Love Me if You Dare: Pristine Darkness

That sound rang in Jian Yao’s ears, like a gently vibrating cello string. The sound lingered, refusing to be diminished.

Her neck was stiff – she wanted to look up, but it refused to obey her.

By her side, Fang Qing had already looked up in astonishment, and was rendered speechless in an instant.

Jian Yao finally also looked over.

The people around her were going about their usual business, and all was quiet. Jian Yao looked at the man standing in the corridor, separated from her by a pane of glass.

Mr. Bo was wearing his customary black suit, white shirt and shiny leather shoes, with nary a hair out of place. He was even thinner than before, and his coat flapped emptily around him. Standing as tall as he did, he looked like a clothes rack. His pale, almost skeletal hand gripped a walking stick. That shiny, black walking stick inexplicably caused Jian Yao to feel awkward.

He wore a pair of sunglasses, and his facial expression was cold.

Due to the arrogant words he had spoken, many people were watching him. However, his expression registered not the slightest change, and he continued walking forwards confidently.

As he passed by the window, his footsteps abruptly paused

In that split second, Jian Yao’s heart leapt into her throat.

He had originally been facing forward, but, right now, through the interplay of light and shadow on the glass, he looked like he was facing in her direction, with his head slightly inclined.

At her side, Fang Qing muttered, “F**k”, in a low voice. The other criminal investigators could not grasp why.

Jian Yao’s eyes slowly filled with tears. She looked at his jet-black hair, at his dark, cryptic sunglasses which nevertheless reflected light. Unconsciously, she reached out and pressed her hand against the glass, softly calling, “Jinyan . . .”

However, he could hear nothing through the glass. As if nothing had happened, he turned his head and continued walking forward with an indifferent expression on his face. His figure rapidly receded into the distance at the end of the corridor.

Jian Yao stood where she was, and her entire being seemed to be locked stiffly in place. Fang Qing looked at her with wide eyes.

A thought rushed into her mind: He looks no different than before. 

Only he can no longer see. 

Why is he still lingering elsewhere?

Why isn’t he coming back to her side?

Fang Qing pulled at her arm. Jian Yao immediately snapped out of her brooding thoughts and instinctively ran outside with him. Just then, the man accompanying Bo Jinyan stepped out of Shao Yong’s office with his hands stuck in his trouser pockets, looking like he was out for a leisurely stroll. When Fang Qing saw him, he muttered “F**k” yet again. The man heard him and turned his head. When he saw Fang Qing and Jian Yao, he stood stock still in stupefaction and said, “Lao Fang, Sister-in-law . . .”

Fang Qing laughed grimly without saying anything.

Jian Yao whispered, “You still know to call me ‘sister-in-law’ . . .”

An Yan was extremely embarrassed. He turned to look at Shao Yong standing by his office door with a small smile on his face, and it came to him in a flash that all this was the doing of that old fox. He was somewhat at a loss as to what to do, and a strange feeling arose in his heart – he felt like a school kid who had skipped school and had been caught in the act by his parents. At the same time, he had no idea what had happened to Bo Jinyan, so he said, vaguely, “That . . . I’ll just go and check on Bo Jinyan first, he can’t see, he needs someone by his side to look out for him . . .”

Before he could finish speaking, Fang Qing pushed him against the wall and pinned him there with an arm against his throat. An Yan’s handsome face instantly flushed red and he found himself unable to speak.

“Living wild for a year . . .” Fang Qing said coldly, “surely the price of good eyesight hasn’t risen that much? Does he really need you to look out for him?” Having said that, he directed a meaningful glance at Jian Yao.

Jian Yao merely nodded before running in Bo Jinyan’s direction.

She quickly made her way through the crowd of people. Police officers, suspects, police badges, white walls, she swept past them all on both sides. The world seemed to have quietened once again. There was only one bright path before her eyes, with a tall, solitary figure walking in front of her, not looking back.

Jian Yao willed herself not to cry.

She always told herself that a man like him, who looked naive but actually had hidden depths, would leave when it was time to leave, and return when it was time to return.

But what if they met again by chance? Meeting by chance was like an obscure corner that fate had forgotten about.

……

All of a sudden, Jian Yao stopped.

She had caught up with him.

Bo Jinyan had sat down on a bench in the corridor, his walking stick placed next to him, probably waiting for An Yan.

Jian Yao watched him through the stream of people.

He sat perfectly upright, both hands flat on his thighs, just as before. Many people walked in front of him but he remained indifferent; he was like a tree, disinclined to move or react.

For a brief moment, Jian Yao had a compelling urge to run to him, wrap her arms around his legs and look up at him. He would inevitably be shocked, and might even feel helpless, but Jian Yao had no doubt that he would reach out to caress her, embrace her, just as she did to him.

But an unnameable emotion prevented her from doing so.

She asked herself, is this it? In the days after he had left her, he had peacefully and silently lived in this way in another corner of the world. No one recognised his name, no one knew of the legends which surrounded him, no one knew of the scars on his body.

Is this what he wants?

Just like previously.

When he had been seriously injured in the ‘flower cannibal’ case, he had hidden like a tortoise in its shell, returning to the hometown he had left many years ago to live as a recluse. Now, he was once again withdrawing.

However, previously, it was his body which had been crushed.

This time, it was his heart. What could be done to mend Bo Jinyan’s crushed heart?

……

At this point, Bo Jinyan’s cellphone rang. He felt in his pocket, retrieved the phone and accepted the call. Then, a smug smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he said, “All right, Team Leader Shao, since you have extended such a sincere invitation, I will return now and help you solve this case.”

He stood up to retrace his route, and walked towards her.

In the blink of an eye, all the blood in her body seemed to congeal. Although she knew perfectly well that he could not see, she could not help the emotions which overcame her. Her body stiffened, and she felt as if she were burning up.

Bo Jinyan came closer, and his guide cane struck her toes. He stopped.

“Excuse me.” His voice was deep, serene and courteous.

Jian Yao’s hands flew up to cover her face. Without a sound, she stepped back to let him pass.

Somewhat resembling a sleepwalker, Bo Jinyan slowly walked past her.

——

A conference on the case would begin shortly. When he heard that Bo Jinyan and An Yan would also be participating, Fang Qing felt like a bomb had been laid on his emotions, and it was impossible to say when it would blow up. It could possibly explode with contentment, or with heart-wrenching pain.

However, at this moment, the person more perturbed and anxious than him should be that woman.

Fang Qing was not in the frame of mind to seek out Bo Jinyan and An Yan to reminisce about old times. He searched for a long time before he found Jian Yao on the station roof.

By the time he got there, Jian Yao had already calmed down, although her eyes were badly swollen. This was the first time Fang Qing had seen her cry so bitterly in the year or so they had been acquainted. But, it was only reasonable.

Jian Yao stood at one side, neither moving nor speaking. Fang Qing lit a cigarette and walked over to her. He said, “Just now, the two of you . . .”

“I didn’t talk to him.”

“Why?”

Jian Yao was suddenly choked with emotion. “Couldn’t say it.”

Fang Qing’s heart hurt so much for his comrade and ‘younger sister’. “F**k,” he cursed softly, then asked, “do you want me to beat him up?”

Jian Yao forced out a laugh. “Nope.”

“Force him to write a 10,000 word self-reflection addressed to his wife*?”

*T/N 与妻书 (yu qi shu) – There have been several literary works/ songs with this title. One is an ‘ancient wind song’ released in 2010, where a man who is in the capital studying for and taking the imperial examinations writes to his wife who has been waiting at home for him for years, remembering her love (a possible interpretation is that she committed suicide on receiving a letter from him not to wait another longer). Another is a letter written by Lin Juemin, a revolutionary martyr in the late Qing Dynasty, to his wife Chen Yiying on the evening of April 24, 1911. In this letter, the author expresses his deep affection for his wife and his deep love for the motherland in dire straits.

Jian Yao continued shaking her head. “Nope.”

Fang Qing sighed. “Jian Yao, how can you be so kind to him? Why are you the one who is always giving more in your relationship?”

Someone else had said this before. When that person had been alive. Jian Yao’s finally dry eyes were suddenly red once again.

“Lao Fang, don’t talk about it anymore,” she said.

Fang Qing made a sound of assent.

After a while, he once again spoke up. “We have to attend the meeting soon. Bo Jinyan and An Yan will also be there.”

Jian Yao said, “. . . . Got it.”

In this past year, whenever the topic of Bo Jinyan and An Yan had come up, Fang Qing had never responded positively. Now, though, as he slowly smoked his cigarette, he said, “I have never seen a criminal investigator like this, who persists in doing front line work to solve cases even after becoming blind. It is not possible to be even more robust and resolute than this. Your man is a real man. He has already gotten up from where he fell.”

——

After they had met, Fang Qing had thrown An Yan into a small room and locked him in. An Yan was both excited and apprehensive, and wanted to call Bo Jinyan. However, that guy’s temper was always weird, and, today, who knows what had gotten his goat, for he had steadfastly refused to accept the call.

When An Yan had finally called out to a police officer for help to unlock the door, Shao Yong had called him into the conference room. The minute he walked into the room, he saw that – oh my god –  everyone was already seated. Shao Yong, the members of the criminal investigation team who were its backbone and whom he was familiar with, Bo Jinyan . . . and on the other side sat Fang Qing and Jian Yao.

Bo Jinyan remained calm and collected. His walking stick was placed by the table, and he was sitting upright without a single twitch. An Yan immediately reacted: Could it be that he still doesn’t know who’s sitting opposite him? Dang!

Moreover, Fang Qing was still watching him and Bo Jinyan with eagle eyes, his expression more frosty than winter and something that might or might not be a smile on his lips. What surprised An Yan was that the always gentle sister-in-law seemed perfectly unperturbed at the moment – at least on the surface. She kept looking down at the information in her hands, and only looked up at them after a while. Her expression was as quiet and still as water, and An Yan was unable to read the emotion in her eyes!

Shao Yong, this shrewd and steady old geezer, made as if nothing was amiss. His direct subordinate was also utterly solemn. Shao Yong cleared his throat and said, “Let’s get ready to start the meeting.”

An Yan sat next to Bo Jinyan and collected himself. However, under the table, his hand knocked into Bo Jinyan lightly.

In a detached manner, Bo Jinyan said, “If you have something to say, say it. Don’t touch me.”

An Yan did not say anything.

On the other side, Fang Qing had noticed An Yan’s small movement and understood his intention. Unable to stop himself, he muttered, “You joker . . .”

All around the table was silence.

Jian Yao, stunned, slowly lifted up her head to look at Bo Jinyan, her heart beating furiously.

Bo Jinyan seemed to experience a jolt of panic before turning to face their direction, his expression slightly tense.

After a long beat, he said, softly and slowly, “So . . . Fang Qing is here.”