ALL NOVEL Chapter 13
My hands wrung the apron still tied around my waist as my feet tread down the hall. Even after taking care of Camilla’s needs and being dismissed, the lust spiraling within me still lingered. It had lessened yet never actually left after our passionate kiss, as though the false promise of sex had made my body refuse to give up on it, leaving me somewhat shaky and with blood still pumping thickly through my veins. I’d survived Camilla’s embrace, but my resolve to resist temptation had nearly completely crumbled. Worst of all, I only had one person I could turn to for help.
I was happy to go see Lena; I really was. But I was also terribly nervous. I knew that I’d promised her I’d tell her everything and keep her in the loop on my condition. Yet I couldn’t stop the nervous churning in my gut at the prospect of truly telling her what had been going on with me, what was still going on with me as the tingling feeling in my body refused to completely go away.
On top of it all, I just couldn’t stop thinking about earlier, the way Camilla’s lips pressed against my own, the seductive smile she gave me, and her flirty words. I couldn’t bear to bring up what had happened between us. Surely it wasn’t necessary to tell Lena that part specifically, right? It wasn’t relevant. What was important was stopping this curse somehow, preferably before I gave in and became some wanton slut…
The thought was a strange one. I struggled to imagine myself in such a way, given who I truly was, though the worry was reasonable. How did Camilla even manage? There had to be some secret to it that I was missing. Even as flirty as she was, she didn’t seem to be as horny and out of sorts as me. She’d even put a stop to it all before the kiss could go further, placing her work over play. Meanwhile, I’d been ready to give myself to her, despite the consequences.
As I approached Lena’s door, I took a moment to compose myself, taking several breaths of air and trying to remove the blush from my face. I hoped I had some success. With a big gulp, my fingers tapped against the smooth wood, and when it opened, Lena had an expression that I couldn’t quite recognize. She let me in with a small greeting, and I closed the door back behind us.
“Glad you finally stopped by. I hear you’ve been busy,” she commented.
I nodded, still nervous. “Yeah, being a maid is a lot more work than I thought.”
She smirked. “What did you expect? Wipe down a few floors and be done for the day? The two maids here work tirelessly, from early in the morning to late in the evening. We’d be a mess without them to look after this place.”
I nodded, and paused, trying to think up how to bring up the subject of my curse. Lena sat down at her small desk, scooting to the side a stack of papers and pouring herself a glass of wine from a half-empty bottle.
She eyed me up and down. “Did something happen? You look… a bit skittish,” she said as she began to take a sip and then gestured to the bottle. “You want some? To calm your nerves?”
I shook my head. It was tempting, but I wasn’t sure what I might do with alcohol lowering my inhibitions even further. It’d be incredibly embarrassing to wake the next morning realizing that I’d done something incredibly demeaning like begging Lena to have sex with me. Not to mention how horribly wrong it would be of me to do, considering she wasn’t interested in a relationship like that together. Gathering what little willpower I had, I decided on where to begin. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.
“I’m… I think I’m turning into a girl,” I muttered, before looking off to the side, unable to meet her eyes any longer.
Lena sat the glass of wine down and from the corner of my eyes, I watched as she fully faced me.
“I sort of thought you’d already realized that.”
At that, I couldn’t help but blink and look at her once more. So she already knew then? How had she figured it out before me?
At my confused look, she continued, “It was fairly obvious the day you showed up and climbed in through my window. I’d just assumed you already knew…” she trailed off, clearly a bit uncomfortable. “It was why I suggested the maid outfit. I thought maybe you’d like it.” Her voice was quiet, and I couldn't help but notice the look of guilt on her face.
I decided to reassure her. “No, the outfit was a great idea. I’ve honestly been enjoying it. It’s… different,” I admitted, another blush rising on my face at having said such a thing out loud. "More importantly, it helped me to become Camilla’s maid. It's the absolute perfect disguise."
She nodded slowly as she processed my statement. If only I could tell her the whole truth of my feelings, but it was wrong, immoral. I’d never truly be a girl, not really. And I knew she’d never see me the same again if I gave her the truth. I was already cursed, but that wasn’t entirely my fault. To add something like that on top of it, something that was the result of my own perverse mind, I wasn’t sure I could live it down.
She stared at me for a moment, her eyes narrowed slightly, before giving me a hum. “You’re enjoying the outfit?” A small smile crossed her face, and she stood, making her way toward me. "I see, I see."
My eyes widened, and I realized I was treading on thin ice. I couldn’t let her find out how much I’d been secretly enjoying this! It would be the end of me. “Umm, well, I j-just mean the—the fabric of the dress and apron are soft, you know? It just feels nice to wear.” I bit my lip. That seemed like a good excuse. Everyone liked the feel of soft feminine clothing. It was why girls preferred to wear them and guys obviously envied them. Who wouldn’t like the soft sleek material? As I finished talking, Lena stopped just a couple feet away, her fingers tapping along her sides with her arms slightly crossed.
She nodded. “Of course. It’s nice to wear clothes like this, isn’t it? The soft materials feel wonderful on the skin. I’m sure you much prefer them to the rougher stuff that you’re used to.” Her fingers trailed across one of my sleeves, feeling the fabric, and I sucked in a quiet breath.
Bringing my attention back on topic, I nodded, and relief flooded through me. Crisis averted, I thought. She seemed to understand, and I doubted she suspected something. Who would believe that someone would ever want to be the other gender? “It’s been really nice. I’m worried that I’ll really miss it when things go back to normal.” There, I’d re-established that I was obviously a guy and this was temporary. Perfectly normal.
“I’m sure,” she agreed. “It’s really nice to be able to wear things that feel nice. Though I admit that I am a bit curious. How have you been liking being a maid so far?”
Another dangerous discussion, I thought. “It’s… it’s been kinda nice,” I hedged. “The work is decent.”
She took a small step forward. “What I mean is, are you sure you're okay dressing up as a girl all the time? Personally, I couldn’t imagine having to dress and pretend I was a boy for the foreseeable future. Perhaps for an evening, it would be fine, but for longer?” She shook her head. “I think I’d go crazy. I think it’d feel a bit gross if I’m honest. I just couldn’t really see myself trying to be one.”
“I umm, well. I d-don’t mind it too much. B-being a girl, I mean — or pretending to be a girl, I mean! N-not that I like it. Umm, I just mean, I’ve been managing.”
Lena stepped forward again, and without thinking I took one back. Her arms reached to circle around me, and she pulled me forward into a hug. I fidgeted as her body pressed into mine, and I felt like I was on fire once more. My fists tightened around the fabric of my dress until my knuckles hurt, and for a moment all I could do was imagine the image of our naked bodies pressed together as we made love. The imaginary scene was bittersweet.
“That’s good to hear. I thought for sure you’d resent me for it, that perhaps you’d end up hating me for having forced you into this. It was just supposed to be for a few hours at most, and yet you’ve agreed to this for days, if not weeks or months.”
“What? No, I could never hate you, Lena,” Wait, months? Did she really think this would go on for that long? I breathed out, as though to clear my head. “I L—“ I stopped myself from saying the L-word. “You’re my best friend.”
She stared into my eyes. “You’re my best friend too, Feli. And, if there’s ever anything you want to tell me, I want you to know that I’ll be here for you, alright?”
I nodded. She didn’t suspect my secret, did she? There was no way. She was probably just referring to forcing me into the outfit. I hoped. “Okay,” I mumbled.
She pulled away from our hug several moments later, though my flustered lust still resided, reasserting itself in the forefront of my mind. I tried my best not to eye her like a starved animal and hoped I was successful. In an attempt to somehow distract myself, I thought back to her words, blurting out the first thing that came to mind.
“Could you call me Pearl when I’m like this?” The question slipped out before I had time to think much about it, about what it might imply. I then stumbled my way through an explanation that I hoped was reasonable. “Just until I change back. S-so that no mix-ups happen. It’d be bad if you called me Feli in front of someone.” I shifted from foot to foot, nervously.
Lena’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh, of course!” Her hands reached forward, clutching one of mine. “If that’s what you’d prefer.” She smiled.
I hesitantly smiled back. “L-like I said. Just until I change back. I mean, it’s a nice name, but it’s not mine. I’ll always be Felix.” I could almost feel my heart shatter at the words. But it was the truth.
Lena looked as though she were holding back from blurting something out. When she spoke, she did so suspiciously carefully. “That’s assuming you can change back,” she reminded me. “There’s always the possibility that there is no true cure to becoming cursed. I know that you want to find one, but if it turns out that you,” she hesitated, “feel the need to stay as you are, know that I’ll still be here for you, alright?”
Why would she possibly think I’d want to stay cursed, that I’d ever stop looking? I gave her a firm nod regardless. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. But don’t worry, I’ll find a way to stop this curse. I’ll be free of it for sure.”
Lena stared into my eyes before letting out a long sigh. “Right.” She released my hands and turned to look back at her glass of wine. “Are you sure you don’t want any?” Stepping back over to her desk, she took a large gulp.
I eyed it for a moment, the cognizance of my lust resting heavily on my mind, and shook my head. “N-no I really shouldn’t.”
There was so much more that I needed to tell her, I realized as I looked back at her. We’d only really scratched the surface so far. But the rest wasn’t going to be any easier.
“I’ve actually got a lot more I want to tell you. There’s a lot that I’ve found out over the past few days. Camilla has been letting me read her books.”
“Has she really? Oh! I’m being silly. You’ve been standing this whole time. Come sit down.” She gestured to a chair and sat down once more at her desk. The glass of wine once again met her lips, and I was beginning to wonder just how much she’d had to drink so far. She didn’t seem drunk, but sometimes it could be hard to tell. Why was she drinking in her room in the middle of the day in the first place, I wondered?
I made my way to a nearby chair, only glancing briefly into the mirror it sat adjacent to before focusing once more on Lena. “Yeah, I haven’t found much on how to get rid of it, but I know a bit more about what it’s doing to me.” My cheeks reddened once more as my thoughts drifted to what exactly it’d been doing to me just in the past hour. “Apparently, the curse feeds on mana. So as long as I can avoid gathering it into my body, it will be slowed down significantly.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.” She paused. “Have you found out how quick the changes are with or without the mana?”
“No, not exactly. There’s not really a lot on it that I could find. I suppose it depends on how good you are at getting mana into your body. And then there’s the process of changing it into something your body can use. So far, I haven’t read any specifics.” It struck me just how strange of a conversation this was. It almost didn't feel real in a way.
“Hmm, so it’s quite variable then,” she commented, staring off to the side as she tapped her chin.
“Actually, there’s umm, something else.” Her gaze turned back toward me, eying me with curiosity. I realized my voice must have given away my embarrassment. “The curse — I’ve been having these symptoms.”
At my pause, she prodded, “Symptoms?”
Did I really want to tell her this? But who else could I go to? I wasn’t sure what she’d be able to do, but I needed help. I had to find a way to stop it. “Yeah. It’s — I’ve been having umm, certain feelings.” She waited for me to continue, a virtuous goddess of patience. “Or more like urges, umm. I’ve been…” My voice trailed to a whisper. “I’ve been really horny.”
At first, I wasn’t sure if she heard me as she stared for a long awkward moment. A sudden snort erupted from her nose, and she nearly burst out into laughter. Her hand went to her mouth as she held back her giggles. “That’s what you were trying to tell me? Pearl, I thought you were going to say that you were getting urges to hurt or kill people or something.” Held back no longer, she grabbed her belly and burst out a laugh. Despite her laughter, a small flutter went through my belly from her calling me Pearl.
Crimson cheeked, I yelled back, “It’s not funny! This is serious. I don’t know what to do!”
She doubled over once more snorting and cackling. Meanwhile, my face twisted into an annoyed pout.
“It's not funny,” I huffed.
“You want to know what to do?” Lena asked, as her giggles began to subside.
I looked to her once more, hope in my eyes that she had an idea. That perhaps she might know something I didn’t and could put a stop to this craving.
She stood, making her way toward me once more, and bent down over me, a finger reaching under my chin. “Pearl, I believe I know exactly how to solve your little horny problem.” Once more, I felt a flutter within me from her using my name. Even if it was only temporary, I couldn't help but love it, to revel in it.
As she stared into my eyes, I caught on to what she was about to do. But I was too late. She leaned forward,
and her lips pressed against mine.
