Kiss the Ground

“Yuan.”Perhaps it was the troubling topic. Misha reached out and placed his hand on Chahyun’s shoulder. As the warm touch reached him, a heavy drowsiness overwhelmed him.“Thinking of it as a scandal between you and me… it actually felt good.”“……”“I’ve never… had a scandal with someone I truly liked before…”The last words faded away like spreading ink. After mumbling a few more incoherent words, Chahyun was pulled into a sleep as deep as a cliff. The warmth of the fingers that moved from his shoulder to caress his cheek was the last sensation that touched the edges of his consciousness like smoke.Only the sound of steady breathing filled the quiet bedroom.In the seemingly endless few minutes of silence, Misha gazed at Yoon Chahyun’s sleeping face. Then he lifted the hand that had been resting on the bed and slowly brought it to his closed eyelids. The skin over his fingerprints was so thin it felt almost transparent. He lightly brushed the soft skin, but the deeply asleep Chahyun didn’t move.The fingers that had been touching his eyelids moved down to caress Chahyun’s slightly sharper cheek. He had lost a few hundred grams of weight, likely due to recent events. Misha slowly withdrew his hand from Chahyun’s face and leaned his body against his side. He then quietly watched Chahyun’s chest rise and fall gently.One thought occupied his mind.Fragile.He knew it was an adjective unbefitting someone strong, but Yoon Chahyun was exceedingly fragile. Although he maintained a cold exterior, underneath the hard surface lay a softness that could easily break. If someone decided to shatter him, it would be all too easy to create cracks.Indeed, there were always a few who quickly realized this. Swarming like bees, people could keenly detect the scent leaking from Yoon Chahyun’s cracks and were eager to pull out what was inside. Amidst the hands that pushed him, urging his downfall, Chahyun precariously maintained his balance, unbreaking despite the seeming fragility.But not now. Yoon Chahyun was surrendering himself to a few days of rest and stability at Misha’s side. He had let go of his overworked vigilance completely, drifting his consciousness away.Remembering this made Misha’s lips curl into a slight smile. His heart pounded as if it would break through his ribs.This is truly… a perfect situation.Yoon Chahyun, in his suffering, was relying on him.In the silence, Misha slowly extended his arm over Yoon Chahyun’s body. He could just hold him and fall asleep together. Tomorrow, he would stay by Yoon Chahyun’s side, be kind to him, receive abundant love, and shyly accept it. Chahyun would continue to get hurt somewhere, and every time he did, Misha would be there to embrace and comfort him. Becoming his sole pillar of support would be the ultimate conclusion.The past few days had been like a dream. Things he had dreamed of since his childhood were becoming reality. At this moment, Misha stood closer to Yoon Chahyun than anyone else in the world, holding a deep affection and trust.He had longed for and fervently desired this position. Now that he loved and was loved by Yoon Chahyun, the only thing left was to fully enjoy that happiness.“……”That was all.The hand that had been hovering in the air settled back onto the sheet. The smile on his lips scattered. Unable to wrap his permitted arm around Yoon Chahyun’s body, Misha silently frowned.A feeling of displeasure crept over him. It was the same nausea that had dominated his heart alongside euphoria over the past few days. Amidst everything going perfectly, only this emotion lingered in his gut, occasionally stabbing his heart. It put a brake on the boundless happiness and halted the hands that wanted to warmly embrace the wounded Chahyun.He didn’t want Yoon Chahyun to get hurt.It was utterly incomprehensible. Everything seemed like a puzzle.Initially, he wanted to break him to monopolize him. He had desperately sought his affection with pitiful appeals and stubbornness. But after learning that Chahyun loved him, he wanted Chahyun to depend on him. He believed that being the only person Chahyun could lean on in his suffering was perfect happiness.So, feeling happier now when Chahyun smiled and held his hand than when he cried and clung to him was very strange.If he simply kept things as they were, it would be easy to always make Chahyun come running into his arms. It would have been nice to have Chahyun lean on him appropriately when he was in pain and enjoy the sweet overflow of trust and affection. He was confident he could protect and keep him safe without breaking him. Everything would have been ideal this way.However, every time he heard Yoon Chahyun’s confessions like the one just now, Misha’s ideals cracked a little. Every time Chahyun said he liked him or loved him, everything beneath his feet crumbled like soft clay. Even though he wanted to monopolize the suffering Chahyun and keep him close, he simultaneously wished for Chahyun to be healthy and beautiful.It was an entirely irrational emotion. The conflicting feelings tangled his mind, and Misha no longer knew what he truly wanted.His slowly parting lips called out to the one lying in front of him.“Yuan.”Yoon Chahyun still didn’t open his eyes. Misha raised himself up on his arm, leaning over the bed.“Yuan.”Even though the mattress shifted significantly, Chahyun showed no sign of waking. Misha stood beside the bed, looking down at the sleeping Chahyun, then gently pulled the blanket up to cover him. He picked up Chahyun’s phone from the nightstand. His fingers tapped on the screen, landing on a contact. It was the name of the detective who had been handling Chahyun’s case.As he pressed the call button, a steady dial tone began. Misha stepped out of the bedroom, turning off the light. He looked back once more at Chahyun, sleeping quietly in the middle of the bed. With something to resolve, he couldn’t lie down next to him just yet.***In the early morning, the entrance of the Winchester Club Center was crowded with reporters. As the players boarded the limousine bus, the journalists shouted questions and comments. Adjusting the fit of his club suit, Chahyun looked at the various heads bobbing beyond the security line. A familiar voice spoke to him.“Are all those people here to see you?”Aloys, with a disgruntled look, gestured toward the gathered crowd. They hadn’t dared to enter the club due to security policies, but their attempts to capture photos and videos suggested their interest, which was easy to guess.“I suppose so. Considering the commotion.”“Still on it, huh? Seems like they don’t have anything better to do. No interest in the game?”The declaration of Yoon Chahyun’s innocence, earned by sacrificing a precious day, was announced that evening. With a significant game approaching, the club judged it better to swiftly and officially dispel the rumors rather than allowing them to fester. Though abrupt, this turned out to be the right choice.However, explanations often pale in comparison to rumors. Even after definitive evidence was presented, the public’s interest in Chahyun didn’t wane. It seemed they were more fascinated by the fact that such an issue had arisen with a rising star rather than seriously doubting his involvement with drugs.“They’re probably just curious about how I’ll perform after all this.”He understood the psychology.Chahyun quickened his pace towards the limousine, muttering.“This is the only chance they’ll have to see my face up close. Once the game starts, they’ll only see me from the press box. I’m pretty popular these days, aren’t I?”“Yeah, you’re really something lately.”“If you’re jealous, you should try it too.”“Sure, if you have any good stuff, share it with us. Don’t keep it all to yourself.”Aloys laughed heartily, responding cheekily to Chahyun’s casual remark, only to get a playful punch in the ribs from Leroy. The laughter subsided as Leroy frowned at Chahyun.“Sorry, you must still be on edge……”“No need to bring it up again.”Chahyun shrugged it off. But Leroy couldn’t hide his worried expression.“Yuan, there’s no change in the starting lineup, right?”“Of course not, otherwise, I wouldn’t be going. It was tough, but the effort of being confined and waiting all day for the test results paid off.”“Thank goodness. I was really worried it might be too late, considering how sudden it all was.”Finally, a sigh of relief escaped Leroy’s lips. Aloys straightened up, looking smug as if to say, “Told you so.”Alana’s words about nobody in the club doubting Chahyun proved true. A doping rumor is the worst kind of misfortune that can befall any athlete, and the fact that it happened to a teammate was a significant shock to them.Once the center turned upside down with the news of Chahyun’s re-test, teammates comforted him in their own ways. Some sent lengthy messages of support, others patted his back, and there were those like Aloys who made light of it or like Leroy who seemed overly cautious.All these gestures were both comfort and motivation for Chahyun. It was evidence that his environment hadn’t changed. He just needed to keep doing his best with familiar people and routines.By the time their banter ended, they had reached the limousine bus. The players adjusted their team bags and lined up at the boarding gate. As they entered the bus, Chahyun’s phone buzzed with a message from a familiar contact.▶[Chahyun, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I feel like I didn’t properly apologize. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Good luck in the second match. I’ll be cheering for you.]Chahyun glanced at the message for a moment before deleting it. He then turned off his phone as if he had seen nothing.***The number of reporters in Ale City was incomparable to those at the Winchester Club Center’s entrance.From the moment they got off the limousine until they entered the designated hotel, the line of people didn’t cease. Questions bombarded them from all sides, and the flashing lights of cameras were disorienting. Walking through the human corridor formed by the security guards was surreal.The reporters, eager for any snippet, had two main objectives. One was to ask about the expectations and outlook for the semi-final second leg, and the other was the topic Chahyun had been anticipating.“Yoon, please give us a statement. What’s your opinion on the doping allegations? How do you think it will affect your performance in the upcoming match?”Yoon Chahyun just kept his eyes forward and walked. Having proven his innocence, he saw no need to speak further and had no intention of indulging their idle curiosity. Amid persistent questions, Chahyun silently moved forward.It was then that a familiar presence approached from behind. Misha, who had taken a different limousine, now walked behind Chahyun.Once inside the hotel, the noise subsided. The spacious, grand lobby had one wall entirely made of glass, offering a breathtaking view of the ocean befitting a harbor city. As players dispersed towards their rooms, Chahyun approached the window, touching the glass with his palm. Misha quietly joined him.“Yuan.”Misha looked worried. Chahyun smiled a bit.“Look at your face. Smile, so you’ll look good in pictures.”“I’m upset that we couldn’t be together. The coaches keep calling me.”“That’s life.”Misha pouted. It was adorable. Chahyun gestured towards the view outside.“Isn’t the sea beautiful? I wanted to see it with you, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon.”It would have been better with more time. Misha watched Chahyun’s profile as he mumbled.“If we win, we can come back.”“Absolutely. I’m going to buy this place.”As Chahyun joked, a physical coach loudly called Misha’s name, echoing in the lobby. He wanted Misha to discuss some strategic matters. Misha looked back at him with a face full of frustration.“…Look at this.”He was like a duckling imprinted on Chahyun. Hovering around, not wanting to part, it was endearing but also a bit guilt-inducing. Chahyun’s recent unreliable behavior was likely the cause.“I’m fine, so go ahead. We’ll meet later.”Chahyun lightly patted Misha’s hip, who reluctantly headed towards the coach. Watching Misha’s disappointed figure, Chahyun turned back to the window.Could it be the waves? Alone, something seemed to undulate beneath his feet.As evening fell and the weather cooled, the players, as usual, took to the field.Ale City’s stadium wasn’t as clean and flashy as Winchester’s, but it was grand and dignified, proving the club’s long history. The stadium, built and rebuilt many times, had a winning record mostly in Ale City’s favor.“Those people have gotten in here. Is this okay?”“There’s no way to stop them… it’s an open practice.”As soon as Winchester began their acclimatization training, journalists filled the press box to the brim. It was an excessive level of excitement, even considering the upcoming important match.Every time Chahyun stretched on the mat, camera flashes went off. Click, click… With the shutters going off continuously, Chahyun pursed his lips and continued to loosen up.However, Chahyun wasn’t the only one affected by the unusual atmosphere. His teammates on the field kept glancing at the journalists while doing their own training. Jude with his idle chatter, Cahill with his serious face, Winston, Leroy, even goalkeeper Lou all kept looking back.Chahyun squinted and scanned the press box thoroughly.How many of them are genuinely interested in Yoon Chahyun’s play? To them, it might be more important to see him make a mistake or get injured than to score a goal.Every time he thought like that, Chahyun felt as if a strange liquid was pooling in his legs. Something heavy and dense slowly rising past his ankles and shins to his knees. The waves lapping inside him were not a pleasant sensation.Soon, the whistle blew for a break. The players scattered across the field gathered near the bench, drinks in hand. Chahyun sat heavily on the bench in front of him.Suddenly, it became noisy behind him. The people surrounding the field had moved closer to Chahyun. Security guards were heard trying to hold them back.“Can’t they even let me take a break?”Chahyun threw his drink onto the field. Jude, noticing this, finally spoke up.“Yuan, it might be best to talk to the coach and go in early.”“…I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You’ve adjusted enough, go back to the hotel. Now’s the perfect time during the break.”The seriousness in his voice made Chahyun’s stomach churn. The unpleasant feeling had now reached his solar plexus. Perhaps it really was time to listen to Jude.“Alright… I’m sorry, everyone. I’ll head in first.”Seeing Jude nod, Chahyun walked towards the exit past the press box.It was ironic that to get away from the noisy crowd, he had to walk past them. As he approached, the murmuring grew louder, and unofficial questions began to rain down again. Officials in yellow blocked the edges of the path.Ignoring the countless questions, Chahyun walked silently. The exit was just ahead.“Yoon Chahyun!”Chahyun reflexively turned towards the voice calling his name and bit his lip. It was a mistake. His body had responded almost reflexively to his native language. The Asian reporter who met his gaze grinned, pleased his gambit had worked.“Just one question, please. Why did you get retested so quickly?”“I won’t answer.”It felt like he had taken the bait. The reporter, feeling confident, squeezed through the human barrier.“Did you know it’s a hot topic in Korea too?”“……”“Just one comment! Didn’t you hear anything?”As Chahyun ignored the questions and kept walking, a large lens suddenly came close to his face. Startled, Chahyun took a big step back. The reporter had thrust his camera forward with all his might.It happened in an instant. His face was captured in the black mirror. His heart pounded as if hit by a hammer. Two large security guards grabbed the reporter, but his question reached Chahyun’s ears first.“Is it true that Coach Kim Soo-jung is involved in the allegations?”His mother’s name.Amidst the noise, that word struck Chahyun’s mind forcefully.The cold sensation filling his body drained away and then surged up to his head. His vision turned white like foam with a surge of emotion. Something stung and popped like a firecracker.At the same time, a heavy thud resounded. Crack. The surroundings fell silent as if cold water had been spilled. In the stillness, Chahyun slowly pulled back his raised hand.Looking down, he saw the shattered pieces of the camera scattered around.Only then did Chahyun realize he had smashed the camera in front of him.A tumultuous uproar erupted.Whether it was exclamations or curses, he couldn’t tell from the surrounding shouts, as his vision filled with bright yellow. It took him a few seconds to realize it was the security guards’ uniforms surrounding him.“Yuan!”His heart pounded explosively. Though a familiar voice called from afar, he couldn’t be sure who it was. There were simply too many people calling his name.Half-dragged by the security guards trying to protect him, Chahyun was taken to the temporary medical room inside the stadium. The team doctor from Winchester United rushed out and sat Chahyun down in a chair. Staring at the medical equipment in front of him, Chahyun muttered.“I’m not hurt.”The only thing broken was the camera. That piece of trash he shattered with his own hands in front of everyone.However, Alana took Chahyun’s right hand without another word. She placed the swollen, bruised hand on the medical table. Only then did Chahyun realize the explosive sensation he felt was the pain in his hand.“What… is this?”“Don’t clench your fist.”As Chahyun oddly opened and closed his fist, Alana stopped him. She then began treating the pulsating red hand. Something as cold as ice enveloped his entire hand, followed by gauze and a sturdy mesh-like material that firmly secured the bones.Chahyun watched the entire process in a daze, as if it were happening to someone else. Across the desk, Alana looked up at him with an unusually serious expression.“Yuan, are you okay?”“Yes.”The tiresome question made him chuckle unintentionally. Alana frowned oddly at his face. It was refreshing to see the always-calm doctor make such an expression.Just then, someone knocked urgently on the door of the infirmary. Alana immediately got up and went to the door. Through the crack, Chahyun saw Winchester’s club coaches and a few security personnel standing there. They didn’t come in but whispered quietly. The topic of their conversation was obvious.After finishing the conversation, Alana approached Chahyun and bent down to speak clearly and concisely.“…The ground is being cleared now. Since they crossed the line into the press area, it won’t be our fault.”“Yes.”“No one got hurt aside from the broken equipment… except for you. The person involved hasn’t made any complaints. The club will handle everything.”“Yes.”“But it might take some time to disperse the people. Once the journalists and players have left, we’ll send you back to the hotel immediately.”“Yes.”Chahyun kept nodding. He knew what he had done and had no further questions.After finishing her explanation, Alana stood there for a moment as if she had more to say, but then quietly left the infirmary. She probably intended to give him some alone time.As the surroundings grew quiet, he could hear the murmur of voices outside. The person responsible for the incident was holed up in the corner while others were cleaning up the mess. Another faint smile crossed his face, and he raised his bandaged hand to cover his mouth.