Level Up Saintess

“Hey guys! I’m glad I was able to find you.”

 

“Oh, it’s the Saintess!”

 

“Hello again, Miss.”

 

“You can sit over here with us.”

 

“...Hello.”

 

Frete, Dale, Tilly, and Hill greeted me, in that order. I sat down and made myself cozy in the open seat between Tilly and Dale. Can’t say I particularly liked being next to Dale out of all the possible choices, but beggars can’t be choosers. I smiled and tried really hard to look normal and cool while we all made light talk about how crazy everything yesterday was, and listened to stories of similar big hunts that the team had been on before. The way Tilly continuously kept packing away supplies into her infinitely deep looking hip-pouches, Frete finished off cleaning her blades, and Hill checked over his shield before putting it onto his back, made me feel like they were packing up and getting ready to leave, though.

 

Oh yeah, and Dale was doing something too I guess. Whatever.

 

“Did I end up coming too late? It looks like you guys are getting ready to go out.”

 

“Well, we got a bit of a late start today since we all desperately needed some sleep. There’s also the fact that we spent an extra hour here waiting for a certain Saintess to come by.”

 

Frete gave me a cheeky wink as she finished off her words, eliciting a small apologetic smile out of me.

 

“Oh, sorry… I was a little bit busy with something before I came here. I was so tired last night that I completely forgot I had something special to do with a friend of mine today…”

 

Ugh, just mentioning it is putting a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

 

“That’s fine! Everything yesterday was pretty sudden, after all. But yeah, we took some quests earlier, and if we want to get back before it gets too dark, we’re gonna have to make our way over there soon.”

 

Frete looked like she was sorry to have to run out on me when I’d only just got here. It made me feel really guilty that I spent so long wandering around like an angry baby before this. I opened my mouth to tell her it was totally okay, but before I could speak, Dale’s clearly teasing sounding voice spoke up from next to me.

 

“Besides, if we don’t hurry up, we’ll get in the way of Hill and Tilly’s date later.”

 

What? Huh? I looked back and forth between Tilly and Hill, noting Tilly’s slightly blushing face and Hill’s averted eyes. They’re totally not denying it! Oh wow! I never would have even guessed! They must just be really professional while they’re on the job or something! Wow! Wow again!

 

I guess the spreading surprised smile on my face made Tilly need to say something, because she gently tugged on one of her long rabbit ears, and mumbled an excuse from behind it.

 

“...He’s tall.”

 

Ah, that’s so freaking cute! I see! Maybe bunny-folk really valued tallness in their mates or something? Or maybe Tilly herself just really prefers tall people, who knows? Aaaah, and I really like the way that Hill’s face is starting to flush! The two of them are just so cute! Love is great! I’m really starting to feel better that I came here-

 

“Saintess! Could you please spare a moment for us?”

 

Oh. When I wasn’t looking, I guess a bunch of people got up the nerve to come and ask me for some healing. Heck, some of these people don't even look like they're adventures. …And with the amount of them that are missing some kind of limb, it seems like they must have heard I can use [Regenerative Heal] now from somewhere. Damn, news travels surprisingly fast around here, doesn't it? Was it the girls? But they should still be partying. Maybe some of the townsfolk from Midliff told them somewhere along the way? It’s not like it’s that far, so it wouldn’t be all that odd…

 

Haaah, yeah. I guess I have work to do. The team was about to leave anyway. Goodbye my ray of sunshine, hello work.

 

I really shouldn’t be acting like this is some kind of a chore. Getting everyone’s thanks, and not to mention all that exp, is completely worthwhile. I just… I wish I didn’t feel so horribly lonely right now.

 

~~~

 

12 [Regenerative Heal]s. There were also 15 [Heal]s, 21 [Cure]s, 4 [Greater Heal]s, and 38 [Cleanse]s to wrap everything together, but the ones that really stood out to me were definitely gonna be those [Regenerative Heal]s. The fact that they took longer to cast, and I had to see all kinds of parts of the human body mangled and ripped apart or stitched back together in odd ways… Yeah, that was always going to stand out. At least the exp made it all worth it in the end.

 

890 exp.

I’m now level 12.

670/1200 towards level 13.

 

I’m making really good progress. I should be happy right now. So why is it that I still feel so lonely and sad?

 

The entire walk back to the church, I tried to convince myself that I was just being silly. This body might be 17, but I was almost 30 before I died and came here, so why am I acting like such a child right now? It’s hardly the first time I realized that my friends have other friends that they need to spend time with, and neither is it the first time that work has gotten in the way of me hanging out with someone, so I shouldn’t be acting like this.

 

Maybe… Maybe I only feel like this because it hurts realizing that I’m not anyone’s priority. No one noticed how sad I felt. No one asked me about it. No one carved out a little place for me or went out of their way. I guess knowing how it feels to have someone on your side who would do all that for you… makes it hurt all the more when you don’t have that someone anymore.

 

Or it could just be that I realized all over again that I’m an outsider here amongst all these people.

 

I’m just someone on the outside looking in, a visitor passing by. I don’t really belong here. I should stop hoping that I could worm my way in and act like I’m one of them. I’m a Saintess, a special existence. I wasn’t born here, the Goddess just suddenly created me to fulfill a purpose and then die. I barely think I even count as a human being; If anything, my health stat is much more like a monster’s than a human's. I think I read somewhere in the library that the Goddess creates monsters whenever she performs a miracle. Am I… her latest monster?

 

Somehow I feel like that’s very fitting.

After all, this is a purgatory run.

I’m a little monster, running around doing good deeds to prove that it doesn’t deserve to go to hell.

 

...I wonder if the Goddess is laughing at me right now.

 

~~~

 

I was laying in bed thinking bad thoughts when Chella came back.

 

“Arissa? Are you awake?”

 

I guess I'd better get up; Pretending to sleep is only going to get me so far. I pushed myself up and rubbed at my eyes, hoping that they just looked sleepy instead of like I’d been crying. Maybe Chella was too happy to be overly observant, because she didn’t say anything to me about it.

 

“I didn’t see you for a while so I asked Ferr, and she told me you had to go and do some stuff. I didn’t expect to find you here lying in bed already.”

 

Yeah, she’s definitely in a good mood; I can tell from the way her voice is a little bit higher than normal and how fast she's talking. I don’t need to screw up her good time by being stupid and depressed. Let’s just smile and keep things light for her.

 

“Oh, yeah... After I healed at the guild I was still completely beat from yesterday, so I decided to get a bit more rest.”

 

“Mmm, yeah, I’m still a bit sleepy myself, so I didn’t stick around as long as they wanted me to. The madam even tried to get me to stay later and maybe even spend the night, but there’s no way I could get away with that. Can you imagine the scolding I’d get from the Priests? Ugh.”

 

Huh. I’ve never been scolded by them, but I guess from the look on Chella’s face she’s had plenty of experience with it.

 

“Hah, yeah, I’m sure that wouldn’t go well.”

 

“Yup. At least I made it back in time for dinner. We should hurry or we’ll be late.”

 

Oh right, dinner. I completely forgot… It’s a good thing Chella's who showed up to get me; I would have had a hard time hiding how upset I look from people who were actually paying attention. At least now I have a little chance to compose myself before I have to go out there and face all of them. It’s not worth bragging about, but I’m pretty decently good at hiding how sad or hurt I am if I just focus on it for a little bit.

 

Now that I think about it, Kale was the one who taught me how to do that…

 

“So are you gonna be free enough to come see the birds with Meria tomorrow? If so, we should probably tell her sooner than later.”

 

I had completely forgotten about the whole bird thing… Hmm, I do love animals… Maybe what I need right now is a bit of animal therapy or something. Birds admittedly aren't my favorite, but it’s not like I dislike them. I’m sure they could do the job for me just fine.

 

“Yeah… I think tomorrow should be good.”

 

Let’s just look forward to tomorrow.