, we came here to play a match, not to get into a fight, right? They’re staring at us so intensely.”“Yeah, I almost got a hole in my back.”After returning to the hotel following the training session, the players gathered in the hall for their final seminar and had dinner together. Across from them, Aloys and Winston vented their frustrations about the unfair events of the day.The opponent’s fans grabbing at their clothes or throwing trash onto the practice field. These were minor but subtly memorable provocations.“The questions were all so low-grade… You’ve heard a lot of that too, Yuan, right?”“Yeah. It did bother me a bit.”