Mad God

"Young Master! Young Master!" came a soft voice while two fair hands tried to wake up Dermitos as he was sleeping in his tent. 

“Mmm… five more minutes… or ten…” He pulled the blanket over his head but soon, it was gently peeled back down. 

"Young Master, it's the General's orders; your squad needs to report in an hour!"

"Ugghh… Little Mei… can't I skip it? I'm a Prince; I rank higher than him…." He grumbled, turning and tossing.

"Hauh… Young Master, please, you would get in trouble!" Meishan said with a worried voice.

She wore a troubled expression as her long, black hair was tied up in a ponytail while her golden eyes were darting around the tent, trying to think how she could wake him up for good. In the end, blushing, she took off her sleepwear, which consisted only of a light white gown, stripped naked, climbed onto his bed, going under his blanket.

"Ohh? You know what I like, my dear Meishan~" Dermitos laughed. He was still young, only 20, full of energy and drive. Only… for something other than being a military officer. Even if the uniform did catch the women's eyes. Meishan was serving him for more than 10 years by now, knowing everything her young Master liked and loved, of course, not always like in this manner. "Now, this is the wake-up call I missed~."

"Yo, lazybones, you up?" came a loud voice as the young Xendar opened the tent's flap, coming in without asking.

"Can't you wait?!" Dermitos groaned as he looked at him frustratedly as Meishan froze under the blanket, trying to be invisible.

"Huh? For what? You are already up, so get your ass out of bed and come! The captain is already at his post!"

"Give me a few minutes!" Dermitos moaned, but Xendar just furrowed his brows.

"Nope! I won't! You lazy fuck!" He came close and grabbed onto the sheet, pulling it off with a swift grab of his hand, finding Meishan under it, hugging his waist closely, with a full mouth. She was embarrassed and even slightly angry over Xendar's quick act. "Damn it…" Xendar murmured, putting the blanket back almost immediately. "If you could swing your sword as much as you wield your spear, you would be a captain already! Finish it quickly. I can't cover for you much longer!" he looked away, grumbling as he stormed out with loud steps.

"Thanks!" he shouted after him before lifting the blanket. "Don't stop my little Meishan~" he grinned, prompting his maid to work extra hard.

…

….

….

"You are late, blondie." Orchell looked at him with an unimpressed expression. "Again."

"S-sorry, I'm not a morning person," Dermitos replied, shrugging.

"I see, I see! Poor you!" Orchell smiled, "When we get back, you can enjoy the night, I promise!"

"Really?"

"Sure! For starters, you are going to wash everybody's clothes. After that, you will clean the stables. Later on, you will be posted as a night guard. You can enjoy the night to its fullest with fun activities!"

"Ugh…"

Xendar, standing next to him, almost broke out in laughter, immediately catching the gaze of Orchell.

"What's so funny, grunt?" his captain scoffed.

"Nothing, Sir!" Xendar saluted.

"You are lucky that you are a capable soldier! Or I would make you scrub the toilets, licking the seats clean!"

"Thank you, Sir!" He answered, drawing a laugh from Dermitos.

"Shut it! If you continue to lick farther, you will reach up to my stomach!" Orchell snorted as he looked around the other young, freshly recruited soldiers.

Most of them were between 16 to 24 and only had a year or two of training under their belts. Orchell was assigned to the squad because of Prince Dermitos, and his secondary mission, besides training them, was to guard the prince. Being a high-ranking officer in the Intelligence Agency, someone needed to keep an eye on him, ensuring nothing life-threatening happened to him while in the army. He had to learn some humility and get the much-needed combat experience. That was the order of the Emperor.

There was another soul who caught his eye while being their captain. Xendar, a young farm boy, was recommended to him not that long ago by a recruitment officer. He truly turned out to be a promising soldier. Knowing his background, it was no surprise he racked up the most kills against demonic beasts, yet it also was a double edge sword. He rushed into battle without concern for his own safety. Orchell was trying to soften his edge a little to keep him alive longer, as if this continued, he would have a horrible death sooner or later.

Surprisingly, this farmboy was the only one who didn't view him differently. The others still acted carefully and reserved around him as he was a Prince, while most were only regular civilians or maybe sons of minor nobles. Usually, those higher on the food chain of political interest managed to assign their offspring to officer roles, unlike Carthus, who sent his son into the army as a footsoldier, without any privileges, besides allowing him to keep Meishan around.

"Now listen up, Princess Squad!" Orchell continued, "There was a sighting of a group of wild, wolf-like demons around the northern region!"

Xendar's expression immediately turned serious while Dermitos just listened on with a suppressed yawn. 

"According to the scouts, twenty wolves threaten the nearby villages. Our orders are simple, we go, patrol the area, and if we find the pack of furry bastards, we eliminate them. Questions?"

"When are we leaving?" Xendar asked.

"In ten minutes."

"Great…" Dermitos moaned.

"Good! Now, go, I want to see everyone on their horse in ten minutes, and we ride out!"

When Dermitos went to the stables, Meishan was already there, wearing her own uniform, which consisted of a white blouse and dark brown trousers. She had a blue armband around her left arm, signaling she was part of the camp support staff, while in reality, she was only tasked with following Dermitos around. 

"The horse is ready, Young Master. Please… be safe!" she said with tears in her eyes while Dermitos giggled, leaning closer, giving her a kiss that made her heart flutter and sparkle. 

"Relax, it will go smoothly. Just wait for me~" Dermitos whispered.

"I will, Young Master. I'll wait right here until you come back!"

"Stupid, at least go back to the tent!" he laughed, flicking her forehead and making her smile. 

"Mm, I will be ready for you when you come back!"

"That's more like it, my Little Meishan~" he grinned as he hopped up on the horse and rode out, and Meishan followed the leaving squad with her eyes, still standing at the edge of the camp after they were long gone.

…

….

…..

"Aaaargh!" Xendar shouted as he charged in on his horse, wielding a giant spear, stabbing through a 2-meter-tall, gray wolf-like demon with all his strength, hundreds of meters away from the main squad that was battling close by the ransacked village, fending them off.

"That stupid kid will get himself killed this way!" Orchell groaned, coordinating the others in the meantime. At the start of the battle, Xendar just launched out like a mad bull right through the pack of demons, splitting them into two groups. It gave them a better opportunity to fight and circle around them. Still, Xendar was now dealing with more danger than the rest of the squad.

"I'll help him!" Dermitos shouted as he also broke formation, riding out in a sweeping, sideway route, trying to get in the back of the group of demons Xendar was dealing with.

"Idiots!" Orchell shouted, but Dermitos was already out, nocking an arrow and taking aim, sniping a demon right between its eyes.

Xendar only looked sideways for a moment, seeing the demon jumping at him before it got nailed and flopped onto the ground. He immediately knew who came to help, and he just went to attack another.

Their work was seamless as it seemed from the outside, and Dermitos, from a long distance, was deadly with his bow, hitting the demons who tried to circle Xendar and attack his undefended back.

"This way!" Dermitos shouted, and Xendar started to draw the enraged demons, kiting them away from the village while Dermitos kept shooting at them.

One of the stronger ones, ignoring two arrows striking him, managed to jump on Xendar, ripping the whole horse into two while sending Xendar rolling on the ground, crashing hard into a rock when finally stopping. After managing to get a hold of himself, he just stood up, bleeding and looking like a maddened beast, holding his fractured spear, going for the injured wolf without any fear, stabbing the weapon through its skull, deep into the ground, even breaking his already damaged weapon into three pieces.

"Xendar!" Dermitos shouted his name.

"I'm fine; just go!" He roared back, grabbing the broken end of his weapon and facing the other demons, uncertain what to do, as his aura was making them uneasy.

"The fuck you are!" Dermitos's answer came, riding towards him. "Grab my hand! We go!"

"I can still fight!"

"To hell with you! If you die now, you won't be able to kill more demons!"

Xendar thought only for a few moments, and when Dermitos arrived, he grabbed his hand as he pulled him up on the horse, riding towards the others, who were already finishing up the rest of the pack. The other demons already felt they were losing the fight and started retreating hastily.

"Damn, you are a madman…." Dermitos groaned as they arrived back. 

"Some of them stayed alive… tsk…." He watched the fleeing beasts from the back of his horse.

"Did you even hear what I just said?" Dermitos grumbled.

"Hm?"

"Thought so. Fucker."

"I don't know why you're angry, Princess, so fuck you too!" Xendar countered.

"Both of you can go fuck yourself!" came a roaring voice as Orchell arrived. 

"Captain!" They responded at the same time.

"You should be cut off from six months of wages, both of you!"

"Yes, Sir!" Xendar answered, saluting. 

"Fuck no…!" Dermitos grumbled with a pursed lip.

"What did you just say?" Orchell asked, focusing on him as his Harmony Realm aura crashed onto Dermitos, making him almost puke his breakfast out. 

“N-nothing… Captain…”

"Good. Xendar, go and check in with the field medic. Dermitos, you go and join the others collecting the corpses. Their pelts are valuable."

"Sir, Yes Sir!" the duo answered in unison before going on their way.

When they finished the cleanup, it was already night, and they were spending it at the saved village. Xendar did suffer from bone fractures and a broken nose, so he was ordered to rest while Dermitos was assigned as the night guard.

"Fucking guard duty… No attack would come after a battle like this… I should be home with my Little Meishan, playing some fun games! Like who lasts longer… or who moans louder… or which hole is next…" he constantly grumbled, watching the giant, silvery pair of moons in the sky. 

"Just jerk it a little, and your head will clear up!" Xendar's voice came, who walked up to him, sitting beside him. "But I guess it's too mundane for a Prince to work it himself! Or are you shielding your drawing arm? Is your wrist that sensitive?"

"I wish your tongue would have been broken, not your nose!" he spat while he took the wine flask from Xendar, gulping down a big one. "Ugh, what is this? Horsepiss? How can you drink this?"

"Ahaha, what? Is someone not used to something with more of a bite? Then give it back! It's good for my back pain!"

"Nope. It's mine now! Fuck your back!" the prince laughed.

"Fuck your fuck! Give it back, hey! Don't drink the whole thing!" he groaned, and soon they were wrestling for the flask before Xendar gave up. "Damn… you are lucky I'm aching all over…" he moaned, getting up from the ground, sitting back in his place, holding his back and bandaged face, grimacing. 

"You are lucky to be alive!" Dermitos rolled his eyes, giving back the flask. "You are way too reckless."

"And? What is it to you?"

"Nothing. It would suck to see the only guy I can talk to die," he answered honestly.

"What about your little maid? You can still talk to her."

"Yeah, but that's different! I have known her since childhood, and she always agrees with me… plus, I can't tell her… everything, can I?"

"Huh? Are you some kind of masochist? Do you like being corrected or what? Were you dropped on your head or something?" Xendar asked as he looked him up and down.

"This. This is what I'm talking about!" he laughed. "Nobody dared to ever speak to me like that!"

"Well, I'm a nobody. I am Xendar!"

"Okay, that was cool."

"Huh? Really?" he asked, surprised but proud.

"And now you ruined it!" Dermitos scoffed. "Anyway, what's with you? You are more like a demon than the demons!"

"They killed my family."

"I guessed as much. Sorry."

"A similar hybrid pack surrounded the village and ate all of us. It was a massacre. I just want to get back at them." Xendar spat, already filled with anger again.

"You don't even care if you live or not?"

"I only care about killing them."

"Geez. Look! I know it must have been hard. I get it. But look… this is fucking stupid." Dermitos said, looking straight into his eyes.

"..."

"You are going to die. Maybe next time I won't be there to save your sorry ass! So I was thinking."

"About what?" Xendar asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

"You need a girl."

"Huh?"

"You. Need. To. Fuck." Dermitos explained. Slowly articulating every word, he said.

"I get it; you haven't used your spear since morning but damn! You should visit a doctor. This is not normal. Thinking about sex all the time? Geez!"

"Dumbass! I say you need to get a girlfriend, you virgin monkey!" Dermitos headbutted him.

"I'm not a monkey!" Xendar hissed, rubbing his forehead.

"Yes, you are! Listen… I'll hook you up when we get back with some fine women!" Dermitos said, hugging his shoulder, lowering his voice, and starting to explain it to him. "There is this girl, Risha. She works at a fine establishment and has as big breasts as your stupid head! She also likes to ride on top, and you will see the best juggling performance!"

"So you are inviting me to a whorehouse. Why am I not surprised?" Xendar snorted. 

"It's a funhouse."

"So I should get a whore as a wife? Is that what you are trying to say to me?"

"Wrong… and don't call them that! If they ask for it, some like the rough handling…" corrected him quickly.

"Then what should I call them?" Xendar asked, annoyed.

"Pleasure Pixies."

"Pfttt." he laughed out, with an honest chuckle.

"What? I think it's cute! Listen. First, we get rid of your virginity. Get a taste of the good shit! After that, you won't be overtaken by the blood in your head. Instead, we will direct it to your groin!" Dermitos said, pointing at Xendar's crotch.

"I get really uncomfortable listening to your words while you are hugging me and… pointing," Xendar murmured, trying to get farther from him.

"Fuck off and listen!"

"Wait, that's-"

"Shut it! Or I'll order you to come with me on a tour of the Capital's best fun houses! Trust me, brother, after a bite, you will be the slave of the sweetness of their fruits!"

"Do I need to bite them too? What kind of sick place is that?" Xendar yelped as he managed to shove him off of him.

"Are you sure your head wasn't caved in when you fell off the horse?" Dermitos looked at him with a doubting expression. "Don't worry, I can pay the girls so they will care for a dumbfuck like you! If you can't get it up, there is medicine for that too!"

"Bastard! What about your little girlfriend? Wouldn't she be sad or jealous?"

"Mmm? My Little Meishan? Nope. She usually helps me pick out the girls! She knows my taste the best!"

"Fuck…" Xendar murmured, looking at him as if he just saw the sun rising from the west. 

"What?" Dermitos looked around, trying to figure out what had happened.

"You nobles are something else…."

"Ahahaha, stick with me, and I'll show you a new life and make you appreciate it! Trust me. Who knows, maybe I'll get you a great wife, too~."

"Yeah, sure, and I'll be a General in the future!"

"Hey, who knows! If you are going to be a General, you could help me ascend the throne~ Then our kids will marry, and we can be one big family!"

"Hell no! If I ever have children, I wouldn't want them to marry a pervert's kid! They probably would be worse than you!"

"Ahaha, we'll see~ Give me another round!" Dermitos laughed, grabbing at the flask.

"Here. But leave me some!" Xendar said, shaking his head as they continued to share the drink, watching the night sky. At the same time, Xendar listened to Dermitos's rambling about different topics and ideas until morning, as if he never knew what silence even meant.