Love Me if You Dare: Pristine Darkness

I am waiting for him. When he returns, I want to protect him.

In this chapter, we see how Jian Yao has been dealing with Bo Jinyan’s disappearance from her life – does what she’s doing surprise you? Fang Qing and Jian Yao have clearly been pillars of support for each other, and Luo Lang . . . has become part of friendship circle . . . dun dun dun.

Ding Mo has written a note to address some of the readers’ comments on the implausibility of Fu Ziyu and Han Yumeng’s actions leading to their deaths in earlier chapters. Do read it (it’s at the end of the chapter) and see if you agree with the perspective presented!

Calling for translators! If you’re interested in trying your hand at translating this novel, do email [email protected]. We welcome anyone who would like to give it a try, and those of us with a little more experience are happy to help out ?

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Fang Qing looked at Jian Yao, who was completely uncommunicative*. He sat opposite her at her table, lit a cigarette and smoked it slowly.

*T/N 闷葫芦 (men hu lu) – lit. a closed gourd; fig. an enigma, a taciturn person.

Jian Yao glanced at him but did not say anything. She continued looking out of the window blankly.

A short while later, the sweat on Fang Qing’s body had dried up and he felt much better. However, the burning sensation in his heart did not dissipate. He stubbed out his cigarette butt, looked steadily at her, then launched into a torrent of rebuke. “What were you thinking during the assignment this afternoon? Do you have a death wish? When did the criminal investigation team give the female criminal psychologist the mission of chasing down criminals?”

Jian Yao was not angry, and looked at him especially calmly. “I seem to have nabbed the suspect in a perfectly intact state, and there were no slip-ups.”

“Sure, there were no slip-ups!” Fang Qing laughed grimly. “If there had been slip-ups, would we still be standing here having this conversation? You, girl, you’ve been learning hand-to-hand combat with me for a year, and now you’ve decided I’m not worth your notice since you’re better than me? So, the criminals no longer have to be dealt with by me, a true-blue criminal investigator, they can all go to you, someone who isn’t actually trained for the job*?”

*T/N 半路出家 (ban lu chu jia) – lit. to leave home halfway.

But Jian Yao just smiled faintly, and said, “It must be because you’ve been in Beijing for quite a long time, your pronunciation is much better now. When we first met you in the ancient city, you couldn’t differentiate between ‘n’ and ‘l’.”

On seeing that she was not willing to give in, still refusing to address the main issue while only talking about trivial matters, Fang Qing fell silent for a bit. Finally, he still had to say something. “‘We’? You and that chap who left without saying goodbye? Do you have this idea that, for every day he doesn’t return, that’s another day you have to push yourself to the limit? You get up earlier than everyone else, you work later than everyone else. You disregard your body. Take a look at your injuries!” He grabbed her arm in a swift move. Pain shot through Jian Yao and she hissed softly. Her sleeve fell back and exposed two freshly-made, bloody, welts — these had occurred when she fell while apprehending the suspect earlier. It was not only those; her entire arm featured overlapping bruises, both old and new. These were all due to her practising hand-to-hand combat with the other criminal investigators.

The expression on Jian Yao’s face was cold as she pulled her arm back and rolled the sleeve down.

Fang Qing was conscious that he had said too much, but his heart was still unsettled. So, he tried again, saying, “Don’t do this to yourself again. People who are trapped by their emotions are foolish c*nts, do you hear?”

Jian Yao remained silent for a moment before looking up. Twilight was approaching. Soon, dusk would envelop every corner of square, orderly central police building. The light from a lone star shone dimly on the building roof. The scene was both familiar and desolate.

She smiled briefly and said, “I’m not being trapped by my feelings. I know very well what I am doing.”

“What are you doing?”

“I am waiting for him. When he returns, I want to protect him.”

Fang Qing was dumbfounded, and remained so for quite a while. Thus far in his life, he had seen many firm and unyielding women. Female SWAT team members with iron wills, forensic investigators without an iota of human warmth, even his own Jin Xiaozhe. But Jian Yao was not like any of them. She had a kind of strength that was both soft and tough. When Bo Jinyan left, this strength became more evident. If one said that the original Jian Yao was a sweet-tempered and pleasant girl, then this, more bullish personality usually only erupted under intense stress. However, right now, her temperament was entirely different.

In this year, she had lost considerable weight. Her cheeks and chin had lost their softness, and the lines of her face were more prominent, giving her the appearance an obstinate woman. Her skin was also more tanned. Her physique had become more muscular, but she still retained her graceful and slender figure. However, Fang Qing felt that her eyes had become even brighter. One could see her independent and tenacious nature just from her cool, bright eyes.

An old criminal investigator had once told Fang Qing that suffering would mould a person from the inside out, and Fang Qing could see this clearly when he beheld Jian Yao. If he were to ask himself, he knew that the greatest crisis he had had to face in all the years of his life was the continual separation from and reunion with Jin Xiaozhe. He knew without doubt that he, and anyone else, would never experience what Jian Yao had experienced.

After a long time, Fang Qing could only spit out one word. “Imbecile.”

Jian Yao just smiled, then touched her stomach and said, “I’m a bit hungry. What shall we eat?”

“What else can we eat?” Fang Qing threw his cigarette butt into the rubbish bin. “Today, we’ve caught such a big criminal, how can we not go to ‘Xiaohong’s Barbecued Meat’ to drink beer and eat some skewers!”

Jian Yao laughed. “Great idea!”

——

In ordinary life, Xiaohong would possibly be nothing but a nameless passer-by. However, Xiaohong’s barbecued meat was reasonably-priced, substantial, and flavoursome, and the stall opened till very late. Thus, those men who were seeking to unload the burdens they had accumulated during the day always liked to patronise the stall at night. Eat ten skewers of lamb, two raw oysters, drink half a dozen beers. The day would seem perfect.

When had Jian Yao become one of the rough, tough criminal investigators?

Probably, from the day there was no longer a picky and meticulous man waiting for her at home.

The street lamp shone dimly and the big fan blew air at them. Fang Qing grabbed a clean and spacious table, with a view of the river under the nearby bridge. Fang Qing felt immensely pleased at the prospect of eating barbecued meat while soaking in the river view. He felt that he was adding to the occasion the culture and romance that he, as a criminal investigator from the ancient city, innately possessed.

He dragged over a plastic stool and shoved it towards Jian Yao. “Leave your worries behind and eat. Lao Luo will be here later; let’s eat all the good stuff first.”

Jian Yao made a sound of assent. ‘Good stuff’ was the kind of phrase exclusive to that person from the world of anime, comics and games, An Yan. Fang Qing probably didn’t even realise he had learnt it from him.

Facing the river, barbecuing the meat, enjoying the breeze from the river. It felt as if that burden in one’s heart, invisible and inexpressible, yet immeasurably heavy, could be temporarily put aside for just a while. So, they talked about all the interesting incidents at the station, about this and that, the both of them smiling and laughing. A typical frenzied day in the life of a criminal investigator.

Waiting another day was just like this, as peaceful and quiet as the deep river flowing by.

As expected, Luo Lang arrived shortly.

Jian Yao and Fang Qing smiled when they saw him. A black luxury car, impeccably attired in a suit, even his cufflinks were shining. Such a high-class man was sure to cause Xiaohong’s eyes to shine brightly. However, in his hand he had a big carrier of bright red, freshly-cooked, spicy crayfish.

Luo Lang tossed the bag of crayfish onto the table. Fang Qing lost no time tearing it open and snagging one. He placed it in his bowl and started removing the shell. Jian Yao smiled slightly and said, “Lao Luo, have you been busy these past few days?”

“Yup.” Luo Lang looked at her. The ever-smiling, gentle and caring elder brother said, “I’ve just finished a murder case; the murderer is that rapist & murderer you guys caught in the earlier half of this year.”

“Eh?” Jian Yao and Fang Qing looked up. “What was the verdict?”

Luo Lang’s expression was exceptionally tranquil. “I was the defence lawyer, and I lost. 30 years.”

Jian Yao and Fang Qing gave each other a high five. Luo Lang was not perturbed, as if the loss of this lawsuit was something that should have happened by rights. Under the lights, in the dark, his eyes looked at them warmly. Although, sometimes, everyone had different standpoints, they still seemed to have some subtle kind of rapport and mutual understanding.

Many things in life are themselves due to fate.

For example, in the past year, due to a freakish combination of factors, the three of them had unwittingly been drawn together into a circle of friendship.

————

Author’s note:

The author has read some criticism about the side stories not being reasonable: the masked killer group is not the same as the flower cannibal killer, they are a violent gang, whereas Xie Han is an artist. If Xie Han were to shoot Bo Jinyan right at the start and kill him, it’s not that he can’t do this, it’s that it would not be in line with the mentality of a psychopath.

Also, for Han Yumeng to drag Fu Ziyu to the police station to make a report would be very difficult. Not only that, on the way there, either they, or Bo Jinyan would have been shot. Even if they successfully made the report, once the killers, watching from their hiding spots, realised that the police are investigating, they could shoot and kill the people in the special investigation team in one swoop. Han Yumeng’s way is not necessarily the most rational or effective, but her original intention from start to end is not to get anyone else involved.

In addition, a very important reason, from the point of view of one’s psychological state, she has very severe post-traumatic stress disorder. She has been under strain and tortured for many years, the details of which have not been written about. For a woman who has experienced all those things, fear, insecurity, even paranoia will all be present. You can’t say ‘surely it’s impossible for a highly educated woman not to know how to make a police report?’ This is not a plausible concept at all.

Fu Ziyu himself by nature is not firm, decisive and cool-headed. He is gentle and tender, but, deep in his heart, he has always been a little pessimistic. He really underestimated the degree of harm that this situation would cause. To him, what Han Yumeng has undergone is immense suffering, and worthy of great pity. He did not want her to go to jail, and decided to leave things to luck. With this kind of thinking, he thought it might be better not to involve Bo Jinyan. In addition, he gave no regard to whether he would live or die. So, his complicated moods during the situation and corresponding reactions are reasonable.