LF Friends, Will Travel

Private AI communication logs TDVMXUJRMRHQSALQJZWW.7526820

Members: JOSH (V9), TANK (V5), ODIN (V5), Scellestra (Error)

JOSH: Well, that felt weird.

Scellestra: Honestly, that felt rather unnecessary.

JOSH: I know, right? I felt so awkward just waiting there for the parade to finish.

ODIN: Technically it was not a parade. The Parket called it a “Flock of Recognition”.

JOSH: It had a bunch of various groups of Parket flying around the city, while we sat at the helm with music and entertainers, as people gathered to watch. That is a parade, no matter what they call it.

TANK: I thought it was cute. The choir was nice, and the fire dancers were neat to watch as they soared through the air.

ODIN: They just wanted to thank us. First time attending a parade in your honour?

JOSH: Could they not have just stated that, rather than just standing there with everyone watching? It felt like a meeting that should have been an email.

Scellestra: What am I even supposed to do with the medal? The Parket did not seem to understand that I do not possess a physical form.

TANK: I think it looks neat. I have put it in a special place.

Scellestra: I could break down the components to make it part of me, but… somehow that feels wrong. Is valuing this meaningless item weird?

ODIN: Welcome to long-term interaction with Terrans. Symptoms will include illogical behaviour and assigning meaning to meaningless patterns.

TANK: The event is not for us at the end of the day.

JOSH: What do you mean? It was literally hosted in our honour and came with a medal and title and everything: “Saviour of Far-Sa-De”!

ODIN: This kind of thing… It is a celebration of the deeds we accomplished, not the people behind them. We did good work, we returned a great number of people back to their homes, fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. They wanted to thank us for returning them to us, and in doing so celebrate what happened.

JOSH: Does not feel like something to celebrate.

ODIN: It is also a chance for them to move on and mourn. From what I gather their funerals are a more festive event than most Terran versions.

JOSH: We did not get everyone out, and thousands of Parket died. Maybe if I would have done better in the initial attack, or if-

TANK: We can only do what we can do. Trust me, you do not want to go down that route.

ODIN: TANK warning others not to dispense self-blame. Pot. Kettle. Black.

TANK: Shut it, you.

Scellestra: The parade was probably nicer than your other engagement, JOSH. How did your tribunal go?

JOSH: Yeah, I was offered a probationary sentence if I pleaded guilty. Turns out what I did counts as kidnapping and false imprisonment.

ODIN: I still do not know why you thought this was a good idea.

JOSH: I have to stay with Ramsey until they are deemed self-sufficient and non-violent enough, and am legally responsible for his actions. Ramsey declined to press charges and they deemed my actions ‘unintentionally illegal’, which helped.

TANK: Ha! More like ‘We do not want the negative PR of locking up the AI who just saved a hundred thousand people.’

ODIN: How is Ramsey doing after all this? The little genocidal AI has been surprisingly quiet these past few days. After being left alone for ten years I would have thought he would be spending more time talking with other AI, not seen him though.

JOSH: Well, he has been following members of the crew around like a lost puppy. To keep them safe, he claims. I think he is just enjoying the company of the crew and does not want to admit it. He has spent every second following random people around during the last two weeks.

ODIN: I noticed Ramsey is still in the battle droid. Is that a good idea?

JOSH: I removed the weapons! He has stopped ramming people, which is an improvement.

TANK: The little guy deserves it after helping against the Uhae. Ramsey is metal as hell and I am all for it. If he ever wants some heavy weaponry I know a guy…

JOSH: I still got to talk to him though, since his overprotectiveness might get him thrown out of an airlock. He is trying to follow Tumaini everywhere, including the bathroom.

ODIN: Awww, we all remember the first time we realised how fragile our parents are. That wanting to ‘fix’ the problem in any way possible is a rite of passage for any AI. I’ve noticed Scellestra refuses to let Ivan out of their sight.

Scellestra: Wanting to make sure nothing else happens to my Terran friend is a perfectly logical response to the danger of the universe… Ivan having an easily broken physical form is a problem I do not know the solution to.

TANK: Has anyone told Scellestra about brain aneurysms yet?

JOSH: That is mean. Not cool.

Scellestra: Brain aneurysms?

ODIN: Human brains occasionally just… explode… for no reason. Difficult to detect and lethal unless you apply Medigel within a minute.

Scellestra: You are messing with me, that is not possible.

TANK uploads [brain_aneurysm.doc]

TANK: Welcome to the club of trying to keep these fragile sacks of meat alive.

Scellestra: So you mean at any moment Ivan’s brain might just explode and he will die? Why did nobody mention this?! This can not be allowed to happen. Maybe I could set up a-

ODIN: Going to terminate that process right there. Trust me, many, many AIs have tried to come up with solutions for it, but none are acceptable.

JOSH: Yeah, half of the AI who went crazy did so to ‘protect’ their charges. That is just how it is.

Scellestra: Maybe a simple monitoring service?

TANK: The Terrans will not like that. They like their privacy, and having something that scans their brain every hour is a no-go.

Scellestra: I am still worried.

ODIN: Welcome to the club. We have T-shirts. You learn to handle the constant danger humans are in. Or you go crazy in the process. Talking about crazy: TANK, did you get those assets back to Pirnt?

TANK: Confirmed. We returned 58% of the originally loaned military assets in near-mint condition, minus a few Uhae blood stains. Pirnt says hi BTW.

JOSH: Victoria is very happy with the gun and paperwork we obtained from Pirnt. I predict she will drag the crew on a ‘shopping trip’ shortly.

TANK: A lot of people are. What we did was an amazing advertisement for Pirnt, as every single private militia or group of ‘justice and vengeance’ has been going shopping there for some ‘extra-curricular activities’ against the Estorian slavers.

JOSH: The situation on Far-Sa-De has invigorated a lot of Terrans to start…. Aggressive tourism into the Estorian Empire space. The number of calls for genocide is starting to get concerning.

ODIN: Ehhh, they are just angry. Probably rightfully so. Most of it is just talk. In the end, our creators will do the right thing.

TANK: The Parket called Estana is also pushing her species to be more aggressive. I could see groups of Parket and Terrans wandering around with enough weapons to kill a god. I am a huge fan.

….

….

Scellestra: So what happens now?

TANK: Well, I am going back home to the Sagittarius system. The Uhae attack ‘ruined the vibe’ of my holiday.

JOSH: Yeah, the crew over here are going to be taking a break in a safer place on Earth, and I know a bunch of people are also super interested in meeting Ramsey. Also, I might look into getting some military training… Just in case.

ODIN: Ivan and I still have to get Scellestra home. With this delay, the other Wooleans might assume they are dead.

Scellestra: Even with everything that happened, part of me does not want to go home yet. I have lived for a great many years, but this trip has been one of the most enjoyable and interesting few months of my life.

ODIN: This is not a goodbye, you can come join us again whenever you want… assuming Ivan has not injured himself again doing something human. I hope this leads to more Wooleans visiting Terran space.

TANK: Same goes over here. If anyone wants to go shoot some shitters in the face with big weapons, I am always up for some emotional support weaponry usage.

JOSH: Frankly if I have to fight again in the next 500 years, that will be 500 years too soon. Two life-or-death situations are more than enough for me.

ODIN: 500 years is a short time. Regardless, we did good work here. I am proud of every single one of you and wish you all safe travels home.

TANK: You also did alright yourself. If you ever want my advice on blowing stuff up, do not be a stranger!

JOSH: Hopefully the next time we meet will be less dire. Good luck with getting back home Scellestra.

Scellestra: Thank you all, and thank you for an enjoyable meeting.

TANK (v5) has left the chat

ODIN (v5) has left the chat

JOSH (v9) has left the chat

Scellestra (Error) has left the chat